Xmas plans with a newborn

[Junebugbug]

Hi I will have a 5/6 week old for Christmas this year. We usually stay over my parents house for Christmas because we live about an hour away and all our friends and family (incl partners) live in their village. However it is often stressful and I hate packing everything up when it was just us and I worry how it will be with a newborn. I do struggle with my dad's negativity a lot and often feel like a child again.

The problem is the one hour drive to see anyone, we do want to see friends and family over Christmas but I also don't know how I feel with driving back and forth?

But this seems better than having to pack up everything for the baby and living out of a suitcase.

My husband thinks it will be fine staying at my parents house because we are both off work and is thinking what else will we be doing.

I should mention we LOVE Christmas. We love our family traditions but I'm not sure whether it will be too much to keep driving with a newborn.

I definitely think I can't hack staying over, and I don't really think I want to host a Xmas dinner - can anyone tell me what they did in a similar situation (medium distance away from everyone) to balance loneliness and mental sanity.

Any suggestions would be welcome!

My DC were older for their first Christmas but at 5 / 6 weeks, I'd spend the first christmas just at home, just the three of you. You can visit everyone else around the big day itself, but order everything from Cook or M&S ready prepped, do an easy lunch and have a special day together.

Are they particularly helpful supportive people? Will they cook at your house?

Otherwise I'd stay home and forgo the dinner if you don't fancy making one. I could be doing with being at someone else's house all day.

We'll have about an 8 week old at Christmas. We're just having it at home. DH will make a Christmas dinner because he's brilliant at it. But I won't be hosting anyone or visiting anyone. But none of my family are helpful or supportive

I’d stay over for a few days but only if I was getting a proper bed and a bedroom. You need to be somewhere you can be comfortable and sleep when you need to .
At 6 weeks, a baby is pretty portable, you don’t need much, especially if you will be breastfeeding. It might actually be nice to have other people taking turns with the baby while you nap/ do something else.

This.

I would tentatively suggest they come to yours and actually do the cooking at yours…

I would make sure I had a really well stocked freezer, and urge the family not to make any plans that rely on your presence. The one thjng you can plan for with a newborn baby is that virtually nothing can be planned for.
I had two November babies - the first one we had a played thing of a Xmas dinner and spent most of the festive period alone ib the house crying because we thought we were doing everything wrong. He wouldn’t stop crying (colic, of course).
The second one we spent Xmas 100 miles from home passing the baby from elderly aunt to elderly aunt and using the geriatric babysitters for trips to the pub a deux.
The best advice for travelling, feeding, washing, dressing the whole shebang - play it by ear.

We usually have turkey.

OP you are overthinking this.

Its an hour for goodness sake - people commute longer daily.

I had a very young baby and got on a long haul flight and then also drove hours to see family at Christmas.

Its Christmas. Either go for the day or play to stay and just pack. Either is very easy and doable.

Just in case it’s of reference - c section both times.

What's the point of coming on this website just to be rude to people? If you don't get it then you don't get it, so don't respond.

Yeah I think I've struggled in previous years, some moments are great but some overwhelming so I just feel this year it'll probably push me over into it not being worth it! Thanks for the comment 😁

I had 4 week old who was 4 weeks premature and born by c-section. We stayed in bed until 7pm and then went to my neighbours for a full Xmas dinner and then came home about 11 when my boobs started leaking. It was lush!

Don’t try to please everyone else and be clear that you might change arrangements at the last minute depending on how you feel. Congrats on the baby btw ❤️

The problem is they think they are very helpful and supportive so they will think me going there will be a weight off my shoulders... And to a certain extent they really are or at least some of them are, but if my dad happens to be in a bad mood then I think that might just outweigh the benefits. Thanks for the message it's really helping me clear my head!

We drove there in time for Christmas lunch, then drove back around 10pm (our baby had a late bedtime for quite a long time so it fitted in with that.)

I had a 2 week old at Xmas. We drove to in-laws on the day (70mins journey) and left about 8pm. They cooked, it was lovely. My SIL had a 4week old baby so it was great. Home for 9.30pm. Baby was and angel and slept a 6 hour stretch. Had some Xmas cheese and crackers and a glass of champagne and in bed for 11.30. My family flew over the day after Boxing Day. I don’t think I could’ve been annoyed packing either for such a short journey.

