Page 7 | Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 2025-12-01T08:47:01+00:00

I’ll start - Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway - On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now. - People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side. What else?

DeftGoldHedgehog · 01/12/2025 13:26

Taking the opportunity to go to the toilet when it's time to sit at the table, meaning you are walking back past the stove and getting in the way as I'm plating up.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 01/12/2025 13:26

Renamed · 01/12/2025 12:26

I just googled this out of curiosity and my god it involves 50 egg yolks

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I think this - and the tradition for custard tarts - is because the Portugese have traditionally used the egg whites for fining wine/port.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 01/12/2025 13:29

My lovely MiL insisting on washing up even though we have a dishwasher, she even used to bring her own rubber gloves with her - its taken 15 years but she's finally stopped.

DH putting four baking dishes full of oil and food in the dishwasher on eco mode that took over 2 hours and still came out dirty, while all the other dishes sat on the side getting in the way.

Family trait: can't use a dishwasher correctly!

KittyFinlay · 01/12/2025 13:30

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 13:26

And @KittyFinlay YES. This is DH to a tee. there's a fantastic couple who make instagram content and she posts a few bits like this every year around Thanksgiving/Christmas. Hes outside pressure washing the driveway or cleaning the garage whiel she's doing her bit.

In DH's case, it;s the music. He'll spend HOURS curating a perfect Chrsitmas play list. He's stopped now as he's learnt it's likely to result in a fork in his eye!

And yes yes to no sense of prioritisation. if I"m in the kitchen and there are 4 pots ont he stove, both ovens are going and the air fryer is doing somethign else, and I call him tod o something in the kitchen, it's a fair bet that whatever it is, is urgent. He'll wander in, agree to whatever it is then wander off again to finish laying the table or clean the wine glasses first! Again, he's got better about this too. apparently 20 years of christmasses HAS taught him a few things!

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OMG, are we married to the same man? 😂

Souredgrapes · 01/12/2025 13:31

This thread is making my blood boil on all your behalf. I’m also relieved that it’s not just me who can’t abide these kind of so called helpful gestures .

Shatteredallthetimelately · 01/12/2025 13:33

"If I was you I'd"....

Well you're not me and if that's all you're offering in the way of help....just words....
Then don't.

KittyFinlay · 01/12/2025 13:36

Do they also like to make helpful alternative suggestions @NewCushions and @BeWellJ ?

E.g.
"DH, can you cut some grapes? DD is hungry and wants a snack."
"We have some cherry tomatoes she could have."
"She doesn't like tomatoes, could you chop the grapes?"
"I know, but I thought we were encouraging her to eat more flavours."
"We are, but it's 30 minutes until dinner and she's whinging, I don't want more whinging about tomatoes, can you chop the grapes?"
"We have some strawberries too, aren't they about to go out of date?"
"Yes, which is why I'm serving them for dessert after dinner."

By which point, I could have just chopped the grapes.

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 13:36

On a lighter note, my mother was a nightmare. Bless her, she meant well and was always baking and would spend hours decorating or whatever. But if you were preparing a meal (christmas or otherwise) she would inevitably wander in 10 seconds before you served up and ask, "Anything I can do?"

Or, in the few instances where she WOULD come in earlier to offer to help, you might ask her to lay the table. Only then I'd get to the table at the point of serving up and discover she'd put out place mats, knives and forks and maybe some napkins. That would be it. So I'd be rushing around getting mats for hot dishes, plates, salt/pepper, condiments, serving spoons etc. And this was in HER house when all of these things were routinely used for every single meal ever served in HER house for the entirety of my life!

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 13:38

KittyFinlay · 01/12/2025 13:36

Do they also like to make helpful alternative suggestions @NewCushions and @BeWellJ ?

E.g.
"DH, can you cut some grapes? DD is hungry and wants a snack."
"We have some cherry tomatoes she could have."
"She doesn't like tomatoes, could you chop the grapes?"
"I know, but I thought we were encouraging her to eat more flavours."
"We are, but it's 30 minutes until dinner and she's whinging, I don't want more whinging about tomatoes, can you chop the grapes?"
"We have some strawberries too, aren't they about to go out of date?"
"Yes, which is why I'm serving them for dessert after dinner."

By which point, I could have just chopped the grapes.

I do recognise this. Although our version is more like:

"But we dont' have any strawberries."
"yes we do - I bought some with the massive shop this week"
"Oh, but where are they?"
"In the fridge. Where they always are. But yes, the firdge is packed because IT"S CHRISTMAS so take a look around."
"Should I do enough for nephews too?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask your sister......"

Cakeandusername · 01/12/2025 13:39

My mum insists on bringing her own carving knife, she brought it on the bus last year (another story as won’t accept a lift). I pointed out maybe taking an offensive weapon on bus wasn’t best idea..I do own nice knives.

BumpyWinds · 01/12/2025 13:40

OttersMayHaveShifted · 01/12/2025 08:57

Being an extra body standing around in the kitchen trying to chat with the cooks and always being in the way of the cupboard or fridge that need to be opened and never offering to help!

This is my biggest bugbear for any family gathering. My kitchen is big, but poorly designed, so I spend my time walking around the kitchen going from cooker to sink to fridge saying "excuse me, excuse me" all the time. I cannot wait to renovate it so I can knock down a wall, banish everyone to the other side of it, but still be able to be chat to everyone!

Edited to add: If I need help, I'll ask for it!

