Xmas plans with a newborn

[Junebugbug]

Hi I will have a 5/6 week old for Christmas this year. We usually stay over my parents house for Christmas because we live about an hour away and all our friends and family (incl partners) live in their village. However it is often stressful and I hate packing everything up when it was just us and I worry how it will be with a newborn. I do struggle with my dad's negativity a lot and often feel like a child again.

The problem is the one hour drive to see anyone, we do want to see friends and family over Christmas but I also don't know how I feel with driving back and forth?

But this seems better than having to pack up everything for the baby and living out of a suitcase.

My husband thinks it will be fine staying at my parents house because we are both off work and is thinking what else will we be doing.

I should mention we LOVE Christmas. We love our family traditions but I'm not sure whether it will be too much to keep driving with a newborn.

I definitely think I can't hack staying over, and I don't really think I want to host a Xmas dinner - can anyone tell me what they did in a similar situation (medium distance away from everyone) to balance loneliness and mental sanity.

Any suggestions would be welcome!

Also, this.

30 minutes at a go so your hour there is a MINIMUM of two stops allowing for any issues with the roads etc. Sensibly, it's 3 20 minute stops, where you'll also likely need to feed. So could easily be nearly 2 hours each way. Before you factor in weather.

I had my baby so about the same age absolutely loved it. There was loads of people to look after him and passing him round too. X

Quiet Christmas at home. Baby could be younger and you could still be recovering. I also wouldn’t want to be around people that could have coughs and colds. My youngest ended up in hospital with a cold from her brother.

If you feel up to it, arrange something over the Christmas period but without pressure. You don’t have to see people on Christmas Day and you don’t have to keep everyone happy.

My DS was almost 8 weeks at Christmas a few years ago. We did go to a relatives house for dinner (about 30 min drive). Had to bring a lot of gear including giant hospital grade breast pump as I was having issues with milk supply and breastfeeding. I disappeared a few times to pump. We stayed for a few hours, had dinner and went home. It was fine, at least someone else did the cooking and we could go home to our house and avoid clean up! There were some annoying comments from family members when the baby would cry and people wanting to take him away to other parts of the house by themselves (?!). I ate dinner with him strapped to my chest. I was definitely glad to leave and get home to my own house though.

Do be aware that a 1 hour drive is long for a tiny baby. They’re not supposed to spend more than 30 mins in the car seat until at least 4 weeks if I remember correctly. They also might hate the car seat and scream the whole way as we had on a different Christmas outing that year. You might need to stop to feed them during the drive.

If you’ve needed stitches/surgery for the birth you might not be up for going anywhere at that stage. You also need to consider the germs with seeing all those people. My DS and I got several colds in the weeks after he was born and it was truly awful. Messed up my milk supply and we were both miserable.

This year I’m due to give birth around Christmas and I’m delighted to have an excuse to make zero plans! I’ll also hold off on all the visitors and socialising this time to avoid germs and give us more time & space to establish breastfeeding.

I’d avoid making firm plans. I personally wouldn’t stay over. I’d tell your family you might come for a few hours but you’ll only be able to confirm closer to the time (like…the day before potentially!). As for your friends, if want to see them (germs!) I’d invite them to yours 1-2 people at a time for a few hours on different days over the festive period. Ask them to bring lunch with them to share with you. Set up hand sanitiser by your front door (I’m not germaphobic normally I swear!). We had guests really mess us around, showing up hours late and empty handed, kissing the baby and eating all the food people had made to keep us going! Choose wisely!

Have boundaries. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. Don’t pander to anyone. You don’t owe anyone time with your tiny newborn, it’s such an important time for you, your DP and your baby to get to bond and figure everything out. The people who love and care about you should respect and support your choices.

Best of luck!

Maybe it's time to make your own plans at Christmas so that your child's Christmas doesn't end up being spoilt by your father.

Could you afford a little AirBnB nearby?

What about driving for Christmas day and arranging to meet in a pub a few days after Christmas just for lunch?

I think it's very difficult to tell in advance how you will feel. In some ways it would be easier if the baby was a bit younger as you'll have six weeks if tiredness behind you by then. Then again, you may get a sleeper, who knows. 🙂

Your judgement, poor or good, isn't the benchmark of society. And recovery at 3 months compared to 3 weeks is significantly different.

