Page 2 | How can I keep Christmas simple but still special for teenagers?

Original poster

birdsintrees · 31/07/2026 11:14

gettingbacktobeingmeagain · 31/07/2026 10:41

oh @birdsintrees you poor thing, I have been in that crisis mode (in my case after escaping an abusive marriage) and your head just shuts down - it's in "fight or flight" mode and doesn't allow you to focus on details because it doesn't think they are important. And at the same time it also gives you random, relatively unimportant stuff to think about as a way of avoiding the real issues you have to deal with.

In your situation I would: park thinking about Christmas until a specified date, say 1st October, especially as you're going to be at home (unless there is a friend/family member who could host you, but only if that wouldn't be any more stressful than being at home). Give the girls a budget and get them to manage the whole thing - they'll almost certainly enjoy it, they can decide the activities, the menu, the decorations, all of it.

Then just roll with it...us mums often have this idea that we need to make everything perfect for everyone, and that's daft...bizarrely, one of my favourite Christmas Day memories as a kid is my boyfriend knocking the tree over trying to catch a guinea pig (the rest of Christmas had been shit, parents in the midst of acrimonious divorce, no presents bought and I had to plan, buy and cook dinner on Christmas Eve) but the moment of my BF sitting underneath the tree, guinea pig in hand, both covered in tinsel and baubles is one I will treasure forever!

Good enough is good enough...do the easy thing...and all those cliches - go with all of them just now, and take care of yourself.

Thank you!!!

it’s this exactly.

my Ds had two suicide attempts, my youngest dd started to have eating issues and stopped going to school and the middle was self harming. It all happened at the same
time as a bullying case at work in which I was a witness and redundancies and the discovery that I need a hysterectomy and (minor in the scheme of things) we almost lost our wee dog and had to get emergency surgery!! My db’s kids were taken into care and one kept running away, it’s just been non stop. I just feel like a zombie and the thought of anything just….what?!

OP posts:

Original poster

birdsintrees · 31/07/2026 11:15

Also no idea why I fixated on this! It’s miles away. I’m losing the plot I think

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 31/07/2026 13:23

I’m sorry you are struggling

Please allow your family to share some of the load. Christmas is much more fun as adults when they get to depart of the planning and have a voice in what happens.

Gengha · 31/07/2026 13:24

What do you mean by “so much to do”!

Buy some presents, stick up a tree, make some dinner?

cloudy23 · 31/07/2026 13:29

Normally my kids who are also teenagers are excited to just simply decorate the house watch Christmas movies- especially home alone as a whole family and just spend time with their cousins. Honestly the small things matter the most!!

Snorlaxo · 31/07/2026 14:02

You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.

Ask what the kids love about Christmas. I bet they can come up with a list that doesn’t include presents.

When my kids were teens, Christmas was one of the few times that they stopped being teens for a bit. For example when we decorated the tree, they would ooo and ahhh over baubles and come up with stories from their past like which bauble they liked when they were a kid. They also get excited when I announce that I’ve booked my Christmas delivery slot and ask them to start making a list of drinks and snacks they want adding to the list.

What are their favourite Christmas songs? Do you have traditions like playing board games or going for a drive to see the lights? These traditions could being real comfort at a difficult time.

If you want something new the would they you something like Elf on the Shelf? They could set it up for everyone else or you could go for some more adult set ups ? The Internet is bound to have some more twisted ideas.

Victorius19 · 31/07/2026 14:06

The last few years I've really cut back on non essentials, and the DC get one big present that they choose themselves rather than lots of smaller ones. That really cuts the mental load down, and with the time/effort that we save on this, I get in really nice snacks/nibbles. Last year we had a Hotel Chocolat massive wreath, a huge sweet jar in the middle of the dining room table, a hot chocolate station in the kitchen with lots of nice add ons, a bigger selection of drinks on the dresser and we had lots of yummy snacks that I hid away until the 18th and then put out.

TheSquareMile · 31/07/2026 15:38

@birdsintrees

You have clearly had a difficult time of late, OP.

I would be inclined to suggest that this is the year when you make the food side as easy to manage as possible.

In September, pick up the M and S Christmas Food Catalogue and then list things which will appeal and which are easy to prepare. Pick items needing little preparation time. There is no need to have turkey.

Ocado deliver for Marks and Spencer, so book a delivery as soon as bookings open.

Millie767 · 31/07/2026 15:46

birdsintrees · 30/07/2026 22:51

Had my first moment of Xmas anxiety today. It’s just so much to do. I have three teenagers at home. I’ve always tried to make it special and get them nice things. It’s been a hard year though and I just don’t feel resourceful at the moment.

How can I make it simple but still special? The eldest 18 Ds is impossible to buy for. The girls (17 & 15) are easier but it just feels overwhelming. Just hoping someone has clever suggestions. I know they love it and I don’t want them to be disappointed. But also am just so tired and can’t face it:

Christmas became more special for me when I started to get involved, so why don'% you give them a bit more responsibility this year (doing decorations, choosing gifts for a particular relative etc). That takes a bit of pressure off you too!

gettingbacktobeingmeagain · 31/07/2026 15:58

oh @birdsintrees you have had such a rubbish time, so much to cope with (and a lot of it really scary) it is no wonder you are burnt out.

I definitely, definitely think that you give this Christmas to the kids to manage - in a fun way so that they can really enjoy preparing for it. So no rules about decorations and everyone gets to list three things that they definitely want to eat on Christmas Day and they go on the shopping list, and then everyone picks an activity for you all to try or chooses a game or whatever...

main aim is a nice relaxed day, no stress for anyone, lots of fun and laughing and togetherness...nothing else matters!

Maray1967 · 01/08/2026 23:28

birdsintrees · 31/07/2026 06:25

Thanks, yes it’s about getting more help. I have to think about it now because I’m doing it on my own. It’s been an extreme year with family illness, emergencies etc. I’m burnt out. It’s not that they get loads of stuff, it’s just the mental load.

My response would be to plan - sensibly and realistically. Write things down in some kind of planner I include the gift list, the meal plans and finally several to do lists nearer Christmas. Everything written down and ticked off - no stress.

Think about meals - what does everyone want? You could stick to the turkey or make changes. What can be made earlier and frozen?

What does everyone want to do on 24/25/26?

And lastly, let them know they’ll be helping. Ours are 26 and 18. The 26 year old has a house with GF - but still wants a stocking! So we do it for the two of them with mainly foodie stuff in and they open it when they arrive at about 12. Both DSs help - one is responsible for all drinks and the other ferries food to the table when dinner is ready. Both clear away.