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Original poster

Father in law never joins Christmas walks

384 replies

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 19:30

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 26/12/2025 18:52

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 21:06

Ah you see for me this is the difference between being a teenager and an adult.
You do what you want the rest of the year, Christmas is for joining in.

i accept the walk thing though, and the context with kids around meaning people need a break.

Show quote history

No, it really isn't. It's for relaxing. If a ten mile route march is your thing, that,s dandy. The idea that someone else wants to slump in front of the telly is somehow morally reprehensible is crazy - and yes, I mean crazy! I think you should invest counselling the NY.
And three cheers for FIL for sticking to his guns.

Blablibladirladada · 26/12/2025 18:52

Lol

Or…be crazy and let him decide for himself?
🥸

CNDflag · 26/12/2025 18:54

Ah forced ‘jollity’ at Christmas. How terrible middle class!

MNQueenofAllSheSurveys · 26/12/2025 19:03

CNDflag · 26/12/2025 18:54

Ah forced ‘jollity’ at Christmas. How terrible middle class!

Since when was walking the preserve of the middle class?😂

CNDflag · 26/12/2025 19:04

Forced jollity..I didn’t mention walking

pineapplecrushed · 26/12/2025 19:09

You tell your kids that people like different things and going for walks on Christmas day is not your FIL's thing. Honestly how weird getting upset over this.

CurlewKate · 26/12/2025 19:10

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 19:30

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

Why are the kids confused when you say “He doesn’t want to”?

SirChenjins · 26/12/2025 19:14

Go your FIL - he's doing that part of his Christmas exactly as he wants to. I walk the dog in all weathers, from stupid o'clock in the morning to late at night. I'm choosing to spend Christmas on the sofa, eating and watching telly. If my family wish to spend it walking and jumping over logs then the door is that way ->

Stop being so sanctimonious OP, it's unedifying.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:15

LetMeknow2 · 25/12/2025 23:09

I hear you! I think sometimes as adults you join in for the sentiment not the activity itself if that makes sense. My father has never once in my entire life come out a walk or any family related activity, and now of course many years later with my own kids they also notice that grandpa never comes out ever, first few years they commented- didn’t obviously change anything and now they just accept it. When hosting him He literally sits all day , suits himself, goes off to bed without saying good night , doesn’t come down for unwrapping etc . I’m well used to it but it is sad seeing it through my childrens eyes, they asked today did he get up when you were a child to watch you open presents and I just matter of frankly said no. Selfish? Yes. Undiagnosed ND? Possible. So all these people saying ahhh leave him it’s only a day he can suit himself etc might not realise that this might not be just one day but general no f’s giving for family life! Bizarre, makes me so appreciative of my own kids dad and the effort and presence he is in their life!

Thank you.

OP posts:
Aluna · 26/12/2025 19:17

2 things about MNers:

  1. Many hate walking. Then swear blind they’re “size 6-8”
  2. Anything other than comatose on the sofa = “enforced jollity”.
Wishimaywishimight · 26/12/2025 19:18

BallerinaFall · 25/12/2025 19:31

WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER?

Indeed. Why is it an issue? "Grandad doesn't enjoy walks" is surely explanation enough.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2025 19:18

Forced walks are truly awful.

Zapx · 26/12/2025 19:20

YesSirICanNameChange · 25/12/2025 19:39

Police, now.

😂

MySilentLions · 26/12/2025 19:21

TittyGajillions · 25/12/2025 19:47

Are you a family of Labradors?

Show quote history

Hahaha

MySilentLions · 26/12/2025 19:22

sprigatito · 25/12/2025 19:47

I think it’s become crystal clear why he doesn’t go on the walks. It’s the only break he gets from the relentless eager-beaver forced jollity. Jumping over logs 😂 I’d rather feed my hand into a paper shredder.

Me too, yay I’ll break an ankle to keep the grandkids entertained!

Total Team FIL here. Let him have some fucking peace for a bit.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:28

By stunning weather I mean big blue sky, something we didn’t have for weeks (in East Midlands). Sun on your face and fresh air. scientifically proven to make you feel good.

yes it’s cold but with winter coats jumpers hats and scarf it’s not.

each to their own is more complex than just “letting people do what they want”. We do things for lots of reasons, because of group dynamics, because of habit instilled in us in early years, because of impulse control. If it’s all about doing what you feel like as an individual in the moment, that brings a lot of limitations to what we can do as humans.

i agree on Christmas Day these sorts of things might be less important. Or maybe they are more important?

OP posts:
Hesma · 26/12/2025 19:28

Maybe he wants alone time… deffo doesn’t need you nagging

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:33

I didn’t nag, I didn’t say anything. I just wrote on here instead, to find out if I should. And I won’t.

OP posts:
SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 19:38

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:33

I didn’t nag, I didn’t say anything. I just wrote on here instead, to find out if I should. And I won’t.

Did you read my post about medical conditions?
No idea of his age but as a man in his late 60s or older it's quite likely he needs a pee often and country walks are tricky unless he's happy to dive into a bush or behind a tree.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 19:42

Aluna · 26/12/2025 19:17

2 things about MNers:

  1. Many hate walking. Then swear blind they’re “size 6-8”
  2. Anything other than comatose on the sofa = “enforced jollity”.

I love walking but am able to accept others don't. Or they do sometimes but not today.
Enforced jollity is anything but jolly.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:44

I did but I’m almost certain he doesn’t have this, due to other hobbies he has.

he is outdoorsy as well. As others have said, it is probably to have some alone time during Christmas Day which is fair enough. He probably doesn’t realise that anyone even thinks about it or mentions it.

OP posts:
Original poster
comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:46

Aluna · 26/12/2025 19:17

2 things about MNers:

  1. Many hate walking. Then swear blind they’re “size 6-8”
  2. Anything other than comatose on the sofa = “enforced jollity”.

And, apparently, dislike going outside in the winter.
.

This idea of “chilling” is interesting. People are getting at me for imposing an idea on others, but they are also imposing their idea of what it means to chill, I.e. being comatose on the sofa.

OP posts:
TittyGajillions · 26/12/2025 19:50

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:28

By stunning weather I mean big blue sky, something we didn’t have for weeks (in East Midlands). Sun on your face and fresh air. scientifically proven to make you feel good.

yes it’s cold but with winter coats jumpers hats and scarf it’s not.

each to their own is more complex than just “letting people do what they want”. We do things for lots of reasons, because of group dynamics, because of habit instilled in us in early years, because of impulse control. If it’s all about doing what you feel like as an individual in the moment, that brings a lot of limitations to what we can do as humans.

i agree on Christmas Day these sorts of things might be less important. Or maybe they are more important?

Blimey, it's walk, you're way overthinking it.

Thistimearound · 26/12/2025 19:50

I don’t see how the MIL can find it that odd - surely she’s known the man for like 40 years?! And yet every Christmas Day it surprises her?

SirChenjins · 26/12/2025 19:51

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:46

And, apparently, dislike going outside in the winter.
.

This idea of “chilling” is interesting. People are getting at me for imposing an idea on others, but they are also imposing their idea of what it means to chill, I.e. being comatose on the sofa.

Edited
Show quote history

How exactly are they imposing that on you and your family?