Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your cake, wine and tightie whities and join us for more ranting, weeping and most of all laughing! All welcome! (Part 16)

[olismum23]

Hello! If you have recently miscarried and are thinking of or actively trying again come and join us! We offer plenty of cake, tea and wine if needed! Come in and laugh, cry and rant as needed, and don't be afraid of asking whatever questions you need answers to and we'll try our best to answer them.

Add yourself to the stats list whenever you are ready.

wttc = waiting to try to conceive
ucl = usual cycle length
wtf cycle = the time after your mc when you have no idea whats going on with your normal cycle

Lets hope this is a lucky thread and we all get our bfps!

stats to follow

Part 15 here

Bats - hope you get your BFN soon! I bought some HPTs today so I can test for my BFN. How long after my ERPC do you think I should wait before testing? A week?

Manda - yay that you know what your body is doing now! Will you start ttc again now?

Tina and Falcon - sorry you're both feeling down. I hope that you both still feel you can post here too. It's good to hear from those a bit further along

Blue - Tuesday is getting closer...

I'm feeling almost fine physically now but I'm sorry but I'm feeling a bit :( this evening. I went out to Tesco this afternoon - my first trip out sonce ERPC and it kind of suddenly hit me. The rest of the world was carrying on as if nothing had changed and so much had changed with me. I know it's usual feelings of grief but I was just taken aback how suddenly it hit me. Then this evening on FB, one of my NCT friends has posted how she only has 2 and a bit weeks left at work before her ML starts. I remember when she told me she was pg and I was so ( ) but didn't think I'd be in this position by the time she came to give birth
I just want to cry :( but that won't really achieve anything. Not many people know this time round what's happened but I'll try and give my BF a ring later. In the meantime, my mum wants me to call her so I'll need to pretend everything's fine as there's no way I want her to know (she'll fuss and make me feel worse).

Never thought I'd be looking forward to getting a BFN!!

SES I know exactly what you mean, I can be feeling fine, then suddenly I remember everything and it all hits me. It could be something someone posted on fb, or just seeing a new baby in town and i feel so :( I forgot i wasn't pregnant yesterday and so it hit me again.
I'm back at work Wednesday and I'm dreading it as there are a couple of pregnant women there both were only a few weeks ahead of me. I don't begrudge either at all, one of them is a very good friend, she's been there for me throughout the mc and i'm excited for her, but the other is very in your face and i know she will insist on talking to me about it and i know its mean but she's the last person i want to talk to on my first day back at work! But I know it's all part of accepting what's happened and moving on. I'm also dreading the pity faces and there theres!!

hi all just catching up on the thread and welcoming newbies sorry to see you hear but hope that you get lots of support and BFPs soon.

Hi to falcon and tina, I feel like we've been lurking here for ages together, how's everything with you two?

I got my "peak" this morning (was really hoping it would come at the weekend) so just starting another dreaded 2ww. Will go to have bloods done at the end of the week and try desperately hard not to symptom spot or test before AF late - same mantra every month, wish I'd listen to myself! x

Hi loup, good luck with the 2 ww.

The spottings started so another month gone. I think my cycles must be a bit longer since the mc. I've made the decision to move over to the common room as I think I've been here a bit too long now. Most of the lovely ladies who supported me through the mc are either over there or in the freakout room now.

Good luck to all of you, stitch and loup especially x

falcon I'm sorry you're having such a crap time - I can see there's been an influx of newbies (me included!) and as much as it will probably be more comforting for you to hang somewhere where you know others (and vice versa) I do hope you won't 'leave' for good. Really hoping you start to feel better soon.

Bats it took me three weeks to get a stark white negative (and it was fading up until that point or else I would have worried about retained product (which was why I was testing anyway - I was worried). But, y'know, I was almost 17 weeks so my levels were probably quite high. And we are all different. Initally I took the tests every few days (always fmu, to ensure a kind of 'same circumstance' as far as possible) and once I could see they were getting lighter reduced that to every 5-7 days.

Ses It WILL hit you randomly, and sometimes bloody hard. As you know, grief is a very weird thing. Time really does help and it's still such early days for you. Hey and crying may achieve more than you think - it can be quite cathartic (even though it doesn't actually change anything).

loup Good luck, I hope you catch that egg!

As for me, this period is unbelievably heavy, clotty and painful. It's sparked flashbacks to the induction which has not been fun. But I've taken my agnus castus yesterday and today, so in answer to your question Ses this is the cycle we get back in the saddle, as it were. I'm terrified it'll never happen. And I'm terrified it will.

Hi everyone,
Been lurking for a while and am so sorry for what everyone is going through - before I started TTC I had no idea so many people experienced miscarriage : - (

I do have a prob at the mo though with ovulation testing - can anyone help?

