Not doing Christmas?

[Fledgedup]

Has anyone else considered not doing Christmas at all?
I live alone, with dogs, and have no children or partner. Jan 2025 my mum, with whom I usually spent Christmas, died. She was in hospital Christmas Day dying and I went to visit her, but it was obviously very painful. Last Christmas I went to a friend's for a Christmas lunch, which was nice - and extremely kind of her to invite me - but also just felt wrong and not Christmassy at all.
I'm not a Christmas hater, my childhood memories are of the best times. But.now all family are dead, except my siblings who live in different countries, it feels too painful to celebrate. My grief is still very strong, and Christmas in particular brings it all back for all those family members I have lost.
I am thinking of not putting up any decorations and not acknowledging it is Christmas, other than a few gifts for friends. Has anyone else done this?

Sorry to hear that OP. I understand it must be difficult for you, only thing is what would your mum have thought of that? My mum would be sad af the thought of me not celebrating, albeit alone. Could you get a small tree to make the nights cozy for you and the dogs? Sending hugs x

I haven't done it but I don't see why you shouldn't. Do what makes you happiest. You can always go back to celebrating Christmas later if your circumstances change.

I would happily skip Christmas.

You spend the day however feels right to you OP.

Could you do some nice non-Christmassy things as a form of self care? Dog walks, your favourite food, a book or a film you enjoy, a nice bath?

I am further down the line than you in my grief journey, but Christmas still hits hard. Be kind to yourself x

It depends what you mean, really, by “doing Christmas“.

I live on my own. I love the peace and quiet at Christmas; there’s something almost magical that happens about 4 o’clock, when everything is still and quiet and most people are where they are going to be. Everybody is focusing on the same thing and there’s a community feeling even in separation and solitude.

I don’t really decorate these days, though I will make sure to have fresh flowers, and I won’t have anything special to eat, but I will enjoy what I eat, even if it’s beans on toast and a mug of coffee, both of which I really enjoy, even though I eat them at other times of the year.

I just like it because everything slows down. I mostly focus on the winter solstice but the whole period is quiet and you can take a breather.

Everybody is off doing what they want to do and the bastards leave me alone. Perfect.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am personally of the “life goes on” mindset. Even when we feel desolate and bereft - we still need to squeeze out any small joy from life. Joy and woe are woven fine….

Haven’t done Xmas for over 20 years. Have a DH and a teenager and we haven’t spontaneously combusted yet. Plenty of people don’t celebrate Xmas and contrary to popular belief, it’s not compulsory. You do you, OP.

My mum died on Christmas eve, it was so weird to come out of the hospital and see everyone so happy, rushing round last minute shopping etc, it was over ten years ago so has got easier every year, I love Christmas though so would feel sad if I didn't do anything.

Do whatever is best for you, As a dog person I would be inclined to celebrate it for the dogs though, wrap their presents and wake up on Christmas morning to open them etc. Or do something that you mum would have liked, go somewhere special that she liked, or do an activity that she would have done, get in her favourite food and drink (if you like it!), you don't need to decorate or anything if you don't want to, you'll only have to take it all down again!

I decided to scale Christmas right back last year & I'll be doing the exact same this year (& every year). I don't bother with decorations, I try my absolute best to avoid Christmas parties, films, markets, hype etc.
I buy a few gifts but get them early, wrap them immediately & hide them away until needed. I don't have money to waste - so I don't! I do get myself some nice bits to eat & bunk down & wait for it all to be over.
Christmas is lovely for those who enjoy it - but not everyone does & that's perfectly OK.
Do whatever works best for you.

I dont do Christmas.

In your position I’d be inclined to sit it out this year. Have a day to yourself at home, doing something cosy and that you enjoy. Feel the grief, if it’s heavy. But with the promise that next year you’ll share the day with others, in whatever form that takes that makes sense at the time (family, volunteering, friends..)

Christmas can be strange and overwhelming, it is more than ok to sit it out sometimes. But it’s also a good time to connect with the world. Take each year as it comes.

I'm sorry to hear of all of your losses, OP. Spend the day however it feels right for you.

I do not celebrate Christmas (out of choice). I buy gifts for family and send them (I live away from where I grew up), and volunteer to work Christmas Day instead. It means that, outside of a few hours, I get to eat whatever I like, walk my dogs in peace, avoid Christmas TV, and I can do what I please. It definitely beats enforced socialisation and running around after the menfolk while they get drunk, watch James Bond, and then pass out on the sofas.

You have to do what is right for you, what feels right.

I think Christmas is a very tricky time for bereaved people and I am rather dreading it this year. My DH died in March and then three months later in June so did my elderly mother. So it will certainly be very different this year and I don't really know how we (myself, my DDs etc.) will manage, but we'll have to I suppose. It won't be extravagant. Not sure any of us really wants to think much about it anyway.

