Grandparents going on holiday over Christmas

[Raspberryberet67]

I’d appreciate thoughts on grandparents going on holiday when grandchildren are young. We’re second marriage- grandchildren on my husband’s side, primary school and nursery age. Son-in-law not impressed that we’re away this Christmas. In past years it’s been difficult to see them due to elderly parents. Are we bad grandparents??

We booked the holiday in spring after asking to go see the grandchildren last Christmas Day, only to open their presents, not expecting a meal as the other grandparents were having their “turn” and we were told we couldn’t go…..

If you haven't been invited for Christmas day then why doesn't matter if you go away?! Of course you can go away over Christmas. As long as you see them regularly and pop in before Christmas, you're good to go. They can't dictate where you stay over Christmas, unless they've invited you over!

No you are bloody not!

Part of mn things it is fine to leave elderly parents home alone for christmas cause you wanna be alone with your immediate family. Part think that parents are selfish for doing their own thing. There is no winning.

My thing is that nobody is alone for holiday (unless they want to be) so going away cause they are not leaving their child home alone is fine.

My dads away- I took my six year old to see him the day before he went. No issue at all!

What on earth are you talking about? It's really common to do one year on, one year off. It's not controlling or game playing - it's an attempt at fairness. But if you choose not to engage with it you can't then complain about the outcome.

Good on them I’d say.

Ok. So there’s no taking it in turns and you weren’t even invited this year?. Why is he pissed off then?

You did book the holiday as you felt left out though? Which is fair enough:

Assume you told them when you booked it or have you just told them now. I can’t figure this out!

In 41 years my folks have visited for Christmas when DS1 was 5 and DS2 was 4. The have never spent a Christmas with DB and DN

Frankly I do judge that they always go abroad rather than wanting to see their DGC open their presents. I'm sure they could idlf diared us a few Christmas's

DN is now 12 so they have passed by her whole childhood of missed Christmas. I just don't understand it

I don't have a problem with GP's wanting time to their selves but to never want to see your GC ?

Sounds like they had a plan in their head but failed to discuss it with you. That’s on them

This sounds like your son in law has decided what his Christmases will look like, and is expecting everyone to play the parts he’s allocated to them. Bollocks to that.

And fancy telling your children’s grandparents they can’t come round to watch present opening!! Who does this man think he is?!

Absolutely nothing wrong with grandparents going on holiday over christmas as at the end of the day you have brought up children who now have children and are entitled to do what you want when you want.

Of course not

Politely remind him you have only so many years left, and lives to live. You love family time but if you want to spend Christmas away somewhere hot / with friends / on a penguin spotting cruise then you will,

Entitled little bugger

When you say they 'never want to see their DGC' do you mean that literally, or you mean they do something else for Christmas??

No you aren’t bad Grandparents, if you want to go away at Christmas, go. Is it your SIL that has an issue or your DD but she doesn’t have the nerve to say anything? My DC don’t always see their GP’s at Christmas but see them at other times of the year.

Then it sounds like you knew this year was your turn so if you wanted smooth relations I would have checked in.

I take it son in law likes getting his own way?

If we had a son in law who was so prescriptive then I might well fuck off on holiday as well.

Why can't they have both sets at once, will you have a fight?

We had both sets of parents and my SIL over at Christmas (so ten for dinner) for years.

I won't be told when it's my year to see GC or not ..
I'm not being put in a rota I've no say over
Fuck that shit
I'd be doing my own thing every year

It was U of you to ask your DD/step DD or SIL to visit them on Christmas day for present opening, when you’d not been invited. They were not U to say no.

YANBU to go away this or any year.

For fuck sake. When did it become obligatory for grandparents to be present at Christmas? This whole "magical Christmas and happy families" thing has sent everyone into bloody hysteria these days. Enjoy your holiday OP.

My GP used to go away before Xmas and not return until after Easter. They were great.

Had you had a discussion with your SIL before booking the holiday? I can see why their family’s nose is slightly out of joint. Their children are at the perfect age for “the magic” and you’re choosing to do something else. I realise they didn’t allow you to witness the present opening last year but I can understand that that would have added another layer of complexity to the day plus involved you spending time with his parents. Perhaps this year the plan was to be exclusively with you and to say his parents couldn’t witness the present opening.
I’m not saying you’re in the wrong. It sounds as though you have had to compromise on what Christmas looks like for a number of years if you have had elderly parents. Clearer communication about the expectations might have helped.

We try suggesting times to visit etc but they seem to put obstacles in our way. They don’t come to stay at our house because they wonder where they’ll all sleep ( we have four bedrooms) Honestly, we can’t win!