Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

your doing great @Bellyblueboy. They are lucky to have you.

Happy christmas X

Listen, at least you seem to have an alright relationship with parents and they (presumably) gave you an alright childhood.
You are NOT an awful person.
I moved to another country almost there decades ago, one of the thousands of reasons was to avoid these situations.
My parents were hugely emotionally abusive. Father long time dead, mother (fortunately) spending time with friends similar to her at 83.
Just myself and my husband here. 😊
That said, I don't know how old you are, but do not be a people pleaser. People will take and let you do everything, to the point of breaking down. They don't care mostly, even the "loved ones".
Good to keep that in mind.

I wish you the same. There was no need for anyone to be nasty, they took it all too seriously.

Parents are often irritating, that is part of life. You'll be fine and Christmas will soon be over.

It's my turn to be irritating now, I am 76 on new year's eve :-).

Parents never stop parenting. I'm having mine this year they usually have my younger siblings and partners kids etc but this is the first year they would be on their own. They are both early 60s df has been unwell so I'm terrified of giving him food poisoning . I've never given food poisoning to anyone I was awake last night thinking about what cheeses to avoid 😆 🤣.

It's what some people do. Ive started doing it myself, though not in anyone else's home <yet..>

OP this has cheered me up immensely, as have all the replies. My parents have been dead for more than 20 years, yes of course I would love to have another Christmas with them and have been feeling sad thinking about times past - but you've reminded me how completely fucking annoying they could be! Especially when my mum had had a drink or two - she'd start recalling episodes from our childhoods and tell me what a horrible teenager I was .... I adored her, she was a wonderful mum but it didn't stop her being quite irritating sometimes.

Loving someone doesn't mean accepting everything they do without it affecting your own feelings. Loving them is not showing how annoying they are!

I am just preparing to go and spend Christmas with my sister and her husband, whom I love dearly and they will make me very welcome but the racist comments, tv volume (usually my BiL falls asleep with the remote control firmly in his grip), long monologues about friends of my sister whom I hardly know .....

So, based on this thread I am going to (a) prepare a bingo card 😀and (b) start drinking as soon as I get there. I'm also going to remind myself how much I love them, that it's only for three days and I am lucky to be there. Thanks, it helps to know that other people's families can also be like this!

You are not an awful person op! My mum died a few years ago and my dad this year. Lots of mixed memories! I fear dp and I will,in the not too distant future( if not already!) be really irritating parents😀Merry Christmas op.

My mum died when I was a teenager. Dad died 7 years ago.
Please be grateful to have them x

Are you julia from motherland 😃

I wish I had mine here !! Get a grip and give your head a wobble !! almost everyone I know are taking wreaths to a cemetery and are missing speaking and hugging their parents ...you don't know how lucky you are ....

Hello
It's fortunate that you have them .. it's only for few days of Christmas they will be with you.
Also one day you will also in their state and visit your kids.
We should never forget that because of them we are here.

Your personal situation is not the same as the OP’s.

It seems a lot to have them to stay. Why not see just see them for one day?

After this post I will ignore this kind of post. I am sorry for your loss - but it is okay to have a grumble about people - we can’t pretend everyone is a saint. Some people have been lovely.

No it hasnt actually!

People post worse about partners and kids and we all chortle along.

She is allowed to feel irritated. It doesnt mean she doesnt love them!
And she did it here rather than losing her crap with them.

They do sound irritating. Ive lived with non elderly people like that and it is frustrating, especially in your own space with yourbown routines.

Both my parents could be irritating. I often had enough of them at times, as I am sure they did of me! Did I sometimea wish for visits to end? Of course...
But did I actually also enjoy spending time with them, definately.

Would I like to have them irritating me still, yes. And pretty sure OP would feel the same.

I am on day 4 of at least a week with MIL. I am having a lie in to avoid her this morning because I don't want to hear the same stories yet again. We had friends over last night and they also got to hear about the neighbours grandchildren.

DH has to repeatedly tell her to stop telling us about her bowel movements. Including having to remind her in front of our friends last night.

She also brings her fridge contents usually and says she will eat them while she is here. They sit there all week and then get binned the moment she leaves. This visit, I asked DH not to entertain the notion as there is no space in the fridge for half a liquefying cucumber, two mushrooms and a yellowing broccoli head.

She lives on her own so having any sort of company means she feels she has to fill any silence. Including asking deeply personal questions which if I say I would prefer not to answer, she huffs.

Oh, and she also does the wanting to know when and what the next meal is within minutes of not managing to finish the last one having declared herself stuffed with an audible oof of contentment.

Overall, I know she means no harm and she is usually a kind person/loving grandparent. This does not mean I don't find her foibles intensely irritating within a couple of days. It drives me insane that she has to be here for at least a week because of the distance and her no longer driving. I also accept that it is what it is.

Why?

I feel your pain. Ignore the posters who can only see life through their own lens.

My 87-year-old mum always brings manky fruit I don’t want, always said I’ve made FAR too much food for any meal but eats 50,000 biscuits in between and always makes a dig about how fat I am, whether I’m a size 6, 16 or anything in between that year. I’ll miss her desperately when she’s gone tho!

