Page 5 | Irritated by parents already😩

Bellyblueboy · 2025-12-24T00:11:21+00:00

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated. The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!). the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin! my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it. i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter. I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

EnterFunnyNameHere · 24/12/2025 07:21

Wow, a lot of perfect holier-than-thou-ers out today!

My mum died over 10 years ago, and i miss her like mad. Does that mean i don't still get exasperated by Dad? No! Everyone dies eventually, does that mean we're never allowed to moan gently, on an anonymous forum they don't know exists, about anyone?! Get a grip!

OP, sympathies and wine!

Kattley · 24/12/2025 07:22

BauhausOfEliott · 24/12/2025 01:20

OP, ignore the usual nobheads who seem to think that people aren’t allowed to be annoyed by their parents and love them at the same time, or who think that just leaving your elderly parents alone at Christmas is a proportionate/normal response to finding them a bit irritating. In the real world, thousands of us will be doing exactly what you’re doing, which is spending Christmas with octogenarian parents because you love them and want to be kind to them, while at the same time quietly going insane at their infuriating behaviour.

My mum is lovely and I particularly want to make a fuss of her this year because my dad died less than three months ago. Despite that, I guarantee you that while she’s staying with us she will:

— put her coat around her shoulders indoors to indicate that she is cold, despite the heating being cranked up way higher than usual, rather than just asking if she can have the fire on. We will put the fire on for her while we sweat in t-shirts and she will still shiver performatively every time the living room door is opened.

— bring with her a ton of bits of old fruit which ‘will only go to waste’ at her house. They will also go to waste at my house, as I already have plenty of fruit and don’t need a black banana, a pear at the point of fermentation and some wizened satsumas. When I point this out she will say ‘You never used to eat fruit’ despite the fact that I have eaten fruit regularly and happily since the day I was weaned. She will also probably bring a couple of Activia yogurts which she will also not eat.

regale us at length and in detail about her constipation and all the fibre she has to eat and the laxatives she takes

sit there on her phone all the time, loudly tutting and sighing every time she clicks the wrong thing, muttering ‘Eh? What’s this rubbish?’, scrolling through Reels on Facebook with the sound on and reading out banal posts and updates from acquaintances I don’t know. She will do this regardless of whether we’re trying to watch television at the time

complain that my mugs aren’t bone china

tell me I’m obsessed with shoes despite the fairly clear evidence to the contrary

tell me off every time I eat something when she isn’t hungry

graze constantly on nibbles etc all day and then complain she’s too full after a mouthful of her dinner

leave a trail of reading glasses, satsuma peel, newspapers and cups/glasses with half finished drinks in them all over my house

We must be related! The sitting there in a coat, bringing her own food, the tutting at the tv, the “violence” of children’s cartoons 😆, the “oh I see you’re eating again!” when she’s not hungry then scoffing every sweet thing she can find with a “well it is Christmas!” Ahhhhh. Intensely irritating and funny.

ClearFruit · 24/12/2025 07:23

HeddaGarbled · 24/12/2025 00:59

There’s having a bit of a moan and there’s being mean about your harmless but slightly irritating 80 year old parents on a website with a big readership, and this one crossed the line.

LOL at you being the person who decides what has 'crossed the line' 🤣🤣🤣🤣

thepariscrimefiles · 24/12/2025 07:23

ActiveTiger · 24/12/2025 01:10

So much for Christmas being a time of love, I would give anything for this Christmas to be the same as my last but it won't since he passed in march. I love my family to much to moan about them I'm sure they have plenty they may wish to moan about me

Why don't you start your own thread for people to praise and remember their non-irritating and kind and thoughtful parents rather than coming onto threads posted by people with difficult parents to guilt trip the OP?

Cursula · 24/12/2025 07:24

@WiddlinDiddlin please, please tell me you’re going to keep the jewellery for yourself (or another friend who might appreciate it).

Twiglets1 · 24/12/2025 07:25

You have my sympathy OP. My mum was irritating and I still feel able to say that even though she's dead now. She was much loved but also irritating.

My in laws are even worse. When we visit them we have to stay in an AirBnB as they don't have space to host us and they still expect us to have a full larder & fridge of food with all their favourite things in it when we visit for a long weekend. Even though their own house is only 10 minutes down the road and they never ever bring the things they ask for. Like various fruit teas or particular soft drinks or the particular flavours of soup they happen to fancy on the day.

Each time we explain to them - well no, we don't have those items - we only arrived yesterday and it's a holiday home not our actual house. Each time they look surprised and disappointed.

AnnieLummox · 24/12/2025 07:26

HeddaGarbled · 24/12/2025 00:59

There’s having a bit of a moan and there’s being mean about your harmless but slightly irritating 80 year old parents on a website with a big readership, and this one crossed the line.

