TTC after miscarriages

[aMuminwaiting]

Well I have finally started ovulating again after losing my second baby in October. I am hopeful that I will be pregnant again this month but am also petrified of how I will deal with the anxiety. My two week wait started two days ago. Anyone else out there who is in the same boat or willing to hold my hand?

Hi!
No, I lost my boy in March last year. I have a one year old dog who I smother with all the love I had stored up for my babies.. he seems quite happy with that!
Very recent for you then. How are you coping with everything? It's an ongoing rollercoaster of emotions isn't it? I never know how I'm going to be from one day to the next.

Oh yes, I still do that. I think about how old Archie would be or how far along I'd be about to have Elliot. Every time my MIL or BIL call my DH I get angry about how far his sister in law has got and that she doesn't deserve it because she's a cow! But life doesn't work in that way.
Have you been doing temps and fertility monitors? I had the same as you when I was trying before and my DH found the sex too much pressure. I felt so let down. I was doing temps and pee tests every day and all he had to do was have sex with me but wouldn't on the day that really counted. I didn't realise how much everything was effecting him too.

What length re your cycles? Mine were 28 days in my teens and early twenties then they crept up to 30-34 days. Since trying for a baby they've been all over the place and last month was a whopping 50 days! The point is, I've been charting on and off for years and ovulate anywhere between CD14 and 29! I use the clear blue fertility monitor and got pregnant with Elliot the first month using it. This time has been more tricky though. I have to use the entire box of 20 sticks every month and had 15 high days last cycle (poor hubby thought it would drop off) and nine this month with the darkest lines on the stick ever, so fingers very much crossed (and hubby very much recovering). He wished we'd just started trying when we first met and could go like rabbits for days but we weren't mentally ready for everything pregnancy had to hurl at us back then. I really hope it worked this month. Although between my mother feeding me some rice that we later found was two months out of date, followed by two days of rushing to the loo, then a violent reaction to my dogs flea medication last night where I could barely breathe and now feel like my neck is stretched and very bruised, the poor thing wouldn't have had the greatest start! I'm five days in now so implantation won't have even happened yet. Going to keep the dog away from me for a few days and NEVER eat at my mums house again.
Another point with the sticks, it does give you something to focus on each day too which really helps me. It's only after I ovulate now that I turn into a symptom spotting desperate crazy woman. So the sticks give me a good few weeks where I'm fairly reasonable :)

Hi,

I'm ttc after two mc's this year.....why don't you come and join one of the ttc after mc threads? There are several and all full of nice people who will understand your obsessing and give you loads of good information .

I've been on lots of forums but I prefer doing my own really. Slept most of the day today. Felt completely drained.

Dog flee stuff is really nasty, I always feel mean when doing mine as its a full day without having him on my lap or hugs.

Goodluck ttc and hope you start feeling better soon.

Oh I hope so! I'm CD33. Ovulated CD26 & 27. So a week to go until I'm due on. I had light period type cramping and back ache yesterday and my boobs have been very swollen for a few days. But the thing is, like you I get all these things before I come on too. So I'm trying to keep busy and get through the next few days. I'm jealous of your cycle length, wish my was short again.

So you're CD 22 now? Should only be another week for you to know as well then if your cycles stay the same. Every month I think I will not be a lunatic in the two week wait this time and then I do anyway! Last month was terrible, 50 days meant I was sure I was pregnant, so was my GP. I was really stupid today and did a 10miu dip test. I know it's way too early, I do know that but still did it! My DH is hiding the last clearblue test until I'm due on. He's a brave man.

id like to possibly come and say hi and join you. i had a MC at the end of march at around 5/6 weeks. ive been using OPK's as it would have drivin me crazy not knowing what was goin on at had my positive today so i guess im lucky in that sense that i started ovulating again so soon. i am just the same amuminwaiting and vegas before this positive OPK i felt fine DTD as knew there was little chance of getting PG again but now i no ive ovulated or will be soon it sort of messed my head up again like what if i was to get pregnant. its crazy as the day after i was telling him we would be SWI everyday untill we got a positive pregnancy test. then last night i was telling him i was scared sh*tless and didnt want to get pregnant.

so anyway im here also just starting my 2ww nervous as hell ill be devestated if its not and petrified if it is so mother nature is going to lose one way or another with me this month.

Hi toddle
I know it's petrifying but if we want to be mums we have to just go for it and worry ourselves mad when it actually happens. I read that after a miscarriage you are ultra fertile (another sick joke on mother natures part). Lots of women get pregnant straight after but I don't think I could have coped with that emotionally.
The second time I was pregnant I said to my DH this is it, if we lose this baby I can't go through it all again. And then I lost that baby and the desire was just as strong. Some days I feel so angry with myself because getting pregnant feels like I'm condemning another little life to a very early death.
My DH felt like there was way too much pressure on him before we used the opks because I had such a long cycle he was having to perform for a long time! Now I have lots of high days we do one every other day and then as much as he can muster when I ovulate.
How does your DH feel about trying again? It's very early on for you so feeling the way you do is natural. There's no clever answers to all this. We have to just hold on tightly to our DH's and hope it all works out in the end.

