Emmsys weebling onwards and upwards into summer.

[VJay]

Here we are a new spruced up greenhouse

Hmm tried a bit of googling on same sex theory but didn't find anything on it.. will ask consultants as hopefully speaking to ones that did the treatment over next few days as understandably have some questions for them...

Just threw away the collosal amount of pg tests i had, but kept 2, and I went through all my hospital apt letters, leaflets and scan details letters.. Threw a lot away, but kept my scan detail letters as they have babies sizes and edd, put them in my ante natal apt card, and have my 3 precious scan photos of my little angel baby, so I shall put them in my little memory bag along with my other lost angels things, it helps me to validate their short little lives..

Just want to say sorry for bringing back painful memories to you all as well... Know my outpourings haven't been easy to read, but knowing you girls are the only ones that genuinely understand is priceless.. xxxxxx (my 6 kiss sign off is 1 for each baby)

I was told about the same sex theory too, it is interesting, and sad at the same time.

I am wearing a dress! Finally peeled of the layers and was brave enough to leave the house with out a cardi and coat...must be summer! Glad you are all enjoying the sunshine a bought with me, make the most of it...I'm off again in a week!

4ever, I would of text sooner but. I ran out of credit...didn't realize that I was still on my old tarrif and spend loads by sufing on the Internet...whoops! I really mean what I said, I wish the world was full of nice, special people like you. To say such beautiful words to me when you must be hurting so very much meant the world to me, I was in tears this morning and now as I'm writing this.

Mls, I did chuckle at the cockerel story, we nearly moved into a villa next door to one but backed out at the contract signing once I realized how bloody loud and annoying they were. I saw pictures on fb of dd2, I love the fact she is still smiling dispite her neck.

Lbm, your holiday sounds lovely...it's so nice to be out in the sunshine and fresh air. Dolly is a constant mess, covered in grass stains, mud etc etc. Its true what they say a dirty baby is a happy baby!

My scan is booked for Monday, but I a, considering being brave and canceling. My proper scan will be only a week later once we return home and having heard a heartbeat I think we will be ok for the next week...although I haven't canceled yet as I'm not brave enough!

Right i waiting for my dinner kfc to arrive, catch you all later x

Hi all. Sorry not been on but have been lurking on phone and texting.

4ever Can only offer another hug and echo what others have said. it's so unfair. Think you're doing the right thing with the ERPC and hope the holiday will give you some time and space to heal. Stay strong as ever. Big kiss to summer too. x

Blue Hope I is on the mend.

Vjay Know we texted but keep repeating after me "I am a great mum!"

Barbie sorry to hear about your wobble but glad it's all ok.

LBM Yay to a walking babybell and a great holiday.

Louey that was one stressful day you had. Was the cheese Cathedral City lighter by any chance cos the same thing happened to me last week.

Buddha sorry to hear E's suffereing again. Really hope it's all sorted soon.

Cupcake your cakes make me hungry! Glad to hear J's keeping you on your toes and helping you to burn them off.

Sabs are you out there lovely?

MLS rant away by text lovely.

Madness here. Having ensuite done so lots of men traipsing through the house making a mess and drinking tea (will be lovely though) and lots of children and mummies here drinking tea and eating icelollies to keep DD1 entertained!

Waves to Curly, Mermaid, moon, QA and everyone else I've missed.

Nice to hear indirectly from Gracie too.

4ever you poor lovely, brave lady, I am just so despairing that you have had to both go through this again.

I know it doesn't help take the pain away but thank God for your little biscuit. Every time I look at her beautiful smiling picture I get a hugemungous happy smiley drop of sunshine mood. If I could bottle it I would make a fortune.

I expect you are going into auto pilot mode and think the erpc route is the way to go too. Medical management is truly awful and waiting is far from easy when you need to be well and healing.

I understand how you feel about your holiday mine had been booked as a happy one and then ended up as a healing one. As blue so wisely said taking biscuit with you will be magical. Restorative, healing and a looking forward time.
Thinking of you all so much. xxxxxx

mls jeepers I am horrified that they can delay such an important appoint. 4 weeks sounds an eternity. i hope she is ok and it isn't causing her any distress. nice to see you back and do you want to swap a cock for a fleet of sodding magpies and a flock of seagulls?

buddha poor poorly e. You have done amazingly to keep chirpy and you must be well past the pulling out hair stage. heaps of love x

moon I thought you had an appoint. have i missed it somewhere? so hope you are a stage further and think of you and your df often - ps have you found the dress?

louey don't phone it in I have forsaken gillian and her mega crush natalie for belly fat buster and a wee bit of davina. I found over time that gillian knackers my knees with all that getting up getting down again. But god does it tone your legs.

