Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Who's next in line to test? It's ages until I can - not until the 18th of July at the earliest, and really I'd have a better chance waiting until the 25th. Not that you have to test, of course!

Am somehow missing AF out of calculations. That doesn't seem like not obsessing!

I'd prob test in about 5 days or so if I can hold out but as I don't know when I ovulated it may be later or earlier even.

another 2 weeks for me, not sure if i would test though or just assume that af will show up - who am i kidding, I will probably start testing way too early as usual and spend the last few days of the month whinging about bfn's. Good luck to everyone else xxx

5 days!!! Excited on your behalf. Have decided this is the only way I will get through the next 3 or 4 weeks.

I'm really riding for a fall here, aren't I?

ok day number 27, had a negative ov test yesterday so that could have been a blip a couple of days ago or I could have ovulated twice? Not sure. Anyway I wanted to SWI last night to have things covered and DH said it was way to hot! lol. Oh well.
So if all goes to plan and I ovulated on day 16-17 then I could be testing this weekend.
I do feel full, and Ive been getting headaches which I dont usually have (except in pregnancy) but I think I might be clutching at straws.

Morning all :)

ciwi same here, can I say I used an internet cheap test and actually tested 2 days ago? It was negative of course! Day 28 today and my cycles are never this short. I'm holding out now (hopefully)

TooImmature that's when I should test, trying to hold out again. I obsess far too much though and check my cervix as well. I know when I'm going to come on as it changes, same as in early pregnancy it always feels different to me. 3/4 weeks, the early parts are the hardest aren't they? At least when you're SWI and then waiting it seems somehow easier I think. I don't feel any different today at all.

green You can ovulate twice in one cycle yes but I'm not sure how common it is. Dh wanted to last night but I was too hot! Well, and knackered!. I feel actually alive today after sleeping last night. Managed a good 7 hours with waking a few times due to the heat but got straight back to sleep
xx

hiya every1 i had a beautiful baby boy ben he was born sleeping nearly 9 weeks ago i was just wondering if any 1 can tell me how long roughly the periods come after as im trying again but really confused ?

Hey vicky glad and sorry to see you on this thread.

My AF started 5 weeks after, and it was a normal AF for me. I know this doesnt happen to everyone though, some people dont have one for some time.

We are all pretty confused on here I think, this time round its all so different for all the wrong reasons.

Im having a rough day keep seeing her little face, thinking my life in worthless really, I spent all that time nurturing my baby and have nothing to show for it. Im desparetly waiting for the post mortem results, its been 9 weeks now. It can take 12 but all I keep thiking is what if its taking so long because there was really something wrong with her, and if there is how am I going to cope with that if I get pregnant again, or would it be better if it was just an accident, but then I would think it was my fault. Or if it was to do with my fibroids! I just want some answers!!! Im going to the docs tomorrow so at least I can ask then for an ultrasound to see if the fibroids are still there etc.

Im only CD6, so won't be testing for a while yet!

vicky I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. My little girl Zoe was born asleep at 41 weeks 4 months ago now. MY periods returned exactly 12 weeks later.

green sorry you are having a bad day, I am too we canhold eachothers hands? I said hello and goodbye to Zoe four moths ago today, the pain feels so raw today.

I had fibroids in pregnancy and my consultant reassured me that they were not to blame. I hope you get the answers you need soon xx

thanks janedoe and im sorry 4 ur loss, green i hope ur well you will get the answers soon and i hope its all ok , its not ur fault so please dont think like that i knw its easy to say i think like that to xx

Hi ladies,
hope everyone is doing ok today. I am just starting the 2ww so too early to symptom spot yet (and also don't know if its even possible to get pg this month due to mid cycle spotting). cheese I don't have any pg tests in the house for that reason! I just can't help myself and I always get upset if I see a bfn.
green I dont think having to wait for your results means there is something wrong, I just think it takes that long to write everything up and send it to your doc. It must be awful waiting for results like that, I didn't have to as I knew we lost our little boy because I had pre eclampsia. Sorry you are having a hard day but things will get easier (i keep telling myself that too)
Hi vicky welcome and so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I lost my little boy last October at 24 weeks. I got my af 6 weeks after I delivered him. hope things settle for you soon xxx

sounds like a lot of people need today, so consider yourself hugged.

green I hope you get your results soon.

