TTC 6+ months plus, part 2

[skeletonbones]

New thread as the old one was getting to 1000. So, 4 BFP's in the last thread, lets see if we can up the total considerably on this one :)

wine massive good luck for your appointment, although you've probably had it now. Do let us know how it goes, I hope they help you make a good plan of action.

madness not surprised you are a bit :( about the social worker thing. It's lovely that your friends asked you to be a reference but I know I would find it all a bit close to home at the moment. Although I think it's a wonderful thing to do, adoption terrifies me because I am convinced I would never be allowed to adopt because I'm rubbish with kids. Don't have a clue how to interact with them. I'd always thought that it wouldn't matter be because once I had my own I'd know what to do :( anyway I hope it goes well, I'm sure you and your lovely biccies will charm the pants off her.

I haven't been on the assisted conception threads at all. I think it's because I still want to vainly believe that I am not "one of those women" & I will conceive naturally and also because we don't stand a chance of affording this kind of treatment anyway, whether in the UK, Spain or Timbuktu! Incidently, I don't mean the term "other women" in a horrible way, it's just that when I started TTC I always considered that that type of thing would never happen to me, it was always a sad thing that other people had to go through.

I'm glad that you & DH have had a good chat about everything. There seems to be a lot for you both to consider. Not only do you have to think about the actual treatment but all the financial stuff too like organising the remortgage of your flat. It really isn't fair. It would be so wonderful if you and mrsd didn't have to go through this.

I really hope that your insurance pays out for your treatment mrsd, then you can get the ball rolling as soon as you get back off hols. It might be nice timing for you actually to have a holiday before starting on a new leg of TTC.

I'm sure that by 5 months TTC I was getting a little antsy and the creeping feeling that something may not be right started. However, 16 cycles in, it really feels like no time at all. I could have taken 5 months to conceive & still have a two month old baby at this point. That is depressing - please someone tell me that my maths is way off on this one!

Whereismywine Good luck with your appointment!

Madness Good luck with your meeting. I can't believe that you will be grilled by the SW on your personal life - God that is a bit Good luck for your friends too, adoption is a very admirable thing.

Me and DP discussed this in a vague way and we decided that we would so not be good adoptive parents material. I read somewhere that the older the prospective parents are then the older the child you can adopt is likely to be - on this basis we would end up with some out of control teenage tearaway no doubt and I'm sure that the adoption panel wouldn't appreciate my somewhat archaic views on discipline! My favourite line to my nephew is probably a case in point, "this house is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship now get in the shower"

I' am a teensy bit relieved that you don't have some Scottish theme going on in your house!

Good luck with your appointment whereismywine, let us know how it goes.

Good luck to madness. I hope your biscuits impressed the SW. I only know one couple who have adopted in the Uk and I know there are lots of negative stories about the process but they told me that they found it all quite straightforward as long as you accepted that there were so many hoops to jump through. They now have a gorgeous 2yr old dd . I'm not sure why they wanted to adopt, I'm not certain it was because of fertility problems.

pout I know what you mean about not think you'd ever have to be in the position of thinking about assisted conception. I remember watching a documentary years ago about couples undergoing IVF and I remember being when it showed the woman injecting herself and I thought ughhh I could never do that. And then one of the couples tested and it was a BFN and I remember the look of devastation on their faces. I can still picture the woman's face and wonder if they ever did go on to have children.

Hello, appointment over. Thought would provide detailed info for anyone yet to have hospital apt no 1!

Hated that I had to queue at the desk sandwiched between three pregnant couples holding their notes.

But the nurse was nice if not a bit matter of fact. She asked how long we'd been together and trying but had all notes from our gp. She seemed happy with dhs sperms at 7% morphology because of the count making up for it. My prog tests were fine but there was an elevated lh one at 12. She said not to think about that at all cos it was tested on day 21 and not day 6 so didn't really mean anything but I still don't like it!

Now I have to have a chlamydia test at the gp, swap not wee and rubella immunity. Dh doesn't have to do anything else at all. Then I get to choose hsg, lap or the other one that's like a hsg but with ultrasound.

