Father in law never joins Christmas walks

[comoatoupeira]

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

Let the man live ffs.

And maybe don't insert your 7yr old into this non-drama.

🙄🙄🙄

Why can't the poor man do as he pleases? I love going for walks but understand that not everyone does. A forced walk is not going to be much fun for him if he would rather stay home.

Maybe he wants an hour of peace and quiet.

🙄🙄 scraping the barrel with the Christmas weirdness here! If I was a relative of yours I would chose to stay in the house and take my own walk at a later time to get some peace and quiet.

I am fit and well and would turn a walk down too! Its tedious!!

This is why I used to hate visiting my in-laws and husbands family.
5 hours the car , they complain if we stop on the way and then everyone has to go on a walk as soon as we get there
All 25 of us if we are all together
Then we go back to the house for a couple of hours and then after dinner we all have to go for a stroll again
I pray for rain , even worse when the kids were little as you just want to chill

He probably wants some quiet alone time and that's his chance, my lovely nana was similar, she just wanted a bit of peace to recalibrate and continue being the lovely woman she was with the family without feeling overwhelmed by being in company all day.

I imagine he wants some peace and quiet.

why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say

'He doesn't want to and that's fine-it's not the case that everyone has to do the same thing all the time.'

We have spent the day with family-some people played games, others watched telly, some (shock horror) were on their phones.

You don't get to decide what everyone does all day, maybe he wants a break from everyone!

Wow if you're this judgey and passive aggressive about a flipping walk I can't imagine christmas day with you is generally much fun!

Do you also get worked up about how much people eat/drunk, the presents they give, how early they arrive/leave etc as well....?

If Christmas is for ‘joining in’ you could ‘join in’ with your FIL and stay in.

People who say others should ‘join in’ inevitably mean others should join in with what THEY want to do. It’s bossy, overbearing and selfish.

Seriously, Christmas is meant to be enjoyable. Why would you want to force someone to do something they really dislike?! It’s selfish as fuck to expect someone who hates walks / charades / board games / whatever to join in with those things and it’s terrible hosting. It’s not like they’re stopping you from doing them just because they want to sit them out.

My guess is that by the time the afternoon comes around, your FIL really just needs a bit of quiet away from noise and excited kids and a break from your personal idea of enforced fun.

You are not a good host if you just want to make your guests dance to your tune. That isn’t ‘being an adult rather than a teenager’. It’s being controlling and selfish.

Having a lamb shank in peace?

Oh OP, you are one of those people. You've triggered me and now I'm having flashbacks to endless games of yatzee and similar that I have joined in just so I wasn't that misery guts sat on their own, while everyone gets drunker and rowdier and I'm wishing I could have gone to bed when the kids did.

I would love to go out on my own (shock!) for a 30 minute run to recharge but the judgement of the others here means it's just not worth it. Good on your FIL for saying no.

I don't do what I want all year. I'm sure most of us don't. I do work and parenting and chores and admin and helping out elderly relatives with hospital appointments or sorting out technical stuff or helping out with DIY or feeding cats while away and giving people lifts and on it goes....

I've even considered faking finding God this year so I can fuck off to church for a bit of time out (I hope that doesn't offend anyone who has faith.)

And if I do go for a walk I want to walk, not hang around while the kids piss about on logs or get roped into playing. That's not a walk.

Maybe he just wants a few moments of peace.

Stunning weather? It was fucking freezing today. I wouldn’t go for a walk either.

I missed the stunning weather clearly! Been blowing a gale here.

I hate enforced walks and the like. Leave me in the warm please!

Tell the kids ‘because he doesn’t want to.’ It’s a perfectly acceptable answer.

He’s probably doing a poo when you’re on the walk 😅 If I ate food all day then went on a walk I’d need a poo lol.

News: not everyone enjoys the same activities as you. And that is OK.

I also didn’t walk my own offspring today 😅 I’d definitely not be out walking for anyone else’s. I have to be in the right mood for a walk. Having eaten all day would not make me want to go for one!

Never thought of that - that's probably the real reason! A poop in peace, nobody to put him off 😁

This is so bizarre. I don't like walking on Christmas Day either and love being at home surrounded by all the comforts (and food!). Why can't a grown man decide what he wants to do? Stop being a drama queen. Weird.

He said no because he didn't want to!

Maybe he just wants some quiet. To watch something nobody else wants to watch. Or have a zizz. Or a quiet poo is very likely.

Leave the poor bloke in peace and stop being controlling.

And don't make a flying monkey out of your own child.

I agree OP is being unreasonable but presumably she knows what the weather conditions were like where she is better than you do!

You do get that not all of the UK (and tbf she hasn't specified she is even in the uk) gets the exact same weather?

Likely because that is the only hour in the day he can have some head space maybe. He doesn’t want to “play” as much as he wants pure silence & his own company. With kindness, try to think outside your own expectations & needs & practise some empathy

If your daughter doesn’t ever want to play/do something that someone else wants to do then that’s also fine. Live and let live & remember the power of choice/autonomy. The world doesn’t revolve around your daughter’s needs. This is a good lesson tor her. “ Grandad isn’t coming Ariana because he wants some quiet time. He doesn’t enjoy playing outside with a big group of people. We’re all different and enjoy different things.”

I'm often slightly baffled by why a post has been posted but takes the prize!

Leave the poor old sod alone.