We didn't have any tests because PROM is something that is more common with twin pgs so there probably wasn't an underlying cause, but it's still hard. I keep seeing their faces and wondering why it all went wrong. It doesn't help that this AF is going on for so long and the longer it lasts, the more depressed I'm getting about doing the next round of IVF as it seems like the longer this lasts, the further away the next AF and hence my only opportunity to get pg before the twins' due date. It is 38 days since we lost them.

I'm really not in the mood to go on holiday tomorrow - i just can't feel happy about it.

cheese good luck with your next test! I don't use internet cheapies as they only give me a really really faint positive days after I've had positive on FR or CB

vicky sorry you find yourself here - we have all had odd cycles after our angel babies. I had a positive on opk a week and a half ago, 4 weeks after i lost my twins and then AF showed up on Thursday and has been extremely odd and long.

ciwi mid-cycle spotting could just be an ovulation bleed so could be a good sign rather than a bad sign. FX for you

Thats what I am hoping dachs fx it was just ov bleeding (I did get a pos opk)
I know how you feel about wanting to be pg before your babies due date. I felt like that too but in hindsight it really didnt help me to put pressure on myself to be pg by a certain date. I know it's hard but try and not think along those lines it will only make things harder if you are not pg by then. You will get through those dates because you have to and being pg may not necessarily make things easier. (sorry if i am giving advice where its not wanted its just that I am a bit further along the road and I just know that I put too much pressure on myself to get pg and it was really stressful). I am now trying to think that I will have my rainbow when the time is right and other than monitoring my cycles and making sure we have ov covered there is not much else i can do but wait. I am still keeping everything crossed that you are pg by then though xxx

just to let you know I went to the pharmacy today and bought mum to be multivitamins and folic acid!
I'm still bleeding from the birth, but I thought some extra vitamins won't do any harm so already starting to take them!

good luck everyone! I'm keeping FX for BFP's soon!

welcome back blue I am also gobbling down copious quantities of pre-conception vitamins and am making DH take the male equivalent - it can't hurt!

Can I have a hug too? Really horrible day - the consultant's secretary called this morning with a message: the review of your care has been completed and Triage are going to implement some new procedures. End of message, and the consultant is now on holiday for a week. What new procedures?? Does that mean they did screw up and cause Thea's death? Or at least miss the warning signs that she was getting distressed? Why on earth has she not written to us telling us the whole story, as we asked her to do? I barely made it through work as a result (thank God for mornings-only phased return) and I think I'm going to go back to the GP tomorrow and ask to be signed off again. I was doing absolutely nothing at work except inwardly fume and stare glazedly at my laptop - I feel like a liability. I feel like I keep struggling back on to my feet and then the hospital comes along and deals me another massive blow and knocks me flying again. Last Tuesday it was the hospital bereavement counsellor who couldn't remember Thea's name or gender.

Hi Vicky - my period came back 6 weeks after birth and lasted about a week as normal, but then it was 7 weeks before I had another. So I don't really know what my cycle is doing either! CD11 but my cycle could be anywhere between 28 days and 49!

sorry you've had a shit day too

i was kind of relying on my cycles starting again fairly regularly so after all your stories of long gaps between them I'm now feeling really really depressed as there is increasingly less chance of getting a cycle of IVF in quickly.

