Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Takes too bloody long on the phone.

Speaking of bloody, someone come and humour me and tell me this is implantation bleeding and not my AF PERIOD.

It's implantation bleeding.

Although I did start a whole thread of joy announcing the arrival of AF yesterday, so am obviously getting this all arse ways up

I am seriosuly tempted to have a wee glass of port. I haven't drank port since last Christmas, but have just made cranberry sauce and it smells MMMM. Can't have a glass of wine as I physically can't have ONE glass of wine. It triggers a domino effect until the bottle is no more.

Actually I would love to go to one of those posh dinner parties where it is bad manners to let the bottle of port touch the table, and you have to keep it going round until it is empty. I may make up an old 'tradition' like this about all booze.

Uterus says "meep!" in a suitably cowed tone. Damn straight. Thank you.

I can't really face booze tonight (have now been awake for 17 hours) but I feel that I ought to try to manage a small dry sherry, for appearances' sakes. Can't let the side down.

That's better.

Bleeding's stopped again. Thanks, Tate, and pass the port.

Tate. Fecking contraption.

Heh heh. Here's the port - now remember we are not allowed to let it touch the table until it is ALL GONE!

Actually will have to put the RL port on hold - DH on way home from work and whilst he usually jons me in an evening tipple, he apparently has man flu a very serious illness. It is not the annoying cold I have just gotten rid of, it is much worse

And he will not, of course, need any kind of medication for it apart from fecking strepsils or some other such useless bollocks. Because he is hard. May have to crush some cold and flu tablets (with actual active ingredients) into his soup, like that woman out of Stephen King's 'Misery'.

Think it is bad form to still expect a shag?

Nope. But whether you get one is a different matter. Man flu must be awful, poor lamb. Have you drugged him yet?

This sherry mings.

Has the whole feckin world got manflu a cold? How can it be all over the whole country?

I think it's a conspiracy aries. the government are spreading germs around in the snow

Yes - he is home, gawd love him. He is using his 'poorly' voice (a bit croaky and slightly feeble).

Made him soup, watched him take 2 packets of strepsils (fecking told you!) weakly out of his pocket. Put on my patient mummy voice and cajoled him into consuming as many paracetamol and decongestant pills as would not kill him. Half an hour later, he was chatting as normal, and felt 'miraculously' better.

'Must be that extra Vit C you took this morning finally kicking in, eh?'

'Yeah, they really work'

Wonder if that extra vit C will give him the SWI vitality required? I mean he is on the brink of death but has never knowingly turned down a shag

Sorry the port minges, it's the same open bottle as last year...

Or sherry, whichever

I have a confession to make. I have a child. Sorry, I didn't read the thread title properly. I was just so happy to find the thread and, well, I got completely carried away. I promise not to go on about DS.

Can I still have some port? My in-laws (in their 20s and smugly pg with #2) asked DH and I today when we are planning on catching them up. We had a civilised chat about the etiquette of quizzing people of our advanced age (33) about fertility.

My period started today as well. Oh well.

Ah we won't hold it against you - you probably need as much of a drink as the rest of us

I have been a domestic GODDESS today. I actually made my usual shed load of christmas trimmings (cranberry sauce, stuffings, etc) AND made biscotti as well!

Mmmmm. Am now eating a packet of cadbury buttons, though

Good on yer, and thanks

How's your invalid?

I have a child too jaropener but I'm allowed in :o

Although I am a conception slut and post o every over 30's ttc fred going

Over 30? I was 35 yesterday and spent the evening drinking as much wine as possible... think I qualify for this thread.

Can I play?

You can for me, love. Happy Xmas!

Period stopped after I posted yesterday and hasn't been seen since. I've tested but still too early, so wasn't expecting a pos and didn't get one. I'm going to test again on Boxing Day but an truly getting my hopes up now as I have been feeling sick to my stomach for a few days now.

Good luck to you all, hope all those drunken Xmas encounters pay off!

good luck opener of jars

im in a similar-ish position....have had 2 unsuccessful pregnancies so far this year and with both knew days after conception - sick really early etc. am exactly same now but another 5 or 6 days until i can test. i dont tend to be positive until at least my due date so not going to bother. whilst im pretty sure im pregnant again, given whats happened so far this year im not going to get remotely excited until i get to the 12 week mark and things look normal.

Oh, good luck to all those may-be-pgs! Fingers crossed!

I have finally come up for air from the ridiculous binge of food and booze that has taken up most of the last 48 hours...phew, I did myself proud!

And DH is almost better - he stared a cold death in the face for four whole days and won!

What a hero

Hope you all had fabulous Christmases and enjoyed all seasonal beverages going

Helllllo folks, like Tante I'm just coming up for air now.

good luck Jars and Kitty. Keep us posted!

I did a foolish thing. I've just started taking vit B6 to lengthen cycle and on Xmas Eve Day 27 I tested. BFN.

I'm now Day 31 and no sign of period as yet. I think the overdosing on the vits has perhaps lengthened my cycle a tad too much...

Hmmm...feeeling stuuuuuupid.

Period defo on the way today me think...heavy womb.

PFFFT.

folicacid...don't want to give you false hope but both times i have been pregnant I had really bad 'menstrual' cramping at about the time I was due (I'm definitely a late implanter!) and didn't test positive until 14 days after ovulation...day 27 could well be early....give it time xxx

Thanks Kitty but I've also just been to loo and had very light browny streak so period must be on way. Ah well.

Yo. The OP here. I am too mizz to post but can I just say how fucking smashing it is to see you all in here .

(Not smashing in that I enjoy the misery of others obviously. Y'all know what I meant )

well i found myself magically drawn to the drawer containing the testing paraphenalia this morning (i hope hubby never looks in there i think he'd leave); 3 days early, did the clearblue digital, it was positive. im scared as have already had two disasters this year. am literally not counting chickens (although i hope its ot a fucking chicken after all this hassle).

Can I join in too please? Having mistakenly joined another forum in the hope of meeting some 'normal' people I am now so covered in babydust i will never be rid of it!

I am not over 30, but I promise to bring a nice bottle of single malt.