Feck off with your babydust - The hut of gl/doom, home of inadequate reproduction

[wewishyouamerrylissiemas]

ok, so the hut disappeared so I decided to open a new one. tis a 20's style gin joint!

Hey girls Im still here with no AF but 1 test BFN last Friday, wishing you all luck for the next round and hope to know one way or the other this week!!!

Hello ladies, apologies for my recent absence but I've been without internet for the past week (it was hellish obviously).

Then I just spent the weekend away with friends, one of which announced that she is (you guessed it) pregnant with her second (and of course her first is younger than DS)...fab! And I also suspect another close friend in RL is preg as she's suspiciously not drinking on our night out next weekend, so I'm bracing myself for that one too.

I'm feeling at the moment that I am never going to have another baby as it's just taking too long. Just made appointment for first set of blood tests at the docs and had letter through about hsg - has anyone had one? I had hoped to go on my own so that DH can look after DS, but it says to bring a 'companion' with you! Is it that bad?! Will I be able to drive myself home afterwards? My only other option would be to tell my parents, so that they could have DS and DH could come with me, but I'd much rather not tell them anything about it if possible.

After my high progesterone on day 21 af came 2day so back on the clomid 2morrow

It sounds like all our AF's are coming together in one foul red tide of misery - my temp dropped this morning, have cramps, back ache, sore boobs - still did a PG test as it hadnt' arrived - of course was a big fat BFN. Wish it would just start - its teasing my already stressed out head. At least tomorrow night I can consume huge amounts of a v.expensive bottle of wine with a few gin chasers to commiserate and then the whole god awful process starts again.

Oh Pooch I hate the day or 2 before AF is due when every trip to the loo feels like a game of Russian roulette. I spend the whole time telling myself that of course I'm not pregnant, why would I be etc but then one little excited thought pops in that I might be, and before I know it I've worked out how I'll tell DH, how long I'll wait to tell family&friends and when I'll finish work for mat leave! It's truly awful - I hope AF stays away for you.

I know I shouldn't do it to myself but I watch One Born Every Minute every week and I always always think at the beginning when the voiceover says 'every minute of every day a baby is born' and I think, in that case one must be conceived every minute of every day - come on then, surely one of those minutes must be my turn!!!

Hope everyone's feeling ok today

pink - yep even though I'd spent every day telling myself I wasn't PG I'd somehow managed to work out due date & various other significant dates in next 9 mths. Alas not to be so started the day off with a coffee, followed by a couple of diet cokes then chocolate and soon to start on booze. Haven't watched OBEM yet but good point re conceiving - need a positive thought.

I can't watch one born every minute, its a bit like being continually slapped in the face. I don't wish to deny them their children in any way, it just shows up my own fertility inadequacies and quite frankly I can do without imposing any more hurt on myself.But yes, it is a positive way of looking at it. It HAS to be our turn soon, surely?
Speaking of inadequacies, I apparently have none according to my blood tests. Which is great, but if i'm so fucking healthy why aren't I pregnant? I now need to make another appointment to discuss being referred to the sub-fertility clinic. Hurrah. Not.

Ninja - according to my blood tests all is good as well but like you still not PG - am sick of cutting out all the things I like eating/drinking to no avail - maybe I should restart my old lifestyle and then hey presto I'll get a BFP... My acupunc told me my progesterone levels were a bit low after I ov'd last month and then read that prog levels are hugely affected by stress - all a bit of a vicious circle then. Need to chill out but can't.

Its a fucker isn't it? All the people on this thread, especially those who have so many more problems than me - I just want to scoop them up and make it better.
I know what you mean about the whole being healthy thing, maybe if i develop a serious drug and booze problem I'll get a bfp in a couple of weeks?

Agree one born every minute is to be avoided. I also agree that it's salt In wounds that you cut down on stuff that makes you miserable and yet still no bfp.

Also while I am on topic of rants here what's with baby on board badges on train? If you can't ask for a seat when pregnant then WTF is wrong with you. And if people won't give you a seat I doubt some smug badge will Change their mind.

Still not bothered to get last test but have booked more acupuncture. Looking forward to weekend tho

Wine and active conversation thread on how sad I am to have baby boy no 3

Get a fucking grip woman- if you want devestation finding you are having another healthy pregnancy isnt it. Some perspective would be nice but again a reminder that fertility is not always compatible with compassion empathy or intelligence.

very true. poor baby boy no 3, i can't imagine ever being disappointed by the act of having a child of a certain sex. I guess its all relative if you've never had a problem with having them in the first place.

I'm off to surf for some possible shoes for a wedding that i don't want to go to. it involves 4 days with pretty much all of dp's side of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc) in ireland.

Enjoy the vino and head to aibu if you want a rant/ fight. Sometimes you have to scratch that itch!

OMG glad I haven't found that thread, try only 2 read the one's with people as depressed as me on them... A friend dropped by this am & told me she was 15 wks PG which I'd suspected. Have spent rest of morning in tears. DH asked me what was wrong, told him & he said 'so'. Twat.

Hello ladies, am back from my holiday. Looking a bit healthier and happier for having some quality time with Dh!
Anyone else read this month's Easy living? Interesting article on ttc when overweight (which I already was, let alone facing the scales in the mining!). Dh and I have pledged to give up the booze for lent (ok starting a little late!) and start a healthy diet and exercise regime to loose some weight while we have the time off from ttc. Was a good girl on holiday, did aqua fit three times and a pilates class. Free booze 24/7 didn't help!
Def not going to make a baby this month (Dh is giving his sample around the time I ovulate) but in a way it feels like the pressure is off for the first time in over a year!
Sorry to see no-one has had the joy of announcing bfps in the last week, hugs all round.

