Emmsys Weebles planting up the greenhouse for Spring...

[cupcakefairy]

...tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers... and more BFPs please! :)

Get comfy girls, the evenings are not so dark anymore so we'll be passing round the wine soon

Karma well and truly bit me on the ass!

Went to bed at 8, sleep at 9, woken by dh calling at 9.20. Back to sleep, woken by dolly at 9.45.....and then she was awake until 1am bot settling at all, teething i think? arghhhhh. Started my day at 5.10am

questions its second down on left hand side, black and white.

blue for you Happy birthday!

Back later for proper catch up xxx

Sorry to go awol on you all, especially when you have been so great in supporting me, I just needed a couple of days to myself. Nothing bad even happened so I dont know why I've reacted so badly. The consultant we saw was absolutely lovely, she was very young and very sympathetic, I liked her immediately. So I have to have 2 more sets of bloods taken, to check on what they call 'low normal' progesterone levels, and I have to have whats called a hysterosalpingogram (sp?) which is basically injecting a dye into the womb, having some x-rays, and if everything is ok, the dye flows to the fallopian tubes showing there are no blockages (hopefully). I'm not worried about any of this so I'm not sure why I'm wobbling so badly. I will absolutely do anything and everything I need to do without question. I think I am realising that what is very easy and normal for most people, I cant do, and that is hard to accept. I'm very conscious of my sister who is due in August, a best friend of mine has just announced a pregnancy, and a male best friends wife is due in August too. I feel very inadequate at the moment. I also feel like I've lost my role as big sister, I am supposed to do this first and then be able to guide her, so now I dont know what role I'm supposed to be playing. And without wanting to offend anyone here, I've also realised I am the only one on here who isnt a mummy (apart from bq who isnt far off and our lovely jools who I never forget about) and as much as I love hearing your baby talk, and as much as you truly inspire me and have been here and know how I am feeling, I still feel alone on the small pants bench.

Sorry for my ramble and I hope I didnt upset anyone with the last bit.

Off for a sneaky cry, will be back later on.

squeezes ass into small pants so offers a huge hug to our lovely moon instead.

moon im practically screaming at the computer, you ARE NOT inadequate, no way, no how!
You were just dealt a bad hand, you can get pregnant, you did before with no help. I think your mc before might be the culprit. I know it screwed me up good and proper. Seeing pregnant friends is a bitch with a capital B. It will be you in due course...your doctor sounds fantastic, you are moving forward...each step you take is a step closer to being a mum.
I know what you mean about not feeling the big sister, my sis got engaged before me and i was so it was like it was my right as the older one to do it first, i just took it as a right of passage. However you will always be the big sister and i bet your sister admires your strength and determination to have a baby more than you realize.

I have picked up my phone a few times today in order to text you, but them remember i cant, i havent got your number. I wish i knew you in rl, i would take you out, have a giggle and give you a stern talking too

Dry your tears and come back and talk, we will never judge xx

Hugest hug to Moon I know exactly how you feel as that was me to a tee, brokenhearted by the wealth of pregnant friends and colleagues, so scared to never be a mum after losing my 4 angel babies over those long 2yrs, but dreams do come true.. Barbie has said it beautifully, but keep the faith my darlin.. X

Many Happy returns to the fabulous at 40 Blue hope you are having an amazing day lovely!

Just dashing in as Im knackered after a mad week and an early start for church this morning, much thanks to be given, whilst also remembering our lost angels and those, like my dad, that couldnt be at Summers birthday.. Massive thanks to all of you with the touching posts and tx on her birthday, it meant so much, it was such a special day, one Iv only ever dared to dream of, Summer had the best time with all her cousins and little friends, she was the belle of the ball! It chucked it down with rain so the ball pit and bubble machine were a bit redundant, but it didnt spoil a thing, there were party games and food galore, the chocolate fountain got devoured and my cake was a success! I will def post pics!

Yes we must see pics 4ever sounds lovely. I'm attempting my cake this week, fingers crossed!
Speaking of baking, I'm also in the middle of making bread for the first time ever I really hope it works I will be so chuffed :)

Lovely lovely moon, you have every right to feel how you feel- things have been crap and unfair for you and anyone in your position would feel wobbly. You cry away, but as barbie says, then dry your tears and dust yourself down to start again (copyright blue) -even if you need to do this every day it doesn't matter. You are looking forward now, and moving on, and things are going to be so much brighter for you soon.
I'm not going to deny it must be hard for you being one of the few who isn't a mummy now, and we all have the utmost respect for you for sticking with us when it must be hard to read some days. But never forget that you understand a hugely important part of our journey so you're not alone or out of place here. Massive hugs xxx

Happy birthday blue I hope you've had a fabulous day x x

Hello, and a very Happy (belated) Birthday to Blue for yesterday Did you have a fab day? Can't wait to hear all about it!