qa good to see you checking in too, glad you are well and no you can't copy my post!

lbm your holiday sounded lovely, I have been talking about going up to the lakes haven't been since I was a teenager. That time has wizzed assed for j to be walking too.
having just come back from camping with 2 boys I will agree re the energy levels, are they blinking robots
We had just the most amazing weather, the sort we had when we were kids when we drank corona

I thought of you barbie as i whizzed through plymouth and annoyed cos i forgot to copy your uk number into my phone. fingers very firmly crossed that you are ok. I am sorry to hear that your poor mum has taken so long to recover. She must have been so pleased to have you all around.

curly boo to working away but know you make every second of your weekends precious. massive big hug to curlygirl x.

vjay I haven't had time to check your sn posts you poor worried lovely mum. has dh finished the diy?

neeko very jealous of your ensuit sounds lovely glad you are enjoying the holidays.

cupcake it's asda that's the problem j is just discerning get ye to sainsburys!

right i have to go and see what is going on in mermaidland.

4ever I know we blame ourselves but hate to think of you doing so. So thinking of you all this weekend.

I have often wondered about the male/female thing myself. A lady I know has 6 boys (shudder) and also had 6 mc. she said she was told it was because she just couldn't carry girls.

right that has taken me ages now going to discover the joy of running water

Morning lovely mermaid and everyone. Just came on to check on 4ever and catch up but I can hear dh and curlygirl downstairs back from the shops and I'm not sure how much catching up I will be allowed to do :)

Back in a minute xxxxxx

it's naptime for curlygirl and I'm holed up in the bedroom determined to catch up. It's a really beautiful day here in London. I just can't stop thinking of 4ever going through this horrible time :( I remember with my last MC sitting on the couch just bawling my eyes out for days and wondering why everyone else could just go on with their lives while my whole world fell apart. I can't believe how brave you have been 4ever. For what it's worth, I think an ERPC is the best thing too. It's not that you can move on after one, but you can move forward that first step. I will be thinking about you on Monday and offering my hand if you need one. Big snuggles to that gorgeous girl xxxxxx

She's just woken up but I'll be back later :)

Curly you just hit the nail on the head for how i feel right now...

Basically crappin myself about monday, even though its my 5th erpc, just hate needles, am really squeamish, and scared of anything going wrong when I've Summer to think of, as well as hating the idea of leaving her for the day.. All that as well as trying to get my head round that's the day my sleeping angel baby is taken out of me.. Such a horrible headf* time of it, sadly you all totally understand and I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am for that right now when I'm feeling so p'd off and alone like no one else bloody gets it apart from Dh and my mum..

Just trying to have a nice day with Summer, so we walked round to the park, but decided to pop into MIL on the way as wanted to go through a few things with regard to her looking after Summer on monday.. We have spoken the once since it happened but Id not seen her, so tbh i was expecting a hug and a squeeze and a bit of sympathy, however BIL was there with his on/off GF their DS (born 5 days before Summer) and her other 2 Dd, and no one even mentioned it, not even a how are you... MIL absolutely dotes on Dnephew as while BIL is split from Gf they have him at weekends, and spoil him rotten, but that's another issue.. I'm just upset that it was swept under the carpet, fair enough kids were there, and tbh didn't expect much from BIL who I know feels flustered and awkward as to what to say, but at least a nod and 'you ok?' from his Gf, and a hug from MIL I did get to say to MIL how I was worried about leaving Summer, but she asked 'why you've done it before' bit different to going to the hairdressers though so i tried to explain that and how it was for a whole day and how nervous i was as a mum with a responsibility in case anything went wrong..

Just made me so annoyed and upset i should have to explain anything, it shouldn't be hard to understand should it? Has just left me feeling so crappy when I'm feeling sensitive and vulnerable as it is.. Sadly a long time ago i stopped expecting too much from anyone that's not gone through this heartache themselves, I've developed a thick skin and am all too aware how awkward it makes other people feel and even the most wellmeaning and nearest and dearest just put their feet in their mouths with insensitivity, even though they do care.. Still despite my thick skin, there will be days like today, where i ended up in tears cos of it, and count my blessings I have all of you x x x x x x

4ever I'm quite upset for you, all you want is a hug and a small aknowledgment, but to get nothing!!!! I've thought about you everyday and wish I could give you a rl hug right now but we'll have to settle for a virtual one. Monday will be hard and I wish so much you didn't have to go through this, but I reckon the greenhouse will be packed out with us all drinking and thinking about you, so take that image with you

Thanks neeko and mermaid no he hasn't BUT it is getting there

Hi! Me again!