I offer you a virtual hand hold. You do what is right for you.

Thank you all for your kind messages.
Maybe I will wrap a few dog chews. 🤣
@MsSmartShoes oh I agree, and do find joy in many places, despite currently a severely limited life due to chronic illness. But I no longer find it in Christmas these days.
I enjoy drawing and jigsaws so may do some of that.
I feel it might be restful rather than lonely.

@Topseyt123 I am so sorry for your double loss 💐💐💐

I can totally understand where youre coming from. However I have family who love Christmas so not doing it isn't an option. My mother-in-law was in hospital for her last Christmas .
My reason for wanting to avoid it is far more selfish. In the past the best thing about Christmas was the food and drink and despite being diabetic I'd give myself permission to go off diet. Following serious ill heath this year i have a much stricter diet which I cannot risk going off. Funnily enough Christmas dinner, minus the trimmings, is one thing I can eat but it will just be turkey and vegetables , exciting no?

Do you think a peaceful and quiet day with the dogs might be best? Might be nice.

Yes. I get totally overwhelmed by the build up, excess and pressure to make it perfect. This along with losing my mum a few years ago has stopped me enjoying it so much. We're going overseas this year and I can't wait. I see the Christmas stuff in the supermarket and am so relieved I don't have to do it.

Honestly, yes. Theres a high chance DD won’t spend it with me this year and it’s making me not want to make any plans at all.

I don’t do Christmas at home. I will join in outside my home, and if someone requests my company to a carol concert or secret Santa needs a person to join, I will. But other than that no, I minimise it outside my home and nothing at all inside. Your home is where you can do what makes you feel happy, content, secure etc.

I do use it as an excuse to eat what I want, watch tv and do what I what to do for the day as opposed to adulting and getting chores done!

So sorry for your loss OP 🫂
I can relate.
My first christmas without my mum was gutted wrenchingly hard last year, but this year feels a little easier up to now 🙏

I'm looking forward to xmas with hubby, our young DS and especially our dog, who loves the xmas chews, but not so much the xmas jumpers 😆

You go as high brow or as low maintenance as you fancy, and do things that make you relax/content/joyful as you see fit! ❤️

I would be tempted if I were you to get yourself and your pooches matching jumpers and reindeer antlers or santa hats- just for kicks and funny photos! 😆 🐕 🎅

Wishing you well OP
@Fledgedup

I got a jigsaw last Xmas in my stocking. I have not done a jigsaw since my adult DC were younger but I did enjoy doing it. People came by and helped me for a bit. It was a Xmas scene and kept me busy making it until 3 days after boxing day because I'm not very good at jigsaw puzzles and I had to keep leaving it to cook meals and clear up. Maybe you could try a jigsaw. It doesn't have to be a Xmas scene.

Don't feel you have to do Christmas, do whatever makes you feel content and peaceful. If I were you, I'd have a lovely dog walk, a soak in a bubble bath, comfy pj's and whatever food and drink you fancy. Watch films or a series or read, listen to music. Whatever you feel like is ok. So sorry for the loss of your mum 💐

It's not compulsory! Do as much or as little as you want. I do buy presentsfor other people (although the numbers are declining as friends' children grow up), and I send a few cards & letters. Otherwise, we ignore it - no tree, no decorations, no "family gatherings", no roast dinner (which I hate). It's pretty much just another day, albeit a quiet one.
My only extra "Christmas food shop" is one box of mince pies 😂 It's all so much less stressful than running around like a headless chicken to do the same stuff as everyone else.

Absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year out.

Totally different circumstances but the year I spent Christmas alone I found it really difficult to find things on TV that weren't festive and I didn't want constant reminders. No matter how much I tried not to I kept thinking back 40 years and picturing all the people in the room then compared to little me on my own today so based on my experience, my advice would be that you need lots of distractions to get through the day.

I would try and plan your day in advance so e.g have a nice breakfast, watch some of your favourite shows on catch up TV to avoid all the Xmas stuff, have lots of tasty snacky food, avoid live TV/radio, start doing your new jigsaw, start reading your new book, have a siesta etc.

If you are walking the dogs you'll probably encounter lots of jolly people so maybe drive somewhere a bit more remote if that would upset you.

I have spent a couple of Christmases alone now and it was fine - peaceful, even, but I was in a different situation (relieved to be away from dysfunctional/estranged family and no longer bothered about the whole thing). If you're not sure how you would feel to ignore Christmas entirely do you have any friends who are also alone who you could meet for a walk on the day? In any case I would dedicate the day to being entirely selfish - eat your favourite foods, watch non-Christmassey films, read a book or do whatever you like doing. I personally feel strange about going for a walk alone on xmas day so I tend to stay in. When I was younger and not as fine about not having a 'normal' Christmas as I am now I would acknowledge my difficult feelings on the day (eg 'I'm feeling sad now') and found that helped.