I am jolly well going to get pregnant this month and I'll brook no argument.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Who's in?

Oh yes, and try having only one fallopian tube with all this malarkey.

You're nowt but an amateur.

Aubergine I have a crazy lady hat too. Mine has sacrificed kittens on

Thanks Bloofer - I really didn't want it any more after it got all mangled, so it's ok.

Sorry, humour maybe a bit too black?

Btw, you keep talking about OM and I'd always thought that stood for Other Man. Have I got this slightly wrong or are you THAT racy?

Today, ladies, today, I turned on my shag-dictating-baby-computer (SDBC TM) and pressed M.

A couple of you may know that this is Quite A Big Thing in my world. Therefore this time next month, I will definitely be pregnant.

had my 9month old neice for the day today.....awww i want one. But it's ok cos by the end of next week there will be one in me n e way! haha!

Aries - what does pressing M mean?

Does it make sort of spaceship start-up type noises?

This sounds good.

Carrying a cake? Is that bad? Well NO WONDER I've been having problems - I've only gone and bought myself a Deluxe Tupperware Cake Caddy and have been using it all over the shop. Really, I have. (Why is carrying a cake bad Sunshine?)

Yeah, we've considered a wank pot and a turkey baster Schobes. I think we're reaching that stage. And roffle @ having it hanging over you all evening. YES! ( "come on then, lets go to bed" )

Bloof - at quoting Rik Mayall.

Aries - Brilliant! Happy sexing! You smack that rat until it sees stars.

You know, I feel very pregnant today in my mind.

Aha, I am so glad someone got my Rikness; looking back it just looked like a reference to Information Technology

talking of - hurrah for turning on the SDBC (tm) Aries! They are the shiznit. You are 2 days behind me - our cycles have been similar for ages, no? This will be convenient for when we are both duffled at zackly the same time, ie., in a month.

Schobe I toyed with the idea of stringing you on with tales of being a Kept Woman - perhaps the consort of a minor royal - but the OM = the Old Man (not that he is). A habit from a previous life on a previous thread. Amusingly it could also stand for the Only Man (married my first boyf, doncha know).

Aubers don't your remember that completely bonkers girl, deffo shoulda been on Netmums, who posted daily worries about all the things she'd done that might Kill Her Unborn Child? One included carrying a heavy cake. Another one was shouting at her boyfriend. And another was eating an M&S ready meal risotto that a drop of white wine in it. So, you know. Think on, eh? No more Italian rice-based dinners for you.

Oh I missed her. Well I carried a three tier fruit cake hand luggage on a plane to another country a couple of weeks ago so I'm screwed.

Is anyone else impatient to get to the symptom spotting stage? Yes, I still get genuinely excited every month.

Three tier fruitcake you say? WERE YOU GETTING MARRIED?

Yes yes yes to the symptom spotting. Although having had 3 months off TTC I've realised I can conjure up symptoms at any time, during any month

I was NOT GETTING MARRIED. I just like to snack on cake. A lot of cake. (Ha, I jest, it was for someone else's wedding)

I've got a doozie of a symptom. I've been saving it up. I know you'll like it. I was at traffic lights the other day (driving). I started wondering about my daughter as an adult - getting married, having babies of her own. I started practising the speech I would make at her wedding. I reduced myself to tears practising the speech. Oh, it was beautiful... and I am so proud of her... and we're so happy...

Ahem. My daughter is 5 years old and showing no signs of imminent matrimony just yet. Now if that's not a SURE sign that I'm crazy pregnant I don't know what is.

Oh good Lord. You're plainly REEKING of duffle hormones.

I want to ask what your mother of the bride outfit was Priorities, priorities.

well, on the basis of that symptom, I think you'd better go and stock up on...stock up on....erm... .... ginger biscuits and tena lady?

Had a booze-filled bbq at ours last night. Everyone else plastered, I only had a couple. Clearly I'm pregnant and my body is telling me not to drink!

I am currently slightly guilt-wracked at having had 4 glasses of champagne on Friday night and most of a jug of Pimms yesterday at 3 and 4 DPO respectively - I am so used to not being pregnant every month that I figured it wouldn't matter but of course this month I am pregnant and will now give birth to a bottle of wine (which does at least seem reasonably small and ergonomic in comparison to a baby). Apparently I am lacking Bex's booze- limiting pregnancy hormones.

Erm. Can I just clarify that I will not be curtailing my drinking and smoking activities until i actually have that special double-pink line on a pissy stick? (In four weeks' time, natch). Sorry and all that, but them's the breaks

I can confirm that NOT drinking does nothing, zero, zilch in the quest to get diffed. I abstained for a full 26 days & did not win a baybee. Therefore proving the theory. I also didn't consume any caffeine and that didn't help.

I think scientists would argue against the validity of my experiment.

Aries pliz to tell us what the SDBC is demanding you do today?

Aubers did you wear a hat in said daydream?

sunshine I am a scientist, therefore I can say I approve whole-heartedly with your experiment!

bloofer I'm with you, not giving up the vino just yet. I am obviously giving future children a taste for wine.

Evening fellow rat whackers!

How are all our precious bundles of cake joy coming along?

Is everyone off sexing? I'm having a night off.

Am quite sure I am already with child but am having a beer just to be sure.

Maybe - marv thanks, now my experiment is confirmed I will start replying to those threads entitled 'Alcohol whilst TTC' and encourage binge drinking

I have done with the sexing for this month, well the sexing when you might be in with a chance but that's ok because I am of course diffed.

Evening preggo ladies

It's 4dpo in the Big HereThere UpDuff House. I've drunk unmercilessly all weekend (weekend+sunshine=rose o'clock ) so I've clearly played into fate's hands with that one.

On the symptom front, sore lower tummy (I think this is actually due to me not being able to do Keigels properly which I have been trying to do since my kindly GP described inside my fanjo as "slack" Thanks a bunch mate ) Also noticed two of them little bumpy things (montgomery's whatsits) on my nipples so frankly it's a foregone conclusion. I'll be heavily preggo over Xmas, loads of food and no cooking for me. Hurrah!

Evening here

I am so certain I'm pregnant that I am not even paying attention to if/when I'm ovulating. Oh, how liberating!

sunshine in order to make this a fair scientific experiment, we have to up the numbers. Therefore I am currently on the wine

Good work Maybe. I have just been on holiday for a week and drank every day. It hasn't hurt as I am obv diffed right now. This month I also didn't take my bastard pain in the arse temperature as soon as I opened my eyes .

All of this lack of planning is of course part of the plan & will result in two lines on a piss stick in 13 days time.

Evening all Bexamundo with a name change. Tonight I have awful nausea. I'm clearly experiencing morning sickness.[at night, at 7dpo]. Obviously.

God, it's such a relief to hear all these confessions of booze-soaked TTC. I have cut down a tiny bit but have carried on drinking pretty much as usual - so many people seems to have stopped totally (someone on another thread was even angsting over orange squash) that I have felt guilt-ridden. Thank heavens for this thread.

Symptom spotting alert - 5DPO and mega sore boobs. I didn't even find this out by prodding them until they actually were sore - was snuggling up to DH and squashed them with agonising results. However, I also have a short and variable luteal phase and last month got myself very worked up by what I was convinced was an implantation dip on day 9 which turned out to be AF. But since I am pregnant anyway, I don't need to worry about sore boobs or luteal phases.

Good work love I love a symptom or 5.

Seen as I am not taking any notice of ovulation, I have no idea where I am. Which means I just have to smack that rat for the foreseeable future.

But on my run today, I noticed boobs were HUGE. HUGE I tell you