Really do keep trying to get on and catch up, but it is often at bedtime that i get chance and TBh by then, i am just so tired and then feel bad for not posting and so the cycle continues, but have been thinking about 4ever such a lot and wanted to check in.

4ever it never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people can be at times like this, it doesn't take much to acknowledge your loss, even in a small gesture. Your MiL sounds like she was putting her own feelings before yours and I can completely understand how crap and lonely she will have made you feel. FWIW, I think you are being so brave and really admire how well you are trying to deal with this, not least for Summer's sake. I also thought your post to the lovely barbie was so heartfelt and supportive. I am just glad you have got your lovely DH and Summer to see you through this. Going for the ERPC sounds like a good plan, i wish i had now, and I know how hard it is to leave Summer, but based on my experience with a natural MC, it was long and drawn out, left me with lots of hospital appointments where I had to leave DS anyway, and made the physical side of the MC much harder to deal with which is not easy with a LO. If I don't get back on here before Monday, just know I will be thinking of you xx

Bed is calling, but I have been thinking of you all, and know that quite a few of you are going through some difficult times with health and development of your LO's which is never easy to deal with and barbie hope your weebling is being kept under control by having your family around you! Really lovely to 'see' mermaid back and i did resist stealing your post! Will just have to start afresh again over the next few days and hope to make it up to those of you i have consistently left out by posting smaller, but more frequent posts!

Well past my bedtime now, but I will be back

Hello girls,

It sounds like there are lots of you needing hugs at the moment, why cant life treat us all better considering what we've all been through already, life is very unfair sometimes.

We have family staying from tomorrow for the week so I wont be around, and am offering my hand now to 4ever for Monday. Please know I'll be thinking about you loads and wishing you a speedy physical recovery so you can try to piece things back together again somehow. You really shouldnt have to go through this again, you are one of the bravest people I know. I hope you dont think I'm being insensitive by posting what happened at our consultant appointment yesterday. Big hug to you.

We had our appointment at the hospital on Friday, the results of my hsg were fine, no blockages and said everything looked normal. My blood tests have show slightly low progesterone levels again and this time slightly raised testosterone levels. They are considering whether I now have polycystic ovaries. I'm a bit confused by this. My scans have shown my ovaries are normal and have no cysts on them. I have no signs or symptoms of pcos (other than infertility) but then they said you dont actually need to have cysts to have polycystic ovaries?! Well then why isnt it polyuncystic?! So, they are repeating my blood tests AGAIN and we go back at the end of Septemer. Its destroying me to have to wait so long without feeling we are making any progres. But they have said in September they will look to put me on Clomid, so at least I have that to hang on to. Its all starting to get too much now, why is it so so difficult to get pregnant now when we had no trouble the first 2 times? The hard bit before was hanging on to them, now we cant even do the easy bit, it feels like we have two hurdles to get over instead of one. My sister is due her baby just under 4 weeks. I'd told myself all along that it would be ok, because by then I would be pregnant, and I could be happy for her and enjoy being an auntie. But I'm not, and I cant :(

Well enough of me rambling. Last minute cleaning spree and beds to finish making up before bed. Looking forward to a week off work, it'll be lovely :)

Catch up with you all soon xxxxxxxxxx

Oh Moon we've all had friends/relatives who've had the thing we've wanted most in the world - pregnancy. Yes it's bloody hard. There is no magic solution to make you feel better so we all have to rearrange our faces into what appears to be a happy expression, say 'congratulations' & then go home & cry ourselves into oblivion. I know it seems like a long time to wait until the end Sept but tomorrow it's August so tomorrow you can say next month you'll be getting your results. Also the promise of clomid is excellent. You may even get TWO babies in one go! BQ was on clomid but am I right in thinking she fell pregnant naturally when she came off it?

4ever holding your hand for tomorrow.

Mermaid the only flock of seagulls I wouldn't mind is the 80's pop group of the same name thanks very much.

Talking of age, I read yesterday that Sam Taylor-Wood (who is 44) is expecting another baby with her toy-boy. Big up for her & I have to admit to feeling ever-so-slightly jealous. (Of her being pregnant, not her toy-boy(actually maybe a bit jealous of both)).

not sure if i would know what to do with a toy boy now except make him nice dinners

mls I saw flock of seagulls a long time ago, will now be singing that song all day, thanks. Poor k I saw your photos of her still looking bonny I might add, but oh you must have been so worried. thinking of you and hope you can get a closer appoint.

moon the ovary thing is a weird one isn't it. You immediately think of excess hair and a lot of weight gain but I guess it is all more complex. I am glad that they are promising clomid and looking into your tests so thoroughly although it is hard to hang on to the positives when you feel time ticking so loudly and your sister having her baby is hard I know all too well.

