Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

Moan away OP! Far better to have a ranting outlit and others who can sympathise and add their own rants, then let it boil up into arguments irl.

Great thread, my dm and dsf live nearby so not too bad

however I don’t really want to do Christmas next year as I’m feeling unwell and stuck with people coming here.

my dh says why do I invite them but I can’t not have them if my own dc and Dgc are coming itms and we are already hosting

The half onion wrapped in tin foil 🤣

I can't say what I'd like to because I'd get deleted.
Imagine it instead.

I recommend alcohol, OP. Good luck! 😆

Wouldn't be Christmas without dozens of posters moaning about us oldies.

Happy Christmas everyone.

Well not everyone lives to be elderly so cheer up it may never happen.

Moan away OP! Far better to have a ranting outlit and others who can sympathise and add their own rants, then let it boil up into arguments irl.

My friend gets so irritated by her brother. She loves her dearly but he's a 'let's debate' person meaning to argue for his excitement. So now we play bingo in our WhatsApp group with what same old opinions he will trot out. It keeps her annoyance down🤣.

Are you Julia?

Peel a satsuma,crack a nut!

Be glad you still have them. My dad died when I was on my early 20s (over 20 years ago) and my mum remarried years ago and we have only been allowed to spend one Christmas with her in about 18 years. Ds1 is nearly 14 and has seen her once on Christmas day. She only spends Christmas with her husband's family including his daughter and granddaughter some years. We never get invited but are expected just to be available every boxing day. It hurts to know you and your children are always less important than his family. My FIL is a grump who dislikes kids (all kids to be fair not just mine) so they cant go there. Although at least MIL makes an effort every Christmas day to come visit her grandchildren.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wish I had both my parents, available for.christmas, my father is now dead.So.like people say try and enjoy that they are still there asking for Turkish delight, which I fancy having now you mention it.It's a short time, but it's also okay to get annoyed.
I used to so look forward to seeing my parents , but when I had them there, they also annoyed me I started ignoring what they were saying said my partner, like I was a teenager again back home.I did not realise I was doing it.

Well my kids are being a pain this December so Dh and I have kept ourselves amused talking about how we will he revenge when we are old and grey! So unplug everything and bring contents of fridge have jumped to the top of the list.

Wow could you ask them for the money instead? I can’t believe they would be so selfish!

I know how you feel, the incessant questioning bordering on interrogation is what gets me 😅😂 about the most inane things too, I just think they're a curious generation who don't take ANY social cues that someone is getting ticked off at having to justify their every movement!

God how I hate all these ‘One day they’ll be dead so treasure these moments’ kind of comments. It’s fine to be irritated by family-especially displaying the behaviours listed here. I bet OP is a kind and welcoming host to her parents-but she needs somewhere to vent! OP gave you tried being a bit firmer with them-eg leave appliances on dad, I don’t like them switched off. Tell them you need some relax time to read a book first an hour? Give them a job to do? Merry Christmas!

"Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh"

Eee ha ha. Nightmare. Would drive me quietly bonkers.

🙄

Oh OP. My parents would do some similar, moaning if something wasn't right. It was hard going at times. I sympathise. Although my dad would be best given a job like washing up or go to the shop for cranberry sauce. They're elderly now. And quite needy so its harder in a different way.

It reminds me of my husband
I find it infuriating too. And he's got worse since he got older. I think for some reason we get more anxious as we age. He seems to be turning into his mother
Incidentally real Turkish delight is delicious! The stuff covered in chocolate less so

Mine are/were like this too. And I could write a book about our long summer stay swith them abroad. We have lessened the Christmas stay, it is too much for them.

My DM talks just as yours does. Knows loads about her neighbours, nothing about her DGC.

On the other hand though, my young adult DC arrived home last night her partner.

My clean house is covered in unwrapped gifts, wrap needed for tomorrow. A bottle of wine and many beers are already drank, talk around the table was of appropriate use of pronouns, diversity, equality and politics. I'm interested too, maybe just not quite the Christmas fun I'd imagined. I listened and added, but wasn't fully engaged.

I'm up and back from a walk to M&S. They are in bed, but planning a walk into town today for their breakfast. Back to go out again this afternoon.

