Inability to be happy for friends

[butternut80]

Does anyone have any advice of what I can do or perhaps offer some hope that things get better. I have been ttc for 16months now with no luck. DH is fine and apparently there is nothing wrong with me either- all bloods fine, early 30s, healthy, clockwork cycles etc etc. But in the meantime I have friends and family falling pregnant left right and centre. Even my bestest friend is pregnant and I find myself thinking awful bitter thoughts about things. However hard I try, it would seem I just can?t be happy for her. She knows our difficulties yet stills regularly emails me to let me know how big she is getting and all the kicking she is feeling. Rather than accept her excitement, I just feel like she is rubbing it in my face and it just makes me angry and upset.

In order to protect myself through my SiL ?s pregnancy, I did everything to avoid seeing them as I couldn?t cope with hearing about the morning sickness as I just sat there thinking you don?t know how lucky you are. Now they have had their baby , I have no interest in going to see them, I don?t ask DH how they?re getting on? I just don?t want to know as I find it too painful.. I have never been like this before; I know envy/jealousy are horrible traits and don?t help anyone least of all me but I just can?t seem to help it. I dread seeing friends because I worry they are going to tell me they are pregnant. I suppose my greatest fear is that if it never happens for us, I will end up becoming a bitter old hag who has no friends and who driven her husband towards a woman who can give him kids.

Am I truly an awful person or has anyone else felt like this before and if so how did you handle it??

What awful stories on this thread. :(

I agree with minipie - I don't think that you can ever censor your emotions when you are going through something so raw and painful, and I don't think that you should even try. Telling a pregnant woman that you hate the fact that she is pregnant while you're not is a mean thing to do, but no-one on this thread would ever do that. I just did the smile-and-nod thing and tuned out what was actually being said.

Griselda - I am sure that you will get back in touch with your friends. We have lost contact with friends over the years for lots of different reasons (including them being in the baby-fog), but good friends will pick up where they have left off. It's happened to us twice this year alone.

I am sure that stupid is a troll and is just saying this stuff to get a rise. No-one could really be that insensitive in real life, surely?

CoteDAzue I haven't as I was told my blood tests after first few miscarriages came back normal and I didn't need to take anything. That was years ago now so maybe I should ask for more if I have any more issues. I'm fairly confused by it all

I'm only asking because several friends who had recurring miscarriages before 8 weeks took an aspirin a day and carried the next baby to term.

Aspirin is a blood thinner. Heparin is a more potent blood thinner. SIL injected this into here belly daily during her last pregnancy and carried it to term, after several early miscarriages.

It is worth asking tour gynecologist about.

I've not even had that mentioned to me although I have read about the blood thinning aspect of asprin. DH has a clotting issue (nearly died from a pulmonary embolism and had other dvts) and is supposed to be injecting himself with blood thinners daily after he became intolerant to the warfarin tablets.

I wonder if they'd take the miscarriages in account now seeing as most were years ago.