Father in law never joins Christmas walks

[comoatoupeira]

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

Perhaps what he's keen for is a bit of downtime? So he's keen for the rest of you to get out on a walk so he can chill for an hour or so.

Maybe he's keen on you all going for a walk and he gets to have some peace and quiet. I love going for a walk but after constant company over Christmas I would love everyone else to go out for a walk without me.

‘Running about and jumping over logs…’

No wonder he doesn’t want to go! Leave the poor guy alone. I wouldn’t go either (even without the frolics).

Or the broken ankle/hip

10/10 for using the word ‘frolics’ 👏🏼

If he wasn't joining in for the whole day, just ignoring everyone, then you'd have a point. But it sounds like he's joining in for the rest of the day and just opts out of the walk?

It's not about him not joining in, it's about you not being able to empathise or understand that someone might need some downtime/alone time within the context of a busy, family day. If you work on this it will likely filter down to your children and they will become better able to deal with someone needing something that is different to what they need. Long-term this will make them much nicer people so I'd really make a conscious effort.

Maybe the problem is that if she explains the concept of free will, the child might decide he doesn't want to go on the walk either 😁

Is Christmas for joining in? Can you point us to the rule book that says this?

It seems like you want to do it just because It's The Done Thing.

Yep my initial reaction too

DS and I went to ParkRun this morning, DH & DD stayed at home. DH went to church, DD, DS & I stayed at home. The whole point of Christmas is everyone gets to do the things they want to. And actually, I find there are far fewer family rows when people get an hour or so to themselves. Maybe he wanted a nap, or to read the paper/his book in peace & quiet. I wouldn’t especially want to go on a walk with a 7 year old leaping about either tbh.

For outdoorsy folk the log thing is a red flag...big cause of broken legs standing on rotten logs #team Grandpa

Well I went to my brothers house today for Christmas dinner.
Everyone went out for a walk (8/)10 apart from myself and my Mum. Muy Mum and I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, cleaned up, got out the extending table and laid the actual table. We did lots of useful things that my SIL thanked us for. Whats wrong with that?
Thank god for us we didn't have to deal with you having a strop in the midst iof this.

My exh and family did this guilt trip walk scenario all the time…sometimes I do not want to go for a walk! If you do then go, but don’t emotionally manipulate me into it too! I will do lots of other activities, like games and quizzes and chatting. (And sometimes I’m not in the mood for those either mind you!) but the walk one used to really piss me off!!

they used to say “ooh let’s go for a walk and then we can come back and enjoy a nice pot of tea!” I used to just think…or we could just enjoy a nice pot of tea?!! 😆

Leave the poor bloke be. What’s it to you?

Leave the guy alone. Just say he doesn’t want to!

I'm outdoorsy and go on long and hard hikes all the time. On Christmas Day, I want to blob out and have a quiet, restful day. If FIL doesn't want to go on a walk, he doesn't have to and he's not doing anything wrong. Teach your kids that FIL wants to relax and it's nothing to do with his interest in them. His wants matter too.

Maybe he’s keen for you all to go and he gets some peace?
I quite often suggest DH takes our kids out for a walk to burn off some energy while I stay home and enjoy the quiet. It doesn’t mean I love my kids any less 🤷🏻‍♀️

Christmas isn’t about joining in, it’s about being with other people in whatever capacity you can or that works for you. Even if that involves taking breaks, time outs, being present but not doing activities.

He's not you, OP, he's himself and he doesn't fancy a walk. My in laws do a walk after Christmas lunch and I often stay behind to get a bit of quiet time.

Eww I came from a family of 'christmas walkers'

They'd shame me for being slightly overweight and not wanting to walk for miles and miles to 'burn off calories'

Leave him alone. He deserves better

Imo christmas is for eating and drinking and watching tv

I hate 'going for walks'.

I proper LOLed at that. It's a common phenomenon, in families and in life in general, that "I don't want to" often isn't considered sufficient justification for not wanting to do something.

Surely once you've reached granddad status you have the right to decide for yourself what activities you want to participate in on Christmas Day

The bar for what people will have a whinge about on here is so low. FIL won't come on an walk, boo hoo. What trauma. Your 7 year old is at school and should well and truly understand that people have different preferences- unless they've been raised to think the world revolves around them.

Who gets to dictate what the day looks like the ?
Maybe you should all be adults and "join in" with staying in the house.

I like walks but I dislike adults who feel they can dictate the entire day to others

He is joining in. He's come over, hasn't he? If my entire Christmas day was being dictated by you, I would just not come at all. I work hard and walk often all year round, Christmas is for relaxing.

Teach your kids that people like different things on different days and it's not all about them or personal if someone likes something different to them.