TTC after miscarriages

[aMuminwaiting]

Well I have finally started ovulating again after losing my second baby in October. I am hopeful that I will be pregnant again this month but am also petrified of how I will deal with the anxiety. My two week wait started two days ago. Anyone else out there who is in the same boat or willing to hold my hand?

toddle I think a blighted ovum is where a pregnancy sac forms, but there's nothing in it, due to the egg not actually having any of the things it needs inside . It's basically when no baby grows but a sac does :(

amuminwaiting they didn't do any tests til the second one, when the GP gave in and tested for lupus.

I asked the consultant after number 2 whether they'd do any tests as I'm in my forties, and he said no, he was adamant they will not test til after three.

So now I've had three I have had tests for Chromosomes (Karotyping) - me and my DP - and blood clotting disorders.

They couldn't test number 1 or number 3 (not much to test) and with number 2 they 'examined' her under the microscope (I say her, I have no idea if it was her or him, but 'it' had a heartbeat at 7 weeks and none at 8.5) and confirmed that there was 'pregnancy material' (I think that's what it says on the letter). But no, I don't think they offer testing of the fetuses where I am.

It feels like they don't offer much at all, really :(

I'm so sorry for your losses aMuminwaithing - we planted a tree for our 'Poppy'. She only got to 8.5 weeks but she was still our daughter and we saw her little heart beat and they told us she was going to be ok.

I've had the lupus test and all the blood clotting ones because they were sure where the problem was but everything came back normal.
Like you I didn't know the sex of my second but I'm convinced it was another boy. When my mum goes to our tree she always says "I'm off to see the boys". She's the only one who talks about the babies. And on mothers day she bought me flowers "from one mum to another" and I thought I was going to burst into tears. Other than DH she's the only person to know what I'm feeling. My sister died three years ago and although it's not completely the same because she was an adult my mum feels the guilt of not being able to keep her safe like I do with my babies.

My aunt is a midwife and she says a lot of the problem with testing is with budgets. There is no money put into pregnancy so the knowledge is never going to be what it could. Whilst more people have successful pregnancies they won't bother putting money into research. I've read so many books and been on so many sites but whenever I've asked consultants questions they talk to me like I'm some dumb bitch who shouldn't be bothering them. The first guy was plain evil. He was convinced I had been in a car accident and had a blow to my stomach! What the hell?! I went to the midwife with every cough or twinge but forgot to mention a car crash?! Moron.

I hate the terminology they use too. Like you said "pregnancy material". When I lost Elliot one doctor said "have you lost all of the product?" Product?! When I first got in to the hospital I said "I've just had a miscarriage" and a snappy nurse said "well how do you know that?!" "Because I fished my dead baby out of the toilet and held it in my hand".

I think it's important to name babies even if we were only pregnant for a day. They were made and we love them so why shouldn't they get names? Well the wait continues, six days to go. How's everyone else baring up?

Hi all I thought I'd post here as I talk to soo few people about my loss that I thought it might help me to offload, so be prepared for me to ramble....

My OH and I are blessed with one child who's 4 and have been trying pretty much ever since for a 2nd (surely I must have shares in clear blue by now with how much I've invested in their products, but I digress), last year was v hard for us as my mom was diagnosed Christmas eve 09 with a terminal illness. I spent all year looking after her and getting her to treatment etc her health failed dramatically late Nov/early Dec but I was able to tell her that finally we'd managed it. I was 8 weeks pregnant, she was delighted. Sadly the day I told her was one of her last days when she knew me as the drugs and treatment took their toll.

Sadly I lost mom that week, I started bleeding the day before she died. My doctor helpfully told me that at my age (41) it was almost to be expected that I would struggle to have a successful pregnancy (yeah right just what I needed to hear) she said if "baby was dead" (her words not mine) there was nothing to do other than to see if IT passed naturally and to come back in a week. After a week and three positive pregnancy tests I went back, still bleeding, sadly (sadly, it?s hardly the word.........gut-wrenchingly, devastingly or mind-blowingly) an internal scan showed that there was a perfect baby inside me. The only thing missing was a heartbeat!! Because I was clinically sound (could walk and talk) I had to wait until the following week for assistance in "passing my product" (I too hate the terminology!!!!)

So the week after mom died I had to manage her funeral, care for my little one who was distraught, move into a new house (mom & I had bought it before her health failed so much and we were all going to live in it together) and then go to hospital to "manage the situation".

I have only told my closest family and 1 person at work as I don't think I could stand people looking at me feeling sorry for me etc. I frequently think about how pregnant I would be and how I should be feeling inside, I'm just empty. A close colleague at work announced shortly after my return to work that she is pregnant, and whilst I'm happy for her I can't help shrieking inside my head IT SHOULD BE ME!!!! I nearly broke down at work when she told me about a dream she'd had where I was pregnant but no one knew although they should have done as I was showing etc (bless her she doesn't know about my loss and wouldn't hurt me for the world, but I don't want to bring her down or make her feel awkward around me so I shall keep it that way).