I've also had a horrible letter from HMRC saying I've underpaid my tax from when I changed jobs in 2008 and owe them lots of money, so it's been a horrible horrible day and the last thing i feel like is going on holiday.

vicky welcome, sorry to hear about your son Ben :( I gave birth to Scarlett on Dec 6th last year and had my first period on Feb 20th.

green hugs, how are you feeling now? 9 weeks is nothing.

jane sorry you're having a bad day too, hoping tomorrow is easier for you

ciwi I'm awful, I end up either buying online, or at Tesco or the chemist or anywhere...I can't stop and I too get upset by it. I'm thinking I'm not this month, don't feel any different at all. Fingers crossed for you

Determined be kind to yourself, it's all so recent still. Those early days I found incredibly hard, the numbness and disbelief didn't go away for months and it's still only been almost 7 months since we lost Scarlett now. I have such a thing about tests that I buy the cheap ones to test with whenever but use FR when I think I'm closer. I've tested a few times in the same day and spent far too much on tests, it's not good. I agree though, the tests can be really faint but they fulfill my "need" to test.

Blue that's good :) I've been taking folic acid already.

TooImmature huge hugs, how could they leave you a message and not explain anything?! I'm sorry they've been so lacking in your care, you shouldn't be left with half a message for any amount of time. Our gp asked about Scarlett by name when I visited him with DH yesterday, which was good, I'm amazed the bereavement counsellor didn't with Thea .

I've had a good day, I feel like I shouldn't but I know that I need to. I'm on a bit of an up at the moment, had a few weeks of down so I hope this lasts a bit.

Thanks for the hug Dachs - big squishy huggy ones my favourite! Oh no about the tax - that's awful. Hopefully your cycle will get going again fine with no long gaps. The doctor did say there was no reason (apart from stress ) for it to happen, so it might be okay. FX for you! (And everyone else too. We could all use a bit of good luck and positive vibes)

Green, I hope you get some answers soon. Good luck!

Hi all
Sorry to hear you re having crap days the first few months really are terrible, I remember feeling in limbo awaiting our post Morton results and we were. " lucky" as I work for the trust we saw our consultant twice within
8 weeks after Georgie died for our results,
Big hugs for you all, 1 day at a time is all any of us can do.
Vicky sorry for your loss my DD Georgie was stillborn on 10 th October 2010 at 41 weeks.
My AF returned exactly 4 weeks to the day I delivered Georgie and have pretty
Much been regular since.

Hope it's a bit brighter for all tomorrow xxxx

Cheese, sorry, crossed posts. Don't fret about having up days - God knows you need them! And you deserve them, don't think that you don't. It's been a hellish 7 months and if you are beginning to get some light in your darkness then that's all good.

Just typed a massive reply and don't know where it went - aaarrgghhh!
too can't believe that, i am sure they just dont think how we might feel at all, I really hope you get answers soon x
cheese glad you are having a good day, I feel like I am on the up at the moment (8 Months on) but feel like I am just waiting for something else to knock me sideways yet again, hopefully not though. I wish I could come round to your house and throw all your tests away - lol. I have made my dh hide the ov tests as I have heard they can be used as pg tests, what a nutter am I
angel Georgie's birthday is 2 days before my little boy's birthday. Do you know what you are going to do for it?
dachs My AF came 6 weeks after giving birth and was pretty normal after that, everyone is different, fx your cycle settles soon, maybe a holiday is just what you need x
blue i dont think we have met but hi. Good on you for getting the vits going x
Hi to everyone else, sorry if i have missed anyone out. I am off for a cuppa and a cookie before bed now xxx

(((((hugs))))) to everyone, I hate my shit days, determined to not have one today.

Ok got my cycle days all mixed up its day 30, so could get AF anytime now. Feel a bit like it this morning but not sure, I dont want ti to come really I want to have a BFP, but I suppose I shouldnt look at it as a failure if I do have a visit from AF, its just my body getting back to normal and it will happen soon FX!

Going to visit work and speak to HR today, to arrange my going back, I desperatly want to go back pregnant. I should stop setting these rediculous goals for myself!
Then Ive got the trip to the doctors, so get ready for doctor big sympathy face and probably not alot of support or help in getting me my ultrasound!.