The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

[bebejones]

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

constantine is the name of university tutor so thats ruled out of my list!!!

Have popped a pic up on profile in the skirt Ive made her! She looks a bit miserable coz she had only just woken up!

I agree that boys names are much harder. It's really difficult to be different without being weird or...erm...effeminate!

DH likes Maximus for a boy which I'm really not convinced about, but actually for him that is quite 'out there' as he usually likes the safe options!

JS - I also have a list which I add to. It's in my bedside drawer along with the list of baby stuff that I think would be useful next time around, the OV sticks & a cute little neutral newborn hat of DDs! Now that is sad!

Thats meant to say, popped a pic up on profile of DD in the skirt Ive made her!

whywait have a super weekend in the lakes, sounds like fun, hope the weather is kind to you

bebe what a lovely tutu, you are clearly very talented. perhaps you could make and sell them on ebay?

bebe your DD looks super cute in her tutu!! Love it!

whywait have a lovely weekend!

I think I might be having a bit of a rant in this post....... sorry in advance for the general moaney tone and probable length!!

Yesterday DH asked me to do some research into flights to Australia for New Year. We had initially planned on going in Feb/March as his GM lives outside Sydney and he hasn't seen her for 5 years and I have never met her. She is 97 and so we need to go and visit this year really.

We have an Amex companion voucher and enough miles to get us there (meaning we only have to pay taxes on any available flights) but there was no availability for New Year ( not exactly surprising!!!) DH then asked me to look at the cost of flights if we just pay for them and save the companion voucher for another trip. It comes to £3000 for us both and that is before factoring in additional costs for a stopover on the way out and back as well as the cost of hotels and internal flights when we get there. I think that this is a lot of money, expecially at the moment and I just can't afford it. DH has said that it is an important trip and that we can just "increase the mortgage to pay for the flights" I said that I though that this was a little bit silly but he seems to think it essential that we go over asap. I have told him I'm not doing any more research adn that it's up to him as I just can't afford it. We will have to wait and see what happens.

After this we were just chatting about using the companion vouchers for another trip. They are valid until August 2012 and so I pointed out that we may end up using them for something like a trip to Majorca and not making the most fo them!!! He dissagreed and some of the suggestions he came up with were:

India in October 2011 ( pointed out that I was under the impression that we weere hoping that I would be PG by then and that India whilst 6 months PG might not be such a wise idea......) He still seems to think that we should book this and then get a refund if things change. This leads me to think he's not on board for TTC in March now....

India in March 2012 ( leaving a very young baby to go off to India for 3 weeks?!??!)

Boston in Autumn 2011(again - hoping I might be PG and possibly not able to fly to the USA!!)

Skiing in Vail/Aspen Winter 2011/12 (yet again hoping to either be PG or with a very new baby to look after)

I jokingly said that maybe if we TTC earlier than planned then we might be able to fit in a ski trip in Spring 2012. His repsonse was:
"Or we can wait and TTC later. Our dates aren't set in stone anyway. The more you push me on this the more I am going to resist"

He then couldn't understand why I was [shocked] Looking back, I am guessing that pointing out that if his only issue with TTC now is financial and so why can we borrow money for a holiday and not for a baby was a bit of a stupid idea. He went quite, accused me of being cold what the fuck do you think my response is going to be you T"@t!!! and that was the end of the converstaion. He wants to talk about it more when we are on holiday next week but I can't see how I it is going to help. He is so stubborn and wants timings to fit him and not me.

He's a funny mood today. Claims it's stress about work but I can't help thinking it's me. What a wonderful start to the weekend!!!

Sorry - rant over. It just feels good to tell somebody!!