Stay at home and have a Christmas with your own little family OP, otherwise parents come to you and cook.

Do not under any circumstances agree to go elsewhere, you will be getting over the birth.

I have had two babies, baby one was very calm and content, could have definitely travelled with him but wouldnt have wanted too, but his brother, totally different ball game!

With a young baby it’s so much easier to be at home, and stick to their routine.

Many congratulations, would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could, enjoy and when people tell you they grow up quick believe it.

Do you really need to see them Xmas day? I’d stay home and just make loose plans to see them at some point over the Xmas window. Just say you can’t commit to anything.

As @rightoguvnor says;
The one thjng you can plan for with a newborn baby is that virtually nothing can be planned for."

I cannot express this strongly enough. There are so many uncertainties and variables.

Focus on preparing for your pregnancy and your health and don't get stressed about this. The fact that you are posting about this in August says to me that you need to make a firm decision to not make any plans now and tell people that very firmly. "We are staying at home until we know that both mum and baby are up to visiting. on repeat"

If you feel fine and active and want to see people then great - do that... but please don't spend the rest of your pregnancy worrying that Mum's already bought the turkey and Granny wants to be there to see the baby so we have to be there at 10 am on the dot with a car full of presents and baby things, or they will be so disappointed. Don't Run around in your last trimester worrying about presents and when they will get them. Just say you are not doing presents this year, but will make up for it at Birthdays time.

What on earth is wrong with the two of you having Christmas with your newborn on your own?

To everyone saying "It's only an hour's drive" - well then... let the relatives do the drive. Christmas is a week. not a day after all. That way you can pick the day with best weather, see people in small groups on different days and keep people with coughs and colds at a distance until they are better.

I had 4 different in laws ringing me up from September onwards insisting that I should host Christmas just before my due date!!! or go to their house a 2hr drive away and if I went into labour I could go to their local hospital. I had some medical complications so I was very glad I'd held firm but it was extra stress.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, wishing you and your DH all the very best.

Just stay at home. Also make a plan to stay at home every Christmas after just you and your lovely family
Start as you mean to go on.

I don't think she's rude, she's just more positive about you going than many people are. I felt much the same as her tbh and would have been fine. Yes you may be sat sobbing in your pjs, or your may feel pretty normal and have a lovely Christmas, with an extra addition. It's something in between.

I think you're only interested in responses that it will be too hard and that says very clearly what you'd prefer to do. So do what you want, because that's what you want.

My DS was like 10 days old at Christmas, he didn’t sleep for more than 50mins at a time. I didn’t even know my own name. I stayed home.

journey was an hour between mine and mums.

if your parents are going to be difficult, then swerve it until the new year of something

you’ll have enough on your plate

I would suggest not committing to anything right now. And if family want definite plans to be made now then I'd be making it clear that we wouldn't be involved until last minute.

It's a tricky one! You could stay home on Christmas Day but if you do will you be wishing you had gone to see everyone? As it's an hour away I'd probably be going there and back in a day. Possibly once to see family and then maybe another day between Christmas and NY to see friends and perhaps pop into family for a coffee on the way home.

There is nothing wrong with whatever you want to do. But just make sure you put yourselves first. If you can't prioritise yourself 5 weeks after having your first baby then when can you?

Couldn’t agree more with this post

@Junebugbug promise nothing, stock up with meals for the freezer- batch cooking now and the like, if h needs education on food prep, now’s the time because you may be incapacitated.

Skip the visit this year and just let people know you’ll plan to hunker down for a quiet Christmas with your newborn. If you feel up to it, you might swing by for a visit, but otherwise thank them for understanding that this is new to you and you can all meet up when you’re feeling up to it.

Just stay home.

Any oen who wants to see you can arrange to come and visit.

Look up how long a baby can stay in a car seat in a 24hr period. It compresses their spine and restricts their breathing.
Put your feet up and stay home, without question.

It absolutely isn't what she has to do with a newborn baby. Great that you were up for that kind of drive a few weeks after your baby was born, but at that age you don't know if they'll sleep the whole thing or scream the whole thing. If she'll have stitches and where. If she's sorted breast feeding if she chooses to. She doesn't even know how old her baby will be!

She has a house and a new baby. People can arrange a time and visit her.