The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

[bebejones]

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

amummyinwaiting you are very welcome on this thread. I find it does have its quiet times when nothing happens, but then it picks up again. For me it is very difficult to get online to do any proper posting, as I am either at work or have no access to a computer and have to rely on my phone, which is ok for reading posts but not terribly good for replying - particularly one of those spectacular replies where you list everyone's name and address them personally!

You are so not alone in feeling the way you do, it is not that long since I had a similar crisis of confidence and blubbed my heart out on the thread about not being sure what I wanted. It doesn't mean we are not going to be mums, or that we don't really want to be - I think it's just natural to feel overwhelmed occasionally when contemplating ttc 24-7. Once you've made up your mind to do a bungee jump you don't want to be hanging around at the top looking down for months, you just want to grit your teeth and get on with it, whatever horror might await you!

My DH has just got a new job too and is also on a 3 month trial as of Monday. I would also like to start ttc in January. DH has not agreed to this yet. I have always been the one driving this.

We don't own our own house, and we're a long way off doing so, so it seems rash to start ttc. But leaving it any longer when I possibly want to have 2 children is really becoming out of the question, if only because I don't want to have to wait indefinitely. Also, if you read enough posts on MN it becomes obvious that no matter how much planning you do, you can't control what will happen tomorrow.

Like your DH I have quite a lot of debts - much more than your DH actually. They are manageable, but only while I have a wage coming in every month. I couldn't afford to pay them out of statutory maternity pay, which means that unless I save up a lump sum, DH would have to take over my repayments for a while - and I don't want that.

I wouldn't worry too much about your weight. If you are fit and healthy that's the important thing. Take on board reasonable health advice up to a point but tell midwife/HV off if he/she gets too judgy.

If you have read my posts you will know that I am also having horrible problems at work with my boss. I don't want to change career but I would like to go elsewhere - and the timing is terrible.

But at the end of the day, like you, I want to have a child. I agree with what you say about your DH - and that is what we are here for, for you to spill all your fears and worries, so that you can present a positive, if not bordering on obstinate front to DH.

Hi everyone,

Back at work after some days off, so I won't be on here much for a few days. Hit and miss with me at times.

amummyinwaiting I too am trying to lose weight, I also wonder what people would say if I were to get PG at the moment, but I am fit, but am using the next few months to get a bit fitter and try to lose some more weight to make things a little easier for me. I have lost just over 2 stone now, and want to lose some more, then even if I put weight on I have a way to go before I hit my heaviest ever.

Yep I'm hoping it's Jan when we start TTC, but it's all subject to change.

Hope everyone else is OK.

Is anyone starting a new thread, or shall we wait till some of us do get to the TTC stage and start it then?

Thought we were waiting til this one was full, only another 10(ish) pages...we'll fill that by next Friday!! :o

Who is first to jump off the cliff?....can't remember, but I know someone was October...brain like a seive, sorry!

Yeah, I know, someone is having coil removed in Oct, I can't remember either.

I didn't realise threads got 'full'

Like the jumping off a cliff saying

Yep, I think you are right about it being Squirrel.

Oh fingers crossed that you get the right results soon. This month hey, well good luck :)

Whywait - they test for immunities when you get PG anyway so even if you aren't immune now you might be by the time they test again, and rubella is relatively rare these days anyway so you'll probably be fine!

100 - threads are full at 1000 posts, which is roughly 40 pages! :)

Jabs doen, 2 more to go!!!! woo hoo!! Have to celebrate on here coz don't feel I can rub it in with DH as he is still a bit grumpy about it!

Evening all. I am babysitting my DN's this weekend, so it is giving me a little insight as to how my life would be with another DC. Although I don't think it would be quite as hectic as having the DN's here.

DN's are 3.9 and 2.5. My DSes are 7 and 2.11, so it is rather a lot of fun. Getting them to sleep tonight was a laugh, but I'm loving having them here.

NannyL hope you get the result you want tomorrow.

Hallo, may I join in? I am 42 and have one of each: DD7; DS5; DH57 with FOFF (fear of further fatherhood). Plus a loft full of baby stuff which he says should be thrown out. I go silent when he mentions this - he knows it is a sore topic and discussion will get us nowhere. If pressed I say we should keep it 'just in case'.