Basically I had a missed miscarriage in March, first pregnancy, and am now into my third cycle after, first two were long and painful! Tbh I haven't gotten over the miscarriage, mentally or physically, and am not sure if I am even ovulating so thought I would test this month...the test on CD9 showed a very faint poisitive line, but CD10 has shown up negative? Not really sure what this all means -can anyone help?

Cheers, Shell x

I'm so angry at my boss. I went to the doctors this morning for check up as i've been feeling so exhausted literally a short walk as left me wanting to sleep. She's put me on iron tablets as she thinks its due to amount of blood loss. She asked if i needed to be signed off again and i said i'd rather go back to work as they're getting annoyed at me. My doc said people always underestimate the amount of time it takes to get over a mc both physically and mentally, you're not fit for work while you're feeling this exhausted (my eyes have been doing that blurry thing cos im so tired). So she insisted on signing me off for another week! I went straight into work to tell my boss and give her my docs note. She just looked at me and said oh. All the other ladies i work with were really nice hugged me wished me better etc Boss just looked so angry and complained to me couldn't i at least come in for light duties...
A few mins later she clearly thought id gone, as she walked into the room again saying oh well i'd better go sort out this bloody Bats stuff then... walked in and froze as she saw me and mumbled about changing the rota. So i just smiled! One of the girls hugged me and whispered boss has been complaining i'm taking too much time off for a mc! Well i'm sorry my body has decided to act all pathetic and weedy and not recover fast enough for you!!! Rant over sorry just angry by boss attitude. She didn't have one nice word to say to me. Bitch! I spent last week so worried about work but now i just think fuck them!

Rant really over now! grrr Sorry for being all about me!

How is everyone else today? SES how are you feeling today?

Doc told me i should wait 3 months today, before trying again! Well I will prob wait until after my period.. but 3 months that seems a tad ott!!

Hi Shell sorry for your loss and sorry i didn't see your post until after i posted my rant and didn't want to ignore you! I'm afraid anything other than just shagging and praying is a bit advanced for me at the moment so i can't help you, but i'm sure one of the lovely ladies on here will be able to. :)

Hello all...well, the waiting continues and it's now less than 24hrs until our scan and still no sign of my body actually getting on with what it should be! I have been over my dates so so many times and as much as I will 2 weeks to disappear somewhere so that we might still be in with a chance of stuff being ok I really don't think there is much hop tbh so looks as though I will be heading in for an erpc later on this week...oh the joys

manda sorry AF isn't treating you well this month
ses and bats hope you guys are doing ok, I think these things really do take time to sink in and deal with and it's amazing what can set it all off again when you are least expecting it!

loup hope SWI goes well and tina so sorry another month has passed for you

Also just wanted to say that for all those who've been on this thread for a while stitch loup tina8 falcon* and others as a newbie I've really valued your warm welcome and advice and am so sorry that all the 'new' MC stories must've been so hard given what you've been through to have it all brought up again - thank you for your patience! Here's hopeing for some good news for you all soon!!

bats x-post with you! with your boss!!! That's totally out of order! You take all the time you need!

shell sorry I also (somehow) missed your post but I'm afraid I don't have any wise words re OPK's either...only tried them one month and since I ov so late in my cycle I'd run out of sticks before I got a smiley face!

You get a smiley face when you're ovulating?! That's awesome.... might have to have a go with them in couple of months!

bats if you use the ClearBlue digi OPK kits then you're supposed to get a smiley face when it detects Ov but I didn't get on very well with them as a) they're expensive b) got to be done every morning (or some people say mid afternoon but you can't have weed for 4 hours!!) c) with a long cycle and late ovulation I ran out of sticks before I ever got to Ov

Must be the day for unsympathetic work people - just rang HR and lady said that my time off last week and this counts as sick leave and that i should have a docs note...but I haven't actually seen my doc about any of this as all through the hospital, so now I have to try and get them to give me a retrospective note tomorrow when we go for the scan - v irritating! My boss just told me to take last week off so thought it had been put down as compassionate leave, I only rang up to check for this week!! grrrr

Phone your GP Blue mine was happy to sign me off without seeing me. Otherwise midwife or maybe epu / surgical docs might be able to sign you off. It's shocked me just how unsympathetic work can be. It's just hassle you could do without while it's all going on isn't it! Oh bugger work, lets just concentrate on getting through this and then getting preg again and looking forward to a long hot summer on ML with our new babies!

Clearblue stuff is very expensive. I've never tried any kind of ovulation kits, mainly as they're so expensive, but also i know i'd forget to use them at the right time as i'm always running late in the mornings. Like you i also have long unpredictable cycles which range from 29-42 days sometimes, so i'd run out of sticks long before ov!!

bluecrane You need a fit note (that's what they're called) AFTER you have been off for seven days because up until that point you effectively 'self certificate' (ie, they have to take your word for it (unless they have in house occupational health or something but that's all another thing)... so you shouldn't need anything backdated (unless you've been off longer than seven days (and that's seven WORKING days).

