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Christmas

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Original poster

clash of traditions -trouble already!

80 replies

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 22:04

pil moved abroad when i was pregnant with ds2. ds1 was very young too.
so we have always had christmas at home or at my parents house and our tradition is..they wake up and have their stockings in bed, then we go downstairs and open the presents.usually about 7.am!

this year-pils are in the uk for christmas and are hosting christmas. and we are going to spend it with them.

they want to adhere to the tradition that they had when dh was a child. you have your stocking. then you come downstairs-have breakfast, tidy up, get showered and dressed, get the dinner in the oven and then when everyone is sitting down with a gin and tonic-you can open presents.

i think it would HUGELY unfair on my children to do this t them. they have done christmas a certain way their whole lives and now , we are going to bring them downstairs, show them a load of gifts and say 'but you can't open them yet'

if they were 12 or something then fair enough, they would be able to understand but they are not. they are 5 and 8 and so excited.

so what is the solution?

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SpankyouHardOnChristmasNight · 17/12/2008 13:39

Oooh we always had to wait until after church too and although I grizzled about it, I secretly liked the anticipation. We had to go to our grandparents once and they made us wait until after the queen's speech and that was dreadful.

I seriously don't think that waiting until what will be 11 ish (?) will be horrid at all. It's also easy to keep the excitement going by not putting all the pressies out and then occasionally adding another small pressie to the pile on Christmas morning before opening time! You could also hang a couple of wrapped tiny stocking-type pressies on the tree for them to open when they first come down. I think as long as you tell them what's going to happen, they'll be fine.

jumpingbeans · 17/12/2008 13:48

Christmas traditions always remind me of a real close freind, who when remarried spent her first christmas with her new dh at his family home, now she is very much like me and mine, prezzie opening is a mad frenzy of ripping paper and throwing it up in the air, all taking place first thing in the morning, not so at posh inlaws, wait until after lunch all the posh rellies sitting round,pressies passed round, all eyes on freind a she rips in, they picked off each bit of sellotape, and folded the paper, they were looking at her like she was insane, I only have to think of it and i lol

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 19:03

thanks for all the ideas. wil have to tread carefully so as not to hurt feelings but i have to make sure my boys aren't upset too.

am going to do lots of saying 'best get to bed early as we are going up early tomorrow to open ourpresents' kind of thing.

good idea about maybe putting some presents in the bedroom ready for them to open first thing.

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OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 19:16

We do different things, depending on who we spend Christmas with.

If we're with my parents, we open them after lunch, if we're with the PIL then we open them after breakfast.

Dd is 4, but copes fine with the changes. We just explained that people do things different ways.

Stocking is always opened before breakfast though.

Your boys are old enough to understand that people do things differently if you explain it to them. You rarely spend Christmas with your PILS - there's no harm in doing it their way on this occasion. They just want to share the fun of seeing your boys open their presents, but without having to get up at silly o'clock!

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 21:10

i'm sorry but when you have children, you DO get up at silly o clock.

ds1 will still be up at 5 am same as ever.

going along with their traditiion means we get to sit around looking at this ple of presents while they sleep in-is that what you mean? how is that fair?

if the boys had always done what you do and alternated then it would be easasier-but we don't.

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OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 21:19

No-one is suggesting that you get up and don't open any presents at all.

People are suggesting a compromise ie. opening stocking presents, or just one big present, and then waiting a little while before opening the others.

It's really not unreasonable that your PILS want to share in the fun.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 21:22

i know. but i think that if they want to share in the fun, they get their arses out of bed and come and do presents.

they chose to live abroad, they choose to only see the boys once or twice a year. they are never there for day to day support/babysitting/help -they just swoop in for the best bits-christmas and things like that, and then they want to change the way we do things. surely i am not unreasoable for feeling peevish about this?

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OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 21:27

Sorry, but the "they chose to life abroad" one is just silly.

They're going to be here this year. Be the magnanimous ones and make their day!

Perhaps it will encourage them to come back more often.

And sorry, but yes, I think you are being a bit unreasonable about it. Compromise - they get up a bit earlier, you do presents a bit later.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 21:33

ok- i agree that compromise is the key. i did state that earlier on-i said thank you for the ideas and that i thought having some gifts in the bedroom a good idea. so yes-i agree with you on that.

however-why is it silly to say that they 'chose' to live abroad? they did! six weeks before ds2 was due they announced that in 6 weeks they would be moving abroad.
fil sees them about once a year. he prefers his expat lifestyle to seeing his only grandchildren.i fall over backwards trying to make it easy for them to have a relationship with my sons. when they do come to stay we normally get a weeks notice maximum. it makes me ANGRY that they care so little about My CHILDREN!

