Would you surrender Christmas to your DH?

[Vaster]

This year, as always, DH has moaned that the children have too many gifts and has spent most of the day eating the food that I planned and bought and cooked and cleaned up as if it was all provided for by a magic fairy.

When I asked him to help me clean up he said I am always looking for a fight and I don’t get what Christmas is about (love, peace, family).

He doesn’t seem to realise that I am Christmas. Without everything I‘ve done over the past weeks, today would have been just another day.

I am sorely tempted to surrender Christmas to DH and see where that gets us next year. But I value my DC‘s happiness too much.

So, just for fun- what would Christmas look like if your DH took over? If it would be the same, or just as great, then lucky you- hold on to him tight. Because after sitting in silence for the past 2 hours, I‘m regretting my life choices tonight.

I think ours would be the same but very last minute.

If Christmas has been left for DH over the years we would have a frozen meal cooked by me or takeaway lol in his defence he doesn't cook never has but would supply the booze haha

If he was doing it purely without regard to anything I've ever said or done?

Decorations. All of them. Every colour, loads of foil ones, novelty ones everywhere, downstairs decked out like a pub garden. Except the tree. He'd forget the tree or if he did remember, it would still be there next October.

Food. Pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig. Potatoes. Crisps. Salted snacks. More pig. Chocolate, cake, mince pies. More pig. Pickles. Pig. Some overripe bananas because his Dad said they were healthy. Cream. Clotted cream. Brandy butter and cream. More pig. Huge packet of dry roasted, sugary peanuts. Brussels sprouts slightly overcooked (and with added pig). All to be consumed over 48 hours, followed by a period of fasting/intense discomfort and a visit to the pharmacy for Senokot by New Year's Eve, I suspect.

Drinks. Tea, coffee and room temperature soft drinks and tap water.

However, because he's endured living with me for so long, he now fully embraces the idea of vegetables, fresh fruit that isn't bananas and that salad, herbs, spices and seasonings are important. He might need to check with me what 'extras' I want or what I'd like to be done with particular things, but I only have to say and he'll go off and sort them without any further input. And I've been quietly impressed with the way he's started looking at different things and bringing them back to find out if I know a good way of using them - this year has been chestnuts, bergamot oranges and fresh cranberries, along with a mulling kit (although we did have all of the constituent spices in the cupboard already - but he's come to that conclusion himself earlier today).

The only thing that I think he would struggle with is the kitchen, as he just can't manage to visualise a tidy, clean, organised kitchen area and make it happen. I'll probably be saying 'but if you clean as you go, it's much easier' and 'before you start that, you'll need clear surfaces', until my dying day.

Nothing would be done and then he'd spend the next year feeling sorry for himself because he's so shit but it'd be the same the year after too.

We would still have a great Christmas dinner as he handles that.
We’d have presents, our family of five. They might be wrapped in birthday paper, obviously the kids wouldn’t care.
There would be a tree and lights.
EVERYTHING else - Christmas cards, wider family presents, Christmassy social stuff, baking, kids activities and crafts, panto, light trail, plans with friends would fall by the wayside. He’d have missed the school Christmas Fair, nativity, carol service, wouldn’t have had a clue.
A simple Christmas would happen. It wouldn’t be as fun but he’d make it happen. He often says he’d be screwed without me (I often say the same about him). But he’d cope.

I think there would be fewer presents and not as much food/drink but he would make a good stab at it. Everything would be done last minute though so not sure I could take the stress of that.

Really interesting question.

DH does the big grocery shop and cooks most of the dinner. So that would still look the same. (But the gravy wouldn’t be as good because that’s my speciality.)

There’d be no tree or any other decorations unless he delegated it to DD (which he almost certainly would…and I couldn’t leave her to do it all on her own so I’d end up doing it anyway 😖).

DD and I would still get a fairly generous allocation of gifts - all from our wishlists because he has no imagination - and they would either be badly wrapped or not wrapped at all. Maybe stuffed into the gift bags that I have stashed in the Christmas cupboard. (If he can find the Christmas cupboard, that is.)

He’s not the worst contributor at Christmas but also not the best. I do appreciate the grocery shop and cooking which are considerable chunks of seasonal labour. But just once it would be nice to get a gift I didn’t pick myself, wrapped in paper that I didn’t buy.

I don’t really understand why your DH thinks you should do everything and he do nothing? Is this the same normally? If I cook DH clears up and if he cooks I clear up. Same applies Christmas. I cooked so he cleared up. I am afraid he would get an earful if he responded as yours did saying you were picking a fight just by asking him to help out. My response would be What did your last slave die of and if you don’t clear up I won’t be cooking for you anymore.

I would absolutely hand over to my DH and he’d do a brilliant job but he wouldn’t enjoy it, whereas I love doing all the cooking and planning fun games for the day. He does his fair share of the cleaning and gift buying and will help in the kitchen on the day but the food planning and shopping is primarily left to me.

I feel for you, OP. The reality is that this isn’t (only) about him not helping you, it’s the ingratitude. My DH may not do much of the cooking but he is complimentary and grateful and acknowledges my hard work. Im sure you’d resent your DH less if he spent the day being gushingly appreciative of your efforts. It feels like a Christmas left to him is the short sharp shock that he needs!

His Christmas sounds better. I couldn't be bothered with all that faff except maybe making plans with friends. I HATED nativity stuff and forced jollity as a kid.

Lie in until 2pm and a turkey pot noodle.