Wishing you all Happy Fridays!!
x

morning everyone, just been catching up with the thread

WHYWAIT- hope u have a lovely weekend in the lakes, my mum is on her way up to lake windermere for 2 days today aswell

BEBE- i must be looking in the wrong place i cant see the tutu u put up :(

JS sorry to hear youve had a bad time with DP, i can completely see you viewpoint, hopefully he will see your way of thinking a bit more when he calms down

SQUIRREL- i also had loads of girls names i liked but found it really hard to pick something unusual nice for a boy, plus anything i suggested for a boy dp didnt like, good job we had a DD, even now i still dont know wot boys names i would like

morning all

JS so sorry to read your post.... agree with you and your points.... GRRRRRRRRR at men
hope your weekend gets better XXX

Im off for my swim now, with my friend and she is doing cooking our dinner tonight which will be nice....
then got the weekend with my bestest freind and OH so that should be lovely too

OH bringing homw new bedroom furniture today (supposidly) so might (or might not!) have new bedroom furniture by next week... wahoo (cause at the moment most of my clothes are in what will be the babies room, so we might as well sort our bedroom furniture now)

Oh JS - how annoying! Sounds like it's all escalated into a bit of a power struggle unnecessarily? Because you won't compromise on spending £3k, he then won't compromise his holiday timetable around what he knows to be important to you ie TTC....I think we all hit walls like this every now and again. Maybe it'll die down and you'll both be able to come at it from another angle and it won't all seem so black or white? Did he come up with any holiday ideas that could potentially be baby friendly?

In our house it's DP's work around which all things must revolve. Our planned summer holiday together has vaporised as a consequence of his unfinished work project which MUST completed. After rearranging my own work meetings several times to accommodate the Ever-Shifting-Phantom-Holiday, and getting quite cross about it, luckily I was offered the last-minute option to swan off with my best friends to Greece for a week instead, which I am now very excited about. (I'd be lying if there wasn't also an element of 'well-then-I'll-go-on-holiday-without-you-so-there!' Childish? Me?)

JS - :( That sounds horrid, poor you, I hate confrontation & stnad offs like that. Has your DH been talking to my DH coz that's exactly the kind of thing he would do/say! Why are we always the ones who have to compromise our plans? Agree with Quod are there any holidays that could be baby friendly? Have heard good things about taking LOs to Egypt. Have a couple of friends who have been. One with a 4 month old & one with a 9month old. Understand he wants to visit his GM but £3k is alot of money at increasing mortgage! I'd be very wary of doing that, but that's just me, I get a bit scared when it comes to mortgages!

Quod - With you on everything resolving around the OHs work! I always have to make sure my plans fit in with his! Can't imagine what it would be like if I was working too! Just recently the whole holiday fiasco kicked off here too! DH had known for months when our 'holiday' was. Granted it's in England and at my mums lodge, but still! He goes and arranges not one but two meetings that 'can't be moved', one for the Friday we were going & one for the Tuesday we were away! I'm going without him again! Hoping he will join us later in the week, but still v !

Jbells - took the pic down, sorry, have put it back up now! Agree re glad we had a girl. Could not agree on a boys name, God help us if the next one is a boy!

Nannyl - have a good weekend, fingers crossed on the furniture front!

Another Friday so another jab...so after tonight will it be 5 more to go? Who knows, watch this space!

revolving not resolving! sorry!

ahhh BEBE how cute is that tutu, wish i could make things

Don't you worry about ranting on here JS, it's a good place to do it! Could you not go back to the original plan of going in Feb/Mar, was there a reason why OH didn't want to wait until then? Or would it even be possible to go in Autumn/Winter this year rather than wait until New Year if he wants to go as soon as possible?

Although OH is in agreement that we should ttc #2, I would now like to start a bit earlier than we had originally planned - we had said we would ttc after Christmas, but I'd like to get started in November. I know that is hardly any difference, but I think it may be a big deal to him, so I am going to have to have my own, albeit mini version of thetalk sometime this weekend. Hope it goes ok!

Hello everybody!

you are very well informed ac! I'm going to be asking you for advice when the time comes for me to start monitoring all that stuff

JS a spotted dog has to be seen really to be appreciated but it is like a tap-dancing step involving kicking your legs back and flinging your arms up and down!
I agree with pjd about trying to stick to original plan and going to Aus with air miles in Feb/March unless there is a problem.......how annoying and unfair though to come out with that pushing/resisting line!

what is your chosen boy's name nannyl or is it a secret? I love all the discussions about names! Hope your furniture is looking good!

