How can I keep Christmas simple but still special for teenagers?

[birdsintrees]

Had my first moment of Xmas anxiety today. It’s just so much to do. I have three teenagers at home. I’ve always tried to make it special and get them nice things. It’s been a hard year though and I just don’t feel resourceful at the moment.

How can I make it simple but still special? The eldest 18 Ds is impossible to buy for. The girls (17 & 15) are easier but it just feels overwhelming. Just hoping someone has clever suggestions. I know they love it and I don’t want them to be disappointed. But also am just so tired and can’t face it:

I don’t relate. Mine are 16, 14 and 11. We have Christmas at home just us as a nuclear family. Not sure why you’re putting so much pressure on yourself? Seriously,
you don’t need to feel anxious. Sounds like you are over doing it all and now the bar is sky high.

Its a great day, eating all the tasty food and now they’re older, they actually appreciate and really look forward to Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. Son had a bottle of beer and my daughter a small glass of wine, so that was a novelty - although Xmas for us isn’t really focussed on alcohol. A little tipple for novelty? Also, why would they be disappointed? Mine get a few small openers and some money, but not a huge amount.

Enjoy your life!… this sounds stressful and hellish.

I’d say just keep it nice and festive and think of some nice things to do in December perhaps -
ice skating or something nice

Also, you can’t “innovate” every year. Kids and teens today, many of them have everything.

Maybe let them know they will get a few openers. Perfume, socks, that sort of thing…. And then a set amount of money. It saves all the stress.

Thats what we do and our teens enjoy the day. You can’t be creating Christmas magic year in year out once your kids get to a certain stage.

At some point they need to understand it’s a nice day yes, but it just also a day. Peaceful, good food, some games, new PJs, some money etc. job done!!!

give yourself a break.

Mine will be 16 and 18 this Christmas. I just make sure there are nice things to eat and drink that we wouldn't usually have, and plan some things for us all to do together in the days around Christmas. They don't need loads of presents to make it special.

Surely they are now old enough to be involved in deciding the format of the day? What are they going to buy for you lol? Make a list and assign everyone a job and if they want a special present they need to put that on their Christmas List early and with a link too. Have a family meeting and tell them you are stressed already so how will they help take the strain?

Ask them what they would like to do/cook/eat/contribute as an activity?
They will probably have traditions that they treasure as being a fundamental part of their Christmas, that you may not realise is special to them. We’ve dropped a few things, kept some, and added new ones.

It's July. Revisit this in October maybe and enjoy the summer.

I am considering having cocktails and champagne and tapas. The 16 year old is very into it. Haven’t broken the news to the 13 year old yet, but I bloody hate Xmas dinner and it’s my house!

We keep it fairly simple but one of our most important traditions is seeing all the grandparents, there will come a time when they are no longer with us but we have always and will always see them on Christmas Day / Boxing Day. One of my happiest childhood memories is spending Christmas with extended family every year so we try and see siblings and cousins etc too, we all like that. Apart from that keep it fairly simple, make mince pies and put them out for a drink for Santa (and carrots for the reindeer), stockings, films on TV, everyones's favourite nibbles, Christmas music, pub on Xmas Eve (we usually go to the local together then DCs head into (small) town for a bit, they are 18+).

Yes! Except mine are 2 and 8! Might ban Xmas next year.

I agree with getting them involved in the planning

Write a list of Christmas jobs and ask them to pick a couple each

Ask them what they’ve enjoyed at previous Christmases and would like to replicate - money/circumstances permitting

Tell them to come up with a new family tradition ? A game for after dinner maybe?

Thanks, yes it’s about getting more help. I have to think about it now because I’m doing it on my own. It’s been an extreme year with family illness, emergencies etc. I’m burnt out. It’s not that they get loads of stuff, it’s just the mental load.

"Mental load".....you are overthinking Xmas! They are old enough to help...dont martyr yourself! I have never done a traditional Xmas in my life and I'm late 60s.

Get them involved. When I asked my late teen/early adult DSs what festive music they wanted, they asked for Michael Bublé. I was amazed as one is a chorister who loves classical music and the other plays in a post-punk band. But it turned out they both love Bublé's Christmas album. I'd never have guessed.
They could each make a Christmas playlist - or create one together.

