Thank youall so much for your amazing support and sympathies, i can't tell you how much your tx, posts and kind words really helped.. Id had an awful feeling we wouldn't make our booking in apt, Dh had the afternoon off thankfully, but id been apprehensive to plan anything for after. It was wierd cos i just felt emotionless before the scan instead of the normal anxiety, and i had the image of her saying it was bad news.. When we got in there i was just watching Dhs face, there was no smile, i know to the second how long it takes to get the image up, so when the sonographer still hadn't said anything i just knew and said its not good is it? She said I'm just having a really good look, but as i said, i knew. Dh was standing holding Summer and just looked at me and shook his head.. 
She took the camera out and said sorry, i said i wanted to see, she asked if i wanted the camera back in rather than a still image, and i did, so i saw my little tiny angel baby just still with its tiny arms by its sides, and no flickering heart... She let me take a picture, wierd as that may sound.. We were both so numb, we could barely speak on that drive home.. Luckily Summer was due her nap so when we got in, we just sat on the sofa feeling like we had been hit by a train, i hadn't cried til that point, Dh had, in the hospital chapel afterwards, but we sat on that sofa, mostly in silence, holding hands, while the tears streamed down my face for the whole hour and a hslf Summer slept.. It was then that i got your txs, and they helped it sink in and helped me grieve.. It was your kind words and sympathies that let me get it out..
So here we are again, i never wanted to feel like this again, its 2 and. a half yrs since my last miscarriage .. I'm just so sad for my tiny lost baby, i hope it didn't hurt.. Our lost dreams, again.. To know we have 5 babies in heaven is so heartbreaking, but at least they have each other, and thank god we have our amazing precious miracle Summer..