Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

My plasterer is a weirdo. He keeps muttering to himself and has told me at length how pissed off he is that he's not getting fully paid for his last job after he walked off leaving it unfinished.

I'm stuck in the house for another day and a half with this man. He's half Forrest Gump, half The Shining.

He's clearly a member of the Dud Plasterers' Union...

Eeeeek...that doesn't sound like much fun Jars...mind you, all the plasterers I've ever met have felt that people should be grateful for them clearly only doing half a job or doing the whole job not particularly well "because good plasterers are hard to come by"...yeah, and you clearly ain't one, MATE!

Make sure you keep yourself busy in order to avoid him as much as possible, but pop in and out every now and again so that he knows he's being supervised! Wait until he's clearly finished (and you have company) and say "ooh, I think you missed a bit!" bwahahahaha :-o

And he grunts.

Tis most creepy.

I have stupidly told him that I can see why his last client was a bit miffed, but have poured oil on the troubled waters by telling him wot a luvly job he is doing.

desperate, have you been weeing on sticks?

What makes you think I've been weeing on sticks?! I haven't (ahem). Well, only once and it was a BFN, so I've managed to NOT do it since. I dunno...I seem to have garnered a dreadful reputation and I've only been here 5 minutes!

Don't be too nice to weirdo plasterer, or he'll think he can get away with doing a shit job. How much bigger than him is your DP??? Luckily mine is pretty much bigger than anybody that could come and do any work for me, so if all else fails, I call on tall, hunky handyman.

jars, your plasterer sounds most sub-optimal. Can you put speed in his tea to encourage him a bit?

Jewels, a question if I may. How long did it take you to feel the ticket after your ERPC? I'd love to spend all of next week watching Star Trek Next Gen DVDs and eating my own bodyweight in Stilton resting and recuperating but I've got a lot of meetings at work which will be a pain in the chuddies to miss. Am I being unrealistic to expect to be back on Weds after the procedure on Mon? (I've had a general anaesthetic recently so know what to expect on that score, at least.)

S'up Massif.

fish mine was the tues, and I was fine physically by the thurs, but weepy. (Much weepier than I'd been on the actual day/day after, when I'd generally felt ok). I think it might have been a bit of a comedown - even though it's shit the scans, appointments, prep for ERPCing are quite distracting and purposeful. Once it was just me and my residual hormones it all crashed in a bit. Could you keep your options open so that you can see how you feel?

jars you still with us? You haven't been plastered into submission? I too have ongoing home improvement beef - we are in midst of big external paint job which we promised our landlord we would have done by the end of Aug, and it keeps arsing raining at the weekends we've kept free to do it. A la right now. Hence my being huddled over the laptop.

Also, while I'm at, forgot to tell you lot that I recently learnt that one of my very best friends is not only pregnant, but only a week or so off what I would have been absent MC. Her husband (also a good friend of ours) told us last week. Am getting there, but still haven't quite processed feelings about that.

Hey ladeeeeez :)

Nausea, nausea, nausea, oh and a bit of added nausea for good measure. Felt so crappy on Friday night that I contemplated the old fingers down the throat remedy to try and make it go away.

I said to my friend yesterday afternoon that I kind of hope I'm NOT up the duff because another 2-3 months of feeling nauseous all the time is going to seriously strain my ability to be nice to people!

jewels, big hugs. I know what you mean about your best mate too; one of my mates is UTD at precisely the same stage as I was, and we used to happily joke about how we were both due on the same day. I'm delighted for her but it'll be tough seeing her progressing month by month. Still, I reckon I've still got the ingredients for a baby fry-up. A good egg, a dodgy sausage and two soft, warm baps. (Hur hur...)

desperate, I'd be a leetle surprised if you were getting the baby pukes this early on. (Last time mine appeared at bang on 6 weeks and finally buggered off at 12 weeks, to my profound relief.) But hell, WTF do I know. Could be a really bad good sign!

I'm looking at my admission paperwork for tomorrow and it says "Do not have any solid food after midnight. You can continue to drink clear fluids until 07.00am." Gin and tonic is a clear fluid. I win!!

Morning ladies. Suspect AF is on her way. Any feelings of sickness and bloating and gas etc all disappeared yesterday, so if I was, I am no longer :(

Maybe I just had a leurgy, but then again, I don't usually get cramps from 8DPO, so who the feck knows?!

Sprinkled lavender essential oil on my pillow last night and am trying to shake off the effects of a really deep sleep now...although I've been awake since 5.30am, which is just WRONG on so many levels!

G&T is definitely a clear fluid Fish - you definitely win! :)

Cheers fish. Hope it goes ok for you today and there's not too much waiting around. Assuming doc fish is able to be there too, my mister & I found playing a lot of charades (very badly) helped counteract all the hospitaliness.

Hope all went ok for you today fish good shout with the clear fluids, must have been a terribly crappy day so thinking of you. Hoep you have star trek and stilton to look forward to now...

jewels that sounds terrible, I think it will take you a while to process that and I'm sure your friend will understand and be a little sensitive about it. Is she on your FB? If so maybe 'hide' her from your feed if she is the sort to post pregnancy updates etc etc? Whatever happens some days you're going to feel angry and resentful so don't beat yourself up about feeling that way, It's understandable.