If that's clear (please be) then we will be unexplained. First port of call will be clomid for 3-6 months then a review of options. Ivf and iui not mentioned today.

I came out and cried a bit and I don't even know why, we haven't been given bad news, I just didn't want it to be like this and I wanted to be going down the other corridor not the fertility one. Dh is pretty chipper as he feels he's been given the all clear. Which is nice really.

I am scared of the hsg, I have zero tolerance to pain of any kind. Def don't want lap. Are they like a long smear? sorry if a bit gloomy and all about me, typing on phone, in the pub cos we had the afternoon off. I'm on water, dh on coke! Really, where is my wine?!

Glad that it's all over wine but sorry that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by the process. Did they explain what your reasons would be for choosing one of those tests over the other? I would quite like a lap to check for endometriosis, but also would be nice to think that my tubes just need to be washed out so that all of dh's "normal" sperm can manage to get to the egg that my day 21 tests suggested is hanging about in there :) Try to enjoy your afternoon and think of this as a step in the right direction.

pout I spend an awful lot of time watching other children in public and debating how I would manage the situation if that were me. Sad, but true . I definitely favour the firm approach - not mean - but good solid boundaries are not a bad thing!

Social worker has been and gone. Took just over a half an hour and he didn't even want tea and biscuits. Will just have to eat them all myself share them with dh :o It wasn't too bad. He did ask about the infertility stuff and the fact that I have experience of adoption in my family. It wasn't really invasive personal stuff, more about how my own experience has coloured my discussions with these friends who are wanting to adopt. I think that you're right mrsden it's not a horrible process, just a very long and drawn out one. This is all in preparation for being approved as adoptive parents, before the social workers even start looking for a potential child to match them with.

Off to meet my friend to give her a blow by blow account of the meeting. I don't think that she'll have been paying much attention at work this afternoon!

wine hope you are feeling ok now. It's so much to take in isn't it and always that weird anti climax/disappointment when something that you've been working yourself up to is over.

On the whole though, it does sound fairly positive and good that they will try clomid as that seems to have some success in unexplained cases.

I am a bit clueless about the lap, HSG etc stuff as I haven't had my first appointment at the clinic yet. I didn't know that you may be offered a choice. Did she give you any guidance on what might be most suitable for you at all? I thought they were supposed to be the experts! Am I right in thinking they knock you out for the lap? I think I'd probably go for the HSG as it is meant to be like having a spring clean in your tubes. Didn't biscuits have one the month before she got her bfp?

Totally know what you mean about the fear of pain thing. Literally everything medical scares the bejesus out of me. I try and overcome this by sternly telling myself that I am doing this in order to have children and that childbirth will be a million times worse anyway so I may as well get used to it.

Glad it went ok madness

Thanks popcorn and madness feel a bit now about being a big old wuss today, it just made everything feel ..real.

I didn't know I'd get to choose either. She said some women just like to be knocked out as the hsg can be quite painful. And also cos they want to avoid radiation. But the hsg type thing with ultrasound avoids that so I'm going to go for that. I hate anaesthetics and I don't want a cut in my belly button because I hate belly buttons too! I really am beyond squeamish. I try not to think about childbirth and even though I'm pretty yogic and spiritualand interested in the whole hypnobirthing approach I will undoubtedly be an epidural lady, should that day ever come!

I didn't think I could potentially be on clomid so soon. I think I'm going to go for it in the new year. Come on future baby - I don't want poking around with!

Ps madness glad the chat went ok, sounds all pretty intense. You are a good friend.

I did indeed have a HSG the cycle before my BFP. I didn't find it very painful at all - I don't even recall taking any painkillers or anything. I didn't find it too much worse than a smear test. Although I have to say my smear test since having DS was a lot less uncomfortable than the ones before him so maybe his rather dramatic exit had a bearing there..... I would say the 'insertion' part was very smear-esque. Then the dye went in which was a bit painful but kind of like period pains but further down. Whereas my period pains tend to be across the middle, these were sort of further down as if emanating right from the 'opening'.

