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Original poster

The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

928 replies

bebejones · 06/08/2010 14:32

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

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Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 20:50

Nannyl - :o at your mum!

AC - Like Nannyl I know a fair few people who have actually written 'I want all drugs available'. My MW always said the best birth plans were the relaxed, open minded, short ones! She had some hilarious stories of things women had written on birth plans. Like, 'No one shall talk to me or near me during a contraction' & 'No one can speak when the baby is born so that the first voice it hears is mine'! Things that are near enough impractical in a hospital setting really. I actually left my birth plan at home when I had DD, but it didn't contain anything I could tell the MWs anyway!

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AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 20:52

Do you mind if I ask what it said, and whether in retrospect it was sensible?

nannyl · 14/08/2010 20:54

amanda i completley agree with you... completely 100% but i do know personally so many ( normally always much younger mums, and the same mums who have no intention of even trying to breastfeed) who have said from the moment they have found out that they are pg that they want all the painrelief avaliable, given to them ASAP SadSadSad

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:00

Actually thinking back, I remember that that was my view as well a few years ago, I said to my auntie who is a HV that I simply couldn't understand why people didn't view it in the same way as any other operation they might have - obviously anyone in her right mind would want to be knocked out cold or, at the very least, have an epidural.

I've done a lot of learning since then, and I know now how badly wrong things can go and how you have to consider the long-term effects, not just the short-term pain relief. I've also stopped thinking of birth as a type of operation ha ha!

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:00

How do you know lots of young mums out of interest?

Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 21:00

I did it as bulletpoints. I had wanted a waterbirth, so it stated that. Then went on to detail what I wanted if I couldn't do that (which I couldn't). Things like, I wanted to stay active & stay at home as long as possible. (Which went out of the window when it came to it.) I actually said I didn't want an epidural...but I had one! I said about DD having VitK & that I wanted injection to help deliver placenta. I wanted to tear rather than be cut...didn't happen as had forceps. I had put that I was happy to do whatever was necessary to get baby out safely & quickly should there be a problem. (Which there was. :() Nothing outlandish, I just sort of went with the flow.

Re Stopping drugs, I figured that if I just get on with it he can't actually do anything about it once I've stopped! :o

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Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 21:03

Massively Xposting! I always said when I was younger I wanted the drugs too. Although at 25 aparently I was considered a 'young mum' & the MWs were quite surprised when I had said what I wanted.

Lol at AC thinking birth is an operation :o

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AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:06

Wow - well that's the other thing, childbirth never seems to turn out anything like the plan anyway. All that sounds rather scary Bebe, especially the forceps delivery.

Re stopping drugs, that sounds exactly the way I gave up the pill. You probably remember that the first month I was planning to stop I consulted DH and we had a massive row, and I ended up starting the next packet? And that the month after that I just stopped, told him I'd stopped and that was the end of it, he didn't bat an eyelid. Men!

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:08

Blush obviously it's the kind of operation you can have in your living room in a paddling pool!

Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 21:13

Exactly, I think it's one of those things that is really hard to actually plan for!

Sounds far scarier than it actually felt at the time. DD was just being awkward, we should have known then what we were in for! :o

Remember you doing that with the pill. DH doesn't bat an eyelid either when I say about stopping on the 24th or how many I have left! (6 btw! :o)

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Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 21:16

Although I want a waterbirth minimal intervention, the thought of giving birth at home actually really scares me. Think it's coz we are a bit out in the sticks & a good half hour from the nearest hospital. Plus DH not driving would make an emergency a complete nightmare! Oh and I just don't think we have the room for a paddling pool in the living room! :o

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AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:23

In that case, I'd say you should just stop them. Your DH is well aware of the situation, so if he wants to have an "I don't think you should stop them" conversation, he can.

Six weeks then till you finish the meds. What a milestone that will be. Better get started on your living room extension! Do you think I can have a pool in our second floor flat?

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:24

Oh have put a couple of pics on btw. Will hunt down better ones later!

Original poster
bebejones · 14/08/2010 21:29

ROFL :o that would so not be funny! :o

Have definately given DH plenty of chances to say about not stopping meds!

You look nothing like I imagined btw!

