1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

But I don't see why you bloody should STFU! It's only a week or so since you had your scan and could relax and enjoy it all! Blimey O'Crikey Moses Allah, the stress of the first few weeks would take a bit of getting over even if you didn't have diffular hormones running out of your ears innit.

Case in point: when my Mum broke her leg really badly she was all stoic (one is tempted to say DHBish) at the time and for about a fortnight afterwards, then dissolved into tears for no apparent reason later. Delayed reaction sorta thing.

Erm. This line of reasoning seemed crystal clear before it reached the keyboard, but now I have confused myself.

BREASTY-DUMPLINGS! I determined never to breast-feed, having seen that. . . MN has of course indoctrinated me otherwise.

Thanks for the lovely cake GinGreenFairy and being nice to me. The cake hasn't got any of Salty's jam in it has it? And absinthe is served in pint glasses right? Who wants one? Anyone for a tankard of absinthe? Gin I cry if I see an old man walking along on his own. Or a crow looking a bit thin. Or a shop that isn't doing very well. Or if somone is nice/mean to me.

PollyPuttheBurgersOn I bet your little bump looks lovely and sweet. Women with ultra toned stomachs show their bumps later on as all their stomach muscles are still holding it all in. I would tell people that if they comment, whilst poking them in the belly and saying "I bet you had a bump really early on".

Aw Gin come 'ere my babber, have a little snuggle. Sorry you are feeling crappy and hormonal.

Sorry it is taking me so long to type stuff that by the time I post I am playing catch-up again. . Stinky my stomach has never been toned. I am the laziest cah ever, innit. And I am sorry you are having such a thoroughly shitty day, although it is entirely to be expected. Have some more fish innards and another bottle of absinthe.

gin my lurve, you are not an incompetent loon. Just a regular (B)PESH loon . Hope you've managed to avoid crying at your desk. Seeing as you've given up your DHB crown come 'ere & cwtch into my ample rack.

stinky you enjoy the cake & pint of absinthe & get through the day any way you feel. There's plenty of rack to spare if you fancy a cwtch too.

polly 20 weeks! Already!! That's insane. To you it prolly feels like forever but it seems to be whizzing by to me. Give TG a dry slap from me for laffing at your menkal worries. The boyf laffed at me last night when I was being a nob, & I warned him to shut up as I was near tears. And I haven't got diffed hormones as valid reason, I am just, well, mad.

Ah, tis nearly the weekend. Barman, line up the voddy shots pliz.

I've just bitten the head off a charity mugger, abused two lots of (extremely unhelpful) bank staff and cried on DH in the middle of the street because I didn't have the right bits of paper to open a savings account. Now he thinks I am mental.

I really should not have gone out. If I ever do win a baybee I'm going to be a fucking liability.

Polly you can remind the nosy buggers that you are currently hovering around the halfway mark and if you were the size of a whale by now it would be downright worrying. Or get a Tshirt printed that says "A £10 fine will be levied for size related comments".

But Polly they don't know how toned your belly is eh? I'm sure you do 400 stomach crunches each morning and sleep in the plank postion don't you .

Now then my SaffronBumCheeks snuggle next to me in the fish guts. Bank staff proably desrved a good shouting at I'm sure.

POSITION! Arrrgh.

I'm so tired and I bled for ELEVEN days and I am all grey faced and I have got SO MUCH WORK TO DO and it's really hard and my belly-button hurts and I want to go hooooooooooooooooommmmeeeeeeeee....

God it must be the day for it. I could happily sink to my knees in the middle of the road and BAWL today. Have spent most of day stuck in roadworks and sitting on floor in filthy corridors watching a small child wee. And stinking out shops with his vile smelling excrement. Oh the shame. And now had to trek over to parents' to print out a ridiculous number of lecture notes for uni this weekend as my laptop still isn't back.

Hate the world.

Oooooo kittens! Thankyou. I have got some onion rings, Wispa and rose wine and trash tv to watch tonight. Yes I know it's not sofistikated but I likes it and I don't care

We clearly need more absinthe (plus some non-alcoholic absinthe for the PESHes in our midst). It must just be a shitty day all round.

Pencilwoman why the hell does your belly button hurt? That is just weird.

