My partner of nearly 20 years (not married) share a DD who is 5. He works full time and I have been the sole carer of her until she started school in September. We both adore her, he is a devoted father. However, since she was born he hasn’t been a great partner. He is openly hostile towards me, is no longer at all loving, doesn’t attend any family engagements on my side of the family, however he expects me to play the part of his partner without having to make any effort for me at all.
This December I have done everything for Christmas, bought and wrapped every single present for DD, his family and mine, decorated the house (he doesn’t even help get the boxes down) attended all the children’s parties, organised everything. This is quite typical. The last two years my parents have come for a quick breakfast before they go visit my siblings houses (they stay about 1.5-2 hours) and then we’ve gone to his sisters, and the following year we went to his parents which is for many more hours obviously (both with all his siblings and their children). I have a good relationship with them as we see them so much. This year however, nobody had made any plans, and I was glad as I felt I’d been fair spending most of Christmas with his family the two years previous so we ordered our turkey and planned for a quiet Christmas at home. I was actually quite poorly most of December and was really struggling but I absolutely still put in all the effort. I made a lovely dinner Christmas Eve and we had a nice family time. I put all the presents etc out once DD was asleep, he didn’t help at all. In the morning after present opening my parents came as normal, I did a little breakfast, and then I cooked the Christmas lunch. I finished washing up and was looking forward to settling down and playing with DD when he announces everybody is going to his parents and I could get ready and come too or he was going to take DD anyway. He complained breakfast was rubbish and so was dinner, and that i was boring and just left without me (in hindsight feel he was trying to start an argument in order to try and say it was my fault he left). Usually I probably would have got ready to go so I wouldn’t miss out on time with DD but I just felt so hurt and it was obvious I had been crying so I stayed at home on my own. DD said she didn’t want to go but he basically persuaded her explaining she’d have more presents at nanny’s (really the message of Christmas hey). I felt totally heartbroken to have basically been treated like a maid and then cast aside once the hard work was done. I’ve had to really just get on with Christmas since then as I didn’t want to spoil the rest of it for DD, she had been so tired with first term of school and really needed a rest. I spent lots of time with her and made up for it but I still can’t get past the fact that he did that to me and didn’t even apologise after I basically worked and planned all of Christmas and then didn’t get to enjoy it. I am still really angry and sad, it’s obvious he doesn’t love me anymore and I feel quite heartbroken. I make every effort for him and just feel I really didn’t deserve to spend Christmas afternoon and evening on my own without my DD.