Mostly he is adamant he doesn't want any more but did once say (after I'd admitted to a possible lost early pg) that another baby 'wouldn't be the end of the world'. Interestingly, he didn't ask me if I had been trying to trick him on that occasion (I use diaphragm and this is not 100%). He was possibly trying not to upset me as we lost a baby at 13wks before DD.

His reasons for stopping at 2 are very sound. But reason won't stop my heart breaking and I think it is affecting my health. I always wanted 4 children. I broke down in tears in front of our children during the holidays when he was away overnight at a school reunion and we were watching In the Night Garden on CBeebies. I had to explain it made me think of the time when DS was a toddler and I'd never have that again and how much I wanted another baby.

I originally said I would never trick him but recently cast caution to the winds. We have done it more than once without the diaphragm and he must have noticed!? Does this mean he is tacitly approving? Or is he very unobservant? I always have to start activity, btw, which is an old gripe. Maybe he thought I'd planned ahead off-stage but we do it so seldom these days that rather than waste time putting it in when not used, I started to keep it in the bedside drawer. So he knows when I put it in. Maybe he is just being an unobservant man.

My cycles have got very irregular in the last 3yrs but tests show I am still fertile. I think I am developing a mental problem where you convince yourself you are pg and actuallly develop symptoms. Either that or it's IBS! Several times I've been convinced I was pg, not said anything, eventually tested -ve and eventually p arrived. I get swollen lower abdomen, tender breasts. Happening again now. 7wks since last AF but test a wk ago was -ve.

Am up late having deep thoughts about whether to continue putting whole marriage at risk. Apart from a touchy temper (no physical violence!) he is a good husband and after a shaky start with our temperamental DD, a reasonable dad and getting better all the time. Sorry to be blunt; he is likely to die some time before all of us, being a decade and a half older than me. It's a long time to live with regret after the menopause that you didn't give it a last shot to give another sister/brother to your LOs.

BTW he said OK to our having children before agreeing to marry me but never mentioned a number!

Welcome Saltor! Wow, that sounds a very tricky & extremely emotional situation for you :( Maybe you do really need to press him to open up & see if he does want more children (or is open to the idea). What has worked for many of us is explaining our own reasons for wanting a baby. Of course some OHs are more receptive to this method than others!

WhyWait - Eeeeek, how exciting!!! Glad you won't be leaving us though! :)

Can't believe I only have 2 jabs to go, I'm half expecting DH to turn round and make some sort of 'deal' about waiting til after xmas to stop & TTC March or something! (I do not want a Dec/Jan baby, would be a complete nightmare for us, we already have at least one birthday/event every week in those months!) Hate feeling like I can't be excited at home about stopping them at the moment. DH is uber stressed about work again & TTC still feels a bit like a pipe dream :( My last one will be the Friday before I go on holiday & I will be at my mums. She is excited too so at least I can 'celebrate' in front of her!!

Welcome to amummy and saltor.

amummy/others - I managed to save LOADS of money while I was pregnant. I found it a fairly cheap time - didn't want to buy clothes, I was too knackered to go out anywhere/do much at the weekend, wine budget cut drastically! Just a thought. Childcare costs are enormous though, and it is definitely something that makes me a bit scared of having 2. I am trying not to even think of twins because I don't think I would be able to go back to work at all. I think everyone has cold feet - I also had them when pregnant with my daughter . In terms of weight lots of bigger women have perfectly healthy babies and pregnancies. Ditch the guilt and eat as healthily as you can/take light exercise. Guilt for everything is unfortunately a part of pregnancy and motherhood because no-one is perfect. For example, I am the 'normal' weight but failed miserably at breastfeeding.

Saltor sounds like a really tricky situ. Can you get him to watch a load of things about how difficult it is to conceive post-40. If you convince him it won't happen he may agree (that's what my ex next door neighbour did and she now has a gorgeous nine month old!)

