TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

Thanks ladies, I do mostly stay fairly upbeat (being v busy with work helps). I did slightly want to hurt very pregnant friend when she told me an "my friend stopped trying and two month later it happened for her so you just need to relax" type anecdote but I resisted as battering 9 month preggo ladies is not good for the karma. She has never known and hopefully will never know how frustrating it is to hear that advice from people who only have to fall on a cock to get up the duff!

Hehe, falling on a cock.. Maybe I should try that, perhaps the shock and sheer weight of me falling on top of OH would make the spurt go higher?

Have I just crossed a line there?

For some reason i've got quote a vivid, visual and skewed imagination this evening. Must be that Friday feeling.

Just got back from getting my nails done, thread's been on fire while I wasn't looking! wine big kiss to you, your lovely post was just what I needed to read. X

WOW! Loads has been said today!

I am also in a great mood :)

We had our first clinic appt today and it was brilliant. Dr was lovely and put us at ease straight away. DH's sperm was perfecr so thats good. She said my bloods show pcos but that ultrasound couldnt see anything so we need a transvaginal US, she did that there and then! My right ovary is really badly polycystic and my left isnt as bad but still a clear pcos ovary. She took weight and height to work out bmi and said if it was over 35 we would start on metformin as clomid not recommended on bmi over 35. Before she worked it out she said she hoped bmi was 35+ as she felt met would be beneficial to me as im trying to lose weight and it could help. BMI came in at 35.6! So plan is metformin for 3 months then if no BFP my weight should come down a bit (she said literally if i lose 1 kg then i'll have a bmi less than 35) then we could try clomid for 3 months maybe alongside met. Im really pleased and feel something is gettin done. I worried cos we have DD that we'd be brushed away. She couldnt have been nicer and said clearly we need help if ive only had 3 periods in 16 months! She did warn us of side effects of twin or even triplet pregnancy with the clomid tho!

So handed in letter to Dr for prescription for met and it will be ready tomorrow! yay!

Wow Izzy that sounds like a really positive appointment, and sounds like the clinic lady was really positive about things too. Good luck with the met - let us know how it goes. Are there any / many side effects?

You're going to be an ovulating machine I reckon

Back to CD1 for me, and on to cycle 16. Lots to think about these next couple of weeks though, with the wedding now less than 2 weeks away. However, we all know how long 2 week waits are, so I'm sure I've got plenty of time right?!

Izzy that sounds like a wonderful appointment, you should definitely keep hold of that doctor if you can! It seems really rare to find a doctor that actually cares, and thinks about their patient more than the rules and just 'doing their job'. They are worth their weight in gold, and when I meet one, I always try and tell them how much I appreciate them, in the hope they'll be as nice to their next patients as they were to me.

wine I should have said thank you for your good wishes. I really hope this is the month for me now, would just make it all seem worth it if I could get that BFP. I really hope you get a clear plan for dealing with your stomach problems, have you had tests to confirm an ulcer? Have they done a test for anaemia too? If you're tired all the time that could be the reason. Also hope that infection clears up for you soon.

Evening lovely ladies, you have been very busy. Good post by wine and much echoing of the positive sentiments. Not sure whether I have said HI to stasi yet. Welcome and I am sorry about your journey, it sounds quite challenging.

I don't think I have posted since my GRRR-post at AF's arrival, over two weeks ago! I have had a good time, very busy with work, including away for a conference for a few days; my course has started properly and is keeping me away from worrying too much. And I would now be into the 2WWs if DH had not been away for the crucial days. So really, we are having the month off.

A bunch of babies been born recently, and I agree that it is pregnancy announcements (of which I had some as well ) are much worse. I am genuinely excited to meet the small people. But that may be because some of them were born after a challenging ride too, and to a very dear friend who has been a great RL support to me, the past months.

Anyways, I am sodding the stats, as I had made the 3-6% calculation myself before. But as you have all said, if we keep on trying there will be very few with empty hand by the end.

Finally, I still miss pout and hope she is okay and has been recovering from a shock BFP for weeks now and will swan in with scan picture in hand soon :)

And MASSIVE congrats to Nelly that is very exciting!!!