Good news about the completed coursework whywait!
Have a nice weekend in the Lakes :)

I like the sound of the hardcore pilates quod, my friend went to a normal one and described it as a group pelvic floor exercise class!

I love the cushions in that link bebe! You can put me down as your first customer! ps there was a boy at my school called Max Power. No joke.

Good luck with getting through your amaretto squirell Am sipping my soil flavoured redbush tea and am jealous!

Whywait I don't think even I know what's going on in my head. I don't have an urge to have children at this very moment, in fact given the choice I would stay right where I am at exactly this age for another I don't know how many years, and then get on with ttc "when I'm ready" - and during that prolonged youth I would travel the world, go off on the spur of the moment, stay out all night, and do all manner of crazy reckless things.

But the rational part of me that knows that eternal youth isn't possible and that the optimum time is now. For my whole life right up to now, I've had very good reasons for putting off ttc. I think if I ttc tomorrow and find that I've left it too late, I could find some peace in the knowledge that I made sensible choices, and didn't just put it off for no reason.

But if I delay it longer, just to enjoy a few more years of careless freedom, and then find I can't conceive, and will never have a family of my own, well how will I feel?

I'm still relatively young and hopefully still fertile - but for how long? I don't want to subject my body to the strains of childbearing in my late 30's or early 40's, the pressure on my internal organs, the lack of sleep, the stress, etc. will be hard enough to suffer now. I'm terribly worried about miscarrying, about being unable to conceive, that I might have a child with disabilities because of my age.

Also I don't particularly want to be 50 when my child is 10. I want to be around the same age as all the other mums, and I don't want to be retired before my children leave home.

DH doesn't think about any of these considerations. He has never, it seems, been subject to what I can only describe as the intense brainwashing I've received all my life - about stupid career women who leave it too late, the ticking clock, etc. He had no idea that there was even any significance to the age 35. He doesn't know anything at all about conception, or pregnancy, or birth.

JS I read your post today and I was so angry for you. I'm so angry at the whole situation, causing discord with our OHs, and breaking down the lines communication we have painstakingly built up and grown comfortable with.

Why the hell is he behaving that way? Why would he speak to you like that, knowing how important a baby is to you? I am honestly at my wits end.

Take DH this morning, kissing me and saying we would have a baby after Christmas. Only four nights previously snapping at me in the middle of the night, telling me darkly he's never going to agree to have one and that it would ruin his life forever.

What planet are our men from? And why aren't all men behaving this way? There's a whole message board out there, forum after forum of women whose fellas have readily agreed to reproduce without a care in the world!

Hello ladies! I hope everyone is enjoying their weekends so far.

Thanks everyone for the warm wishes regarding my dissertation...it's coming along, although painfully. It will definitely be a relief to turn it in!

Interesting discussion regarding baby names. We have also found it more difficult to agree on boys' names. So far DH only likes very traditional boys names which I find way too common. He's more open-minded with girls' names.

I had my TTC appointment with the GP yesterday. In case anyone's wondering what that will be like, it was very straightforward. She checked my last cervical smear and my immunization records, and asked if I was taking folic acid. She recommended switching from my multivitamin to a pregnancy-specific vitamin, as the multivitamin had Vitamin A in it. We talked a bit about alcohol and caffeine, and she is of the school of thought that it's fine to drink 2-3 cups of coffee per day, even whilst PG, and to have a glass of wine every now and again whilst TTC before you find out your PG. I asked a couple of questions about NHS vs. private (we've got private through DH's work, but I haven't used it for anything yet and I'm not actually sure if it covers maternity). That's it; maybe it will be different with your GPs, or given your specific circumstances, but I don't think a TTC appointment is actually necessary if you're reading up on this stuff.

I also had my dentist appointment, and as suspected, I've got a small cavity that will need to be filled pre-TTC.

JustShagging, I would definitely be upset in your situation. IMHO, DH is being selfish, and I don't think its fair to threaten you with postponing TTC over a holiday or two. You have the rest of your lives to take holidays. I agree with the comments suggesting you try to go to Australia in Feb/March with your voucher. I would have a serious problem with taking an additional loan on the mortgage for a holiday (especially if DH has been unwilling to do so to put you in a position to be able to TTC).