I'm ovulating again now and we're trying again but in truth I wonder if I'm going mad at times.

Oh musey you've been through such hell. I'm not a medical 'professional' but the fact that more and more women wait to have babies until their forties and go on to have healthy babies means your doctors opinion is pretty outdated. Women these days are more clued up on folic acid, healthy diets, exercise etc and yes the risks are slightly increased but coming from a 30 year old with two miscarriages and already on the 'high risk' list, starting in your twenties doesn't mean it's plain sailing. Stress has a major effect on pregnancy and our brains play a huge part. It took over a year of trying to get pregnant with Archie after my sister died. My Aunt said that our bodies know when we're just not strong enough to cope with a pregnancy. You have had so much to cope with and the very least you should get is a sympathetic and more importantly positive response from your doctor.

This is the right place to be. I've spoken to so many women and read so many posts of hope. I've been so low I've wanted to just end it all and then I will hear a story of someone who thought they would never get their baby and then it happens. You will never forget the little one who you had growing inside you. I don't know what your beliefs are but I've never been very religious but believe that if there is something after this life my sister will be with my babies. You made your mum's last lucid days happy ones so your little one had a very short but very important life.

Lots of what you say resonates with me. Pregnancy announcements are incredibly hard to deal with. To be honest I avoid pregnant women like the plague! It's a massive area of contention with my MIL. But no matter what she thinks, I feel that my DH and I have enough to get through without actually placing ourselves in situations where we know we will be caused pain. Unfortunately (and that's a massive understatement) at work you can't get away from it. I would say 'oh tell them and they might curb the baby talk' but in my experience it doesn't make a difference. Everyone knows our situation and they still push pregnancies in our faces and all that's changed is that they look for our reactions with what feels like glee sometimes. Human can be cruel and there's only so much "oh but they don't understand, they haven't been through it" any one can take. Every time I think about my SIL I think I should be the one not her. I get so twisted up with hate and all it does is make me more unhappy. The thing is though you can't stop yourself from feeling the way you do and neither should you. Be angry, be in tears, throw things, do whatever you need to get through. It will change you, but that's not always a bad thing.

The fact you've started ovulating again is a wonderful sign. Your bodies back to functioning again. And I know what you mean about clearblue! I could have gone on a lovely holiday with all the money I've spent :) Keep talking. Rant and rave. I'm here for you if you want someone to join you on the mdness of trying again.

How's everyone doing today? I'm not sure whether to do the clearblue digital test tomorrow (due on Thursday) or wait until the day I'm due on. I need to know either was asap so I can start taking the aspirin and progesterone but don't want to see that NOT PREGNANT flash up!
Spent four hours in A&E with dad last night. He collapsed in the street and smashed all the left side of his face up. Looks like he's gone several rounds with Tyson! When I walked in I burst into tears because the last time I was in that bit I'd just lost Elliot. Usually I'm stupidly calm in terrible situations but lost it yesterday. Was so angry with myself.

Had a dream last night that I went to the loo and there was blood when I wiped. Woke up with mild achy cramps. Just need to hold on until tomorrow and I can test with the early clearblue.

BFP!

Oh ive been so busy at work just been catching up with all the posts eventually. Well what a fantastic piece of news i am so pleased for you :) :) :)

Thanks. Can't believe it, I keep checking the test still says pregnant! Called my surgery because I know my consultant wants me to have a scan at five weeks but they said I can't see my GP for at least two weeks and my midwife may call me back tomorrow but she's booked up too. Wonderful care. I was going to just ring the consultants receptionist but I know from last time they won't see me without a GP referal. Doesn't fill me with hope for the future.

How's everyone else doing?

well id say thats pretty crap. id start pestering surely if you wait two weeks you will have past the 5 week mark.

well im currently about 5dpo usually af arives on 9/10 so my fingers are crosed tightly put lots of effort in this month :L. my thinking is that you may have set a trend with your bfp. that or if AF could just hold off untill tuesday as me and the mr are taking his son and my little sister away for the easter weekend

I hope so. There's not many of us on here so would be great if we could all get BFPs. Already paranoid about any twinge.

hey all hope you're doing well. aMuminwaiting, not sure of the abbreviation but i'm guessing from the reaction its good news. So for you!! Thanks v much for your response to my post it was good to offload. I'm still clearblue testing this month waiting for the smiley face :-( I thought it would have arrived by now. Each month I don't get pregnant I wonder if that was my last egg!

Hi Musey
It means big fat positive. I take it from you saying mom you're American? Is testing different over there than here or is it all pretty much the same?
I think getting back to charting this time really helped me focus on more than "am I pregnant" constantly. The last few days before testing I was a bit highly strung but my dad was in hospital so that's not surprising.