Thanks all for your congratulations! We've been together for a long time, and everyone therefore assumes it was expected, but actually I'd long ago given up hope of him getting round to asking. The strange thing is, things feel different, and I really didn't expect them to. For instance we had a chat the other night about children's names - I've never broached this with him before. Though I stopped it pretty quickly, as I told him it felt like tempting fate too much. We've been able to avoid some petty squabbles we'd normally have. And the sex has been awesome too .

It's amazing what a sparkly diamond will do for a girl's mood .

Our weekend has been busy so no chance to get on MN but there has been some very in-depth chat here. I wasn't brave enough to read the link that said that 80% of infertility was due to mindset (iirc). That scared and angered me in equal measure, but perhaps I should read first before I judge?

Anyway just quick as must try to avoid late nights especially on a Sunday! Will try to keep up this week.

Oh but also meant to say sorry for the arrival of the Witch, stasi

Sorry about AF stasi, but hopefully this is all part of some bigger plan so that you get a honeymoon baby.

Great news about your appointment izzy. I have a feeling you might be this thread's next BFP.

nelly it's strange but I found our relationship changed after getting married (in a very good way) and I didn't think it would make any difference. Somehow I felt more secure, I love being married.

I too wonder what pout is up too. I miss her posts, they always cheered me up with her humour. I hope the reason she isn't posting because she has a BFP. If you're reading pout come tell us you're ok.

I haven't really been temping this cycle but I was curious so I took it this morning and it was 36.6 which is a post ovulation temp for me so I must be in the 2ww. I'm as unhopeful as ever though, we didn't really fit in much SWI this month.

joycep are you having IUI this cycle? DH told me that one of his colleagues said that their first child was conceived after the 4th attempt at IUI. And they went on to have 2 other children conceived without help. I was very impressed with DH finding this out, he said he overheard the conversation between colleagues in the works canteen, which is so unlike him to pick up on anything non-work related, he really doesn't do gossip or personal information. But then I asked him what else was said and why they were having the conversation and he just shrugged his shoulders.

hi everyone, hope everyone had a good weekend. Nelly sounds like you had a good weekend with good sex . Lucky you...I have forgotten what that is like!!
lemons - glad to hear that you're really busy and keeping your mind off things.
stasi - sorry about AF. I liked izzy comment to me the other day when she said if you get pregnant this cycle, you've already started day 1 of your pregnancy. Weird thought!
MRsd - just had a scan and am booked in for iui on wednesday. That's if dh can get out of work though. I 'm going to have to think of some excuse to slip out of work in the middle of the afternoon. I find these appts quite stressful getting away for. That's very impressive evesdropping by your DH. . I'm a terrible eavesdropper but my dh doesn't seem to care about other people's gossip. That's also nice to hear that iui was successful for his colleagues.
I asked my gynae whether worry can affect things and she said i was suppose to pass the worry on to her. I thought that's nice but she told me that 7 months ago and i'm still worrying. Anyway, I didn't get a clear answer about the link with worry and conceiving. I will press her on it whilst I'm at the Iui spa on Wed.

I was so worried about the w/e because i was sure a few friends were going tos pring baby announcements on me at this wedding but everyone was wasted which told me no one was up duffed. Also, no one asked whether i was pregnant which was blissful.

I've been thinking about the worry thing. I think it affects it if you're so stressed that you either don't feel in the mood for SWI or you become obsessed about SWI at a particular time in the month when in reality that isn't actually when you ovulate so you miss the important time. So that's why they say relax, don't think about when you ovulate and have sex 3 times a week throughout the cycle. Other than that I think you'd have to be very, very stressed (and I mean in a severely traumatised, under severe stress type thing) for it to have an effect. Then it might interfere with ovulating but I don't think any of us are that stressed. I also assume that severe stress can affect sperm levels too in a man.