Amanda, I understand your annoyance with DH flipping back and forth, but it sounds like this might be a positive development. Do you think he might be serious this time about TTC after Christmas?

Amanda and Nannyl, I am also trying to interpret my fertility signs and chart. Are you using the Fertility Awareness Method? So far, I am finding it a bit difficult to tell what's going on with my cervix. I hope it becomes more obvious with experience!

Nannyl, good luck sorting out your bedroom furniture. Does this mean you will start decorating future DC's room soon? Our future DC's room is currently an office/guest room, and I must admit I've already been thinking about what's got to go!

Squirrel, enjoy the Amaretto! I am working my way through some bottles of wine I had been saving, a bottle of Bailey's, and my gourmet coffee stash. Although this might actually make it more difficult to cut everything when we start TTC in a month or so!

Bebe, very cute skirt! Please let us know what happened with the talk last night!

pjd, good luck with your talk, too! Please keep us posted!

Hi Mrswantstobeamum! Frankly no is the answer. I have given up getting my hopes up altogether. I think the cervix thing will come with time - and I've got plenty of that! Am very worried now that I am not ovulating. CD 17 and still no temperature surge. Going to get some OV sticks for next month.

Afternoon ladies! :o

Didn't have the mini talk last night, DH wasn't in the 'right place' IYKWIM? I didn't even bother bringing it up as I didn't have the energy for an argument!

AC - I temp charted for about 3 months, religiously did my temp same time before getting out of bed & I never once saw a 'surge' it was up and down alot So I gave up in the end, hence the OV sticks. I def get the EWCM though but it never seemed to tie in with any temp rises

Mrs - hope you manage to get the dissertation finished soon. I hated doing mine for my degree so you have my sympathies. My year all went out to celebrate when we handed them in! :o
My DH likes more 'traditional' names on the whole too...apart from Maximus & a few other odd ones. IMO Jones is a very dull & extremely common surname so the LO needs a unique(ish) name in order to stand out! DH doesn't seem to agree...although I did get my way in the end with DD :o

Think DH might be starting to warm up to the idea of TTC again, but not pushing it at the moment (has only been a couple of days after all). He has had a better end to the week with lots of positive things happening, so fingers crossed!

You'll have to let me know how you get on with the OV sticks Bebe, I honestly thought it all sounded really straightforward when I was first reading about it - I though "yes this will be a doddle"! And I don't think I've had any egg white either.

I know what you mean about timing these talks. I wonder if they're anticipating them all the time? They just don't seem to pay much attention. It could just be that our men don't care for all the - what I can only imagine they see as pointless obsessing over it in advance.

Did I mention we finally booked our holiday? Going one week tomorrow for a week in the sun. Thank goodness!

Maybe your DH will be more receptive to the idea of TTC or at least talking about it after the holiday?!

Will let you know about the OV sticks, not sure if I am going to give them a go this month or not, don't want to waste them IYSWIM? not sure! Might be good to know what to do though & also if they work.....watch this space, I have about 6 days to make up my mind! :)

Talking of baby names, didn't we start a list early in the last thread? I bet mine are embarrassing now! Both DH and I like Charlie for a girl. Lmao at Constantine!

Pjd let us know how the talk goes!

Hi Bebe. Yes I'd be interested to know how you go on with them. It all gets quite expensive doesn't it!

Think baby names have been mentioned a few times now...goes to show how long I have been waiting

I love Tabitha for a girl, I am trying to convince DH, but I have my mum & his youngest sister on my side! :o Goes really well with DDs name & just love it, even though I know it's not to everyones taste! :o
For a boy the first name needs to go with middle names that we already have picked (after both our dads) hot contenders are Oiver (very popular :() or Logan. Those are the only 2 we agree on. I like Eliott but DH hates it because of ET . He likes Luke, because of star wars...I hate dislike it for that reason! There are alot more on my list but can't think of them off the top of my head!

ooops...OLIVER obviously! DD is screaming her lungs out & it's hard to concentrate!