I was fine to drive home straight after and didn't find it too bad at all. I feel I should caveat that though by saying I have read other stories on here of people finding it very painful at the time and / or sore afterwards. My pain level was broadly in line with what it said on the leaflet!

When I had it done the Doctor that did it said the dye was going through fine so it didn't look as if there were any blockages or anything but maybe there was some residual sludge or something that might have helped with the subsequent bfp. DH's SA results had also improved a lot between Feb and May so it may have been that that helped too.

I am still lurking and following you all - hope you don't mind my stalking. I feel weirdly as if I feel so acutely a lot of the things you talk about. I always hated everyone saying 'oh but I know a friend who just miraculously got pg after x many months, or on the day of their IVF appt' or whatever. And I feel bad that I have sort of reinforced those sort of stories by plucking a bfp out of nowhere. So I do feel worried that I've made some of you feel worse about things - I'm really sorry if that's the case.

I struggle to post on any ante-natal boards yet because the 'bus' type ones just seem so ridiculously chipper (this is MY problem I know!). I wish I could share their optimism and excitement but I still feel drained from the whole TTC thing and I find that what you ladies talk about rings more bells with me than what the ante-natal boards say. But then on the other hand, I know that a lot of what I have to say here seems a bit irrelevant after getting a bfp - I'm sort of stuck in between! I can totally relate to your earlier discussions about IUI / IVF and I too was stalking the IVF board for info as I had pretty much accepted that that was where we were going. (And I too was very at their recent run of BFPs).

Anyway, I constantly have my fingers crossed that there will be more BFPs flowing from this thread.

Morning ladies!

Right AF got me properly last night :( so now I feel sorry for myself! And my running injury is playing up again, so just popping by before an early fysio-appointment. As to stalking the assisted boards, I haven't but might be tempted, as we are getting closer to 18months...

madness you are a great friend about the adoption SW visit. And I would not mind some of the left over biscuits. Pleased for you and friend that things went well!

And popcorn I had my HSG in June (two BFD cycles since, so we are counting on this month ) and I did not find it bad at all. I got petrified by the info I googled, so that was not great. So don't be scared. My understanding was that you go for HSG if there is no reason to assume something is wrong, no indications of chlamydia or endo-something (I don't know its exact name) as it is less intense. Go for a lap, if there is reason there is some repairs to be done, but it takes a couple of days to get over the anaesthetic (sp?). And I don't know about the ultrasound thing, it was not discussed with me!

Oh biscuit I don't mind supportive lurkers at all, and I can't imagine being comfortable with bus-types either. I guess it's the parallel universe thing you were discussing yesterday! Anyway, I need to run to the appointment. Will check on you lovely ladies later!! Wave for all the others!!

Morning ladies - hope that everyone is okay today.

Lemonloves I'm sorry that AF has got you. The first couple of days are awful aren't they and simply miserable. I try and console myself with the thought that in no time at all I will be ovulating again and the last cycle will be forgotten

I'm also sorry to hear that you are in pain with an injury too. It never seems to rain but it pours! Hope it gets sorted for you today.

Wine I'm glad to hear that your appointment seemed to go well. It's strange that you have been given a choice of treatment - good though. If I had had the choice I would have chosen to have the lap and HSG - that way everything is tested in one go rather than me now wondering whether I have endo and facing a new referral for a lap. Please don't worry about the HSG being excruciatingly painful. I too Googled it and scared myself witless with tales of pain and woe. Mine really didn't hurt, it was just very slightly uncomfortable at the cervix end of things but nothing remotely major at all. I also went shopping straight after mine so no great shakes!

Hello Biscuits Don't lurk, come and chat with us, it's nice when you come back on here! Have you had your scan yet?
I don't even know what buses are really.