Get them to design some Christmas mocktails and hot drinks - each of them creates one. Same with appetizers.

Family quiz. Everyone picks a topic they love and creates 3-5 questions ranging from easy to obscure.

They each get to choose a favourite treat that you don't normally indulge in.
They each choose a film to watch together. Or you choose a classic they may not have seen. All watch together and pass around popcorn or chocolates.

Do easy decor. Fairy lights around mirrors, windows etc look so pretty but don't take ages to set up.

Suggest a couple of easy outings - local carol service/midnight mass, theatre show or concert, but if they aren't bothered, stay home.

My teens really enjoyed the little bell ringing crackers with numerical music and is now become an annual event after dinner and has been for the last 10 years. They also really love the tradition of decorating IKEA Ginger bread men with ready to roll ginger bread dough or the pre-made ginger bread house. Despite being adults they still get involved and I’m not doing the same thing with my grand children with a lovely festive movie on…normally muppets Christmas Carol. And all of them, my kids and my grand kids LOVE seeing what I got for Xmas over the years by looking at the old online versions of index/Argos/tandy catalogues.

I’ve always cooked Xmas dinner, did my first at 14 as my step dad was in hospital. This year I’m going to be writing every recipe down in a write your own cook book type thing. Not just mine but the recipes I’ve inherited from my nan etc. my kids are very very specific about what they love about my version of Christmas. The Boxing Day gammon, home made sausage rolls, home made stuffing and puffs in blankets. I can’t wait!

Ask them to do the decorating and to prepare their favourite dish.

Buy each one a simple gift and another gift where they go shopping with you and choose their own. Then you wrap something they love.
Organise a concert or outing together.
It can be a free Carols Service or an expensive show or both.

Take advantage of free local entertainment like looking at houses with Christmas lights and putting a sausage on free park BBQs.

Go away for a country drive or weekend after Christmas to just relax.

Dont feel you have to carry the whole burden of making Christmas special on your own. They are big enough to get involved - and that may actually be the thing that makes it memorable for them .... decorating, selecting the Christmas music / playlist, setting the table, helping with food prep etc... let them share their ideas and get stuck in.

All you need to do at the moment is start saving some money.

September/October- Get them go start their lists- you are not committed to buying every on their lists.
Start buying a few bits. See what festive shows and events are on near you. Maybe book something for all of you or just you and the youngest.
Make plans to see family if you want.

Talk to the eldest- if he really doesn’t know what he wants, he can have money (and some treats/smellies).

November-order the food. Buy the main pressies.

December- get the kids to put the decs. Go out for the day and leave them to it.

On the day, give them jobs to do to help. You’re not their slave and they’re old enough.

Alternative- go out for Christmas lunch.

Mine are older (24/26 ) still live at home .

Ask them - what do they want . What do they not want .

Some things are nn negoiatable . My DS would happily eat Christmas dinner on his lap in front of the computer but I am cruel enough to insist we all eat at the set table .
We used to eat After Dark but Before Dr Who but now Dr Who is a big fat nope

DD loves all the Christmas planning and tradition.
Shopping - London, Lakeside,Bluewater
We (DH,DD and I) have a pre Christmas Break end Nov/early Dec
Then Christmas itself is more laid back.

I do Dec1st Boxes . They still get Christmas Day presents but it's low key . DS likes cash ( he doesn't want "things" ) so I don;t need a long discussion with him.
DD does A List so I know what to buy and she'll pick things out when we're shopping . Her Christmas Day presents last year was things like books , pair of Levi jeans , hair straighteners .

We go to a play or theatre in December ( I;ve convinced DS to come this year )
Cinema if there's anything good .
Meal out? Pizza ?

I do the Christmas Dinner with roast potatoes and Yorkshire Puddings which we watch rising through the glass oven door . Then I expect a load of praise .

Christmas-Clean-a-Long . I did this last year , great incentive and good to organise . And your teens can get involved .
(There was a thread on here for Christmas Clean a Long if you search up .)

Would your budget run to going out for Christmas lunch @birdsintrees , as if you're prone to over-thinking that takes a huge amount of prep out of the occasion? If that's an option, find somewhere really nice and get a table booked pronto.