Aw Head come and join Ginsters on my lap for a snuggle. 11 days bleeding? That is just not right. Or fair. Or very nice at all, poor darling.

Don't worry DaffySaffy as it is virtual booze I can drink as much as I like and it won't affect the baybee.

Cass sounds like you are having great fun with the potty training. We did that in Jan but my lounge carpet currently stinks of piss as Boo was too lazy to walk away from the TV to go to the downstairs loo. Honestly, that child can piss like a horse. I thought I'd done a really good job of cleaning it up but it STILL smells rancid. Got loads of mums and tots round on Weds for afternoon tea (I'm a laydee don't ya know?) and I just know I will be paranoid about the pissy carpet the whole time. Gah.

Yep Lolly, 20 weeks... scary. The first 12 or so dragged horribly while I menkulled and dry-retched and slept for England. I have a scary sensation of time speeding up now and before I know it, it will be christmas and I will be laying the baybee in the manger and I am Just Not Ready.

Finished another batch of burgers, mexican chilli flavour ones this time. I have got chilli under my fingernails and it is burning I tell ye.

Can I join the tired gang who just want to sit and cry? Today is not a good day.

Come here for mass decking everyone. Take that! And that! Gin, it's lovely to see you, menkul or not. And I have an even Blackadder better phrase for breasts - Devil's Dumplings
(Lady Whiteadder: Edmund! You appear to be wearing a pair of Devil's Dumplings!
Blackadder Oh my God, my ear muffs have fallen down...)

Don't worry. Polly, Cass, you too, my updiffed cronies. Cannot belieeeeeeve it's 20 weeks already! My cousin said she wanted to smack everyone who said her pregnancy had whizzed by - to her it felt like forever. So apologies. And if anyone approaches me if when I get diffed with the aim of stroking my belly I truly will give them a broken nose and a black eye. Troo. Cass please don't sink to your knees and howl. And if you do, make sure you're not in the road.

HB my belly button region also hurts second and third day of droid, so you're not weird. Well unless I am too. So you're weird in a good way.

I have decided against going to Modbury for a haircut after looking at the map.

Cross post with Muse. Come and join the mass decking. Doof! What's up flower?

Very, very tired Aries, and hormonal, and have spent all day feeling sick. And stupid people at work are ailing me. I don't think I have the energy for a 5 day working week at the moment.

Stupid people are annoying enough anyway, without having to deal with them when you're pregnant and sick and v v tired. Still no better then? Last thing I saw when PESH-lurking was that you'd puked behind a tree. I did feel for you :(. Come 'ere for a cuddle.

I haven't thrown up in public again, but still feel pretty awful. It'll all be worth it though.

And now it's 5.30pm and I am going home. Happy Weekend!

Isn't it a shame that the copious vomiting doesn't tend to overlap with the people prodding you and making rude remarks? Then you could vomit on their shoes as retaliation, that'd learn them.

Poor Muse , not only are you barfing behind trees but Arialpowder is PESHstalking you. Gutted. I'm afraid the place is full of fish innards today, I hope that doesn't make you feel worse.

hello (P)BESHtastic ladies, Sorry everyone seems to be having a wobbly today, esp Stinklyteats :( Although I am happy to hear I am not the only one to have an aversion to belly buttons, they are DISGUSTING and weird and the fact that I have one freaks me right out. It one of the things that puts me off being pregnant in case it does that gross popping out thing, bork.

Pol you are amazing super mum and I am in total awe of you.

muse you poor thing. Diffed or not everyone seems low & knackered today. How about we get into our jim jams, have a hot chocolate or Horlicks & watch some crap tv, hmmmm?

that sounds a lovely idea, Laurie.

Ooh yes please Lolly, I could do with a snuggle and some hula hoops to go with my hot choc (weird preggo craving)

My computer is being shite. About to commence rose wine drinkage and tat TV watching before my I have computerFAIL again. Thanks for making a pooey day not so bad one and all. Is that a beam of sunshine I see at the top of the pit? It must be as we all made it through a truely stinking day. Sleep tight my lovelies...and broken kneecaps all round with an oversized courgette that has grown into the size of a sofa, just in case you think I've turned soft.