Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas

[hl8]

I have an 8yo daughter and have brought her quite allot of presents this year. Moneys been really tight but still managed to get her pretty much everything she wanted, but that meant I ran out of money and I don’t get paid again until Boxing Day. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

Is anyone else in the same situation where they can’t buy someone they love a gift this year?

Did you read Ops comment that money had gone on bills etc inc debts?

The last thing she need to do is accumulate more debt or access credit.

Yes budget better, yes should have got parents something but thats easy to say when you have money to do it all.

It sounds like shes barely keeping head above water. £20 emergency fund isn't exactly a huge amount of money that could easily go on a basket of food in a corner shop.

They are hosting you and you’re asking if it’s ok to turn up empty handed and with no gift, when you’ve blown a ridiculous amount of money indulging an 8 yr old’s wish list?

I wouldn’t dream of showing up somewhere for Christmas without a small gift, bunch of flowers for the host a something for the food/drinks table.

Of course you could have held £20 back for a token of appreciation.

At a minimum I’d be out collecting some holly and baking biscuits or something.

One of the gifts I am giving my husband is a year of pre planned dates. Each month he has 2 envelopes to open and It will give him the details of that month's dates. One date will be at home and the other will be outside of the home. You could make something similar for your parents. Once a month spending quality time with your child and grandchild would be the best gift. January could be a movie night with popcorn an a nice drink, February could be a craft activity. You have some time to work with your DD on putting something together.
Google homemade gifts and see what you can find.

I'm not sure if you are asking advice for the situation or not.

Feel free to ignore me but I would feel uncomfortable turning up empty handed on Christmas day.

In your shoes, I'd take a trip to my local charity shop and see what you can find that is nice. There will be a lot of lovely scarves and things that might fit the bill for your mum, ties or whatever for your dad, or a nice vase etc as a shared present. our local charity shops ahve some amazing things in them.

I'd also see if you can make something to take like a cake or crumble.

I know lots of folks have commented on your lack of planning or budgeting, and it is late now to consider this but for next year you can.

Have you any decent picture frames ? If so take a really nice photo of you and your daughter and go to your local Chemist. They usually have machines that enlarge them for a couple of pounds. Then frame the picture and give to your parents.
A really cheap and personal present

Op I'm really liking the idea of inviting them to yours for lunch Or invite to cinema.

Or make a card for them with DD.

I'm sure they must know money is tight.

I'm old and have more money than I'm able to spend but I used to be young and skint.
I'm just glad to have my bairns at Christmas. As was my mother. Just remember this year, OP and how you felt, learn.
Been there too.
Take some After Eights and love.

Get them a nice box of chocolates

That doesn't have to cost a lot does it

I think the DIY voucher idea is nice. You could make it with your dd and run together of what you could do with them some weekend when you can actually afford it? And if you have colouring pens and paper then doesn't need to cost you anything right now. Shortbread is also easy to make with very few ingredients and nice and Christmassy? Maybe you have some of the ingredients in the house already?

I do think you've put yourself under a bit of unnecessary pressure this year tbh and I probably wouldn't have spent that much on your dd given that your overall budget is tight though i do fully understand why its happened and that you've spread it. It's a lesson learnt for next year so no point dwelling now.

I tend to look at how much I need to budget for Christmas including each person I need to buy for and set a limit for how much I'll spend on each of them and then I'll put a little aside every month for that starting in January and then I do all the shopping in one go in October and I'm really strict on the budget. I'll do my best to get what people want but it's a hard budget and I get a few things for ds second hand instead of buying new to stretch it further like books and toys etc. I don't do big santa presents- ds's main presents come from me and santa brings surprise stocking fillers and one small present. Reason being is I want him to appreciate the value of money and as a lone parent with limited income I need him to know that if he's asking for a vr headset in years to come it's me who will be paying for something like that so I want him to be sensible with his choices and realistic even though I'll always do my best for him.

No.

I start buying bits and pieces early.

I cannot imagine not giving parents a present for Christmas. I no longer have parents or in-laws but loved buying them things when they were around.

Is there no way you can get something for them? Do you have a partner (sorry if you've said), a credit card maybe, overdraft, an Argos or other sort of account?

I'm all for buying children what they want if you can afford it but nobody, including kids, expects to get everything on their wish list.

How you can have your child opening loads of gifts while your parents sit with nothing is beyond me. It's not setting a good example for your child, her grandparents are to be cherished.

There must be a way, try and find it.

*Bettysnow *

I love that idea. The charity shop has loads of pictures in frames you could repurpose

Following on from that could DD do a special picture that could be framed. .

Ask your bank to give you £100 overdraft.

I think it depends what you normally do about presents with your parents. Will they be expecting something?

we stopped doing presents as adults within our family many years ago so nothing would be expected, and personally I really hate receiving something for the sake of
it that I don’t want or need.

one year I made my family homemade chocolates and coconut ice and my sister still talks about it being her favourite present as an adult!

Could you cut some evergreen branches to make a door decoration, with some ribbon, couple of tree ornaments, pine cones, a candle, your dd may have glitter glue to add some sparkle? That's what I'd do. And I'd bake something as well.

