Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas

[hl8]

I have an 8yo daughter and have brought her quite allot of presents this year. Moneys been really tight but still managed to get her pretty much everything she wanted, but that meant I ran out of money and I don’t get paid again until Boxing Day. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

Is anyone else in the same situation where they can’t buy someone they love a gift this year?

It's really concerning that you have such poor budgeting skills. I really don't mean to sound unkind, more just giving you a reality check, but no 8yr old needs £200 worth of presents. No person should be spending £200 on gifts for one person when they are in debt. No 8yr old needs 3 coats and plenty of shoes.

You really need to readjust your financial priorities. Spending £50-£75 on your child and £25 on your parents would have been sufficient. Then that £100-£125 of less expenditure could have paid some of your debt down.

Have you heard of the debt snowball? List all of your debts, starting from the smallest to the biggest, then starting with the smallest, get it paid off as quickly as possible, then move onto the next.

You could sell some of your daughters excess clothing/toys/shoes, or her old things that she doesn't play with or fit into anymore, and use every penny you get from that to solely pay off the debts.

If you buy something, you bought it. If you bring something, you brought it. Just bolded the br to help you remember.

You're not really teaching your DD about giving and receiving if she sees her parents not receiving a gift from you. Did you take your DD out to let her pick something for her grandparents? Just a box of After Eight or something?

I know we all say it's about the children, but it's nice to get the adults (especially if they are hosting) something small that they like.

im going to against the grain here and i dont think youve done anything wrong.
£200 on an 8 yo is massively ott like some posters have suggested.
ive spent over double this my my 8yo DD, and shock horror i also havent got my mother a present.
i wont even see her on christmas day, she'll drop presents off on monday then thats it, not because we arent massively close she just doesnt really 'do' christmas'
we dont really buy each other stuff, to me its all about buying for my kids.
if you want to get them something then some chocs on christmas eve if youve still got your £20 left im sure would be great, or offer to take them for lunch in the new year

Good grief, she didn't spend it on booze and tattoos. She bought presents for her daughter. Please stop beating her up. She's realised, next year will be different, it's not presents that make a happy day.
Even so, there are baskets of bulbs in the shops, there's time to bake something for tea, make a decoration for the tree, leave the kitchen tidy OP, fold away the wrapping paper, play a bit of do-you-remember, have a lovely Christmas.

I’m sure your parents are aware you’re struggling with money and would rather you give your daughter a good Christmas than get them some token gift.

Be honest and tell them you can’t afford to get them anything but perhaps you could do something fun together as a family in the new year, a nice afternoon lunch somewhere maybe.

Next year you’re better off budgeting a set amount per person and saving that throughout the year.

I’m very anti this ‘getting everything she wants’ kind of thing - my sons requests at that age would have been never ending and not factored in budgets at all - maybe in future OP think of ‘’ what she wants’ as a useful help list - not a call to arms . Could you maybe write in a card ‘lunch out on date and place of your choice in January -I’m paying ‘

Get them a token something and do Klarna pay in 30 days.

Do your parents see you a lot in the year? Do they cook for you, do they help you financially. do they look after your child for you sometimes? If so , do you show appreciation ? If not, I still think you could have easily started buying a small token for them in August the same time you started on your child . You are going to their house for Christmas day where they will feed and cater for you and your child. No doubt they will buy her a gift and maybe even you ? If you were going to a friends house, I’m sure you would buy your friend something? You’re fine. But just because they are your parents they don’t matter ? I think you are thoughtless .

I reckon you’ll get paid on the 24th because of the bank holidays. If so, there are good deals on gifts in M&S at the moment. I am also skint and had to get some last-minute gifts today- they had lovely bath/beauty-type gift sets half price or better, potted amaryllis half price, and various other things. Best bargain was a nice handwashing/handcream set reduced from £10 to £3 and they had loads in stock in my local branch.

Lots of shops are reducing their Christmas gift stuff at this stage- on really skint years, I’ve left it all until the last few days simply because I know it will be cheaper if I leave it late. Stressful though 😟

I think I would have been far too embarrassed to have spent Christmas Day with my parents, eating the food and drink they had provided, if I hadn’t given them at least a token present which I’d put some thought into. I think it’s really awful that you’ve spent £200 on an eight year old and not kept even a small amount back to spend on your parents. .

I’ve only ever used the Christmas list as a guide & was surprised when they went to primary school to hear people talk about getting most of the list. You can’t just not anything at all for your parents. That’s really tight.