Bats what kind of firm do you work for? I mean, is it fairly small, or a larger corporation with a serparate human resource? I ask because your boss is acting in an unprofessional and unacceptable way. To comlain to ther workers about your time off (and for such an emotive reason, too) is waaaay out of line. I ask about the size of the company as if it were of the larger kind I would definitely be lodging a complaint about her. But I know that with smaller companies to can be counter-productive to do that - and if she's the 'owner' or the 'top' boss in a small company, obviously kinda pointless. Bloody witch; she ought to be counting her lucky stars she's not in your shoes right now.

Holy moly, I was texting at the same time as writing that last message, hence all the typo's and words completely left out! I think you can still get the gist though

bats I don't think I'll bother with the ov sticks again, each morning I didn't get a + all I could think about was how much £ I'd just peed on!! Same when I was getting bfns so will try and be more disciplined with waiting when I get to the 2ww again...ho hum...need to get through this week first though!!

If EPU can't given me a note tomorrow I'll call the docs - such a pain! DH not happy and will call my boss to 'discuss' if I'm not careful!

Was feeling really motivated to sort out a load of holiday pics from our 3 week trip to South America last year (4000 photos!) but now a bit bleugh and can't be bothered!

Good point manda let's see - well, the Thurs was scan day so that counts as 'antenatal' leave, so then, fri, (mon=BH) tues-fri and today brings it to 6 days and tomorrow should also count as antenatal as I have another scan so i guess I just need a note from then onwards? That makes me feel a bit better even though it will look shocking on my 'sick leave' for the year!!

Hi everyone,
Been so busy thins weekend with my sisters wedding i havent been on!
bats sod your boss, she obviously has never been through anything like mc or she would be more sympathetic. You have been MEDICALLY advised to stay off work and she does not have the knowledge about you and your situation to comment on it grrrr! 3 months sounds a bit extreme. maybe he is thinking along the old school lines (3 months used to be the guide)maybe just wait till you feel a bit more healthy?
loup yay for the peak. the 2ww is a nightmare isnt it? We are not trying this month and the 2nd half of my cycle is moving so much more quickly!
blue hope you get some answers tommorrow. the wait is awful. I wanted my body to move things along naturally but it just wouldn't - I had medical management after waiting 2 weeks.
Hi shell and welcome. sorry you find yourself here. Are you continuing to test? sometimes you can get a false positive. were the lines the same colour or the test line darker than the control? I don't have a lot of experience with opk's as i used the cbfm last time.
waves to manda tina and ses

I had a lovely time at my sisters wedding. am going for bloods tommorrow and if they are ok we can ttc again. really hope they are xxx

blue my doc gave me a retrospective note no problem. Don't worry about your sick record, no one would hold that against you x

blue just reading your posts about sick leave. I was concerned about my sick leave record too. However, rest assured, pregnancy related illness is not allowed to be racked up against your sick leave it counts separately. Your GP will confirm this and I'm convinced it's enshrined in law and not just my company policy. that your HR advisor has been so insensitive.

Thanks everyone - I know nothing about it either!! Got pregnant first time of trying last time and we just DTD every other night...not working this time round! Just gonna carry on testing...maybe it was a false positive ciwi and it will show proper positive later on.
Has anyone used the saliva test thingy? The reviews seem mainly good and its a cheaper option in the long term?

Reading a few people talking about work regarding sick leave and MC I did some googling and found this leaflet from usdaw: www.usdaw.org.uk/adviceresources/resources/equalities/maternityandparentalrights/leaflet4-miscarriageandst.aspx
It opens up as a pdf document.

Employers aren't allowed to treat MC sick leave as ordinary sick leave - it has to be recorded separately. They're definitely not allowed to hold it against you or put you at a disadvantage because of it, just as with any other pregnancy related absence. Not that this stops some employers from trying, but they are in the wrong.

Very about the way some of you have been treated.

Also a page from the Maternity Alliance directed at employers, www.equalityhumanrights.com/advice-and-guidance/guidance-for-employers-pre-october-10/guidance-on-managing-new-and-expectant-parents/managing-pregnant-women/miscarriage-stillbirth-and-the-death-of-a-baby/

Note: "You should record any sick leave taken by an employee that is related to the pregnancy or miscarriage separately from any other type of sick leave so that it is not used to the detriment of the employee. It should not be used in disciplinary or redundancy decisions."

Ooh thanks for that dizzy I will make a note of that and keep it up my sleeve if they start making a fuss about it all! I thought it should be treated differently but hadn't got as far as researching it so thank you!

Just had a nice long chat with my Mum and have a friend popping round this evening as DH won't finish work til 10pm, not home til 11pm tonight and trying to keep myself busy so as not to think about tomorrow!

Anyone heard from googie just wondering how she's doing after friday?

SES how are you feeling today?