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TeeBee · 17/12/2008 21:35

IMO, christmas is for the kids. We have a similar issue in that DH's family do theirs in the afternoon one-by-one - aaaahhhhhh. Ours will be doing stockings and presents from us in the morning. And I suspect they will open pressies from my mum too in the morning. THis will keep them occupied while we are cooking dinner. In the afternoon, we will do presents to and from in-laws (one-by-one, painfully slowly). If they don't like, then I'm sorry about that, but...

clam · 17/12/2008 21:53

When you said they were too young to understand, I assumed you meant they were toddlers. But 5 and 8? Surely they'd be able to wait a little while, if they'd had a stocking and a present to keep them going?
Bit tough on the hosts to come in to the lounge after sorting out the breakfast, cups of tea/coffee etc.. and find the whole present thing done and dusted.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 21:59

Bit tough on the hosts to come in to the lounge after sorting out the breakfast, cups of tea/coffee etc.. and find the whole present thing done and dusted

i am not suggesting that scenario at all! you have ust made that up!

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TeeBee · 17/12/2008 22:01

How about their stockings and one present from you, then the rest after breakfast? That would be a compromise all round.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 22:05

we'll sort something out.

something like your suggestion.

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sunnygirl1412 · 17/12/2008 22:11

When I was growing up, we opened our stockings first thing in the morning, sitting on our parents' bed. Then breakfast, church and Christmas Dinner, and when the washing up was done, we settled down and opened the presents - at about 2.30 - 3pm, if I remember right.

Even as a small child, I wasn't traumatised by having to wait - I had my stocking presents to keep me amused.

In fact, one year we spent Christmas with friends, who always opened all their presents first thing in the morning, and I found that the day really dragged after that - all the excitement was over in one go - nothing left to look forward to.

Children are adaptable. You can explain to them what's going to happen - you've got a full week to get them used to the idea, and as you've already said, you can make sure they've got something to open in the morning that will help them pass the time until it's time for the rest of the presents.

clam · 17/12/2008 22:17

Well, near enough.
But I think if you start dropping heavy hints about getting to bed early so you can get up early for present-opening (now you did say that!) you're just going to end up really p*** them off. Which may be fine for you, but i'm not sure it's worth it.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 22:22

but clam-do you understand why i feel so....annoyed about the idea of having to change traditions and potentially upset my kids on what is their favourite day of the year, for two adults who don't seem to give a fig for most of the rest of the year?

why should they get to swoop in for the best bits only and have those best bits on THEIR terms?

if it was a family with children-then i could understand more. but it's just 2 adults. why does it really matter to them what time the children open their presents? why is it better to open them at 11.30am than at 8am? why? why is not acceptable to ask them to make an effort for one day of the year and get up early and join in the excitememnbt?

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ramonaquimby · 17/12/2008 22:26

I think at this age they can adapt and know that different people do it differently. I don't see what's the problem?

don't sweat the small stuff, and this is small

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 22:27

To be honest TMMJ, I don't understand really. You just sound a bit petty. Sorry. They have made the effort this year, but it sounds like you're determined not to do anything to include them.

Make the effort - compromise, it won't kill your boys, but it might just show your PILs what they are missing.

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 22:27

no it's not small.

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piscesmoon · 17/12/2008 22:28

We actually do what your PIL do, it is much more exciting; stockings and one big present first thing, then dressed and breakfast and then all opening together. I don't understand how you can keep a list of who gave what for thank you letters if you have a mass frenzy of opening before you are properly awake. They also like to see others open the present from them. I don't see that it does any harm to try it. It isn't as if they are being denied presents or having to wait until the afternoon.

TeeBee · 17/12/2008 22:28

I am with you MMJ. If I was a grandparent (or auntie, whatever), I would want to do what was most fun for the kids. But I guess other people are boring different

Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 22:29

what? apart from travelling four hours with two kids to be with them? isn't that making an effort?

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Original poster
themulledmanneredjanitor · 17/12/2008 22:30

i didn't say it was amss frenzy! we always take in turns to open the present and we have a list going to keep track of everything.

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ramonaquimby · 17/12/2008 22:31

you sound pretty inflexible to be honest

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