1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Nonono. Am not going to have thickos slagging offa ma Polecat. BESHpower ACTIVATE!

She is saying that the OP and her husband have a duty to accommodate each other for the sake of the children. So she is not telling the OP what specific actions to take but she is saying that the OP must accept some 'compromise' to keep the peace.

OR maybe I have got it wrong and am the stupid thicko...

It seems to me that there's only one way for the OP to go; if she keeps giving in, the control will escalate further. I'm a bit wary of posting too much on that thread because the OP does seem very vulnerable and fragile and she is also in a difficult situation, in a very mysogenistic culture that generally thinks it is ok to treat women like that (yes, I am stereotyping, I'm sure not every single SA man is like that).

I do read the 'relationship' threads quite a lot and frequently find myself being VERY thankful.

Polly 'n' Bess (there's a musical in that somewhere ), I think that rednosetwat has some real ishoos of her own on that subject (kids and their father, etc.) and is shoehorning them into the fred. And I said as much, as you know. Tewtal transference. What she's saying bears absolutely no relevance to what's been discussed or the OP's problem. Bessie is prolly right that she's trying to make a good point about kids but unfortunately I don't think she's bright enough to get it across properly. She keeps making me think of Reverend Lovejoy's wife out of The Simpsons who's always shrieking, ' won't somebody think of the children?'!

Poll, you are right that we should restrict our lesbotic lust to the confines of the palace (and the motorway near Bristol, teehee). We have no need of PDAs to prove out lurve, do we?

I'd be more worried about the lessons her children are learning from that relationship. Does not sound very healthy to me.

I think Red's posts are inconsistent and that is half the problem - one minute it is all 'won't someone think of the children, you must compromise/suck it up' and the next 'you don't have to stay/have sex/put up with him'. Her main bugbear seems to be that somehow the children are in danger of losing out, which is utter crap based on OP's posts to date.

ahem, I didn't say she was making a good point, just a point...

More importantly, I have no idea what I'm still doing up at this time, I'm off to bed.

Bessie, it's a good point to consider the children (Mrs Lovejoy), but trying to guilt trip the OP like she'll be ruining her kids life if she so much as asks her OH to stop wanting sex so often is ridiculous, as we all agree.

I too lurk in Relationships and constantly count myself very, very lucky. In fact, just reading most of those threads could save quite a few relationships, because if someone was having a hard time, you could read the stuff there and decide you have it great!

I can't believe there are posters on there defending a man who insisted his wife have sex 1 week after an emcs - 4 times!

Ooooh, Poopypants, I think it's just me and thee now Now then, could you show me your patented Rabbit Impregnation Technique? Several times for good measure...

Scorps but you were there when I was impregnated... Don't tell me u don't remember!

Morning BESHes, not exactly bright or breezy - but what night time activities there were last night (not in my bed, I hasten to add, although DH now wants to SFF - what again?!!). Off on holiday tomorrow and am behind on a couple of work projects with tomorrow deadline - plus haven't packed yet, so I may not be back - will miss y'all

Have a good hol Squishter. SFF, what's that?

Akshooly, I did have an anatomic question, reading threads like that one, and others as well: people often mention that sometimes they do it because of the kindness to the partner, but do not let him know... Well, HOW? I mean, if I try and do it when not completely into it, it HURTS! Is all fine and dandy if I am all up for it. Is it the case that those people would use lubes? Or am I weird? I just don't understand how "bending over" even works. And I only know this because of the SWI malarchy where once in a while you just think you should because of the OV stick or whatever. And to be honest, both CH and I feel shite and used (not sure by whom, as we both feel used, I guess baybee gods) that we stopped doing it when we are 'meant' to. Well, no all the time, just when we are not in the mood.

Anyhoo, ended up being a long post, which it does not deserve to be, just when people say they do it for him I always squirm. Is it weird that I have to be 100% up for it?

P.S. I am impressed by the night time action and stamina of our BESHs last night!

Morning!

CONGRATULATIONS SQUISHY. Great news. Hope you have a lovely holibob.

I haven't read that thread. Not sure that I will either, sounds pretty vile from what you've all said. Plus The Rage has intensified today so I think its best I stay in the Palais.............

Hope everyone is OK this fine morning, x

In answer to your question, Mountie, is that I imagine that if your husband insists that he has to despunk every 2 days and that he has to do it by having sex with you, you become used to it I don't mean that it won't hurt her but that she's probably found a way to tolerate it. I couldn't and wouldn't but then again I wouldn't be with someone like that. The OP and her DH are Afrikaans and without generalising, theirs is an incredibly sexist and patriarchal culture, so perhaps that's why she didn't think it was that bad, After all, the OP wasn't asking for advice about the OH demanding sex all the time - she is used to it - but asking if others thought it was bullshit when he said married men shouldn't wank!

