Father in law never joins Christmas walks

[comoatoupeira]

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about people's personal choices on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about each other's personal choice on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about each other's personal choice on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about each other's personal choice on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about each other's personal choice on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

No… you’re the person we all dread at Christmas who doesn’t care what anyone else wants as long as you get your way. It’s actually despicable. Joining in with what? What you want? Do you hear you?

Who gets to decide what everyone has to join in with?

Absolutely! Otherwise what is it?
Berating someone for being a dreadful person because they won’t join in with your demands?!
“you selfish awful person!!! Do what I want!!”

You do see the difference between playing a game with others, and sitting alone on your phone right? As an example.

its not about me or what I want to do, it’s about the general idea of finding something to do together.

This is why I stopped inviting one of my sister's for Christmas, I don't mind what they do but don't make me feel like a fuck up, they just want to keep waking, they do one before breakfast and one after lunch and sometimes in the late evening, It's the pressure to join in and then be told all the calories you're not burning the sugar, the you need to do this, you need to do that, God no, please let me sit and eat and drink and enjoy it my way. People need to respect others ways and how they enjoy things and you should with your fil, that's what he enjoys

You're the one that's weird. I like walking but I understand other people don't. Let him be.

But that's exactly it. It's not what everyone wants to do, it's what you want to do.
I bet if asked your kids wouldn't want to either.

happens as a group conversation. That’s also why it’s surprising he doesn’t come for the walk because he acts like he’s keen on it when we’re talking through what we’ll do now etc (although yes I see why)

So maybe FIL isn't an outdoorsy person? Maybe he doesn't like to be cold; maybe he doesn't enjoy walking; maybe he wants some peace and quiet for a short while; maybe he has a pain or an ache; maybe he is an adult making a decision for himself.

Can you not understand that your FIL does not have any need or desire to do everything with everyone else. Its far healthier to have these boundaries than allow himself to be coaxed/bullied into doing what you want.
You sound unbearable to be around.

No what say are dictators who want to force everyone else to do things their way. There’s two types of folk on here at Christmas, the ones who are stressed out and the ones who stress them. And I’m sick to the back teeth listening to poor souls on here dreading having to try and cope with domineering idiots trying to force people out for walks they don’t want to go on!

He's keen on it so you and the kids go and leave him in peace for awhile.

If your MIL is genuinely surprised that he doesn't go, and assuming they've been married for decades, then he usually enjoys walking but funnily enough not with you and the kids 'jumping over logs' and pretending you're in some sort of bad made for tv film.

Are you honestly this self unaware or are you laying it on thick for the sake of posting on MN?

Your DC needs to learn that not everyone will want to play with him all the time, some people will want to take some time to themselves doing what they want and that's okay and no reflection on how much the person likes/cares about your DC.

I’m assuming this is a problem really because you don’t want your children to start saying they don’t want to come either.

I also assume your FIL probably loves that peaceful hour on his own!

Ah leave him alone. He doesn't have to join in with everything you do. Who put you in charge really? He's an adult. He can do what he likes within reason.

Fwiw, we had 8 people over for Christmas day, 2 out of 8 went to church, another 2 went for a short walk during the day, another 4 went for a walk later in the day to look at the Christmas lights. It was fine. No sad faces and "why doesn't grandpa love us mummy? Why? Why 🥺?" from the kids. It was fine.

Thank you!

He doesn't want to play with kids jumping over logs and stuff. He doesn't enjoy your "family play time" and he's doesn't have to. You can't force people to enjoy things they don't like, he probably enjoys seeing you leave for a while. You sound bossy.

As for you sending a 7 year old to guilt him into it, try doing your own dirty work if you have such a problem with it.

Live and let live. Chrstmas is also a holiday from work and a relaxing day to chill and enjoy. If you do not find a big walk relaxing or enjoyable to do on your day off then you should not be forced to do it.
In my family some of us like big walks, some do not and the ones that do not are not forced to do it or made to feel bad.

And I apologise for typos .. I’ve got Shingles around my eye and I honestly think half of it is from the stress of people dictating to me what I will and won’t be allowed to so and you people who do this… you have to stop it!

@comoatoupeira How old is he?
Many men in their 60s or older have prostate issues and need the loo every 30 mins- maybe he can't go for long walks without diving into the bushes for a pee and is embarrassed about this with you?