Why wait get on with it - if you've had the jab you'll be fine

Good morning all

welcome saltor. sounds like you are in a tricky position. agree with bebe about erhaps explaining why you want a baby.

bebe how exciting bout the jabs

well i tested and it was a BFN
Am VERY happy about that, and am having a proper cup of earl grey tea (ie some caffine ) to celebrate.

can have a holiday and celebrate weddings as planned... dont have to be a non drinking bridesmaid, and can also attend other best freinds wedding without a teeny tiny new born.

am really looking forward to trying with you so many of you after Xmas, and me and OH have vowed to be MUCH more careful between now and then as this has stressed me out far to much.
OH is also looking forward to his Xmas 2 weeks off, as if cycle continues regulalry if i have worked it out right we will be trying around or soon after Xmas

My temp has come down a little today, not a lot and still way over coverline so that may be a sign that AF is on its way? who knows?

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Pleased for your BFN NannyL :)

Glad that you got the result you wanted Nannyl! :)

Me too nannyl.

Good Morning Ladies,
Thank you everyone for your support, felt exceptionally irrational yesterday and you all helped me so much. I think it was just a dithery moment (like the bungee jumping!) but they are all concerns that stress me out.
For myself I want to address weight issue so joining the online thing sounds good. I think as several of you said eating healthy and exercising is the key....really I need to view it as a bit of a life change, and I have a reason for doing it that can keep me going.
Husbands money is a problem but, as I said before is managable and in three months it is an almost certanty that he will be getting a payrise. Plus they head hunted him for the job so I doubt after 3 months they will change there mind!
Money is my main worry but I think the lady who said it (I'm sorry so many people replied that I cant remember names!)there will never be a really perfect time and that you never know what is going to happen.
When I go into work next I'm going to discuss with hr about doing the nvq but with them paying as it would be beneficial to them and see what they say (they have a huge pot of money for funding that they desperatly want to use)
But I guess the big news is that I spoke to dh about all of this. He said it is all managable, showed me how we'd cope with money, reminded me how parents had said they would help and also said that it takes 9 months to have a baby and that it probably wont happen straight away so I still have got time for courses etc. Anyway the gist of this is that as of last night we are not activley ttc but also we are no longer using any contraception. But that now makes me panic as I dont understand temperatures, when I'm more fertile or not, what vitamins I should be taking or anything!need your help as you all seem experts on this!
Just one last thing amandacooper I would actually say you are in a better position not owning a house as you do not have to worry about mortgage going up. If I had chance again I most definatly would not have bought my house.

forgot to say once more; thank you for all being so lovely and welcoming. x

Hi all! I'm sitting in the hairdressers with my head covered in foils, I think I could possibly pick up radio one if tuned correctly!

Welcome salter! What are OH's sensible reasons for not wanting to TTC? Share them with us and we can put together a dossier of counter-arguments!

I'm glad you are feeling better mummyinwaiting! You sound like a such a nice person, I'm sure everything will work out fine! My OH's friend confided in him that he and his partner were not trying but also not using contraception......about a month later we got a call saying they were pregnant!

I'm glad you got what you wanted Nannyl! Phew!

Ah thanks strawberrypie! am still in shock that we just both agreed on it. trying not to get bogged down with thinking anything will happen though- did have a mooch on mumsnet and their were threads talking about all kinds of complicated things so I'm happy to still be at the bus stop with nice ladies!
I think I can remember a film with a woman who got the radio through a filling?or I might just be a bit mad about that!

Eeeek, our thread is in 'most active' list!! Always get excited when I see that! I know it's very sad! :o

Amummy - don't get too bogged down in temps/charting etc if you aren't actively actually TTC, it might end up making you feel more stressed about it all. Maybe just try keeping a log of your cycles & having lots of mid cycle sex, & watching for EWCM.

Strawberry - :o at picking up radio 1!

All this 'throwing caution to the wind' & NPP is making me want to get on with it now!!!

Yes charting won't help nearly as much as just looking out for either creamy or egg white consistency stretches between your fingers discharge - then shag like mad on those days.

is that what EWCM is?gloopy white stuff?and what does that mean?I'm mid cycle now 9I think tho I am a bit up and down with m cycles)
I cant believe how little I know!

Yes floppy white or transparent stuff. It's fluid that mimics semen. Sperm can swim in it and it contains nutrients for sperm to feed off to keep them alive for longer.

Gloopy, not floppy! iPhone error!