blue i was watching tele last night and when the weetabix advert came on i suddenly realised i had left you out, sorry. One of the little boys laughing reminded me of your boys. I hope the croup is easing poor little thing. it's horrible hearing them suffering like that x

4ever just want to wrap you up in a big fluffy blanket, a big cup of my special camp hot chocolate with marshmellows and squirty cream and nestle you up in the corner of the greenhouse.

blimming mils/sils/bils can always be relied on to be totally insensitive. apologies to all those lovely ones out there but gah. Totally sh*t and i think we all wish we could come and look after you and s. xx

Feel a bit bad for moaning about MIL now, cos know she does care very much, and will be right on hand to help and look after Summer tomorrow.. She has always been very sympathetic through our plight and I'm lucky that we do get on really well and she is kind with a big heart, I mean she produced her lovely son so that in itself speaks volumes! To be totally honest I think my issue is more with BILs nightmare Gf who has caused untold dramas, and totally muscled in, despite behaving outrageously to In laws, she then acts like their best friend.. This hasn't gone down to well with Dh other brothers and partners either to say the least. So basically I just know that if she had not been there yesterday the whole vibe would have been totally different..

Possibly hormones and nerves are also coming into play.. Have been busy sorting, mopping floors, doing washing, cutting Summers nails, getting everything ship shape as if I'm going away for a month.. Stupid cos I know the drive to the hospital is probably riskier than the op itself.. So, thankfully EPU have been great and rather than having to go in at 9am for all the pre op bloods and checks, and sit around the EPU and ante natal dept watching happily pregnant ladies til midday, when I finally get to walk over to the day surgery unit, they are letting me go in at 11.30am instead so hopefully less hanging around waiting.. Just hope it doesn't put me at the bottom of the theater list, though either way the op should be done and I will hopefully be home again by 6pm ish... Once again thank you so much for the hand holds and much appreciated support.. Sorry its been so much me me me when others are going through their own stresses too...

A huge hug for Moon totally hear your desperation about yet more torturous waiting, but at least you know clomid is on the cards.. Also so feel for your totally justified and heartbreaking bump envy of your sis, life can be so unfair, I've had 4 friends with various same edds, and found it torturous to be around them, one had her baby and like you Id hoped to be pregnant again before she arrived so I could be genuinely happy for her, rather than feigning it and going home to cry afterwards, but it was the latter, however little did i know i was actually pregnant with Summer, albeit a few days.. A longwinded tale to let you know i can so relate, but there is hope x

Vjay a hug also for you lovely fantastically brilliant mummy.. Never doubt yourself, you absolutely inspire me you know? Have only caught bits of your posts in my shocked haze, but do know the challenges you have met and faced head on not only make you a wonderful mum, but from what I read, you have got yourself a wonderful son with a fantastic brave spirit, and that's down to you..

Right, promise to be back with proper personals next week to all you lovely ladies who have been there for me so amazingly.. Ill see if I can tx someone tomorrow to let you know that I'm hopefully home safe and well, who will be around that can post an update for me tomorrow evening?

Thanks again from the bottom of my heart...

Love you all lots x x x x x x

Just a quick post to say I will be thinking of you tomorrow 4ever you are such a brave lady and I hope tomorrow goes quickly for you so you can be back home to see summer as she is what will help take some of the pain away big hugs to you and your family x

Moon I did have clomid did not work for me but got pregnant the month after with luca this has happened to someone else I know as well its a good drug with a good success rate hope this helps

Love to you all x

4ever thinking of you xx

moon I had a friend who had clomid due to trying for a long time to get pg but like bq she got pg once off it, then started trying for dc2 quite early on because she thought it would take a while again but got pg straight away. Life's a puzzle xx

Ohhhh 4ever my lovely, can just picture you like a whirlwind round the house trying to get everything sorted...try to relax a bit tonight; Summer will be just fine and will just be so happy to see you afterwards it will lift your heart again. We're all thinking of you loads. I should be around tomorrow evening to post if you want.

mermaid LOL at cooking nice dinners for your toyboy and MLS wow, that is cool about Sam T-W and that young lad...not wasting any time are they?? Are you and dh decided about not trying for any more then?

moon thanks for posting your update, sorry everything is still a bit but if they do confirm PCOS my nutrition book that I always waffle on about has a whole chapter on diets that can help conceive with PCOS...am about to lend it to a friend who has the condition and is TTC, so I'll see if it helps her at all! Though you are right that it is odd if they think it's that, as you conceived no trouble the other 2 times...bodies are funny things aren't they. :( about your sis but I just know you will be giving that little one a cousin so soon.

