Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

Not necessarily. I loved my parents and came from a happy home, but once they get into their 80s it can all be very hard work (because of the role reversal). I grieved when they died but I can’t say there is a big void in my life at their passing as I have my own (adult) kids and their futures I focus on. I look back fondly at my parents but I can’t say I miss the elderly aspect of them.

There was only one odd comment (at the time)and it wasnt nasty by mumsnet standards it was just lacking any sympathy for op. The thread was not tuning nasty unless I completely missed the many posts that were nasty.🤦🏻‍♀️

You get a grip. Some people have parents who are still alive are allowed to moan. My mum is dead and I have no issues with people moaning about their alive parents.

Everything?

(Signed) Weary. [65 yrs old.]

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

slinks away

Don’t invite them next year

Better to vent here than have an argument in real life. Best wishes for Christmas

Years ago I arranged to take my dad out for Christmas dinner as he lived far away and didn't want him on his own for the day . His house was a state so didn't fancy food poisoning etc. This was despite me and my neice travelling 2 hours each week to clean it. Anyway I digress.
We got to his house and he was still in PJs. Told him to wash and shave. He came down with half of face still unshaven . My son who was staying with him over Christmas had the afore mentioned food poisoning and was puking everywhere. Cleared up all his mess and made sure he was ok in bed and we set off.
Got to the restaurant. No refund of £45 from sons missed meal but they did give us 2 bottles of wine.
Dad opened his card and his presents and announced he wasn't doing Christmas anymore!
We had our dinner and dropped him back home. I made sure son was ok. He didn't want to stay in hotel with us. So again made sure he was ok.
We went back to hotel opened the wine and drank it in bed watching Christmas TV .
We laugh about this now but at the time was a bit miffed.
But you know what I'd love to be able to see my dad on Christmas day again despite him being a humbug.
Make the most of your parents no matter how irritating . They won't be around forever

Everyone is annoying and all we can do is hope that our good points outweigh our bad points in the end and that during our lives we have enough self awareness to know when we are being dickheads and to give that a rest. I think more people will be relying on the former point than the latter though based on my experience 😁

Some of us have awful parents who mistreated their children. If you adored yours, count yourself lucky.

It hasn't turned nasty, just not 100% unconditionally supportive. It happens.

And you don’t know how lucky you are to have parents who loved you.

your situation is not what everyone else experiences

We have this. A few years ago we made a bingo card before they came with lots of their usual comments / actions. That kept things interesting and a silent chuckle went between us. We would then go upstairs to bingo card to mark it off. We had great fun that year!!!! I do love them but find all the same style of comments / actions as OP very draining. Will c what this year brings.

And I know I should be kinder

Good heavens no!

Next year, OP, have a hot tub installed. I hear they're popular with some retired people and you can keep them out of earshot for a while?

100 per this!

I’m all up for sharing and venting about parents! I’m sure I will miss them when I’m gone but that doesn’t mean it’s not annoying right now! My mother also needs to fill all silences, tells me all about the neighbours lives, long dead relatives and what’s happening with her friends, it goes on and on with no questions about our lives. I try to zone out. At least the constant ‘we’ll be gone soon, oh my ailments’ have quietened down since I had cancer last year which trumped her. The kids are a great buffer at least while they’re young and need attention! My husband mostly hides upstairs…

I think it used to be thought that things might catch fire if left plugged in. My BIL has always done this since he was in his 20s, now 60s.

My mother is long gone. Of course I’d love to see her and spend one more Xmas with her, but that doesn’t stop me from finding your post entertaining. Not all of us who’ve lost parents have lost our sense of humour as well! People are irritating. What’s wrong with saying so?!

This is so true. Our oldies are gone and we are on the cusp of becoming annoying oldies ourselves well DH is.
My dad was an easy going kind soul but mum was very high maintenance. My sister and I assuaged our guilt at being irritated to death by her by being super honest with each other about how we felt. You can't say publicly that the woman all and sundry think is a saint, is a selfish pita but the safety net of saying it to each other helped us retain a sense of humour.

We have just the adult DC here which I am thrilled about. One is WFH here and the other is on holiday from work. It's 6 or 7 years since they lived at home and they revert instantly back to being teenagers. The food consumption is off the scale and the glasses. Each one seems to get a fresh glass every time they pass the kitchen. When you are retired boring old farts it's a shock to the system to return to family chaos for a few days. I absolutely love it all but DH who is 76 is muttering....

They surely will!

I am already warning my kids thatvthey might need to emigrate, but they should consult each other and both go if one does 😂

It’s nice you are hosting your parents for Xmas OP, especially for a week. TBH I would find hosting anyone for that length of time irritating - there’s few people I think you can be cooped up with for that long especially with the pressure of Xmas and for everything to be perfect. Just keep popping out if you need to (this is where dogs are helpful!) and enjoy the best bits! Hope you have a good Christmas x

I used to pretend to be asleep on the sofa so I didn’t have to watch Oliver/Sound of Music etc etc for the nth time.

My sympathies also, OP! Sometimes It think that family members are best seen from afar! I get a full update on everyone in the village (I don't visit because of the distance, work, and as they're building up to 1,000 more houses, it's not a village and the horrendous traffic is even worse)... and my life away might as well not have happened. I also get irritated by the LOUD TV... which is where my dogs come in handy. They require LOTS of walks, preferably in bad weather (when it is conveniently quiet outside), when nobody wishes to join us because of the wind/rain!

I'd advise lots of deep breathing and comments like, "Oh, yes? Really? How nice!"

How many days do you have them as guests, OP? Prepare for their exit. Smile, wave, then crack open the chocolate/alcohol/choice of snack, put the Blackpool Illuminations on your Christmas tree, crash on the sofa and turn the TV down!

Not if they are narcissistic, uncaring individuals which these two could well be

I don't think the OP has said that, I think she just finds them irritating.

No it didn't

My lovely, departed dad loved coming to stay, but assumed everything would be the same as his home and just couldn't conceive things might not be universal.

Me: Morning Dad, what would you like on your toast - we've marmalade, honey or jam
Dad: I'd like Marmite please
Me (loudly): Honey. Marmalade. Or jam
Dad: Marmite please
Me: FFS, here's the marmalade.