Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

Aw 😆 where are you ?
I can send my adult daughter ( autistic ) round and she can witter away at them about her interests till they fall asleep 😉
My elderly MIL won’t travel at all and my own mum will be with other relatives this Christmas so it’s a fairly stress free one for us phew

Do you have DC / dogs? If they're fit enough to crawl under trees they're fit enough to take them for a good long walk. They can check every shop they pass for Turkish Delight (plus a hard-to-find item of your choice).

Deep breaths. And wine.

Sorry that you have been made to feel that way OP - your post gave me the first belly laugh of the day!

Sorry for your loss.

It‘s the first christmas without my dad too

No, she really wouldn't.

I wouldn't want to put up with people like that.

You might want to do it, but not all of us do. We are all different.

Not necessarily, and no she doesn't have to be glad. Allow people to feel how they feel.

And I know I should be kinder.

You sound kinder than a lot of us on MN, me included.

Best of luck

(Also if you have one nearby, Lidl sell the Turkish Delight without a chocolate coating)

You sound absolutely delightful. I bet you always were. I also bet that OP’s parents were always slightly self-obsessed and liked having things done ‘their way’ and age may have entrenched some behaviours but they were always there.

I’m getting to that age where many of my friends have grandchildren and are in their 70s and close to 80s and none of them are like this but I do remember my parents and in laws were very irritating in similar ways to the OP’s parents in their 50s! Like you I will make absolute efforts not to comment negatively on other people’s habits and hospitality, bring old fruit and veg when the fridge and sides are heaving with fresh food, expect to live in tropical conditions in December, and retell ancient stories on a loop.

OP you have my sympathies. Try to recruit people to occupy your parents - and have timeout occasionally, ideally with Baileys or the drink of choice. I’m sure there’s a need at some point to go to the petrol station for some urgent provisions (maybe not with the Baileys though).

I think this thread is rather sad. Every time I see my parents they are more frail and my father is angry as he ages that his world is shrinking. My mother is resigned. They both try to keep active and they are annoying because they want to be independent but need help. Ideally I would like them to sit in a corner and let me get on with it. But really if they get to that point it means they are waiting to die.
The truth is getting the perfect instagram Christmas or prioritising chores is not critical and just finding some time to chat, engage and give them tasks to do will help everyone. I wish I could get grandkids to just get off their devices and engage because they will regret it most when their GP are gone.
I am not looking forward to my own old age.

OP, you are NOT an awful person. But you need to remember how you feel now, so that you don't invite them next year!

This thread has really made me laugh. DF passed 3 yrs ago and DM is in home country but eccentricities when we spend time together drive me insane. Will think of you scrambling under the tree, constantly topping up your glass through the next few days OP.

No it hasn’t. Stop being so bloody sanctimonious. It honestly doesn’t come off as pious as you think. She is moaning to us not them.

Christmas or life?

Sorry to all of you who have just lost parents this year x

My mother (much as I loved her) was a difficult woman who never really relaxed and had fun and I would shut myself in the kitchen, dance to Jamiroquai and drink under the pretence of not needing any help cooking. She was also the worst cook ever. Dad was a vicar and as an only child my Christmases weren't the most fun growing up. He was a fab grandad though.

OP, I absolutely understand. Just a few minutes shut away in a calm space makes all the difference. Don't let them get to you and great on you for hosting them for a week!!!

Are they mobile at all? Could you take them to the beach/ woods /Drive at all? My DM sadly passed now, could be oiled with a sweet sherry /mince pie or two! Also can you build in some space for you "doing your hair" a break with a magazine /phone lie down for half an hour?

What lovely thoughts. As a newly widowed parent I have gone to stay with kind friends as my children have long decided they must not be irritated or put out.
I am beginning to feel like a maiden aunt in a Jane Austen story. Trying to stay out of the way. Now wish i had stayed at home so i could just be at ease and not have to try.Merry Christmas one and all!

Absolutely - no wonder we have a workforce that in many cases have zero resilience or constantly off with mental health issues . My FIL is 86 - hes actually a very kind and independent chap but certainly of the ‘old school ‘ women are there to look pretty and wait on blokes school. - but at the same time he constantly says he thinks women are marvellous and need caring for - oh and politically, well I just don’t go there- far too much GB News etc- does it irritate me , yep , hugely , but both my H and I do care about him , he’s been good to us over the years and I will miss him when he’s not here . I think lots of people want life to be Xmas card , TV ad perfect - no irritating, non attractive folks lurking around etc making mess or demands and bringing their crap with them etc .

@Hellefrog I’m so sorry - just posted after you about this -

Same here. I used to spend Christmas with extended family and of several of them, when I heard the news they had karked, I drew a sigh of relief.

Christmas with them at my brothers, en masse was a nightmare. How my SIL stuck them all goading each other into pointless arguments was a miracle.

Just wanted to say your post made me laugh O.P. I can relate to much of it especially the bit about long boring stories about people you don't know!!!

Drink, just drink your way through it and ultimately remember you love them and they love you x

I, an oldie, have my 'child' here, can't wait to see her rear lights disappear down the road at the weekend! It works both ways.

It's tough, isn't it? I hope you've got some happy memories. I have, even though my were a bit irritating at times, too!
You always miss them more at Christmas ❤️

My mum often comes to stay at Christmas. She doesn’t sleep much so is up at around 5 at which point she starts talking to the dog/cat/kettle/herself in some sort of monologue of what she’s doing. She doesn’t sleep much and she does it loudly and the aim is to wake us up as otherwise “we sleep half the day away”

She has an issue with lie ins, so if I pop out leaving kids in bed she makes a point of waking them up.

she doesn’t like tv, so she likes us all to sit in silence without it on while she reads her kindle and talks almost incessantly.

The minute we want to watch something she starts to talk loudly and doesn’t stop even if you ask her to. She talks and talks and talks and repeats herself.

By the time she leaves we are all exhausted I have to be honest

My FIL likes to commandeer the TV in my own house! It's infuriating.

Yesterday I left the table before dessert was served and moved to the front room to breastfeed the baby. FIL scuffed his dessert, also came into the front room and demanded to know what was on TV.

"Ehhhr, I am watching GBBO."

"Yes but I want to know what is on TV"

"I am watching an old episode of the Bake off"

"Yes but I want to know what is on TV"

And repeat. I finished my episode.

Sorry to hear this. I hope you enjoy the company of your friends, they do sound kind 🌸