Moon I'm so sorry you're feeling so down about things It's funny how we see ourselves very differently to how others see us isn't it? I think you are amazing. You have been, and continue to be, incredibly strong, and I just pray that you will get there in the end. I can completely understand why you're having a wobble, anybody would in your position. I can only imagine how much it must hurt that your sister is going through what you are so desperate to have. It is absolutely not fair. It's good that they're doing an HSG on you, when will that be? Did they give any indication of what will happen afterwards? I really hope you're okay xxx

Mermaid I have been thinking of you over the last few days, I hope you're as okay as you can be. This is a very tough time Lots of love xxx

Cupcake your photo session sounds fab, did you manage to get it done?

Louey Hope you're okay this morning, and that JC is still moving furiously Are you back in today for more monitoring?

Lovely barbie, you are just wonderful Your story about Dolly's latest antics did make me laugh. Sounds like she's taking after her mummy

All fine here, had 3rd IUI yesterday, so now on 2ww. Trying to not think about it though! My school is on half term this week, so I should manage to get on here a bit more, I hope! We've kept ds off his school today as dh is off, and we're going for a picnic. It's such a rare occurence that we get to spend time together as a family! Am off to boil some eggs and make some sandwiches now... Have a lovely day all xxx

Tis very quiet here today

vjay hope you had a good trip

monkey fingers, toes, legs, arms and everything else crossed for you!

mermaid thinking of you my lovely, {{{hugs}}}

moon how are you today?

Will be back later to post more xx

Sorry, I did intend to come back yesterday, but I ended up having a few Thank you so much for your lovely lovely posts, I was welling up reading them and holding my breath! I dont really have much to say today, I feel sad and empty, so for now I wont post anymore, but I'll be lurking. Big hugs and thank you.

moon i totally understand (((hugs))) to you. Please dont stray too far, this is your first port of call when you get that bfp, do you hear me? Can you let one of us have a contact for you. In case we move to a new green house or something, wouldnt want to leave you behind.

Enjoy the wine

I wish you well on the next stage of your journey...remember where ever you are the weeble's will be right behind you cheering you on.

(well's up at the thought of losing the lovely moon on our thread)

God, real tears are flowing, i hate it when somebody leaves

Oh barbie bless you, I'm not leaving, I'm merely taking some time, I couldnt ever leave you all. I'll still be here lurking to make sure you are all ok. I just cant post at the moment, everything hurts too much, and I'm tired of fighting it all. I wont be far, promise.

Moon - have you thought of posting on some of the ttc threads whilst (hopefully) still lurking and posting here?

This thread helped us all through the heartache of mc but your needs are ttc focused and having some kindred spirits of other Mums-to-be may be good for your soul just now?

I also really, really, hope you have someone in RL who you can open up to and share all your thoughts as you need to be able to get angry, sad, mad and bad when you feel like it, please don't keep it all inside and tell the world your fine. I really feel this is your year and pray your BFP and EDD are just waiting in the wings, you so utterly deserve it xx

Thanks for all the birthday wishes (and sparkly link barbie xx). Had a fab weekend

Hey all. Sorry I've been awol yet again. I'm hesitating before coming on tonight as I know I can't catch up properly and I'm away all week from tomorrow with work so will end up going awol again but I just needed you to all know that I'm lurking and thinking of you all. Big hugs to lovely moon. Some great advice from everyone, it is lovely how much people care. You will get to hold that baby in your arms some day soon hon. It's great that you are taking such positive action xxx

Big waves to birthday blue, cupcake, 4ever barbie, vj and monkey and any lurkers. Sorry for the lack of personals. I will be back at the weekend I promise, and maybe some phone lurking before then :)

I'm so sorry I missed Summers birthday 4ever it sounds like she had the best day ever

Morning all.

moon I'm very glad you are not leaving. I know how desolate things must feel just at the moment, especially as you have lots of pg people around you. I think barbies suggestion of looking on the TTC threads is a good one, it certainly helped me when I was TTC (on a different message board, but same principle). Things can change so quickly, and my little sister is a good example of that. I am praying you don't have to wait too long for your bfp. Its good that they are doing the hsg and further bloods. I had a second hsg after my mmc as they wanted to check that the ERPC hadn't caused some scarring. The radiographer told me to go away and SWI as often, even if they don't find anything, the hsg can flush out the tubes and make you more fertile. It worked for me as that was the month I got my bfp.

monkey eek, fingers and toes tightly crossed for you. Your cake was fabulous. You have a business in the making there. Your family day off sounded lovely, hope the picnic went well!

curly lovely to hear from you, hope curlygirl is ok? Sounds like things are really hectic with you.

cupcake what cake are you attempting for J's birthday? (Not cupcakes then ) How was the photo shoot in the end, the weather has been pretty pants here all weekend.

QA did you manage to get some mat clothes? Its not easy trying to find stuff on the high street (believe me, I've tried!)

4ever so glad the party went well, and honestly, when does a chocolate fountain NOT go down well

blue how was the birthday weekend then, come on - we want details

barbie hope you've had a better nights sleep.

Crappy nights sleep here, not helped by 1 wet child, some very loud crows and a snoring DH. Both boys had been in time out by 8.30am, Isaac because he'd managed to pull the tap off . Thank god the childminder has them today because my patience has run out already! Back into hospital in a hour, this time for a more detailed scan with a fetal medicine consultant and more monitoring. I went in on Sunday and JC was (for a change) behaving himself and the heartrate was back up to normal. I have definitely grown a bit as well which is good, mind you, with the amount I'm eating, I'm not surprised! Right, better go, have stuff to sort out before I have to go....