DH is one of these that will say throughout December/ the run up - let’s leave it, let’s not bother with that, no point in doing that, we don’t need that, nobody will eat that etc etc about everything from booking days out to all the various elements of the meal beyond the meat really. And yet he thoroughly partakes and enjoys every bit of it, and if I do actually skip anything or miss something we normally have will be all ‘oh but it’s not that same without X’ on the day itself. It’s massively irritating actually - it’s not intentional at all. His parents can be the same - they just skew negative when discussing plans, find it hard to show enthusiasm and act like everything is so much hassle for them, but then would be really disappointed and feel they’d missed out if it didn’t happen.

So as to the question I really don’t know - I think we’d have a tree and a couple of presents, meal would be ok but nothing special and a lot of the extras/ special touches would just be missing. Maybe he’d rise to the occasion if he knew I wasn’t going to step up and do it, but I think in my heart of hearts it would be a bit shit.

It’s definitely me who makes Christmas happen in our house and who does all the work both seen and unseen that comes with that (well not true - he’s been peeling spuds and doing lots of clearing up etc today, and wrangling DD so I could cook in peace etc - but essentially it’s kind of me thinking, planning, organising and doing and then sort of delegating which bits I want him to do).

The rest of our lives are much more balanced and there’s a lot of things that only happen because he does/ sorts them - and I don’t just mean the cliche bare minimum like ‘oh but he takes the bins out and mows the lawn’ (which he does to be fair!) But Christmas does bring out the 1950s gender divide in us for some reason.

I have alluded to it and he does know and appreciate how much I do. He’s definitely willing and able to ‘help‘ but that still makes it my job that he helps with - and his answer is well just don’t do as much, just don’t bother but then see above - he’d actually be gutted if I didn’t bother.

Ive never cooked a Christmas dinner. Or done the big shop. Or bought the tree. Or got down the decorations. He has always been involved in buying storing and setting out santa. Now the kid are adults, I buy them some presents that they may have told me they wld like and then he always adds on some stuff he has got for them that he thinks they would like. I used to do the clean up when the kids were small but that was usually because he was reading the latest malory towers to one or playing babies with the other.
Now the adults children do the clean up and I sit with a cat chatting.
Although I did make the Yorkshire puddings this year.

2 years ago I was in hospital for weeks up to 4 days before Christmas. When I got home every single thing was done.
Wtaf is wrong with these lazy assed men. Have they no self respect.
So no, id have and have had no problem letting dh do Christmas.
What with him being a grown ass man who gives a shit about his family.

I haven't cooked a Christmas dinner in years, I help with side dishes. This year, i have not been able to do anything much for medical reasons. DH has done almost all of it. Bought and decorated the tree. Bought 90% of gifts and wrapped them. I ordered the food, but he has cooked it all. He did a 4 course dinner party for 7 adults with an earlier sitting for 5 'kids' before sending them off to the pub a couple of nights ago.

Kids are older so we are beyond the pantos and light trails phase, thank goodness.

Sometimes things are a little rough and ready but he is a good one who is doing his best.

DH bought and wrapped all the presents, bought and decorated the tree and shopped for cooked and cleaned up after the Christmas Dinner. Not everyone is married to an incompetent man.

‘I am Christmas’ - made me feel seen!! DH would tidy everything to an inch of its life, but he doesn’t have a clue about the amount of work goes into Christmas. Thinks he knows, but not a fucking clue.

One year when DC were really small, he took kids to a crappy soft play, not knowing it was a Santa’s grotto thing happening. He decided to sign the kids up, but said the whole thing was really lacking and sad, with a ‘junkie Santa’. He said it suddenly struck him that this is what xmas would be like for the kids if I died. He does get it a little!

Mine does all present buying and wrapping. He even wraps the individual stocking gifts - takes hours! He buys too much perhaps but it’s all good stuff. Oddly I buy pjs for everyone and erm that’s it! I do the cooking and although I was happy to tidy up he did all the washing up. My older kids who are functional and helpful types revert back to being children and do nothing but they but good gifts and I love it how it is. Anyway if I handed over it would be pretty similar as he is a good cook - probably wouldn’t be quite so many veg.

DP is king of the roast dinner, and cooked today. I made the soup yesterday. He also did the food shop and organised the lovely Christmas tree. His presents are 10/10.

Without me the tree would be decorated like a five year old did it, and the kitchen would be an absolute shit tip, but we would eat well! I’m in charge of “Christmas vibes” which covers decor, scented candles, and general cleaning and tidying. (We do usually split cooking fairly evenly and have set household tasks at other times of the year.)

This. What a lazy cock.

There'd be a mountain of mini chipolatas that's for sure

I didn't marry an incompetent man-child, so Christmas would be fine. Well cooked food, thoughtful presents - possibly wrapped in-store but that's working smarter not harder -and a lovely day all round I think.

Gosh, this has made me think. If it was left to DH there'd be no decorations, rubbish presents which wouldn't be wrapped and a very basic Christmas dinner. He can cook, but there'd be no special touches. I do pretty much all of it and take on all the stress despite us both working full time. Married over 30 years and this hadn't occurred to me. Hmm... At least the kids are grown up and helpful. DS1 took over most of the cooking this year, though DH at least did the turkey and the ham. Also the gravy; I can't make gravy to save my life so he does have his uses.

I think do it, OP. Just say to the whole family on New Year’s Day your resolution is letting go and next Xmas you’ll hand the baton to DH to organise. And let him do it. And then he can get feedback on how he did it and try again the year after. So at least two Xmases you can just sit back and let him do it all.

Probably much the same! He's an involved parent, knows what the kids like/dislike, is capable of shopping and does all the cooking and most of the cleaning anyway

The gifts would be wrapped hilariously badly, it's a skill he doesn't seem to possess, but he could manage the sourcing of them, and we're on the same page with regard to how much

It would be exactly the same, I don’t celebrate christmas, so if I took over it would be much lower key.