I'd want to be with family on the day so would either drive for the day or stay one or two nights depending how you are feeling when the baby has arrived. An hour isn't all that far, especially if you buy a car seat that converts to lie flat- these are excellent for baby travelling as they are extremely safe but also better for their breathing. Perhaps alternatively one of the days some family/friends could meet at a restaurant half way or come to yours for a takeaway for a few hours.

I would plan to stay home with such a young one - an hour there and back is fine if baby is happy, it's a long way if they hate the car and scream... You also need to be careful how long they are in the car seat for, although you might be ok at 5 weeks.

I did a 7 hour drive to family in Inverness with a newborn. Baby will sleep most likely. There’s two of you so one can sleep with baby in the back. Stop if baby wakes. Easier than cooking your own Xmas meal. Plan pressies in advance of birth or stick to easy gift vouchers .

An hour away I’d go, dh would drive and we wouldn’t stay. And not leave before 9 or 10am to go so you can wake up and feel christmassy with just you 3 before scrambling to join the larger family :)

You arrive an hour or do before lunch and leave an hour later. Simple.

Have a lovely and special First Christmas morning with your new baby at your own home. Take your time getting ready. Grab a nap while DH watches baby, or a family nap, have a lovely breakfast etc.

What’s the point in asking for advise and then getting some and then pointing out that person is rude. I do get it and you are overthinking it.

I drive further than that twice a day just to get to work.

I genuinely don’t understand why you ever NEED to stay overnight, especially if you struggle with your dad.

I’m guessing there is a big drip feed here.

Just tell everyone that you’re staying home for Xmas this year because you’ll have a newborn (you don’t know if they’ll be overdue or need a c-section etc yet),

Just have 1 year where you relax at home and then see everyone when you’re feeling more up to it.

Because it's not normal to be rude to people

You were lucky!!
We had to live in a cardboard box by the side of the road. Luxury!
But we were 'appy.

Having a different opinion is not being rude.

The assumption on here that women can't do anything when they have a newborn, isn't reflective of life for many of us. I have 2 friends who moved house within a month of birth (one was less than a week!) people hosting birthday parties, going on holiday, all sorts, with newborn in tow.

It doesn't mean that everyone can or wants to do this, but if you don't want to go for Christmas, it's because you want to have a quiet one with your baby, not that it's not doable. And that's fine.

With my first in 2023. I was due on Christmas Eve so we had precisely no plans but had a lamb frozen in the freezer in case we were around on Christmas Day.

He ended up being born on the 16th so we had a quiet Christmas to ourselves and my parents popped over in the afternoon for a couple of hours. Just for tea and cake and nibbles so no hosting.

other family visited on other days but I didn’t travel any distance by car until the end of January. I was low risk but ended with a forceps birth and my stitches weren’t healing well. I wouldn’t have been happy sitting in a car for any length of time.

How about making no plans and seeing how you feel a few days before we a few bits in the freezer in case you end up staying home.

Just to add I’m due my second at the end of November and this year we will be staying in our own house and having people to us for other low key things. No planned travel for a while and no hosting big meals. If things are going good then you can add things in and I’m sure family would be happy to add you in.

I had an hour drive home from the hospital with my teeny preemie who hasn’t even reached her due date. She had a car seat challenge to ensure she could safely travel and passed. The recommended limit for newborns in a car seat is 2 hours I think.

We are in a similar position and are going to take advantage of the situation of having a cosy quiet Christmas just the three of us. Then back to normal next year

I hate packing everything up when it was just us.
It is a million times worse with a small baby. Stay at home.

The packing up is one of the main things putting me off!! Thanks for the message

Thanks for this, I hadn't thought about my physical recovery as a factor so that really helps me make up my mind!

Oh my god just leave me alone

It’s really so dependent on you and your baby! I would make the plan to drive there and back for visits but let people know you will confirm for definite at the time!
My first born was a terrible sleep and hated the car, I couldn’t have done it with him!
My second sleeps so well and is super chilled in the car, I can do anything with her!