And Polly, of course I haven't forgotten about being present at the conception of our child! I just wanted a repeat

Laurie Rage . Sorry, I should be scared, but I have grown quite fond of it.

Scorps I cannot think of a way I could find to tolerate the discomfort or downright pain, but I suppose this is exactly the problem. It's just that she said she did not mind. I cannot see how I could not mind the pain . That was a double neg bad sentence, wasn't it? Well, the fact that she asked means that she must have thought the whole thing was weird. I have to say I know nothing of the Afrikaans culture. I know 4 people: 2 of them gay and the other 2 married to non - afrikaans (and Jewish now that I think of it) and all of them sort of normal and lovely. Not saying you are wrong, just saying from the people I know I could not get to know that side of the culture at all.

Has anyone seen District 9? Not that I digress or anyfink...

No, I'm only mentioning the Afrikaans thing because several posters were 'Aha!' after she mentioned they were from SA and white and I do sadly know quite a few Afrikaaners who either moan about the appalling sexism in their culture or moan about 'mad feminism' in the UK (guess which are women and which are men!).

Whatever culture you're from does not excuse the OP's OH's behaviour and attitude. And I too cannot see how she can tolerate discomfort/pain 3-4 times a week for years and years, even when pregnant and even when recovering from an emcs

I guess everyone's trying to find reasons as to why he'd be like that and why she'd tolerate it when the only reason is that he's a total bastard and she shouldn't tolerate it!

And yep, I've seen District 9. It's v good and v original, although quite violent and gory.

Yeah, I felt so sorry for the aliens.

Although it's a bit weird when the people who are sympathetic to the aliens are holding up their placards referring to 'freedom for prawns'!! In a race/politics sense that is like a white person at an anti-apartheid demo holding a sign saying 'be nice to niggers'. I found that to be a bit of an oversight....

Good film though.

I am annoyed that the red nose person has entirely avoided responding to me. Fucking spineless. However prob for the best wrt my emotional state.

Ha, ha, good point! Or maybe they were trying to highlight the hypocrisy of our own society?

Don't worry about her Ginster, there is always going to be a twat or two out there, but also lovely (allbeit full of rage) BESHs in here. Maybe that fred is best left alone. I wonder if the OP is in shock.

RedNoseDay is a horrible bastard and I bet it's a man. Ignore him Ginny. I had a nasty experience when I was 23 and never told anyone as I thought it was my fault as I was very drunk and flirtatious. I still do really :(. I nearly derailed my relationship with lovely MrA before it had even begun. Luckily he's a patient and kind person. It does come back to me in dreams sometimes.

I think I need to walk away from that thread, is making me so . That red nose has started a thread off the back of the original one entitled 'Do women trade sex for love'... so fucking infuriating. [BESHsmash]

I was wondering that too Rie (that red nose is a man... his posts chill me to the bone and make my skin crawl) Sorry to hear about your nasty experience, I'm afraid it is probably way more common than you think. I had one aged 8 that I never really told anyone about, some old guy that lived round the corner from us. I still can't drive past his house without wanting to raze it to the ground, even though he probably died years ago.

It does make you wonder how many women and girls (and maybe men too) are wondering around out there thinking that if only they had been a little bit different, or behaved differently or said something different, then they would not have been violated. I had a very mixed up attitude towards it for a long time - even though I knew he was the perpetrator and it was his actions, his decision that decided to do that to me, it still made me feel that sex was horrible and used by men who saw women as only good for one thing and this was because I had been outgoing, drunk, bubbly, chatty and yes, dead flirty. It put me off alcohol and men and sex for a long time. And I knew I couldn't mention it as I was with a while lot of people I didn't know well and if anyone had been asked, they would have said they had seen me draped over him for a lot of the night, chucking back pints of Speights and what did I expect?

while quite

I think some of those twat posters are men too, just from how they talk. Either that or they have a woeful lack of understanding about their own lives as women!

Gin, about the 'prawns' placards in District 9: during the anti-apartheid era, many white SAs displayed some weird attitudes towards equality for black SAs - they didn't want them to be treated like shit or portrayed as lesser beings, etc., BUT they still didn't want them to be on the same social level as them (ie still wanted them to just be servants and not live near them). I wonder if the film makers were echoing that? Or probably not - is prolly a thoughtless error they missed. You clever bugger!

I don't know if I dare visit rednosecunt's thread. Will it be discussing things like how women who don't cover up the bruises their husbands give them are going to traumatise their kids and are therefore bad mothers?