I've read on few threads recently people telling people who are worrying about ttc that they should relax and also reassuring them that over a year isn't a long time (and these are not people who have had trouble conceiving themselves). I know there are a few people who do take over a year and that is normal (the stats we discussed on Friday) but I think that if it is taking over a year then the person has every right to be concerned about it. I think some of the people who say over a year is normal have no idea how long a year actually feels like because I know I wouldn't have thought a year was a long time before all this. So what I mean is, it's easy for people to say relax and don't worry about it, 17 months is nothing, totally normal blah, blah, blah. But would they feel so relaxed if it was them? I know friends who have stressed about it taking such a long time, one of them got pregnant in the third month of trying and the other one in the fifth month, so if they have the right to feel stressed then I certainly do after 17 cycles.

Back from the doctors, got my day 2 blood test done, and appointment booked to go back and get my day 21 bloods done. Quite a positive appointment in one way, as the doc was nice and as helpful as she could be. However, there's only so much she can do, so for any real help and advice I'll still have to wait till January.

I've been looking at the NHS website today, and have found some quotes I thought were interesting:

Joycep there's a bit relating to your worries - "Stress can often affect your fertility because it may lead to you having sex less frequently." That's all they have to say on stress and fertility, so I wouldn't worry about your worrying.. unless you feel it's affecting your day to day life, causing depression etc. Then think about counselling or yoga or even kick boxing or running. Just something to channel that energy elsewhere and help you relax. Running can be a great stress relief, if you're fit enough to do it, and also helps with general fitness which could in turn help with ttc.

I also found this nice and easy to understand:

About 85% of couples will conceive naturally within one year if they have regular unprotected sex. For every 100 couples trying to conceive naturally:
20 will conceive within one month.
70 will conceive within six months.
85 will conceive within one year.
90 will conceive within 18 months.
95 will conceive within two years.

For couples who have been trying to conceive for more than three years without success, the likelihood of pregnancy occurring within the next year is 25% or less.

Now, although that stat says "or less", 25% is pretty high. I would have thought if the chances were much poorer than that, they'd have written something different, like "10% or less". So there is always reason to hope!

Hello ladies. Nice to see you lemon and glad the docs went well staci. This is a very me post I'm afraid because I'm raaagghhhh!! Got first pregnancy announcement since I've been trying that has both shocked me and made me have huge wobble, v close friend. Saw her in July said she wanted to try but dh not ready til next year and she was going to have to gently work on him. Well she must have worked hard cos they had their 12 wk scan on Fri. She was on the pill still in July! Cried about it yesterday, don't feel happy for her (yet) just gutted that people fall so easily and for me it's so hard. And she wants me to go nursery shopping at mamas and papas in Nov. bleugh. So im a mardy mare today! How horrible of me. selfish post over, normal service to be resumed shortly. And I got my lap and dye op date for 22nd December. Bah humbug!!

just popping in to give wine a virtual hug. It's the most horrible horrible feeling when you get news like that. It sounds like to me she had probably started trying already when you spoke to her in July...as that was about 12wks ago! I'm afraid I never feel happy for anyone who gets pregnant quickly. Stamp your feet all you like. It feels like such a violent punch in the stomach that it can take a few days to recover from the shock.

you are allowed to have as big a wobble as you like wine. I hate those announcements when I wasn't expecting it. It's not quite so bad when I know there is a good chance the person is pregnant. I agree with joycep that she probably told a bit of a white lie in July and she was already trying. It is very hard to feel happy for people who get pregnant straight away, it shouldn't make a difference but I always feel much more jealous when someone has managed it without any of the tears that I've been going through.

Thanks joycep and MrsD. I've been feeling so guilty since last posting. I am pleased for her really, I wouldn't wish this waiting and worrying on anyone. But it feels easier somehow when people have had at least one month where it didn't happen. It is not my first preggers announcement by a long way. They all feel strange..but this is the first one of my best friends since I've been trying. The others told me just before I started and I felt over the moon for them. They'll be telling me about their second no doubt soon! Another friend I have is past the 6 month mark now and when her turn comes I'll be delighted for her - it's like we have at least a common understanding that it can be tough waiting it out. I also don't feel up to the mamas and papas trip. Might have to wriggle out of that. And it was early July. So I reckon after our chat, the pills went on the bin! She found out she was preg two weeks after last pill!!! I've now been off the pill for 2 years. Dosnt bear thinking about

Thanks for hearing me out.