I had my follow up appointment after HSG with consultant on Friday and although tubes not blocked I have a growth in my womb - somewhere near my left tube so I have to have an operation to remove it.

Started going on about camera up my vag and going in through my belly button and then fortunately said it will be a general so I'll be out! Thank god! Was a tad concerned as I am crap with medical procedures (cry like a 2 year old, no idea why)

Took more blood to test for PCOS too and got to have a dildo cam scan on my ovaries so plenty to keep me occupied until christmas

Felt very emotional and had my first 'big cry' about the whole lack of child - was a bit freaked, it went on for about an hour (mrwino was most confused, I'm not usually a crier)

Obviously had been holding on to a few issues but felt soooo much better afterwards....

jars what a freaky plasterer? Get him gone pronto! I'm with fish on the drugging, no one likes a grunter....

wino, I'm sorry that you are a paid up member of the supermegawank club also. What you're going through sounds shite with bells on. Glad you had a good cry though (if that doesn't sound weird) - I used to be a bottler-upper and it did me no good at all. Pint of plum vodka OK for you? And for you too jewels. Might have to be plum vodka futures though, as it's not yet in the bottle

Well, I'm all done. I got bumped down the operating list by a blues-and-twos job, which is fair enough, but because I'd taken those misty-whatsit things (that cause the cervix to open and stuff) Mother Nature decided that she'd get off her fat lazy arse and move things along. So it all more or less came out while I was lying on the trolley outside the operating theatre, waiting to go in for the anaesthetic. Still, they just knocked me out and sorted it while I was asleep, so it wasn't really that grim at all.

Don't feel too bad either physically or emotionally; a bit crampy/tired. I'm sure I'll have a nice hormone crash soon but I have tissues and Toblerone on standby. Thanks for all your support ladies - you're stars.

Wino - going through your belly button???!!!! Bloody hell! Good job you're going to be sleeping through that one!

Glad to hear you don't feel too bad Fish. Tissues and toblerone sound good - just remember which one you stuff in your gob and you'll be fine.

(((hugs)))

fish you sounded calm but it sounds pretty tough.... how are you feeling today?

brought you some more Tolberone, here you go

thanks for the plum voddie... delish!

Wino, balls to it. Not surprised you had a wail. Sorry buddy.

Will be ok with my mate, she's pretty sensitive and not the FB-tickering type so will all be fine. But had call last night from mr j&b's brother (he's off on corporate fasttrack course in poland and never calls me so I'd ignored a call from him at the weekend assuming he'd just sat on his phone funny or something and called me my mistake) to tell me that his missus (SIL) is...yes...you guessed it, 13 weeks with DC2, and they wanted to tell me before announcing it at big mr-j&b-family wedding this coming weekend.

I may drink a lot at that wedding.

How hangs it today, oh fishy one?

Thanks for the barrowload of Toblerone wino. I'm a bit snivelly today - hormones, hormones...

Jewels, what is it with every woman and her dog being knocked up at the moment? I found out today that two more of my good mates are fertilised, and sitting in Costa, it seemed like every female under the age of 50 who walked past the window was also visibly pregnant. I suppose we're just hyper-sensitive to it currently, and wouldn't notice if things were different. It's all definitely a pile of pants. Don't blame you for not looking forward to this weekend. Does Mr J&B's bro know about your m/c? I'm guessing so if he wanted to pre-warn you - not sure if that's kind of him or not though! Lots of voddy and embarrassing dancing for you, my love.

Oh, jewels, what a fucker. I think better warned than not, on balance, but only if you've got time and space to deal with it. People who tell you in the pub or at family weddings want shooting. I hope he was okay on the phone.

fish, good old Mother Nature + modern science. Hope you're feeling a bit better now, physically anyway. A large medicinal brandy is in the post to you.

Wino, yeurgh and ouch. If it helps at all, I know that the bellybutton bit sounds grim but you honestly hardly notice: I went home with a plaster over mine and the stitches came out about 3 weeks later.

desperate, any news?

I have (non-pregnancy) news: Dsis, who is a reporter for France 24, is in Tripoli, bless her. Am terrified.

PS plastering work is done but a bit shit.

Where is Loopy?

Ah shit, sorry jars...AF got me Monday evening...bugger! I'm on the June bus :(

Crapola!!! Your sis is in Tripoli! I'm not surprised you're terrified. Fingers crossed she stays absolutely safe :)

Can I have a medicinal brandy too, cos the cramps are soooo bad they're making my legs feel all wobbly and I took to my bed pretty much most of yesterday with a hot water bottle on my belly. That's the second month in a row it's knocked me out for a day. I can't have this as being a temp I only get paid when I work

At least you've got rid of the bonkers plasterer - that's a result :)

Not really surprised you were feeling snivelly Fish. Hope you're feeling a bit more like your fishy self today ((Hugs))

Sheesh jars, that thing with your sis is a bit alarming. Fingers crossed indeed. Glad your plasterer has slung his hook though. Can you Polycell the rubbish bits? Thanks for the brandy.

