Stupid google.
I've been having lower back, hip and leg pain in the few days leading up to and during my period for a couple of years now. I would know when AF was coming because the pain would start and I'd know we were out again for that month. For the last two cycles the pain has started almost as soon as I'd OV and I thought maybe it could be a sign, like ye do when you're ttc.
The pain is really bad today so I went and bloody googled, like I did yesterday with the ewcm and have seen countless numbers articles giving the same probable cause. Sciatic endometriosis. The symptoms all match and they say ectopics are more likely, which I had two years ago, as well as probable infertility (we've been trying for four years) though not impossible.
I know googling medical symptoms can be a dangerous and stupid game causing a regular person to become a hypochondriac and hypochondriacs to go completely around the twist but I just know I finally have my answer.
I'm so sad but I can't cry. Sounds stupid but I've kept a tiny bit of hope and faith deep inside for years and until AF shows again I can't quench it. I'm going back to work after nearly 3 weeks off and AF is due around monday when I'll be in work. That's the time I'll want to bawl my eyes out and I wont be able to.
I keep talking to myself, 'It's ok cookie, it's ok', 'what will be will be'. I keep saying it over and over and reminding myself of the wonderful blessings I have in my life, dd being the most amazing. I'm telling myself this is the last month of ttc, I need to let it go and give it to God BUT that leaves me with a dilemma...
I need to take prenatal vits, FA etc in case we did get pregnant. How the hell can I take a prenatal tab everyday and not think about ttcing?
Maybe I'll feel better and have a brighter, more positive outlook when I'm not so hormonal. Until then I plan on eating, drinking tea and MNing.