Either borrow money from someone and promise to pay it back on boxing day
Or use that last £20
Or tell your parents the gift hasn't arrived,it's delayed in the post ,and buy something on boxing day and wrap for when you next see them

You know the best present my son and DIL have ever given me - a photo of them with the grandchildren. Nothing posh just one he took on his phone and printed out. The frame cost them pennies from a charity shop and the card was drawn by the children. I love that present almost as much as the necklace the girls made me out of beads.

another time they made me some fudge 😂, it tasted good but looked interesting 😂.

you don’t have to spend money on us parents/grandparents - just show us love

Can you use ingredients you have to make them 2-3 soups for their freezer or some pies to freeze?

Maybe take £3-5 of your £20 to a charity shop. My parents get quite stressed over me buying them presents and 'wasting money'
I got my mum a lovely christmas patterned plate with matching cake slice for £4, my dad a red wine decanter for £5 and my brother (big on environmental issues and LOVES recycling and charity shops!) a set coasters that you put photos in that i have added some of him with my daughters at Disneyland last year, for £2. All either looks brand new or still in packaging/with labels. 2 of my local ones have tables with all Christmas gifts 50% off today. Definitely worth a look either this year or next

To buy an 8 year old ‘pretty much everything she wanted’, I could barely credit what I was reading. To indulge a child of this age, what will her expectations be next year and the year after when she sees just about everything on her list appearing come Christmas Day? We all like to see our children smile, but you don’t have to spend mega to achieve that.

And due to your largesse in one direction you have nothing for your parents, that’s sad.

@hl8
Please read comments from @FishingLou , @DarkLion, @InSpainTheRain

Every family dynamic is different - for me just being home with my siblings/ parents / nieces / nephews etc is where the magic is at - the kids do get presents but the adults gave up years ago and no one has ever been upset. We do all chip in for Xmas dinner as a contribution - we can afford it and there’s 15 of us usually so would be unfair to expect my pensioner parents to foot the bill

As above posters have mentioned life is short and actually being able to spend quality time with each other is the most importantly thing. Be honest, tell them you’re sorry and youve overspent. If you’ve only got £20 in your bank account - I wouldn’t rush to grab them a token gift even if you do get paid early. Would be useful to have a small emergency buffer and Jan is always a long month. Also agree with pp stating now is NOT the time to get a credit card to buy Xmas presents for other people. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t want you going into debt because of them and unless you’re very disciplined it’s far too easy to just stick more and more on the credit card that you don’t need and before you know it you’ve created a monster (take it from someone who’s New Year’s resolution is to pay off their credit card and stop spending on it 🤣)

I would remember to make a nice effort for their birthdays and make sure they have something thoughtful from both you and their grandaughter. I really like @Grumpynans idea!

It sounds like you’re a great mum doing their best for their daughter. It is easy to get carried away at Xmas and you actually started buying presents in August which is far more organised than I was emergency purchasing from 2 weeks ago. I mean this very gently and all in the name of Xmas - as a gift to yourself next year it would be useful to start gently trying to lower expectations for Xmas - things are getting more and more expensive each year l, as other PPs have stated as they get older kids generally want more. Not sure what your set up is if you have a believer and if Santa gets all the presents / just some / stockings etc etc but I think this year is a bit of a warning shot that whatever you’re doing isn’t super sustainable especially if you’re starting in August and left with £20 to your name and unable to buy presents for your parents. Social media is mental around this time of year (remmeber the algorithm is there to make money) and it’s easy with mum guilt to feel like you’re letting your kid down if they don’t get what they want- but I promise you knowing the value of money is a much better present than whatever bits she wants this year that she will absolutely forget she got for Xmas in about 6 months times. I also remember from being a kid that what you want is limitless 🤣 your daughter could probably have had £1000 spent on her and still have more items on a list so as parents it’s our role to remind them they can’t get everything or even most things on the list and the true magic is family. A helpful thing I’ve heard of doing is when asking for presents sticking to “something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read”

hope you all have a lovely day - don’t forget it literally is only one day

I don't think it's sensible to buy children everything they want! It's not good for them to have that kind of expectation and will make things harder every year. It would be better to set yourself a reasonable budget and buy what you can within it - remembering your parents too.

I think you need to get them something out of your last 20quid….pretty shit to just get nothing when you’ve spent 200 quid on your kid

@hl8 Sorry, you don't think this is due to poor budgeting? You overspent on your DD and underspent on your parents. You have £20 for emergencies.... What if your boiler/ oven/ heating/ electricity suddenly fails? Where is the emergency fund? Wrapped up beneath the tree.

could you look through your cupboards and find ingredients to make something they would like to eat - fudge, biscuits, cake, slice? Go with a thought that counts. Or if not a card with a really lovely message in it.

Ccs have a bad rep here but once paid off early and no interest charged they work really well. Also if you are ever scammed it's much easier to get a refund. I have store cards too so I would never be stuck. It may be something for OP to think about.