you know you've been ttc for too long when...

[OracleInaCoracle]

You go to the loo and notice ewcm, mention to dh that you are fertile, but you decide that you'd rather have a cuppa and read your book instead!

You go...

You choose black knicker for first two weeks to help monitor your cm and white when af is due to be ironic.

Ooh how about only giving oh a bj when you know you're not fertile cod you read saliva slows his swimmers down?

When your OH rolls his eyes and says, "What, again?!" when you demand sex

When you can't wee without a momentary panic that you should be catching it in a cup.

As soon as you open your eyes you shove a thermometer in your mouth & work out what CD your on.

You have awesome bladder control because you refuse to get up in the night and affect your temp reading later.

... you think that fertility monitors are for the amateurs. Now they are just for recreational use to see if they might match up with when you know you have ovulated, rather than it telling you.

..... you are on a first name basis with all the EPU staff. And know which nurses/doctors to avoid and which ones are the nice ones that will not keep you waiting all day to tell you what you already know.

Someone mentions that they are thinking about trying and you give them a blow by blow breakdown of all the things to bear in mind, because you can't always trust nature!

Someone mentions that they are thinking about trying and you give them a blow by blow breakdown of all the things to bear in mind, because you can't always trust nature!

You whip your knickers off at the merest whiff of a white coat, not so good at the chemist...

...sex for fun comes as a huge surprise.

Ha Lissie!
You decided not to stop drinking while ttc, then you decided you really should, now you actively drink during the tww to tempt fate.

.... mn conception thread is too familiar, and you start to count the "am I pregnant" threads just for fun rather than continuing to get fed up of them.

.... you start to realise that there are very interesting threads, shock horror - other than the conception forum, on mn.

You feel like starting an "am I pregnant thread", not because you think you are, but just to see what its like.

You hide all "am I pregnant" threads, because you don't trust yourself to not post "how the fuck are we supposed to know? Do a fucking test"

When friends discuss favourite sex toys for coupley fun, you have to stop yourself mentioning your trusty jam jar and syringe.

Cleansheets,

You start eyeing up the turkey basters in lakeland, and its not even Christmas!

Cleansheets,

You start eyeing up the turkey basters in lakeland, and its not even Christmas!

You used to drink a lot and have sex occasionally - then you stop drinking and start having sex a lot...

Instead of wondering what's going on in your DH's brain as he sits and watches TV - you wonder what's happening in his testicles....

You've run out of creative ways of suggesting sex and resort to wiggling your eyebrows.

You refuse to get on a 'bus'!

You think the car number plate with BFP in it is a good sign, and then see one with BFN and get all upset

Actually treating the wee cup on the bathroom windowsill like it's a permanent piece of bathroom equipment. When buying a new toothbrush mug and soap dispenser, buying an extra toothbrush mug for weeing in, so it will match.

You constantly talk about getting new pets/moving house/holidays of a lifetime just so you can tempt fate... then never do it, just in case!

You constantly talk about getting new pets/moving house/holidays of a lifetime just so you can tempt fate... then never do it, just in case!