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AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:35

I don't know what I expected everyone to look like, aliens or something ha ha.

nannyl · 14/08/2010 21:37

amanda lol at the thought of crashing downstairs Grin

lots of the young mums / mums to be / not yet pregnant girls i know are my cousin and her friends... just this Xmas i had a long long debate conversation with them and they were all adament that no one breastfeeds now we are in the 21st century Shock... and then list a long list of their 19 / 20 / 21 year old friends who have never breastfed and have healthy babies (you know the ones with asthma, and a long list of allergies and intolerances Hmm)

also nannying... aka going to baby / toddler groups etc constantly for the past 10 years has put me in contact with many many many mummies, so have had lots of interesting conversations with lots and lots of mummies about their views in future births and what they did during their births!

really am genuinely shocked at how many people have the opposite attitude to me!

i know i want my water birth at home... i too live in the sticks, pretty much in the peak district, give or take 100 yards, 5 miles from ambulence station and hospital, but just know (and have done for such a long time) that i want my babe peacfully in my home and want to then go and snuggle in my bed in peace. Im sure its what everyone wants, but i really really want it.
also im sure intervention is much more likely when its there, so easily avaliable (ie in hospital) and at least if you are at home, its less easy to slip into having the birth you dont want.

One of my best nanny friends bosses lived in the sticks and had all 3 of her babies peacefully a home (not in water) and if she can do it then so can I Wink

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:37

Perhaps we should all post pictures of ourselves frantically reading TCOYF whilst peeing on OV sticks, whilst our DH look on anxiously in the background!

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:44

Nannyl you're lucky to have had so many people to talk to about it, even if some of them do have some interesting ideas! It seems a bit crazy not to at least try breastfeeding!

Did the ones who wanted every drug going for their first birth say they'd do the same for subsequent births out of interest?

nannyl · 14/08/2010 21:48

cant remember off the top of my head but one of my best friends (who had her baby after having every pain releif avaliable, and her baby is now 7 years old, has always been adament that she would 1) never have another child 2) if she did would have all the painrelief going again... and like X, Y and Z wouldnt attempt to breast feed #2 either... but then she hasnt had anymore as she vowed)

what does TCOYF stand for?

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:52

Toni Weschler's book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

nannyl · 14/08/2010 21:53

ShockShockShock there is a getting pregnant book that i havent got / read ?????? Shock Shock Shock

ebay /amazon here i come Grin

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 21:55

It is the getting pregnant bible! Oh and it is one of the things that I accidentally added to DH's Amazon shopping basket that time lol.

nannyl · 14/08/2010 21:59

i already have "the babymaking bible" Smile

pjd · 14/08/2010 22:19

Wow, this thread moves fast! Hadn't checked since about Tuesday and had over 100 messages to catch up on! Feel like it might take me a while to properly get to know everyone, but I'll make more of a concerted effort to check regularly from now on!
I finished my current pill packet on Thursday, so due to start the next one to them on Friday, not sure whether to keep going for another month or just stop now. I would love to have #2 in August/September/October, so I guess that means I need to start TTC in November. Have I done my maths right there? So maybe I should stop now, to clear out the system etc. Maybe I should start on the folic acid too.......makes it all seem so real! Scary too, but good scary!
Talking of birth plans, I was really keen on as little intervention as possible with DS1, didn't want an epidural, wanted to avoid drugs and just get through on gas and air.........didn't quite turn out that way though! As soon as I was offered pain relief I took it - pethadine - and thought it was great! Perhaps this was because it sent me off my nut! So when the effects wore off I asked for more! The midwives were clearly NOT keen to give it to me, but the patient has a right to have the pain relief from what I understand, and I begged them so they went ahead and gave me a second dose. After that I was really out of it, and got to 10cm but was too spaced out to push properly.....3 hours of half-hearted attempts at pushing later and all the medical staff involved decided the only way the baby was coming out was by C-section! By this point I didn't really care what they did to me! Just wanted the baby out safely. No idea what to do if/when (hopefully!) #2 comes along - part of me is quite scared about the whole process and wonders if I should ask for an elective ceasarian, then another part of me thinks I should just see what happens and learn from my experience - i.e don't overdose on pethadine!! Don't know. Was pleased however that the c-section didn't affect breastfeeding. I had heard that having a section can make it harder to bf at the beginning, don't know why, but that turned out not to be the case, and I managed to keep going for 13 months.

That was a long ramble, sorry!

AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 22:43

Hi pjd, that birth story sounds a bit horrific, are you secretly DH logged on to try to put me off? lol

It is difficult to keep up with the thread isn't it. I am usually on my mobile, and can't sit down in front of a decent size screen with a keyboard, so this is a nice way to spend the evening! I have to go through with a pen and paper sometimes to keep track of everything, especially now there are so many of us waiting.

I would very much like a September/October baby as well. How have you found adjusting to having DC1?

Oh before I forget - Madamedefromage, where is that thread you mentioned where someone lists all the potential problems with getting pregnant and having a baby after 35? It might come in handy!