My MIL has been sending very hurtful emails to my DH for two days now saying she knows people who've miscarried and they're not as self indulgent as we are. We should just adopt. There's lots of other stuff too. Wonder why we're keeping this pregnancy a secret?! DH says she blames me for the babies dying. As though I did something wrong and failed everyone.

I can't shake off the feeling that this is not going to last. I'm already taking the aspirin and the progesterone pesseries (the melting sensation is not pleasant) still take my vitimins, walk the dog for two hours a day now. I'm trying to blank out all the madness around me and stay focused.

I feel guilty that I'm another announcement on here but I've always felt different about women who've miscarried saying they're pregnant again. I hope you guys do too. And I hope everyone gets that Big Fat Positive!

Also, do you wait until your period is due or are you a pee on a stick addict? I was for ages until I ran out of money and my DH banned me fro buying more! I waiting until two days before my period was due this time which I think is a record for me.
I bet you've got tons of eggs to come yet. Don't undermine the power of stress on your body. It's taken six months between each miscarriage for em to get pregnant again.

Wow what a thoughtless MIL. Well my fingers are tightly crossed for you and your mr. Funny you should say about the way you feel when you hear of yet another BFP i thiink ive started with that like oh false smile thats great news asking questions i dont really want to no the answer too. Although i dont no you just from chatting on here its like your my virtual buddy and i am honestly so pleased for you brought a little tear to my eye when i saw your BFP post. Think it gives us all a little hope.

Did you manage to get iinto the doctors for the asprin and progesterone?

Sorry for any spelling mistakes im typing this on my touch screen phone which is smaller then a credit card on a train :L

Oh no I got the progesterone and aspirin ages ago. My aunt told me to get it straight away in case the dr's dragged their feet. Lucky I listened!
My midwife came to the rescue today and called me back. She's coming to see me tomorrow and is telling a fib to the hospital so I get my 6 week scan. Otherwise she said they'd keep pushing me back because of the holidays. So I'm on a sex ban for the duration of this pregnancy now. She's obsessed with banning me from sex!

That's really sweet toddle. I think of you as a friend too. I get more from talking to you guys than people I've known my whole life!

No i'm not from the US, not sure why I called mom mom I just always have. Re. the clearblue stuff I'm ovulation testing not pregnancy testing, sadly I know i'm not pregnant. But big congratulations to you, thats cracking news.

Thanks musey.
My nice consultant who was going to "see me through my next pregnancy" has gone and friggin retired! How selfish :) I told my midwife in no uncertain terms that I was not seeing the moron I had when I lost Archie. I've filled in tons of paperwork in the dreaded blue book (which my dog sneezed over and clawed like crazy after just two minutes!) but it still doesn't seem real.
I've been peeing, pooping, farting and eating for England. Oh the glamour!

Anyone around?

Yes :L

Just got back from haven with the mr dss and little sis and its been crazy could have put me of the ttc thing for a while. Af was due on sat so may poas in the morning.

How are you getting along?

Oh exciting stuff! Did it take your mind off the dreaded wait?
I'm alright. Still freaking out when I go to the loo but feeling good at the moment. Eating for Britain but also really enjoying walking the dog and playing frisbee. I thought I'd be so paranoid I'd get my DH to wrap my in bubble wrap but if last year taught me anything its that you can (as my aunt put it) hang upside down from the ceiling for 9 months and the babies still wouldn't have stuck.
I'm supposed to have a scan at 6 weeks but that's tomorrow and so far the hospital haven't called me. Well everything stops at Easter doesn't it?! Worryingly it does at Christmas too and that's when I'm due!
Keep me posted on your wee result, good luck :)

Oh dear id start your mr of with home birthing books now just to cover your back. Yeah it was goos super stressful at times but overall a good time. Yeah id pretty much forgot about it really it was the mr who said i was late and wanted me to poas as soon as we walked in the door however i got disturbed so couldnt. Well im trying not to get my hopes up too much but secretly crossing my fingers now.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you too. Well I think as long as I don;t heamorrage again I'd be ok at home. Was on my own for most of the labour with Archie.
I've been getting such bad cramps, that are low down and feel like they're burning. Could all be normal but when I had them like that with Elliot I miscarried twenty minutes after so I'm a bit nervous about it. Also the progesterone pesseries are making my lady bits kill. Burning all the time and feels heavy and hot. Hope I get my scan soon so I can at least see there's a sac in there and all the aches are because things are actually going well!

Well dreamt id got a positive last night but unfortunatly only one little line this morning. The progesterone doesnt sounds too nice. What is it that they help/prevent/do if you dont mind me being nosey? Fingers crossed you should get your scan soon they should be catching up after easter now .