Xmas plans with a newborn

[Junebugbug]

Hi I will have a 5/6 week old for Christmas this year. We usually stay over my parents house for Christmas because we live about an hour away and all our friends and family (incl partners) live in their village. However it is often stressful and I hate packing everything up when it was just us and I worry how it will be with a newborn. I do struggle with my dad's negativity a lot and often feel like a child again.

The problem is the one hour drive to see anyone, we do want to see friends and family over Christmas but I also don't know how I feel with driving back and forth?

But this seems better than having to pack up everything for the baby and living out of a suitcase.

My husband thinks it will be fine staying at my parents house because we are both off work and is thinking what else will we be doing.

I should mention we LOVE Christmas. We love our family traditions but I'm not sure whether it will be too much to keep driving with a newborn.

I definitely think I can't hack staying over, and I don't really think I want to host a Xmas dinner - can anyone tell me what they did in a similar situation (medium distance away from everyone) to balance loneliness and mental sanity.

Any suggestions would be welcome!

I’m having a baby at Christmas this year (due 19th December). I am currently committing to nothing as quite frankly I could have a 2 week old, a 2 day old or still be pregnant!

It’s a bit easier for me as I live locally to both mine and DHs family. We will either go to DHs family Xmas day with a baby or very pregnant, have Christmas just the two/three of us or my personal favourite - have people bring Christmas to us. No hosting for me just someone else cooking in my kitchen and bringing me all the things I haven’t eaten for 9 months!

You're right.

When you have a baby you can't do anything. Only look on the negative...

I wasn't even the person that was apparently 'rude' to you, and I've literally said if you want a quiet one at home, then do so.

So I'm not sure why you are having a go at me as well, just because I express a minority view.

So why are you doing it then?

Nope, still max 30 minutes per recommendation which for an hour's travel, given the weather could be atrocious and so over an hour, means 2 stops

You were driving to work a month pp with your newborn?? Advice is 30 minutes for newborns and tiny babies so sounds like you were poorly advised if yo u did it all in one journey. Obv everything was fine for you thankfully @

You can do longer with a lie flat.

Was about to say lie flat seats exist.

We had our first on Dec 12 and willingly went to PIL to stay for 4 nights over xmas.

My god it was heaven. I got to sleep, to feed then pass off to relatives to do the burping and changing and lots of cooing. There was a houseful and everyone pitched in, with "new mummy" being told to sit, relax and let them all take charge... yes please!
That child of mine could fall asleep with a jet engine, or concrete hammer going - there was so much noise and hustle and bustle in their first few weeks. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The alternative would have been me dh and baby, at home, doing it all, no real difference to everyday... not my vision of our first family xmas,
Though I do know some prefer it that way, and some extended families are very different.

That sounds glorious - more stories like that please!

No I was driving my newborn home from hospital, well I wasn’t driving. But I had been. She was 7 weeks old (10.5 weeks early).
the NICU staff knew where I lived, in fact all medical staff knew how far I lived with all 3 of my babies but my point is my last one was teeny as she was only 5lbs on discharge. The car seat challenge was for an hour because that’s how long they knew it would take me to get home.

Thanks for the message, I think some people didn't really understand my message, I know an hour's drive isn't the end of the world, it's just trying to imagine how my mind and body will be!

I don't get why you see a message from someone who is obviously worried about something and it annoys you so much.

I obviously know an hour isn't the end of the world, that wasn't the point , it's about doing it back to back multiple days.

And yeah I also do over an hour for work.

Just don't get the idea that you come onto Mumsnet, see a FTM asking for a bit of assurance that it'd be fine and you feel the need to continue attacking me when I've asked you to stop. It's not very supportive! I don't know why my message annoys you so much but I don't think this is the right website to get your frustration out. Is this a hobby for you? Does it make you feel better? I said leave me alone.

I think the lovely stories are great and if you are well enough to travel, baby is feeding well, you feel good etc etc then it could work really well to be away.

But you just don't know how you'll feel. My DIL struggled a lot after the birth of her baby which she wasn't expecting at all. Usually a very robust and practical person, she struggled with her emotions, feeling completely overwhelmed, feeding problems etc and she didn't want to go far from home for the first 6 weeks or so. I'm not trying to be negative just sharing other possibilities. Only the OP will know how she feels after the birth. I'd say leave all options open and see how you feel. Oh, and be kind, people!

Fine.

It'll be fine.

You will be bleeding a lot, not getting much sleep and wanting your own space frankly! Get an M&S ready made Xmas dinner so all you have to do is bung it in the oven and can do that when you want and if you are up to it drive over to your parents for a few hours but if not then don’t!!

you cant make plans OP because you haven't met your baby. You have no idea what it will be like. You have no idea how you will be feeling. So just tell everyone you aren't going to commit to anything but that you are going to be staying at home and will visit if you feel up to it.

If you were my child I would be offering to bring Christmas lunch to you all and to visit you and baby at home for lunch and gifts and then would leave you to it so you can relax and rest at home!

I agree with the people saying wait and see.

First baby we went 1.5 hours away when he was about 6 weeks. He was fine. We stopped en route as he needed a feed, and that was the first time I'd fed in public/not in a group with other mums from NCT or whatever. I was really uncomfortable. Am over that awkwardness now but it's worth mentioning when you're out of your comfort zone things might feel tricky. But the baby and the drive itself was fine.

Second baby I had to travel about 2 hours when she was a month old and she screamed THE ENTIRE WAY. I stopped the car so often to try and calm her but eventually had to just crack on or I was going to miss the ferry I had booked. It was hell on legs. As was the return a week later.

Third baby we're not going anywhere more than about half an hour away. She's been alright sometimes and v v not happy other times so I've no intention on doing a longer journey for the foreseeable future.

Impossible to know until you meet them. Also you might cope better with the screaming than I do. I get very stressed and find it hard to concentrate on anything else which isn't ideal when driving a car!

I'm due my 2nd child end of November and plan to stay at home for Christmas. I just want to be in my own home, I don't want to be dealing with night feeds and worrying we're disturbing other people at someone elses house in the middle of the night. I had a 4 month old a few years ago at Christmas and we just went to my dads for lunch and the afternoon, that worked quite well as no cooking involved.

I'd suggest joining them for lunch and some presents and then going back home :)

I have had a 6 week newborn for Christmas before and will again this Christmas. We will stay at home, we order a Cook Christmas meal to make is easier and have a cosy Christmas. Big family Christmas’ will resume next year, it isn’t worth the stress and packing up all the stuff.

Also, the first Christmas with a newborn we also moved house on the 27th December to a new military posting on my own as my husband had to stay behinds. Of course OP could physically do it, but why put yourself through the stress in what is already a difficult time for most FTMs if you don’t need to. If you a feeling up to it on the day you could decide then.

This is exactly the types of things I wanted to think about, thanks so much for the kind message!

Thank you this is really helpful, just to know the things I've been thinking about are right! Thanks!

So sweet ❤️❤️