What a load of bollocks! Poor OP was just having a bit of a moan (an anonymous one at that). But people like you are deliberately trying to make her feel rotten. The irony of you calling HER mean…

LateLifeReturnee · 24/12/2025 07:26

I'm hosting my very elderly mum and dad over the next few days - they live very close to us, just half a mile a mile so no overnight stay

Wonderful to have them still with us, but lord my mum can talk for hours nonstop about people I don't know, in minute detail. These are slighly better than her endless unfortuneately repeating nursing stories, the more gory ones particularly lovely over dinner. And then the critism of my food and how much better any of my elder sisters would have cooked it.

Dad thankfully is past the unplugging and rearranging stage. Endless discussion of politics though, with WWll thrown in. He munches through my food with zero complaints so that's a positive.

I have strategies to cope. Redirection and asking about childhood Christmasses, heading off the exploding gas gangrene story, and occassionally hiding for short periods in the bathroom. DH and even DC are good at stepping in too.

Good luck to everyone.

User0311 · 24/12/2025 07:28

I could have written this exact post myself! It’s the same with my parents

Original poster

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 07:30

tombombaclot · 24/12/2025 07:13

FWIW OP your most made me smile and my parents are long gone. You’re allowed to find family annoying!

Thank you - I popped back on!

of course I love them very much, I will host them for a week. I have lots planned that they will enjoy and have invited their closest couple friend round on Boxing Day because I know they will love that.

I feel horrendously guilty that I get irritated. My parents weren’t great when I was growing up and both put me down quite a lot, Christmas brings it all flooding back. My mum had made it clear I am a disappointment and always comments about my job, which isn’t senior enough for her liking - so I do find that hard. That will be at its worst on Boxing Day when she hears all about her friends kids. Ironically I am doing really well, but my mum just can’t acknowledge it.

I had an eating disorder for most of my childhood which my parents never acknowledged. I am finding the comments about food, what I am eating hardest. They are going to have to do lots of exercise on the new year apparently after all this food (one chocolate orange between three of us last night😊). They don’t know how I can eat like this🥰.

my sister struggles more with them, so I always host them for Christmas and she drops in for shorter bursts.

Family is hard - and being irritated by them doesn’t mean I don’t value and love them.

there have been some lovely, kind, funny comments on this thread so thank you for that.

The TV is back on and blasting😊🥰. But it’s Christmas and I do love them very much. So trying to see the funny side.

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 24/12/2025 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Your post is more horrible than the OP's. You are being horrible and judgemental to a real person.

You do realise that unkind and difficult parents grow old and it is extremely unlikely that old age improves their behaviour.

Some people, like yourself, may have lovely parents, but it really doesn't take much empathy to understand that not all parent/child relationships are positive.

OP has invited her parents to stay for Christmas which is very kind of her as they obviously aren't easy. If she wants to vent a bit on an anonymous forum without sanctimonious arseholes judging and berating her, she should be able to do that.

LadyRoughDiamond · 24/12/2025 07:32

Yes! What is it about bringing the entire contents of their kitchen?! My lovely Mum arrived yesterday with an array of very random carrier and cool bags.

To top it all, a box of breakfast cereal had made it into the Christmas present bag and spilled everywhere. I spent ages dusting bran flakes off all the kids gifts, like some strange lucky dip!

ZenNudist · 24/12/2025 07:32

I totally get this. I'm so relieved that we are going to my DPs so will limit time with them, they will be on their own turf so will be comfortable. Same with ILs we have one overnight with each side of tge family we do a lot of driving but the alternative is them here which is worse.

Pollyanna87 · 24/12/2025 07:33

I think a lot of people on Mumsnet need to have frank conversations with family about how annoying their behaviour is. Otherwise, nothing’s going to change, and life’s too short for all this nonsense. Yes, older relatives will die one day, but they need to live until then.

Cakeandcardio · 24/12/2025 07:33

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 00:33

Okay I just wanted a bit of a moan but this thread is turning nasty so I am signing out

Merry Christmas everyone. Hope you have a fabulous time.

Umfortunately Mumsnet is be nasty. It's normal for the people we love to annoy is. Have a good Christmas.

GrannyOog · 24/12/2025 07:34

If you are still reading the posts Op, M&S do Turkish delight without chocolate. My mum also likes their nougat.

thepariscrimefiles · 24/12/2025 07:34

Daygloboo · 24/12/2025 02:26

I get sad about the attitude of ppl on MN to old people. You cant know until you are old yourself how very difficult it is.