Hi louey how was the monitoring? Hope jc is staying put for a little while longer. Thankfully last night was a good one, 6.45pm asleep- 6.08am awake. Just wish i could of slept i turn all neurotic when dh is away, lying awake planning escape routes, wondering which neighbours would be best to run too if anything happened, planning my journey to the nearest hospital, that kind of thing
I heard Devon murmur twice, once about mid night and the other at 4 ish, i think i was expecting to have to go in but never did. My body isnt used to having continuous sleep!

moon sorry for my outpouring of emotion yesterday must be hormonal or something glad you arent leaving us for good. POp your head around the door every now and then and let us know how things are

cupcake nice to see you back, looking forward to your mammoth catching up post

Right, there is more to say but i have a stone to lose not sure how that crept on...so im going to love you and leave you for now to go on the wii fit!

xx

Me again, weebling....

Had doppler scan this lunchtime and asked the consultant he could do a growth scan at the same time as it hadn't been organised yet and I could see that all the slots for this week might have gone. Baby has grown a little, but not enough and amniotic fluid levels have dropped massively from last Thursday's scan, so he wants the baby out. So I've been booked in to have a c-section on Thursday morning. Back in tomorrow for more monitoring to make sure nothing goes wrong in the meantime. Predicted weight is 1.86 kg (4lbs 1oz) which is what Isaac was when he was born at 35+6 (which ironically is what I am today). Anything under 1.8kgs and the baby would go straight to SCBU. I'm feeling a bit because the consultant's bedside manner was pretty non-existent and I didn't really have the chance to ask many questions. I also saw an anaesthetist who was just plain weird and didn't seem to have a clue. Really hope I don't get her on Thursday. Have now got a million things running through my head which I need to get done before the end of tomorrow (none urgent really, would just put my mind at rest..) Poor DH is supposed to be going to the test match on Friday and I think that's out of the question really.

louey
Ok, there is nothing of major importance for you to do except pack your bag and arrange child care for the dt. The most important thing to do is to try and relax as much as possible over the next few hours, save your strength because you are going to need it over the next few days.

Try not to worry about weight, having been on mn for this long i have come to realize how inaccurate the scans can be. Normally they say baby is small that he/ she really is. This was the case for dd.

37 weeks is ok for the baby to be born, look at the positives you havent got 3 more weeks of daily hospital trips, you get to meet lo sooner, your waters wont break while out shopping, catching you unaware (am i helping?)

The most important thing to do is to get your dh to agree on a name and give him a list of our numbers or at least one of us so we can update

Now go and have the baby!

Eek, im getting a little excited

{{{{{ louey }}}}}

Hi vjay

Louey just popped on for a lurk and saw your post like barbie has already said the scans are notoriously inaccurate for weights and at least when baby is born you know the hospital will do everything they can to get the baby home with you as quick as they can.
This has all been spotted before any serious problems arose and you will feel reassured I am sure when you see your. Baby on thursday big hugs to you x x x

Hi barbie

louey double {{{{{{HUGS}}}} but one small you are getitng to meet your baby on Thursday - 2nd June - hat a lovely date to bring a new wee one into the world.

Everything is a guestimate at the moment and you should be reassued when he/she arrives all hell will break loose and you will both be wrapped in cotton wool - or at least you'd better be!!

PLEASE try ad relax between now and then xxxx

Hello, sorry for going awol I am still breathing

I know weight estimates are guestimates. The problem is that last time round, they overestimated their weights so we thought we were going to have nearly 5lb babies and they were much much less than that (more than a lb less in Luke's case). I am really hoping that this time they have underestimated the weight, but you can see why I don't have much faith. I also know that if this one goes to SCBU, it will be a week or two at least before it gets out. Trying not to think too much about it.

I have most of your numbers in my phone so you will be on the list of people I will text once we are able to. Please can one of you update the thread though as I know I don't have numbers for all of you.

I've ordered a breast pump to pick up tomorrow and a new feeding cushion and I'm going to get some smaller baby clothes in case the baby is nearer to 4lbs than 5lbs (we've got some 5lbs ones). My mum and step-dad are coming up tomorrow afternoon to help look after the boys for a while. DH is being very calm about it all. Still got to have the name discussion though!

Vjay how was the wedding???

oooh louey am all excited for you :)

blue i was so self absorbed that i completely forgot to wish you a happy birthday, hope you had a lovely time. thank you, i may lurk on some ttc threads and see how i feel, i dont want to be a traitor and besides no one will be as lovely as you lot.

please can anyone whos had a hsg fill me in on what happens, i mean i have the leaflets but i never believe those, does it hurt?

loeuy really excited for you - you will be a family of 5 on Thursday! Fingers, toes and everything crossed that JC puts on loads of weight and gets lost of cuddles rather than a cot in SCBU

Life here manic as ever - I will post more soon!!