Hello,
Good luck with your health-kick Bex I keep half-heartedly vowing to give up alcohol but then AF arrives and I end up needing a glass of vino (I don't drink loads though).

I was supposed to be out with some friends next weekend but one of the group is about 4 months pregnant and last time we met she was just starting to TTC whilst I'd already been trying for ages. Can't face all the preg chit-chat and everyone saying how fertile she must be etc so I've made an excuse. Glad I did as yesterday she texted me complaining about what a pain it is to be 'preggars' and how she can't wait for the pregnancy to be over etc. Very insensitive I thought as she knows my situation. I suppose you can only understand how hard it is to be desperately TTC when you've experienced it yourself.

Aw pink - that is tough but agree that best to skip it. And I don hij anyone who hasnt struggled can understand .

Felt really down last few days- woke at 4am on Sunday despairing of ever having another child . Just felt completely hopeless - didn't wake dh , didn't cry - just lay in bed feeling overwhelmed not least as i know I have plenty to be grateful for. Somehow tho ttc takes over and I have no perspective at times on good things. Doesnt help that work a bit pants. Usually I find it a relief but bad atmosphere due to some organizational changes and I feel generally unappreciated and like going no where.

That said felt bit better today(starting to plan various holiday thongs for summer) and it's a bit early to be pmt so maybe it's just necessary part of dealing with loss .

Hij is think. And pink agree re alcohol - whilst have cut down haven't cut it out.

Sleazy - had a shit weekend too, all the same feelings of despair and overwhelming - not even copious amounts of champagne at a friend's 40th & free tickets to Eng match at Twickenham helped me feel better. Have finally snapped out of it, tiny rekindling of hope as another weekend of SWI looms up. A couple of friends who started TTC after me are now 15/16 weeks PG, will be seeing them both this weekend - I think they may lay it on thick how bad their PG symptoms are to try and make me feel better that I haven't got heartburn, SPD etc etc - will just have to grin and bear it - & drink lots to numb the pain/jealousy/bitterness!

Pooch it's crap- am afraid it's something that alcohol doesn't always help. I think it's best that friends say nothing although I maintain that the people who are pregnant etc I find hardest to deal with are ones who piss me off generally anyway.

Sleazy - you're right, alcohol doesn't help as I feel even more depressed the next day BUT the PG ones won't be drinking so a couple of glasses of a really expensive Chardonnay will help me deal a bit better with their wearing maternity clothes & comparing notes.

Can I join you?

Have DS from previous relationship. Been trying for over a year now with DH and nothing. Have got an appt for us both to see GP on Friday.

Oh pooch and sleazy you both sound so down, you poor things. Sleazy I've never had a loss but I imagine the amount of feelings and also depth of the feelings must be overwhelming, its not surprising you feel like this. However I like the idea of planning various holiday thongs - good auto correct there!

bex glad you had a lovely holiday, you sound all relaxed and positive vibe-y

pink your friend sounds very insensitive. But yes you're right maybe she just doesn't get how you feel about it. I don't blame you for opting out of going out, think i'd have tried to do the same.

ladies I need you to help me keep a calm head. I have 28 day cycles and last got AF on 25th Feb, ovulated around 7th March (day 11) and yesterday (day 19) when I went to the loo there was pink/ brown blood when I wiped. I have never, ever had spotting mid cycle or in fact at any time ever before. The rational part of my brain is telling me it could be nothing but the irrational side is now taking over completely and I am trying my hardest not to convince myself it was an implantation bleed. I also have a crampy abdomen but wonder how much of that is pyschosomatic or just the elastic in the waistband of my leggings. There is pretty much no point in testing this early as not due af until next thursday! I think my head might explode with all the what ifs by then and also if it turns out that i'm not and it was just spotting I just know I shall feel doubly more shit than normal when af arrives. I haven't told dp as really there isn't much to tell as it is likely to be nothing knowing my luck but if I didn't get it out somewhere I shall drive myself demented
There I said it. that feels a bit better.

Hello queenrollo nice to see you but shame you're here iykwim? Have a gin.

ninja - that does sound positive and i'd be thinking exactly the same as you - plus if you've never had a MC you've got every reason to hope that you'll get a BFP. I'd try to hold off from testing as long as you can - but thats just from my personal (v negative) stance that if I do a test and its a faint BFP and then af comes as normal I'll know I had a v early MC & be even more depressed than if I didn't test and AF started. Probably not v helpful advice - if you went on the zillions of positive threads where a BFP is a BFP and stays a BFP right through to bouncing bambino they'd probably test as soon as humanly possible.
Hello rollo - is that a reference to the yummy chocolate?? .
At moment am trying to type this propped up on pillows after persuading DH to have SWI. Its not v. comfortable. Only another 15 mins to go...

pooch i had a previous name but it was very close to one another poster used. It was related to kids TV and so that made me think of King Rollo, but as i am a girl i'm obviously the Queen

Thanks for the gin ninja - as much as i'd rather i didn't need to be here (you know what I mean) it's nice to find a thread where the other posters have a much better idea of how i'm feeling.
I too am surrounded by people falling pregnant or having babies. Some of them I can share their joy as it's been a rough road for them too but others i just want to stamp my feet and wail 'why you! why not me!'

Hi ladies, have been away in RL and having a jolly time, but nice to see you all again :o
Need help- have DH's SA results and it's awful. Have started a post to ask for advice. Don't quite know how we have a child at all. A bit at a loss for words actually!