Show quote history

I'm old but probably not as old as OP's parents. I try very hard not to be a twat to my adult children. OP had a difficult childhood with her parents and is doing her best.

AnOldCynic · 24/12/2025 07:36

@Bellyblueboy don’t sign off because of a couple of posters that don’t get it… I do, and feel no guilt by saying I’m glad I no longer have parents as I used to be in your position. I did love them and at times do miss them but having no obligations is bliss!

Have your moan and the posters that think it’s bad form can just bugger off.

emilysquest · 24/12/2025 07:37

Yes, all the "oh of course you remember Jean!", when I say I really dont know this person whose unusual obstetrics history I have to hear about in detail, Jean being a woman they were friends with in the 1990s (and haven't seen since), and I left the country in the 1980s!

And all the faux "I dont understand about podcasts and new things like that" when they are perfectly tech savvy. I thought they would really like a history podcast I listen to, especially DF as he is always on about history, and eventually I set them up on my Spotify so they could listen to it. DF then complained that he wasn't interested in the topic of the most recent episode and so I might as well "delete it" (the whole podcast). There are hundreds and hundreds of episodes he could have scrolled through, many of which are right in his zone of interest.

The incessant playing of Elvis Presley songs. Just why? Nothing against the man or his music but why no-one else ever?

euff · 24/12/2025 07:38

Do your parents know ‘the plan’ in some detail for their stay and each day even if it’s just staying in and watching hallmark movies? I think some people regardless of age struggle being out of their own environment which they have some control over for more than a few hours. They don’t know what to do with themselves or with quiet time and can’t just relax and go with the flow in someone else’s house, even family.

Strumpetpumpet · 24/12/2025 07:38

ah thank you for this thread - bracing myself to go and collect my 89 year old mum to bring here here for Christmas and you’ve all given me a good laugh and it’s good to know I’m not alone! I am also chuckling imagining my kids writing something similar in a few years…
solidarity all, and happy Christmas xx

FlyingApple · 24/12/2025 07:39

I honestly don't know why most OPs carry on relying to their posts with the replies they get.

Can't blame you for leaving OP, merry Christmas 🎄

Original poster

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 07:42

euff · 24/12/2025 07:38

Do your parents know ‘the plan’ in some detail for their stay and each day even if it’s just staying in and watching hallmark movies? I think some people regardless of age struggle being out of their own environment which they have some control over for more than a few hours. They don’t know what to do with themselves or with quiet time and can’t just relax and go with the flow in someone else’s house, even family.

They do - but I will confess I am not a great cook and am catering for ten in Christmas Day so the timing of dinner can be a bit fluid! That causes upset every year so I have introduced a spreadsheet system to try and be more precise - but I can’t really time it perfectly. And then of course there are other guests who arrive at different times which I can’t really control.

We have had the same routine for ten years now. The questions are relentless.

OP posts:

Followthatpath · 24/12/2025 07:43

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 07:30

Thank you - I popped back on!

of course I love them very much, I will host them for a week. I have lots planned that they will enjoy and have invited their closest couple friend round on Boxing Day because I know they will love that.

I feel horrendously guilty that I get irritated. My parents weren’t great when I was growing up and both put me down quite a lot, Christmas brings it all flooding back. My mum had made it clear I am a disappointment and always comments about my job, which isn’t senior enough for her liking - so I do find that hard. That will be at its worst on Boxing Day when she hears all about her friends kids. Ironically I am doing really well, but my mum just can’t acknowledge it.

I had an eating disorder for most of my childhood which my parents never acknowledged. I am finding the comments about food, what I am eating hardest. They are going to have to do lots of exercise on the new year apparently after all this food (one chocolate orange between three of us last night😊). They don’t know how I can eat like this🥰.

my sister struggles more with them, so I always host them for Christmas and she drops in for shorter bursts.

Family is hard - and being irritated by them doesn’t mean I don’t value and love them.

there have been some lovely, kind, funny comments on this thread so thank you for that.

The TV is back on and blasting😊🥰. But it’s Christmas and I do love them very much. So trying to see the funny side.

Show quote history

You’ve cheered me up, @Bellyblueboy. Similar situation down to the eating disorder. They just don’t get it that you don’t need to plump people up all the time and somehow equate being over fed shit food with being caring & nurturing. I have to be a bit deaf for a few days, and just not speak, makes me so resentful.

Raintoday2323 · 24/12/2025 07:43

I just want to say that you all are all fabulous people hosting family for such long periods.
I love my parents and PIL but there is no way I could host them for longer than a day. My MIL has a habit of interpreting a conversation to start a new one of her own with what ever is in her head and its incredibly jarring. Also the comments on people weight drives me mad which is also just slung into random conversations.