I lost my mum last year and she was 57, we both struggled for money at times and the only thing she wanted was presence not presents. Just be honest with your parents op, I’m sure they’ll understand. Even if it’s a gesture like cooking them a meal when you can afford to or doing something for them. My loss taught me money comes and goes, but it’s who you have around you that truly matters

OP, I wouldn’t worry. Both my adult DS will be home for Xmas, I am delighted! I couldn’t care less about whether they have gifts for me. We’ll have a great day with some nice food and watch TV and play some games. I would stop worrying if I were you. I am sure your parents realise life is hard.

Will you be able to afford to treat them to something in January? E.g. lunch out or tickets to something. If so, get your dd to draw a picture of the thing they will be doing and they can have a guessing game working out what it is (don't do this unless you will absolutely follow through and book it on boxing day)

What do you have in your cupboard OP? The ingredients for a lemon drizzle cake or a chocolate cake? What about some hand iced ginger bread men?

Could you see what’s on at the cinema, or whether there are cheap tickets for a local pantomime, or concert, and write it in a card for you all to have a day out between Christmas and New Year?

I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

You actively chose not to buy your parents a gift. You had the means and the budget you just made a choice and now you're regretting that choice. They're hosting you for Christmas too. No wonder you feel guilty.

Budget: £200
Gifts to buy for: 8yo daughter, mum, dad.

Oh Op your getting a hard time on here.

I also have an 8yo and have probably spent £200 on stuff, being fair £200 doesn't go that far depending on what they are after and if you also include bits of clothing etc.

On one hand I'd look and see if their is anything you can return, maybe get for her birthday later in the year (im assuming you are talking about Christmas birthday too).

But falling that I'd go with the lunch out in the new year with an explanation you are skint.

Your working hard to pay of debt, don't grt into more debt for Christmas. Im sure thats the last thing your parents would want.

If it was me, I'd take my mum out in the boxing day sales, treat her to a jumper or something and also get lunch/coffees throughout the day. My dad really wouldn't care and would be happy to see his wife have a lovely day with their daughter.

I do agree with this, my DS is the same and a lot of what he asks for looks exciting and shiny in the shop/on the advert, but I just know it won’t get played with much because (in my opinion) a lot of toys/kids’ stuff available now can only be played with in quite limited ways, so they get bored of them. So even if I could afford everything, it would be a waste of money. A lot of the classic toys- marble run, lite brite, Playmobil zoo etc- are the best imo because they can be played with endlessly in different ways, but I don’t see them advertised much, so he doesn’t know he wants them 😆 (until I ignore the list and buy them anyway).

My attitude to it all is I’ll usually endeavour to get him the number one thing he most wants if it’s financially feasible, whether I think it’s a good choice or not. But for the rest of the list, I start prepping him that he shouldn’t expect to get all of it, and then hastily redirect any talk of ‘what are you hoping for for Christmas’ so that he doesn’t get overly focused on something that I haven’t bought. The list is just helpful ideas, and sometimes not that helpful as it’s stuff that is monstrously expensive, infeasible, or doesn’t exist 😆 By Christmas Day, the list is long forgotten as long as nobody hyped up the ‘what are you hoping for for Christmas’ business.

Any disappointment and I remind him we can’t get everything on the list and add a breezy ‘put it on the birthday list!’

However the point is that OP has spent rather a lot of money on her DD, while her parents, who are hosting and have presumably also got presents for her and her DD, don't even get a token gift. She could easily have spent a little less on her daughter. It's about doing the right thing, whether her parents expect a gift or not doesn't matter.

And, fyi, Christmas is NOT just for children.

This. You need access to credit though, you have no back up in emergency. And your credit rating is important to build up. Speak to some credit card companies and see what is available. Just pay off every month.

I agree. My parents/ILs would be furious if we took from the kids to buy them something they didn’t need. The idea of ‘taking back’ gifts you’ve bought for a child to buy your parents a token gift would be completely unthinkable to most, if not all, grandparents I know.

Write them a heartfelt card, thanking them for their love/support/humour/whatever over the years. And pop a ‘voucher’ for lunch/afternoon tea/whatever inside. Put the money to one side on payday (like physically withdraw it and stick it in an envelope somewhere safe) so it’s good to go when you need it.

Doesn’t matter if it’s parents, siblings or friends you spend Xmas Day with, at minimum the person visiting should not come empty-handed. OP, do you have by any chance, ability to scrape together enough for a box of chocolates at least? And as one previous post suggested, maybe a promise on a card for an all-paid takeaway or dinner in the new year (doesn’t have to be expensive, just a local place). Tell them to pick the date next year.

Sorry I have to agree with this

it doesn’t have to be a huge costly pressie but something would be nice

if you did have money/ or got paid early - how much would you spend an what would you buy @hl8?