Desperate, sorry to hear that your period caught up with you. Just take the J R Hartley approach - there are still a few more to try!

Jewels sweetheart, how long was it before you got your period post-hoovering? I'm still leaking a bit (yuerkk) so I suspect it'll be the full 4-5 weeks for me, but I could be wrong. I'm taking plenty of iron tablets and multivits, so my plumbing's got no excuse on that score at least! And once it does arrive, Dr F&J had better brace himself...

Meantime, a joke I read on Twitter which has had me sniggering for a good 24 hours. "Is this Cockfosters?" "No, it's mine madam."

Thanks Jars. Have been told by new psych to stop ttc until my mental equilibrium is more...err...stable - I've been up and down like a yo-yo, though mostly down, it has to be said. Didn't like it, but actually decided to take medical advice for a change - get me! So I'm back on the pill for a few months until I'm feeling better. It's annoying, but he is actually right, because pregnancy hormones are more than likely to send me loopy-loo, so I don't really need a head start on that front :(

Sounds like you're doing all the right things to support your body's healing process, and hopefully you won't have to wait the full 4-5 weeks - sounds like an eternity when you're ttc, doesn't it? Good luck Dr F&J when you're raring to go though :)

Bwahahahaha...liked the joke! :o :o

Needed cheering up as boss has just been a total arse to me. What a wanker! . Will be purchasing lottery tickets this weekend like they're going out of fashion.

jars bloody hell, is your sis staying there for a while or is she on her way out yet?

fish hope you're feeling ok today and a bit less erm, leaky? Let me know if you need any more tolberone and I'm your girl.....

you're totally right about every man and his dog and being hyper sensitive - every day it seems I find out someone else is pregnant - my friend got married and went on honeymoon precisely 12 weeks ago and guess what she announced yesterday?! FFS, a honeymoon baby, seriously? are you fucking kidding me? gaaaah!

jewels hope the wedding goes ok, if not I hope the wine is free and plentiful, the evening buffet is full of pastry laden goodness and the dj has some serious dodgy dancing tunes ready....

desperate must seem weird going back on the pill but perhaps they are right, maybe just for a few months until you feel more stable.

On the whole being hyper sensitive thing a few things have made me laugh recently so I thought I'd share...

The other day DH and I had to laugh - we get the tube into work each morning and there were plenty of seats including two empty seats opposite us - TWO yes TWO heavily pregnant ladies completely with summery maternity maxi dresses, beautiful round bumps and 'baby on board' badges get on and sit opposite us, both were beautiful ladies evidently friends and nattered the whole 35 minute journey about bumps, kicking, cots etc blah blah - we just looked at each other and laughed in the end, you couldn't have made it up!

A couple of weekends ago we travelled up to Liverpool to see some family and we got stuck in a traffic jam for about 20 minutes - straight in front of us was a massive sign that just said BABY - we had to stare at the fucking thing for 20 minutes wondering what on earth it was until we got past it - when we got close we realised it was a sign for a nearly new baby clothes sale but there was a little irony in us spending 20 mins staring at the word baby!

The other day after my appointment and manic cry session we went to tescos, it was really busy and there was a woman with one of those small shallow trolleys and in it she had milk, bread, veg and a nestled in between her carrots and peas was a baby car seat complete with new born in it. I turned to DH and said 'oh look, we've obviously got this all wrong, you can get them in tescos now, I wonder what aisle the babies are down.... obviously said it a bit loud, new mother turned and growled at me :) miserable bitch - I thought it was funny!

Oh, the other thing the consultant told me was to switch off my pissy computer - he said it was just making me obsess about ovulation and the right days to shag mrwino - he asked me what did the computer tell me honestly? - I replied that it showed me I was ovulating and gave me some comfort. He then showed me two months worth of my blood tests showing that my hormone levels were proof that I was ovulating so what do I need something else for? He said that I was putting myself under a lot of stress and that was probably doing as much damage as the lump in my womb!

He is right so I have reluctantly relegated it to the back of the cupboard, DH and I are changing tactics. As I type this I am sitting with a cup of Earl Grey, now I cut out caffeine a year ago so it obviously made fuck all difference so bollocks to it.. and it's lovely!

So as I have hit a year of this never ending ttc 'journey' (boak) I have decided to stick two fingers up to ovulation and monitoring and just see what happens.. (hopeful emoticon)

Cheers to you all, you make this so much easier I luff you all very much

Right enough of that shit, who wants Friday bubbles, come on hold your flutes/buckets out!

Enjoy your bank holiday all

p.s. DH told consultant I post on a forum and consultant told me to stop - I told him to fuck off! You can take my womb but you won't take my freedom!

Thanks wino. I'm surprisingly OK about it actually. I had to admit to myself that he was right, and once I'd done that, it was OK. Besides, it's only a few months...

Yes, consultant can jolly well fuck off...we need you round here! :)

Bubbles would be lovely, still getting period cramps. In fact, going to make an appointment to see the doc next week as the last two months, it's slaying me on the first day when I come on :(

Better go and do some work, damn it all!