As much as I want a BFP I don't want to leave this thread either. You ladies are so nice as was hammered home to me yesterday when I posted on in the Doghouse threads about a problem my dog has with strangers coming to the house. I asked for some tips on how to deal with it and someone told me that my dog sounded aggressive and I should rehome him I know that this was bollocks advice and I should ignore it but it really & irrationally upset me. It felt like someone saying to me "you are a shit mother, you should have your child taken off you". I still feel a bit tearful yukky thinking about it. I am a saddo & will stick to here from now on!

On the plus side I think that I did ovulate yesterday and we managed to SWI without incident or argument

Well done on argumentless SWI pout and now you can relax for the rest of the cycle and maybe, just maybe, have SwithoutI just for the hell of it! And for the evil dog-mothers on the other thread. I also concluded you are all wonderful and I agree that biscuits should just chat with us if she is homeless in ante-natal land. But really we should all just get out BFPs and join her on the grads thread.

The injury was indeed back, but very minor and I have been sorted out. I should not run after trains in flip flops until the leg is a little stronger... But I can start running again, maybe tomorrow when the belly is happier. Today is big lunches, good work (am read to start imminently) and some comfort cookie-baking, I reckon.

wine I guess pout means go for the lap, rather than the HSG, and knowing her story, I'd go with that, actually! Oh and hurrah for there not being anything wrong so far - pre-emptive welcoming to the unexplained club.

Oh and pout I can't remember which boob had a lump in, so whether or not there is a connection with 2WW pains, I don't know. But you are on painful ones now, sympathy coming your way and I hope they stay - for nine months or so :)

On parallel universe: YES I totally feel like that. So many people think they've had a long wait at 4-8 months and I cannot relate to them at all. And I do want to yell like a 3-yr old: you just don't understand!!! Although, I am generally much better emotionally at the moment. And my DH found us an Indian cookery course to join for autumn (so he can get out of salsa for now, I reckon, but v sweet all the same) so we are def making headway with the projects that are not baby making to share. Very happy about that. And it is sunny here.

pout ignore those comments. This is the only thread I feel comfortable on, when I have posted on others I've had some pretty mean replies. I think some people get their kicks out of putting other people down. I think generally the conception board is fine though, but the rest is a scary place!

biscuits do stay with us, you are our lucky charm. I love that you managed it after so long and it makes me remember that it is possible. I can understand that it is hard for you to feel really excited yet. I think I ever get a BFP I will be so anxious that it will be hard to be excited.

wine do you think you might have endo? If so I'd go for the lap. Otherwise the normal hsg should be enough shouldn't it? I'm confused, I'd prefer it if we didn't have any choice! I have a similar decision to make, I have to decide whether to have a hsg before we try IUI. The gynae is happy to do IUI without checking my tubes because she said that there is nearly always something in a woman's history to suggest a problem which I don't have. I think the history she means is previous pregnancy, mc, termination, c section, infection, STD, pelvic inflammatory disease etc. I will have to have a hsg before ivf because of some legal rule that you have to have had everything checked out before they can do ivf but she said the clinic would make me do it again with them even if I have one now and she didn't think it was a good idea to have two because of the x rays. Also she said it can be painful for some women but this is rare I think. And of course there is the expense for me as I would have to pay for it and it's expensive because it is done at the hospital. So I think I'm going to say go ahead with IUI without the hsg, but of course I'll have to have a hsg in the spring when we go for ivf.

lemon sorry AF got you, and for your injury. An Indian cooking course sounds wonderful. We are also trying to do things that we can only do without children. We have booked to go skiing in December so it would be awful (not) if I got pregnant before then . I made a pregnant friend a teensy bit jealous yesterday by talking about our vineyard tour that we are going on in 2 weeks, a holiday that will consist of cycling between vineyards with lots of tasting and drinking and gulping. And then there will be all the soft cheese we'll have to eat too. A very unsuitable holiday for a pregnant person.

mrsden that holiday sounds amazing! Know what you mean a out trying to do things that are pregnant unsuitable. Me and dh are planning a holiday to Seville in january for tapas and wine and late night unbaby friendly eating etc. I don't think I have any endo symptoms, I have no pelvic pain etc during sex. I do get period pain and it can be rubbish, but nothing that paracetamol doesnt shift (or codeine on a very bad month). I think I'm going to go for hyfosy which is the ultrasound hsg so no radiation. Thanks for all the reassurance that it isn't so bad. pout am presuming that a lap might be needed at somempoint if they start to suspect there's a prob? I don't know, never knew I'd get to pick.