Had ILs here this weekend and been lovely time...ds's first trip to a sandy beach today and he absolutely loved it, running in and out of the little pools and just getting filthy and laughing all day :) so cute. Must dash and feed my man now and tidy up! Love to all xxx

Leaning tower of ironing is calling but wanted to say 4ever you will be in my heart and thoughts tomorrow. Glad your EPU are being helpful, its the little things that mean alot i.e. not having to sit in a waiting room full of bumps... Seeing Summer afterwards will probably make you cry and cry, out of sadness initially at what you have just been through but eternal happiness at what you have xxx

As for your BIL, GF - WTF??! It never fails to amaze and royally piss me off that people like her who create drama and are the most self absorbed uncaring and the rest never seem to get taken to task about their behaviour. Decent people always generally tip toe around them and shrug and say "oh you know what he/she is like" It was simply appauling that no-one even asked how you were, shame on them.

mermaid - so lovely to see your posts, like a nice warm blanket . Must look out for the Weetabix ad, tend to fast fwd them all on sky+ and croup much better thanks x

moon - As MLS says, Sept is only a month away. It is so beyond your turn for happiness, hang in there.

Will try and get back on at lunch tomor, big love and kisses to all x

p.s. My 2nd LLO was due tomorrow: 1st August 2009. It will be an 'alone in my thoughts' day for me as I don't think even DH remembers.. The stars will be twinkling tonight xx

Just a quickie
4ever I haven't been on for a few days to stuff, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about you everyday and will be thinking of you all day tomorrow.
Blue Will be thinking of you and your lost lo too
Moon Very confusing info, no wonder you are puzzled, but as MLS says you can nearly say next month so roll on September and clomid

Been back and forth to the doctors and hospital with Ewan all week he's got tonsillitus as well as his 9th ear infection been really tough but he seems to be over the worst of it now, just trying to persuade him to eat.

Hello.

Another one who will be thinking of you tomorrow 4ever. Hope they take you quickly and Summer and your DH's cuddles after really help. Sorry you felt so bad at your MIL's earlier.

Blue will be thinking of you too. What you said about the stars made me well up. Glad I is better.

Moon Thought MLS put a really nice slant on it but can understand your frustration. I'm glad they are talking about clomid as I'm sure it will help. There will be one huge party in this greenhouse when you hold the baby you so deserve in your arms.

Buddha poor wee Ewan. He's had a tough time. Hope it's all sorted very soon.

Mermaid Lol at cooking for a toy boy. Very impressed with the camping. I used to love camping as a Guide but think I like my home comforts too much now.

Barbie hope you're having a good holiday and your mum is improving everyday.

Cupcake at J at the beach. H was at her cousins' party yesterday and loved running around on the inflatables. One of her cousins kept trying to pick her up and she was not happy. She can now negotiate the huge slide out our back door on her own. My heart is constantly in my mouth.
I'd love to read that book you have. Not because I want anymore, just because it seems to know everything! What's it called again?

Hi QA. How are you?

Our ensuite should hopefully be finished tomorrow which is a good thing because the shower in the main bathroom is leaking through the kitchen ceiling! I have a feeling that this house is going to be like the one in that film 'The Money Pit'. It'll all be worth it, I'm sure, but in the meantime it's baths for all of us. That should be interesting in the morning.

Hi all,

I haven't had chance to catch up properly since coming home last night, but I just wanted to reiterate to 4ever that I am thinking of you all the time, and really am just so, so sorry that you are going through this yet again. I haven't had chance to text today, but you are always in my thoughts. Good luck for tomorrow. I hope it goes smoothly for you and that you are home safe and sound before you know it, with Summer in your arms and your dh looking after you.
I'm sending you lots of love and just remember we will all be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

Will try to come back on asap for a proper catch up but until then love to all of you xxx

Another hug for you for tomorrow, 4ever. Hope you will be back and hugging Summer long before her bedtime

Got to go - back to work tomorrow for a week before another holiday :) Hurrah!!

((((hugs)))) to lovely 4ever for today - I hope it goes smoothly and quickly and you are back home cuddling summer ASAP xx

((((hugs)))) to you too blue for your little angel today. Men just don't remember dates like we do. Give those boys of yours a big squeeze xx

moon DTs were conceived on the 1st dose of clomid, it can happen. I have heard it's very effective in women with PCOS if that's what it turns out to be.

Sorry for rubbish personals - am trying to express at same time and its tricky

{{{ 4ever }}}

{{{ blue }}}

Thinking of you both today, and poor little Ewan, Buddha hope he's on the mend the poor wee man xxx