Not doing Christmas?

[Fledgedup]

Has anyone else considered not doing Christmas at all?
I live alone, with dogs, and have no children or partner. Jan 2025 my mum, with whom I usually spent Christmas, died. She was in hospital Christmas Day dying and I went to visit her, but it was obviously very painful. Last Christmas I went to a friend's for a Christmas lunch, which was nice - and extremely kind of her to invite me - but also just felt wrong and not Christmassy at all.
I'm not a Christmas hater, my childhood memories are of the best times. But.now all family are dead, except my siblings who live in different countries, it feels too painful to celebrate. My grief is still very strong, and Christmas in particular brings it all back for all those family members I have lost.
I am thinking of not putting up any decorations and not acknowledging it is Christmas, other than a few gifts for friends. Has anyone else done this?

I have a relative in a similar situation, she doesn't bother with a tree, just puts some fairy lights up and a wreath on the door.

On Christmas day she eats whatever food she wants, usually a Chinese, something she doesn't have often.

She tried to ignore it was happening at the beginning but it's actually quite hard to ignore Christmas and it ended up making her sadder!

So whatever you want to do, whatever makes you happy.

You have to do whatever you feel is right for you.

If my DD were not at home I wouldn't do Christmas, the whole thing makes me feel sad. I over think too much about families who struggle and seeing the photos on social media of matching PJ's and massive piles of presents and a perfect Christmas table heightens this feeling of sadness. I would prefer to not leave the house from now until then to stop this sadness it makes me feel when I see Christmas things. I feel i have had to fake happy Christmas while my children have been growing up :(

Thanks all.
When I visualise it, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, just get a huge sense of relief.

I agree that Xmas makes me sad now too. Both parents gone, children are adults, and I ache for the Christmas’ of the past. That’s why I say do whatever makes you happy.

I think a big part of it is giving yourself permission to do things the way you want. I’m not sure why but the societal expectations can really weigh on you but there are no rules.

I love Christmas but when we had some hard years and didn’t want to celebrate, we started doing what we wanted (which was generally some lights rather than full on decorations and going away for Christmas).

I would make sure you have things around you that will make the time nice for you - a soft blanket, candles if that’s your thing, some cosy lighting, food you enjoy, a book you want to read, a puzzle you like the look of, something to watch on tv, clothes that are comfy. If we still had ddog it would also involve a walk to somewhere he liked.
If seeing friends would be nice, contact them now and arrange a visit to/from them in the lead up to Christmas or in the days after.

Enjoy the time as best you can OP.

You do whatever you want to do. So sorry it has been such an awful year for you. You are still grieving so do things your way. There is no right or wrong way. Be really kind to yourself and go with your feelings.💐

Sorry you feel like that.

You can do anything you want especially as your choices aren't effecting others (unlike say someone who demands everyone do stuff their way). There is no 'correct' way to do Christmas, while we tend have many similar 'traditions' everyone's Christmases are wildly different really and mumsnet can really highlight that sometimes.

If I was in your position I would personally book a holiday and go somewhere warm to sit on a beach, basically the opposite of the dark icy cold Christmases days here.

OP I see that you like doing jigsaws. You could treat yourself to a Wentworth jigsaw, (if you don’t already do them), they’re wooden, lovely quality and a bit expensive, but a fab treat.

We mostly ignore the whole thing (just husband & I, plus dogs) as I find it all a ridiculous waste of money and generator of crap destined for landfill, so enjoy your quiet day.

Long time ago we worked over Christmas to pay our university studies. We were better paid because of the holiday and no one wanted to do the shifts.
We were young - no children.
Tbh we didn't miss Christmas at all.

Did our parents used to feel the same but put on a brave face? Or has Christmas lost its magic? Maybe I should buck up, stop being a misery guts and start afresh with pared back simple celebrations next year.

Sounds like a plan. You sound in a good position to do whatever you want all the time, without any obligation to do anything you're not interested in.

If you're employed, you have to meet your employer's expectations obviously. Also care for your dog and yourself, but apart from that, you can do as much or as little as you like.

Not wanting to celebrate Christmas, don't do it. Celebrate it by spending a day doing jigsaws, drawing etc, perhaps watch whatever TV you enjoy, eat food you enjoy, that doesn't necessarily need to be Christmas themed, all great. It's very freeing when you realise that just because most people follow conventions, a lot of the time there's no reason why you need to too unless you want to.

I’m sorry for your loss op. Do what makes you happy and feels right. There is no pressure, or shouldn’t be, to ‘do’ anything at Christmas. Some people opt out, others go batshit over-the-top. Neither is wrong, have your day your way.

I dont enjoy it.
Hate the pressure.
It's a complete waste of money, as what do people actually need.
Will be scaling it right back even further this year than I have in previous years.
I dread it every year.

The only pressure is what you put on yourself. If you have DC, you should probably buy them some presents. Maybe exchange token consumables with immediate family. The rest is entirely optional.

Obviously this depends on money - but if you do want to ignore it, maybe go somewhere that doesn't celebrate it.

I live in a country that doesn't have Christmas as one of their traditions, and I've been here on Christmas day. As long as you don't walk in a shopping mall, you would never know it is Christmas. Normal working day, Kids are in school, no decorations, no one mentions it, nothing on tv etc.

It is actually weird when you do celebrate it here, because you end up having a little Christmas bubble in your home, and then when you leave the front door, it is like entering a different time of year.

I've always thought that if I don't have anyone to celebrate with, I'll just go to somewhere that doesn't celebrate, and just have a lovely 100% non-christmassy time. I think I'd prefer that, than trying to do it on my own, which would likely just make me miss old memories.