I don't really want either! Spotting got me today arghhhhh. This has been one crazy cycle though. My chart looks nothing like any of my others. There is a temp shift and fertility friend put the crosshairs at cd20 for ov which is late even by my standards. But the difference before and after ov in my temps is much smaller than usual. mrsden did you chart last month when there was no ov and did they go up? This is allegedly 10dpo but by my reckoning it's 11. So full on af should be here on Friday. Nurse wasn't remotely interested in the spotting. I do sometimes check my cervix in the tww even though it makes me feel ugh. I wonder if messing with it brings On spotting earlier, as I didn't used to have it as much pre ttc. Who knows.

Had the usual little chat with dh this morning post spotting discovery that goes like this;

Me - I can't believe it's month x
Dh, don't worry, we will get there
Me- what if we never have babies?
Dh- of course we'll have babies.

He's so patient and does sit with me til I'm out of my mini slump. Only shed one tear this month, so pretty good although not bravery badge good! Usually I cling to the implantation bleed hope, but not this month, I know how this story always ends. Oddly this month I've had no pre af symptoms at all, boobs hardly sore, no grump, no pre af cramps. Maybe I didn't even overlate at all. Hope next month is a bit more normal. Have bought new thermometer, we are going to use preseed, (ugh). Am toying with tee totalism still. I never quite convince myself though! Sorry af got you too lemon

biscuits you can stay here, you are hope that it happens after the 18month mark and it doesn't feel like false hope, just truth that these things can take a good while. When is your scan again?

Sorry AF turned up Lemon and sorry to hear of your spotting too Wine. DH's seem to not know what to say some of the time don't they. I am sure there is a male thing though where they think that if we have a problem they have to fix it when what we need sometimes is for them to just listen and commiserate with us. Don't think they know what to say/do if it isn't a fixable thing. But nice that he sits with you and reassures you.

Scan is at 10 past 2. Only 4 hours to wait..... :(

And thank you all for saying you don't mind my hanging around :)

Oh, and I meant to say, your planned holidays all sound amazing - make the most of them and then get your BFP'd backsides over to the grads thread ;)

Balls just lost a whole post when someone walked over to my desk.

Madness - glad your SW appt went ok yesterday.

Wine - I found HSG fine as well. I had a slight panic about it but actually Pout told me it was fine. It was over so quickly. It?s undignified but I think we are all probably getting use to that part by now! As I understand it, the people you hear who say it is really painful are the people with blockages. So on the plus side of that happening, they then find a very good reason as why someone is most likely not conceiving. Ah your conversation with DH this morning sounds very familiar!

Biscuits - yes keep lurking. I can understand you being in limbo but once you get to the 3 month mark, hopefully you will begin to feel some sort of excitement.

Lemon - so sorry about AF. It?s miserable although I think I am getting to the point where I just think at least i don?t have tto wonder or day dream about getting a bfp.

Pout - that some idiot has made you upset. How dare they. I was reading an article the other day about how nasty people are on the internet. Try not to take it personally as I think there are some horrible people about who get some kick out of being vile in the full knowledge that they are doing in anonymously. Never go on to AIBU as I posted a question on there once and I got the most awful comments. And the thing is , it?s very difficult not to take it personally.

