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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

clash of traditions -trouble already!

80 replies

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:04

pil moved abroad when i was pregnant with ds2. ds1 was very young too.
so we have always had christmas at home or at my parents house and our tradition is..they wake up and have their stockings in bed, then we go downstairs and open the presents.usually about 7.am!

this year-pils are in the uk for christmas and are hosting christmas. and we are going to spend it with them.

they want to adhere to the tradition that they had when dh was a child. you have your stocking. then you come downstairs-have breakfast, tidy up, get showered and dressed, get the dinner in the oven and then when everyone is sitting down with a gin and tonic-you can open presents.

i think it would HUGELY unfair on my children to do this t them. they have done christmas a certain way their whole lives and now , we are going to bring them downstairs, show them a load of gifts and say 'but you can't open them yet'

if they were 12 or something then fair enough, they would be able to understand but they are not. they are 5 and 8 and so excited.

so what is the solution?

OP posts:

BEAUTlFUL · 16/12/2008 22:08

let them open one big present in the morning, then the rest later, when everyone does? Make the morning present a good one, with lots of things to play with, and it will tide them over.

In my family, we don't open presents till after the lunch has been served and cleaned up! But we let DS1 have one big present in the morning, after his stocking.

mazzystartled · 16/12/2008 22:08

They'll cope

But how about a compromise? - one BIG present arrives with stockings, rest a bit later

We have presents after lunch [and a late lunch at that], always did as a child too. Anticipation is part of the fun imo

ForeverOptimistic · 16/12/2008 22:10

We have a stocking which is opened straight away then ds opens a sack of pressies (from relatives) after breakfast and then opens his pressies from us after lunch.

Although I personally don't see a problem in children waiting for pressies, I always did as a child and enjoyed the anticipation, I can't understand why your IL's are being so precious about it! They need to lighten up, jeez it is only 1 day if your children normally open their pressies first thing at home why can't they do the same at PIL's?

Could you compromise by agreeing that your children will open the presents from the PIL's later in the day?

Original poster

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:13

dh spoke to his mum tonight and tried to broach the subject. said we need to open the presents early. she said 'but we will be opening stockings early'
and he said ' i know but they need to open their other presents early'

he didn't sound too hopeful tbh.
tbh i have not got much for their stockings at all and thought i had finished the shopping. am now wondering if i should go out and buy more for their stockings.

am wishing now we were going to be at home

OP posts:

ForeverOptimistic · 16/12/2008 22:16

I don't understand. The presents have not all been bought by the PIL's, therefore why do they have a say on when they are opened? Are they going to choose what your dc wear for the day as well? They sound like control freaks.

mazzystartled · 16/12/2008 22:17

i definitely like opening presents later - it prolongs the fun - but agree your presents to your children are from you and you should be able to give them whenever you want

how about they have the ones from you in the morning, and the ones from pil's later. you can wait for yours, i expect?

aGalChangedHerName · 16/12/2008 22:17

Afraid i would be letting mine open Santa presents early as normal and gifts from in-laws later whenever they want to.

We always open when we get up. Do your own thing,they are your dc after all.

Or get them to come to you and do it all your own way!!

Original poster

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:19

tbh-the opening usually takes ages anyway because they want to play with things in betwen opening. i have known ds2 still to be opening gifts at 7 at night.
it's the principle-they should not have to sit in the living room looking at a pile of presents while mil farts around having a shower and making gin and tonic.

OP posts:

Original poster

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:24

i have to admit-i have baggage.
the first time i ever spent christ,mas with dh and his family when we were still courting, i was bloody miserable. we got up and sat about, fil read the paper, mil pottered in the kitchen. it was like any other day and this pile of gifts sat under the tree.
i phoned home and all you could hear was noise and music and laughter and everyone was asking if i had opened my presents yet and thanking me for theirs and afterwards i had to lock myself in the bathrom and cry.

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 16/12/2008 22:24

Go with what you want to do. You bought the flipping things so let the dc open them. There is no way my dc would be able to wait till after they were dressed to open Santa stuff.

We do it like you TMMJ. I love seeing them quiver with excitement and dive into the presents!!

compo · 16/12/2008 22:24

my mum always put our stockings under our bed and our main present from FC so we opened them as soon as we woke up

all other presents from siblings and relatives were opened one by one at 11am, coffee time
Then we had xmas dinner to look forward to

aGalChangedHerName · 16/12/2008 22:25

In fact i wouldn't even go to theirs. It sounds awful Christmas is meant to be exciting isn't it? Well it is in our house!!

compo · 16/12/2008 22:25

do you have to stay with them? why don't you stay at ome xmas eve , do waht you like in the morning and then go to theirs for xmas dinner?

