Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas

[hl8]

I have an 8yo daughter and have brought her quite allot of presents this year. Moneys been really tight but still managed to get her pretty much everything she wanted, but that meant I ran out of money and I don’t get paid again until Boxing Day. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

Is anyone else in the same situation where they can’t buy someone they love a gift this year?

You know your parents best. Mine wouldn’t care and would want me to treat my child. What are your mum and dad like?

Can you plan something you'll do with them that you don't have to pay for now? Eg print a picture of a local national trust place & put it inside a card & write you'll take them in spring.

Not much you can do about it now, but has it ever occurred to you that it is not good for children to be given everything they ask for?

One of my DSDs (39) is like this. She will visit for a month empty-handed over Christmas but go buy herself an expensive coat while staying with us. It’s very self-absorbed behavior and it doesn’t endear her to us. Don’t be that person. Return one of DDs multiple gifts and arrive with wine, chocolates and a small gift (even a little houseplant will be appreciated). Use that £20 if needed but don’t pitch up empty handed. You are too old to be cute and ditzy, now it’s just annoying behavior.

I’m not a gran yet. I have a 16 and 18 year old. If they spent their money on bills and their children in the future I would prefer that than buying me a gift. I will be skint until my youngest finishes uni and following that I should be comfortable so I won’t want or need the next generation spending money on me.

You know your parents best and how they will react. Maybe mention it to them beforehand

A friend of mine has just put a pic on Facebook of all the cheese scones she is making. They are gifts for her family as she didn’t have much spare cash ( she told a group of friends including me that.) I think that a great idea and I personally love cheese scones.

I also think in future spend a bit less on your child to take the financial pressure off yourself.

Themed token and IOU, eg. - Gourmet popcorn and a homemade voucher for a family cinema outing, get your DD to make the voucher

This.

Make up a voucher for a cream fea or something that you can take them to next year.

You shouldn't need to spend much to show someone you care about them. But it can be relative.

For example, if someone I loved was an multi-millionaire with no other difficulties that would prevent gift giving and gave me an acorn for Christmas I'd be put out TBH - because they could easily have done more but chose not to.

Whereas the exact same acorn given lovingly to me from my teenage DC who has no money, glued to a picture they had painted of us on our recent winter walk and had framed it in home made painted cardboard frame (or one they'd upcycled), with a caption saying "I had the best day with you on our winter walk in the woods. I hope this acorn collected on that day reminds you that i love you more every day Mum." Perhaps along side a coiple of homemade melted hot-chocolate sticks made frrom cupboard ingredients complete with sprinkles, with a note saying "for us to have hot chocolate while watching boxing day movie together" and maybe a home-made voucher for breakfast in bed on 27th it wouldnt cost her a penny but it would mean world to most parents

These are just examples. Not suggesting you do these at all! But I believe that necessity can be the mother of invention. With few exceptions, most people can find a way to "start where you are, use what you have, do what you can". That may be a homemade gift, or a home-made voucher as others have suggested. It really is the love and the thought that counts. But if you're can't afford to buy anything I think you could still find another thoughtful way to show your love and care which you can afford or for free.

If they are hosting you for Christmas then it is a bit rude to show up empty handed, especially if they will have a gift for you. If you have no money left then options are to return one of your DD’s gifts and use that money, or print something out like an IOU eg i’ll take you to x on a day out. Turning up empty handed is quite rude.

And honestly ignore the self righteous ‘you should have budgeted better’ comments. It sounds like money is very tight and you have been buying for 4 months for your daughter. Keep plodding away at the debt without racking up more - that’s what makes the difference.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas. I would much rather my kids spent money on their kids than on me. If you can make something do, if you can’t a promise of a nice cheap treat next year would be perfect.

My parents would be so angry if I took a gift from my child to basically buy their present.

£200 isn’t a massive amount to spend on a child for Christmas these days

Could you maybe make a home made card and gifts ( biscuits/cakes/fkapjacks/honeycomb etc with your daughter to take with you - I’m sure grandparents would love homemade stuff

This is extremely poor budgeting on your part. £200 is such a lot to have spent on one child. No-one is suggesting that your daughter should go without, rather that it could have been maybe £170 on the child and £30 on your parents. And in fact Christmas or not, surely you wouldn’t usually turn up to dinner empty handed?

£200 on an 8 yo?? That is unreasonable and ridiculous.

This. Shoddy all round really op.

I have children, and I understand the deep longing to give them everything they ask for. But it's not good for them, not even at Christmas. The message you're sending to your child is that she's so important, no one else matters. No one else deserves even one present until her desires are fulfilled. This may actually be what you feel in your heart - that your kid is the only thing that matters in the world - but I hope you can see that raising a child to believe they will always come first is the way to create a monster.

Yep , wait till she’s a teenager.

Oh get off the OP's back. She's hardly squandered the family's money irresponsibly.

Like probably most of the people on MN, she's over indulged her child at Christmas and now is facing the consequence. But unlike many on here, she doesn't have the resources to compensate. Yes, she could have planned better but she knows that. What's the point of piling in?

OP, my suggestion is that you genuinely forgive yourself what's happened and work out what you can do now. All of the suggestions made on this thread are options. And here's another. Can you also explain, honestly and lovingly, to your parents how you've ended up in this situation, and tell them they'll get their present late? They may not mind, may understand.

Good luck. You sound a loving mum and daughter.

It’s a large amount to spend on an 8yo, but might be more tricky for a teenager who wants tech products. Count yourself fortunate if you think £200 is a small amount. For someone who has £20 to last until Boxing Day and no savings, overdraft or credit card, that’s an excessive amount to spend when half of that amount could have given her daughter some brilliant presents.

She’s also been buying presents since August and not once in that time picked up something small for her parents. This is not just poor budgeting but poor planning.

My dsis made my mum a beautiful family tree with partners and gcs and dates of births and marriages on it and put it into a pound shop frame and it’s the most brilliant gift I’ve ever seen. Sorry I didn’t rtft but is there any chance you could do something like that? Thst or a gift certificate made by you saying you’ll be taking them out somewhere in the ny?

Why don't you just klarna them a present, you can buy now, pay later. Also return some of your daughter's presents, it is terrible parenting to set a precedent that she receives everything that she wants every time.

You’re out of order, ungrateful and thoughtless for not getting your parents a gift. Take something back of your dds and get a gift. You need to budget better.

This I was reading all the earlier comments about how 200 is loads for an 8 year old and feel like I must I live in a alternative universe. 200.00 is fine to spend but I don’t see as a huge amount in current times. My parents would prefer the children to have presents over them !

she spent 200.00 in pretty sure If an 8 year old got everything they desired it would be a lot more !

You are spending Christmas at theirs but you don’t have the money to bring a present or some nice bits. Well that’s just sad. Clearly you take them for granted.
spending £200 on an 8 year old and nothing on your parents is silly indeed. If I was your parents I wouldn’t be happy. YABVU