Father in law never joins Christmas walks

[comoatoupeira]

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

Leave him be! He is not hurting anyone.

I’m puzzled, why don’t you just ask him? “We’d love you to come with us DFiL, why do you never come on the family walk?”

my DH loves being outdoors but he didn’t come for a run with me & DS (on bike) this morning or to the skatepark with the entire family this afternoon.

he needs downtime more than me, and he also likes to clean the kitchen up so I’m not gona argue with that lol!

You do know it's his Christmas too right? 🤔

Sounds like forced fun and therefore absolute hell. I'd love it if everyone went out and left me in peace for an hour. If I smoked I'd go and have a quiet fag and a big mug of tea and chill out.

Just tell your child that Christmas walks are not everyone's thing.

I'm sure the child will eventually recover from the shock.

Ah performative forced Christmas jollity. Sounds like he enjoys swerving the show and I’d let him, no need for everyone to join everything. It’s taken my MIL 14 years to accept I won’t join in with the family Boxing Day “tradition” of running into the effing North Sea. “It’s so thrilling! Honestly magical! Visceral joy! Powerful connection to nature! WE ALL DO IT!!! ”. . You’re not a killjoy, a spoilsport or morally inferior if you don’t want to join everything all the time. And being a grown up means you actually don't have to do things you don’t want to. No judgement required.

You sound utterly ghastly OP. Bossy, controlling and lacking in empathy.

On a separate note, what on earth do you think is added to the proceedings by getting your 7 year old to upbraid his DGF? What will it achieve, and what messages will it send your child? Be better than that.

The children think it is weird because adults around act as if it is. It is not a big deal, honestly. He can play with his grandchildren at home.

Yeah - fuck that! I’m a cross channel swimmer so done my fair share of swimming in freezing cold sea. Not a chance in hell would I be jumping into the North Sea for a ‘bracing’ Boxing Day swim! I’d also happily wave them off - maybe sit on the beach with the DryRobes if I was feeling particularly generous.

I was raised with the mandatory, morally correct Christmas Walk. It was freezing and I hated it as I just wanted to open/play with my presents. Now I am grown up I take great delight in not doing it. Christmas is for everyone to have a good time in their own way. (Replace “going for a walk” with literally any other Xmas activity in the OP and it sounds insane… because it is…)

Being outdoorsy on Christmas day....fuck off
Cooking everything from scratch because it makes a person feel morally superior. Fuck off ( and buy lots of it from a supermarket. You'll be less knackered and it taste better)
Board games....oh god all my childhood christmasses. Fucking hate fucking board games
Let people breathe. Let them have down time . Sprouts are vile and never, ever compulsory. It's just a day. None of us are living in a TV advert.

‘Christmas is for joining in’= ‘Christmas is for bullying & shaming people who dare to have a preference of their own. Conformity is king! Long live the herd! Dissent is disloyalty!’ etc etc.

Why should he? It's up to him. And I don't know where you are, but I wouldn't call the weather 'stunning' here; it's very cold.. I assume that the walk has happened, but in any case my advice is to live and let live, and teach your children to do the same,

You are very outdoorsy. Your FiL is very clearly not outdoorsy.

You do what you want the rest of the year, Christmas is for joining in Says who? This kind of forced and organised activity is, for lots of people, bloody awful. What if he doesn’t want to join in? What if he’s perfectly happy sitting in the corner with a mince pie, just watching everyone have fun? Why isn’t he allowed to do that in peace? Or do you want to ruin his Christmas because it doesn’t align with your idea of what’s proper?

Perhaps he takes the opportunity to be by himself! Team FIL! You honestly sound insufferable!

I have found my people.

I couldn't agree more.
Buy Christmas food in M&S and reheat it. It takes two mins to put into the oven, minimal washing up AND it tastes a lot better than making it yourself.
As for board games. I fucking hate them. Every one of them. Always have. Always will.

He doesn’t go out on the walk because he wants some time away from you.

Bully for you and MIL. Other people are allowed to have different preferences. Why should he go if he prefers not to? What’s your problem?

It's because after Christmas, when you meet Gilly and Tom and Kit and Caro by the fresh fish counter in Waitrose, you need to have completed a the 'proper' things of the middle class Christmas. Presents before church, church ( one of your children must be wearing a velvet coat), lunch ( cooked from scratch, everyone simply adores sprouts/ oh the children eat everything, no fussy eaters here), more presents, hateful bastard walk followed by hateful bastard board games. If you don't do these things in this order YOU HAVE FAILED AND YOUR CHRISTMAS WASNT UP TO SNUFF .Everyone is secretly driven by this.

Sounds hideous. I’m with Granddad.

I don't understand the problem. I loathe just "going for a walk", because it's incredibly tedious. I'd rather stay in and read my book. Perhaps your FIL is the same?
Plus, if it's a full-on family Christmas, he probably wants to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet for an hour - we all need our time alone; it's vital.

You need to seriously get a grip OP. Newsflash - not everyone is the same, not everyone enjoys the same things and not everything evolves around you.

I hear you! I think sometimes as adults you join in for the sentiment not the activity itself if that makes sense. My father has never once in my entire life come out a walk or any family related activity, and now of course many years later with my own kids they also notice that grandpa never comes out ever, first few years they commented- didn’t obviously change anything and now they just accept it. When hosting him He literally sits all day , suits himself, goes off to bed without saying good night , doesn’t come down for unwrapping etc . I’m well used to it but it is sad seeing it through my childrens eyes, they asked today did he get up when you were a child to watch you open presents and I just matter of frankly said no. Selfish? Yes. Undiagnosed ND? Possible. So all these people saying ahhh leave him it’s only a day he can suit himself etc might not realise that this might not be just one day but general no f’s giving for family life! Bizarre, makes me so appreciative of my own kids dad and the effort and presence he is in their life!

But the man in question isn't their dad,he's their grandad. He's done the parenting. Now he's a grandparent he can say ' have a lovely walk, see you later" and go and have a 20 minute kip. He's not in a Hallmark Christmas movie.

But he is not!

can you not see that some people just might not like that kind of thing?

From his side of the coin - he just wants to sit down - listen to the radio/watch TV .. and you are all trying to drag him out!