I've lost three in short succession. Gearing up to ttc again possibly this month but am scared

im sure thats not the case muminwaiting ill keep my fx for you. yeah i had also heard that too and ive read some of the posts of the MC boards and lots of ladys have said they have got that BFP so soon after. I feel slightly lucky on the cycle side as mine are dead short (usually, touch wood, fx and all the rest) about 24 days and yeah i agree those OPK's seemed to have saved my sainity on the TTC and post MC journey as id not long since had my second implant out so wasnt sure to start with.

well my mr in my eyes didnt seem as effected by the MC when i was busy bawling for two days straight so thats been in the back of my mind. but in our discussion last night he had said he was gutted and he kept telling me out of hope, that lots of women bleed in early pregnancy as he was keeping his fingers crossed that it wasnt lost. he still feels he would love for us to have a little one and has said if/when we get a BFP again im bound to be terrified but as you say if i want to be a mum its kinda got to be done. it feels tons better just getting it out and telling someone too as no one in RL knew i was pregnant to start with so thanks for replying too :).

He's right, lots of women bleed and go on have their baby. I had two massive bleeds with my first and they did scans and told us he was fine and not worry (yeah right) so when I had the last huge bleed we went in thinking it would be the same but I went into labour that night (alone because they'd sent my husband home). When I saw the consultant after losing my second he said that Archie's death was inevitable from the start of the first bleed. So what do I conclude from all this? That none of them really know anything and whether our babies live or die is determined from when we first conceive. All we can do is hope for the best. I know women who have had bleeds and now have healthy babies.
You have incredible will power for not telling anyone. I planned and failed on that! I thought by telling family and friends we'd have support if it went wrong again but they treated us like we should just shut up and get over it. My family have been ok but my DH's family have been crap. I don't want anything to do with them now. It feels like all they want to do is rub my sister in laws pregnancy in our faces and I can't handle it.
Men's emotions is a tricky one isn't it? I don't think I'd ever seen my DH cry before we lost our boy. All I wanted to do was cut out the world and keep us safe together. After all, our baby was his too and no one else would ever get how we feel. He can't understand the physical side of it. How it felt to have our baby growing inside me. He got feel one kick before Archie was gone and Elliot was only 11 weeks so we'd only had one scan. I think men feel like they're supposed to bottle things up for us but all that does is make us feel alone. He didn't cry when we lost Elliot. If I hadn't been so ill with an infection afterwards I think it would have felt like I was never pregnant again.
Well let's all stay here for each other and hope we get our BFPs and if we do we can try and keep each other sane! Big ask but we can only try :)

That's a wise post amuminwaiting. I honestly think they actually know very, very, very little about why we have miscarriages. I will never know the reasons I have lost the three I've lost, but if I am unfortunate to miscarry again, I will be asking for them to test the fetus.

I think that sounds like a mighty fine plan amuminwaiting. I thought from talking and reading other posts hairyliights that they did some tests after the third, or is this dependant on personal circumstances? Sorry to hear abiut your loss's I cant imagine after just one how three must feel so I have no words of advice or anything but I will definatly be keeping my fingers crossed for some BFP'S :)

I'm afraid my third MC was by medical management, and i think I passed the sac but there was only a tiny spec inside it.

The sac had measured .9cm - and they said the pregnancy had failed very early on but was definately a MMC rather than a blighted ovum.

When I showed the nurse the sac she said she wasn't sure if it was a sac or not but I am fairly certain it was.

I had passed some clots but that didnt cross my mind hairylights. Whats a blighted ovum? Sorry maybe silly q but I have no idea

we just need to keep checking in on here every now and then and keeping positive for each other.
Yes I was told they did a few more tests after three miscarriages but apparently I've had most of them already. Did they do any more tests for you hairylights? I didn't have Archie tested which I really regret now. I was very uniformed and thought he would be completely cut up and I wouldn't get him back for a cremation. The midwife who delivered him told me he looked perfect and not to have the autopsy. If I'd been thinking more clearly I would have asked the doctor more questions about it and maybe been able to save Elliots life. I lost Elliot at home and my husband took the body to the hospital. We later found out they hadn't done testing because the baby was too small and we then had the pain of them 'not knowing where the baby was'. The chaplain called me months later to say the cremation was going ahead but I'm not convinced it happened when she said. I'll never know. I know if I lose my next I have to have a sterile container to hand and get the baby to the hospital straight away (not easy when they've actually taken away the maternity unit at my local hospital). It's not really what you're thinking about when you're going through the hell of miscarriage is it?! I had it together enough to photograph Elliot so I had more than a fuzzy crap scan. It was completely different with Archie. Because he was a baby and not a fetus I was given him to hold and take photos of, to dress before he was blessed by the chaplain and then a service in the hospital chapel. We got GP visits, midwife visits and calls. The last time we got nothing. After months of struggling with our grief we asked the GP for counselling and she said to go online and find a forum. Not what I expected but actually mumsnet has got me through the worst of times. After all no doctor or counsellor will know how we're feeling as much as the women on here. I know we all have different experiences but the raw pain we all feel unites us.

That should be uninformed not uniformed! What a duffus! :)