My favourite ever year was when she stayed at mine for two days, then trotted off to one of my sisters. We all met up for a Costa and she was winding up my nephew, who was about ten at the time. So for revenge he told me exactly what mum had been saying about her stay at mine - she HATES penne pasta and the dinner I’d made her was disgusting, I’m a grumpy cow in the morning, I let my cat jump up on surfaces and she thinks it’s vile… she was speechless and mortified as this was all relayed to me it was brilliant.

DH and I have already spent time with our respective parents, and it’ll just be us this Xmas. Between the two sets we have more than filled the parent bingo card, but if anyone wants to play along:

• How talented their offspring are/were, revisiting ‘that time he played with the youth orchestra’, GSCE grades, etc
• How much they did for offspring (when daddy drove to the hills to fetch big bro from his DofE trek)
• How difficult being on the community volunteer group is, and how they don’t like the politics. Any suggestion to simply step down is ofc ignored…
• In PIL case, they can’t help but pry about finances, usually in the context of how skint but virtuous sibling A is and how reckless sibling B’s family is
• in my parents case, having a tv on constantly - either v loud or on mute but still on. They have a particular penchant for what I call ‘the moaning fearnongers’ - think shows like rip off / dodgy builders / dangerous drivers…
• Very very strong political opinions (actually in broad agreement but stated increasingly forcefully for some reason)
• Complaints about the cost of everything (especially the treats we have brought)
• Being ‘easy’ but visibly grimacing when the ‘wrong’ choice is made about where to go
• Talking ad infinitum about their friends’ various ailments, holidays, state of houses, or children/grandchildren

We can take all the above in good humour, but the unforgivable one is MiL anticipating that ONE potato per person is sufficient for with a roast. I was brought up in a three varieties of potato household, and this honestly shook me to my core and I can hear my ancestors weeping... Note - not one type of potato- one physical potato!

In-laws are far too nearby, and pop in a lot. Thankfully we're not having them for dinner tomorrow but they will not doubt stop by.

I had a good cleaning afternoon yesterday. Then FIL came in, side stepped the rug in the porch and wiped his boots on the living room carpet. Even DC were 'WTF Grandad?!'

Christmas lights are constantly being unplugged. The fact I've repeatedly said they're on timers means zero.

Op just ignore the posts. Our mother is difficult. They not all sweet ladies. I will make the most of the day with her. Yes I accept she old I wont tolerate rudeness either!

Greetings original commenter
God Bless You&Yours 💚I'm sorry you're currently being felt pushed to the limit - You're a lovely daughter having your parents to stay 🙏Please don't think badly of yourself - Really empathise, especially with the asking you where you're going every time you need to move from one room to the next - My father does this even when I go to the loo, every time, or simply need to brush my teeth & it's said like I've no right to be human (It's not what we say but how it's said) With him it's to be controlling & double standards as he walks off all the time without mentioning where he's going & his attitude has always been this way
I'm sorry I can't remember if there's a time limit they're staying for but I hope you will soon be blessed with some blissfulness
Thinking of you & wishing all the utmost very best for You&Yours💚

The 'be grateful they aren't dead' posts really reminds me of the extremely unhelpful urging to 'enjoy every minute' when I had toddlers. I did not enjoy every minute of the toddler stage, I regret to say. I was sleep deprived and losing my mind on a daily basis. Yes of course I'd give anything for a cuddle with a freshly bathed little snuggler in their grobag with their chubby little cheeks and arms wrapped around my neck, they were adorable and I loved them fiercely - but I am much happier and saner now that they're teens and we can take a theatre trip to London and stay up late and watch films and play board games rather than rereading the same Thomas the Tank Engine book forty times and having them scream in my face at 4am. People telling me to 'enjoy' that were asking the impossible and making me feel worse.

I love my parents very much, but I also love escaping the house for a brisk and bracing walk with my sister to complain about them until we are restored enough to go back and be patient and hospitable again. This year though, I'm not hosting and they're at the other end of the country for Christmas. I miss them and I still know they'd be driving me up the wall if they were here. I hope they are next year, and I'll be just as irritated and grateful all at the same time!

As it is, I'm considering a Baileys in my coffee before gearing up for MIL later today!

You keep on venting, lovely!

My Dad was just lovely, but he died decades ago. My Mum, not so. My sibling lives in another country, so it always fell on me to do something with mum at Christmas. It got so difficult - or her behaviour did - that it turned into a fairly brief visit on the day itself, then separate ways. Think loud crying into the sprouts, and monologues to herself about what a stupid old woman she was and how everybody would be better off if...you can guess the rest.

This is my response to 'you'll miss them when they're gone': My Dad, yes. God, yes. Miss him and his shot of rum on his porridge 'to keep the chill out', his reading, his gentle ways. Mum died not long ago. I occasionally miss things about her, but do I miss her at Christmas? Not a bit. And sprouts are Santa's bogeys anyway therefore far worse with bitter tears. YMMV.