We are all different aren't we, different wishes, different needs. Compromise is needed!

ETA: and I've just had a strop in M&S because they no longer have the little yoghurts, in jars, that I wanted to set out ‘insta style’ (get me 😂) on a wooden board with fruit and pastries for Christmas breakfast.🤷‍♀️

Reading this thread has been like therapy! Mine turned up at the weekend and it’s been hard going so at least it’s not just mine.

I hear you OP. We had fallen into a habit of inviting my very dear mum on holiday with us. It's not relaxing at all. She makes constant pas-ag comments about food, alcohol. She comments on every single thing I wear. If I suggest we do something separately one of the days she shakes her head in exasperation as if it's a bizarre suggestion and says no don't be silly, everyone should stay together - it means we can never go for a wander on our own. She questions constantly and frets about my business and I don't feel I get any time to actually unwind.

We didn't invite her this time (we are just back). It was blissfully relaxing apart from my gnawing guilt that we hurt her feelings. We have booked again and invited her. She has said she will think about it. In a perfect world we would go for ten days and she'd come for five but I know that would go down like a ton of bricks.

My dad does the "where are you going?" thing too, I either just pretend not to have heard him or announce that I'm off for a massive poo (this is in retaliation to him announcing that he's "off to spend a penny" every time he goes to the loo).

He also drums his fingers endlessly on any available surface. The arm of the sofa. The dining table. The side of the car door. Constantly. It drives me utterly batshit.

I also get a blow by blow account of his journey here when he arrives, detailed explanations of the traffic conditions "at junction 7 on the A14, you know the one, the one with a big tree on the roundabout blah blah blah".

Solidarity to everyone in a similar boat.

Well I thought your post was very amusing (I can just picture them picking holes in everything and switching off your appliances!) and it made me chuckle! Don’t get why people are laying into you. Venting is a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism.

My mother is long gone. Of course I’d love to see her and spend one more Xmas with her, but that doesn’t stop me from finding your post entertaining. Not all of us who’ve lost parents have lost our sense of humour as well! People are irritating. What’s wrong with saying so?!

For my part my dad will be coming to me for Xmas. Thankfully when he retired ten years ago I had the foresight to get him to move to the city my brother and I live in. He loves it here! And selfishly it means neither of us have to have him stay overnight as he can always get a taxi home (he only lives ten mins away). This year is my turn to host. Thank god he will only come for the day! He has no spatial awareness so he will stand literally in the middle of my tiny kitchen while I am traversing back and forth trying to get dishes out and plates filled. It won’t occur to him to move out of the way. He’ll happily stand right in the way completely oblivious until either me or my brother say “FGS dad, go and stand over there!”

He won’t help himself to anything. If he wants a drink he’ll shuffle up to me and ask if I can pour him another drink. He isn’t asking to be polite. He’s asking because he actively wants to be pampered and have his drinks poured for him. Everyone else will be helping themselves along the lines of “ok if I grab another drink?” whilst reaching for the wine. I’m a single parent and am doing Xmas for 8 by myself. I’m very happy to do it, but it’s a lot of cooking and clearing up (people will muck in ofc. Although not my dad who can’t even top up his own drink or bring his finished with plate to the kitchen). He wants to be waited on.

He will also talk over people all day with repetitive stories about traffic, parking, the price of food, and, naturally his weekly ailment news. Before long he’ll be off on one about Reform, the Tories, Boris Johnson (still has an obsession with BoJo). I am very grateful he’s not one of those older parents who voted Brexit and thinks Reform have got the right idea. Thankfully he has the opposite view, but we don’t need to hear it every single time we see him.

He will also insist the TV is three times the volume it normally is. And he will follow me around asking what I’m doing every five minutes. He’s been known to stand outside the toilet waiting for me so he can continue wittering at me without pause!

He is very hard work. All kinds of learned helplessness and needing constant attention. My brother and I sometimes play dad bingo in the background. It passes the time But in a funny way I am looking forward to it! Unlike you OP I can put him in a taxi at 10pm. I think if he were staying I’d have had more than enough already.

Sympathies! 🫂