Original poster

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:26

because it's a four hour drive away!

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ClausImWorthIt · 16/12/2008 22:29

What does your DH think? Or is he torn between you/the children and his parents?

It's a difficult one, because I do think that as you're guests in their house that you have to respect their 'rules' and traditions. On the other hand, it is Christmas and your children are young!

I would do what others have suggested - stockings first, and then followed by your presents (or presents from Father Christmas, if that makes more sense!).

Then the rest of the morning playing with those until your PIL are ready to open their presents.

Good luck!

Original poster

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:31

he's torn.

he wants the kids to have what they have always had.but it's his mum and dad and he wants to please them or maybe he wants to relive a bit of his childhood-i don't know.

i was pleased with him for talking to his mum about it tonight anywya.

OP posts:

vesela · 17/12/2008 00:14

I also think a compromise sounds a good idea - stockings, then a big present at breakfast, then the rest later. It would be nice for your PILs to be there when the children open their (PIL's) presents, if they're not usually there at Christmas.

We also opened/open presents in the afternoon and were fine with it, but it was what we were used to so I don't think we ever questioned it. If you normally do it a different way, then I think a compromise is the best thing.

islandofsodor · 17/12/2008 00:17

There is no way you would manage to stop my two (aged 4 and 7) from openeing all their presents. We are lucky if we manage to get a few coco pops in them on Christmas morning.

You could always put all the dc's presents from yourself and your family in the room they will be sleeping in and open them upstairs, just you, dh and them whilst in laws potter about getting breakfast and showering to their hearts content and then let them open just the in laws presents later..

vesela · 17/12/2008 00:37

Will the presents have just been put under the tree that morning, or will they be there the day before? If they've just appeared, I agree, hard to ignore them.

(In our case we'd been looking at the presents under the tree for the last couple of days, so a few more hours was OK).

PortAndStilton · 17/12/2008 00:49

I think compromise sounds good too -- stockings, then one big present each (carefully selected to be something that will keep them occupied for ages), then open rest of presents later.

DH and I both came from a tradition that everyone needs to be up, dressed and have had breakfast before presents under tree are touched, so that's worked out well as we've carried on the same thing. But gin and tonic and dinner in oven aren't essential . Nice to hear how "awful" Christmas at our house must be, faces and all, though...

Cupofteaplease · 17/12/2008 07:12

We used to open our stockings first thing. Then it was time to get up and get ready and have breakfast. After breakfast was church, then home to help put dinner together. After dinner, which was at 2pm, we all helped to clean up and put away the clean dishes.

THEN, finally, around 4-5pm we could start opening our presents! And that was a drawn out affair too. The youngest dished out the presents and once we each had a pile, we took it in turns to open one each, so we could each watch what the others had.

I loved doing it this way, as the excitement and anticipation of Christmas was drawn out over the whole day.

We did this for dd1's first 2 Christmases, but last year decided to go with dh's family tradition of opening everything firs thing, but tat is becasue we had family coming for lunch, and then went to the PILs after lunch, so wouldn't have had time to open presents.

This year we are at home again, so I will prob insist they wait til after church and dinner is in the oven.

Hope you can come to a compromise, but I don't think it is greastly unfair on the children to wait for their presents

ChristmasDisco · 17/12/2008 07:20

We used to do this when I was little with us probably opening presents at around 9.30 am which I thought was great, we couldn't even go into the room cos my gran was usually asleep in their. I agree with the compromise of the big present, after all you are going to someone else's house. If a family was coming to you who didn't open their presents until mid morning you wouldn't necessarily change your traditions to fit in with them. I'm sure you'll have a great day whatever

oggsfrog · 17/12/2008 07:44

I think your dc would find it hard to understand why they were not allowed to open their presents at the time they are used to.

We have a sort of similar situation as we go to stay with my parents every year. Dd is awake at 7 and has her stocking first thing.
Then we sort of drip-feed her presents one at a time until my dad is up and about and we are all breakfasted, then we all sit down and open the remaining ones.

Tbh in the past she has sometimes had so many (many of them just very small items) that it takes all day, as she likes to play with them as she opens them.

I think you should try and reach a compromise and let them have their stockings and some of their presents in the morning as usual, saving some for later.

TooFoggy · 17/12/2008 13:01

we always delay, works really well for their behaviour.

GooseyLoosey · 17/12/2008 13:14

Presents from you first thing. Presents from IL and others later on. Would that work?

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