If that's not a possibility (and I'm also a single mum so I can see why it might not be) then work with the kids to make things fun but simple - you might find they're not fussed about lunch and would prefer a lovely late breakfast with the kinds of treats you don't usually buy, and then easy stuff like a good ploughman's tea - good bread, cheese and ham - later in the day?

And how about asking the kids to buy (or at least suggest) presents for each other - give them a budget and they're in charge? Could be a lot of fun?

If you're overwhelmed by the mental load nearly 5 months ahead, you're way overthinking it. They're not little kids excited about Santa bringing them the must have toy of the year. Just give them some money and buy a couple of stocking fillers each to open and take them shopping and have lunch in the sales after Christmas. Send them off one day in November/December to each buy a gift for you, you could ask for three things for about £10 each or whatever is affordable from their pocket money or give them money if you prefer, eg ask for a book, chocolates, a beauty product or even wine from the 18 YO so you have some nice surprises.

Get them to decorate the tree and if you have a live one, go and get it together the week before Christmas.

If they want a roast, they help cook it and wash up afterwards. If they don't have a takeaway, buffet, whatever favourite treat food you all enjoy.

Go to a Christmas market and see the Christmas lights for an evening or even an extreme day trip to a European Christmas market, loads of options in Poland and Germany, great fun and not expensive.

Spend time together watching Christmas films with chocolates and Christmas food.

No need to put any more thought into it until after bonfire night.

I know I sound nuts! It’s not so much overthinking as in I have lost my capacity to think at all. I’m just zoned out.

it will be fine. They won’t go out, oldest is autistic and quite unwell at the moment. But the girls will help. Think I’ve been in crisis mode for months now and I’ve forgotten how to function.

So they are all pretty grown up and old enough to have a conversation about how difficult the year has been.

How about if you sit them all down and explain that as it’s been a really hard year for you all , you want to do something radically different at Christmas this year so that all of you can relax and enjoy it (rather than you feeling like a Christmas servant) and see if they have any suggestion?

For eg instead of stressing about Christmas dinner could you all go out for lunch at a pub? Or whatever …..

A great game we play, is each person buys two gifts (normally no more than £5 each) one can be a bit of a booby prize and one a nicer gift, you wrap them and put them in a pile. Then play bingo and when you win a line you pick a prize from the pile (obv not your own) and that gets a few laughs!

It's still a long way to Christmas so the fact you are thinking about it now means there's no reason to stress about it!

What is the exact thing stressing you about Christmas? Just so people can make more specific suggestions for you? Like is it money? Is it all the cooking falling on you? Once you pin point the part you are worried about then I think you can have an honest and open discussion about it with your children.

I was horrified when I found out my mum was spending a fortune on me and not really being able to afford it. I would much rather I got one gift I wanted (or none at all if she cant afford it) rather than her buying me loads for the sake of it! We now set a budget so no one is feeling stressed financially. I normally cook for Christmas and last year I found it too over whelming as I have a toddler so this year we have booked a pub meal and I will pay for my mum as her xmas gift so suits us all!

oh @birdsintrees you poor thing, I have been in that crisis mode (in my case after escaping an abusive marriage) and your head just shuts down - it's in "fight or flight" mode and doesn't allow you to focus on details because it doesn't think they are important. And at the same time it also gives you random, relatively unimportant stuff to think about as a way of avoiding the real issues you have to deal with.

In your situation I would: park thinking about Christmas until a specified date, say 1st October, especially as you're going to be at home (unless there is a friend/family member who could host you, but only if that wouldn't be any more stressful than being at home). Give the girls a budget and get them to manage the whole thing - they'll almost certainly enjoy it, they can decide the activities, the menu, the decorations, all of it.

Then just roll with it...us mums often have this idea that we need to make everything perfect for everyone, and that's daft...bizarrely, one of my favourite Christmas Day memories as a kid is my boyfriend knocking the tree over trying to catch a guinea pig (the rest of Christmas had been shit, parents in the midst of acrimonious divorce, no presents bought and I had to plan, buy and cook dinner on Christmas Eve) but the moment of my BF sitting underneath the tree, guinea pig in hand, both covered in tinsel and baubles is one I will treasure forever!

Good enough is good enough...do the easy thing...and all those cliches - go with all of them just now, and take care of yourself.