It is hard when you know people who can get pregnant easily. It feels like all my family and friends can manage it with no problems. There is no law that says you have to feel happy and ecstatic for other people, it is perfectly ok to be upset by it. My only rule is that I never let that person know I'm upset so I smile and congratulate them and do my best to show I'm excited. And then I breakdown in floods of tears when I'm on my own. I am so used to pregnancy announcements now, I am fairly sure that I was the first in my close friendship group to start ttc. Now there are only 3 of us left who aren't pregnant. I know 2 of them started trying in August so I expect announcements from them soon. I haven't told anyone we're ttc, even though all of my friends shared it with me. I feel bad sometimes that I have lied about it, not that any of them have asked me outright but I think they would have expected me to have told them.

Evening All :)
Went for my second attempt at day 21 blood test today, reckon nurse/HCA doing it doesn't really understand such things. Drs instructions said to do test 7 days before next period which is fine if you know when that will be, which I no longer do. She said day 21 is the 21st day of your cycle no matter what! Can only hope I guessed right at least managed after suspected ov which last one wasn't. My Dr was refering me when I saw her a few weeks ago just have to wait on that one I guess. dh has his SA soon, I don't think he is a very happy chappy tho. He understands why but,,, Still confused as to why my Dr doesn't do day2/3 tests. How long do SA results normally take on NHS?

Before we started ttc and to begin with there just seemed to be all these pregnant women about and to begin with I think it was more a feelng of that will be me soon. As time goes on tho it has become harder to hear the announcements and see the bumps.

Life in general can stress you out, without adding in ttc. I think the mans stress can have an impact too, if money is tight for an example I think that might have an impact.

Hope post isn't too selfish have tried to respond to some of comments just not always easy.

cakes I had my prog test on cd 21 as told first time, knowing I ov usually in cd16. They came back at 32 which is ok but on the low side. Had another, timing it exactly 7 days after ov (using temps and opks) so it was cd23 for me and it came back at 47. I didn't tell them cos they said it really should be cd 21. So we know our bodies best!

Cakes I went to see my GP this morning and asked her about tests, they have a list of things they need to do before they can refer you on to a specialist. She showed me the list, and the day 2 and day 21 tests are for completely different things. The day 2 was for oestrogen, progesterone, thyroid, FSH (sees how many eggs you have)... Can't remember the whole list. The day 21 - or 7 days before next period - tests only for LH surge I believe.

I think the only one of these which is time dependant is the FSH, and that may not be required in your health trust area unless there is a concern about the number of eggs you have left, i.e. through age or medical history.

I've been really lucky with pregnancy announcements. None of our friends have had children at all, and I don't think any of them want kids yet. We have a kind of immature set of friends who still think of themselves as students and 'too young' for kids, even with full time jobs, mortgages, and passing 30! I don't know what I'll do if there's an announcement among those before we succeed. I think I'll just feel really, really sorry for myself, and more than a little miffed with the life, the universe and everything.

wine I like to think we'll make better parents after these struggles, having learnt through such a long and tiring struggle. We'll have patience, stress coping mechanisms, extremely strong relationships, and a truly deep and unfaltering sense of what a privilege it is to have children.

Evening lovelies, I have been reading but haven't had chance to post properly but just wanted to add my sympathy for wine. It's just horrible and you mustn't beat yourself up about the way you react to it. Don't feel guilty, you are entitled to be upset. Personally I've found it much worse when it's been a shock like that. Not sure whether it's because I'm not mentally prepared for it or what, but I've often felt a sense of betrayal by the friend. Which I know is utterly, utterly ridiculous but that's how it feels, like they're not on my side any more. X

Just a quick one to say I know exactly what you mean Kitty to the extent that when I did finally get pg, I had a friend who had been ttc for a while too, and I felt guilty and as though I had betrayed her - you know as of I'd deserted her

She has, to be fair, been really good about it all (well at least to my face ) and often brings up the pg, whereas I'm trying not to talk about it!

Sorry to hear so many if you are having a rough time. Joyce do you think you'll have another cycle of iui?

xx

Sorry Joyce - I thought I'd read you were having another go - just checked back and I see it's tomorrow. Good luck - will be thinking of you tomorrow and keeping everything crossed xxxx