Out of interest have we all passed the Year mark of trying now??

wine my temp stayed more or less the same temp all month, one day it would go up but the next day it fell back down so no sustained rise. It wasn't really rocky like some charts I've seen though, the temps were pretty stable ranging from 36.3 to 36.6. And I had none of the usual pre Af signs and AF itself was heavy but hardly noticeable because there were no cramps or pain and was a bit darker in colour.

oh good luck biscuits , I'm sure it will be fine!

oh yes I forgot to wish you luck for the scan biscuits, I wonder how much you will be able to see at this stage?

joycep cycle 15 for me now . And I had a bit of a cry last night because I realised that we should have saved enough by April. But then the clinic will want to do all the tests all over again which will be at least 2 months. And then they have to write up a treatment plan that you sign and then have to wait for 4 weeks (like a cooling off period) before you can start and of course then they have to fit in with my cycle so realistically we won't be looking to start treatment until August 2012. A whole year away, and over two years since starting ttc. And then what if it doesn't work? So, I was thinking all this just before going to bed and then once in bed I came over with a really panicky feeling and it took me ages to calm down and get to sleep. Does this ever happen to anyone else?

mrsd YES! Totally recognise it and send sympathy and nonMNhugs your way. But what a pain that you need to go through all the tests again. I would expect them to check your OH , as SA change so much, but why you and all your bloods?!? Why don't they trust your gyn? Weird! Or just money making, I suppose...

And we're onto 14 months now... And that means I just finished cycle 16, I reckon (many 27 day cycles and the odd 20/24/31 one). Not hoping is a habit I still need to get into joycep it would make life more peaceful, if a litte sadder!

We could be the TTC for ages and ages thread next time as 6+ seems a bit of an understatement.

And now I forgot again: GOOD LUCK biscuits and come a tell us all about it!

Mrsd I had a similar panic last night. I suddenly started thinking that we will never afford IVF and if I don't fall pregnant this year then it is probably unlikely we ever will and I got all tight chested and tearful.

August does seem like a while away & I feel for you. I suppose you can look at it that at least in that time you will be doing something positive to work towards it like repeating the tests & making your plan. I know it's not much consolation and don't mean to sound glib.

BTW your holiday plans sound lovely & you get to cycle off all that food and wine!

wine That conversation sounds all too familiar to me too!

I'm sorry that you think that your AF is winding her way. I always hope and pray that spotting is an implantation bleed too but deep down know the drill. I agree with you about the cervix checking bringing on spotting - hadn't made that connection before. I do remember though when I had my smear the nurse saying that the cervix doesn't like to be touched and it can spot in protest.

Loveslemon Good to hear that the leg is a little better. BTW your cooking course sounds like fun. I always wanted to do a cake decorating course but have never got around to it.

You always make me feel jealous with your baking escapades. Did you see the Great British Bake Off last night? That poor guy dropping his tiered cake on the floor. He took it well, I would need to be stretchered out and gagged to muffle the string of expletives.

The boob thing is weird 7 indeed has started up bang on cue!

Joycep Yep, I'm on cycle 16 now. Where are you again? Maybe we should occasionally do stats to refresh - or is that too depressing & control freaky? How are you today? Have you and your DH made any firm decisions about your plans going forward?

Also, thank you ladies for your kind words about Hellhoundgate, you have made me feel loads better I feel that I must say to be fair to the poster that there were no nasty words it was just the get rid of your dog bit 'cos he sounds aggressive that was upsetting. Anyho, will move on from that and follow your advice of not sticking my head above the parapit again!

pout if you want to post your doggie query here we could try and help (although I should say I know nothing about dogs but I do like them )

I once asked about hair dye and got a pretty nasty reply that was totally uncalled for and then there was that ivf thread where I got told I was patronising by someone with children because I said that IME it's always people who conceive easily who tell you to relax . So now I only post on here where I know you lovely ladies are all kind and nice.

I'm pleased I'm not alone in getting a bit panicky sometimes (although of course I wish you didn't get like that). It's just I feel that time is slipping away and it's made worse by all these pregnancy announcements.

lemon I think we wouldn't have to have all the tests again if we did ivf within 3 months or something like that. I suppose results can change and that would affect the way we are treated so it makes sense. I also suspect it has something to do with money too. My gynae is going to give me all my notes and results though, they could probably fill a briefcase now.