Meanwhile, don't stand on ceremony waiting to be offered a drink - if you want one - help yourself - just don't get in the way if I'm cooking!

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 01/12/2025 13:40

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/12/2025 08:53

When my children were little... either saying presents were from Santa or giving me things to put in their stockings (wrapped). I admit this may have been control freaky... but their stockings were carefully balanced as they would open things together, they had individual Santa wrapping paper... d I liked to keep the Santa bit separate to the Family bit as I had told them that Santa only brought one present and the stocking. (The wrapping paper was so I could have a bag of wrapped gifts that was easy to split into the stockings without need for labels)

We also do one present from Santa in special wrapping and so that would be a sorry no it’s from Jane, Bob etc. Especially not knowing what it is and knowing my children request one item from Santa each 🤣

ginasevern · 01/12/2025 13:41

Cakeandusername · 01/12/2025 13:39

My mum insists on bringing her own carving knife, she brought it on the bus last year (another story as won’t accept a lift). I pointed out maybe taking an offensive weapon on bus wasn’t best idea..I do own nice knives.

Made me laugh. Tooled up Granny!

Bippidee · 01/12/2025 13:42

People who say they will do something then wander off and totally forget, meaning that it is yet another thing to remember to do on top of everything else.

The “helpful” washing uppers who well…. don’t wash up effectively, so it all has to be redone surreptitiously so as not to offend when knackered.

Tutting over the amount of chocolate/ sweets received by DC - when the titter has supplied over half of it and then crap on about sugar rushes for aaaaages.

Telling me not to overdo things but then not actually offering to help.

I’m not normally a curmudgeon, but 2-3 extras in the kitchen who are not stationed somewhere specific doing an actual job, just hovering is beyond annoying. I give them a job of keeping other guests adequately topped up with drinks and snacks.

KittyFinlay · 01/12/2025 13:44

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 13:38

I do recognise this. Although our version is more like:

"But we dont' have any strawberries."
"yes we do - I bought some with the massive shop this week"
"Oh, but where are they?"
"In the fridge. Where they always are. But yes, the firdge is packed because IT"S CHRISTMAS so take a look around."
"Should I do enough for nephews too?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask your sister......"

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Sometimes I now start the request with,

"I need you to do something and I would like you not to ask any questions and just do as you are told this one time, can you do that?"

My Mum heard me once and told me that was a dreadful way to speak to your husband. She's not wrong but the 3 course meal with paired wines that was placed in front of her did not appear by itself and I only have 2 arms.

turkeyboots · 01/12/2025 13:48

EmilyWeather · 01/12/2025 10:26

Arrrrgh the first time drives me insane! My MIL has form for this - not just at Christmas, any event we host she will turn up with masses of additional, very expensive food (think loads of premium steaks, a whole salmon, entire cheese board and multiple loaves of bread and a birthday cake for my kid when I've already baked one etc). I find it absolutely infuriating because I've obviously planned the menu for my own event, often doing special trips to farm shops or whatever, and now either the food I've planned and bought and cooked is redundant, or we just have insane amounts of excess and no space to cook it or store it. It makes me feel like she thinks we won't feed people properly?

I think it's actually kind of a control thing. But it's very hard to complain about it without looking like an ungrateful arsehole.

Ah I feel your pain. One Christmas we had 4 cakes, and 2 turkey's due to relatives turning up with surprise additions to "help".
Vegetarians who turn carnivore for the day annoy me, especially when its my sister who does it every year, and every year I make a vegetarian alternative like an idiot.

LadyHexham · 01/12/2025 13:49

BumpyWinds · 01/12/2025 13:40

This is my biggest bugbear for any family gathering. My kitchen is big, but poorly designed, so I spend my time walking around the kitchen going from cooker to sink to fridge saying "excuse me, excuse me" all the time. I cannot wait to renovate it so I can knock down a wall, banish everyone to the other side of it, but still be able to be chat to everyone!

Edited to add: If I need help, I'll ask for it!

Meanwhile, don't stand on ceremony waiting to be offered a drink - if you want one - help yourself - just don't get in the way if I'm cooking!

Edited

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I use my breakfast bar as a barrier.

No, please pour your drink from the other side

Yes, the biscuits are just over there, you don't need to come in this bit

No, stay there, you can reach the kettle from the other side

Piratejenny99 · 01/12/2025 13:49

We have a galley kitchen with an opening at each end, there is also another route to the rest of the house but people absolutely insist on walking through the kitchen when cooking is full on and then linger for a chat getting in the way of everything I need. See also small kids running through causing a riot inches from hot cooking apparatus no matter how many times they are told not to. This year I am seriously considering erecting barricades!

chipsticksmammy · 01/12/2025 13:50

This will out me.

Sitting at the Christmas table and eating a messy breakfast, using all the laid out cutlery,plates and folded napkins. They walked past the kitchen table which was laid out for breakfast.

'Helping' by peeling the veg under constantly running cold water, soaking every surface, tea towel and the floor in the process. The potatoes are carved down to stumps.

Point blank refusing to sit at the table unless almost yelled at. The bloody farting around is ridiculous. I start asking them to sit and choose drinks at least 30 minutes before I need them.

MrsBobtonTrent · 01/12/2025 13:50

My personal bugbear is people arriving with a big bunch of flowers. I am haring about preparing food, giving people drinks, welcoming people, trying to chat and enjoy the company. But now I have to stop everything and hunt for a vase and pay homage to the foliage so everyone can coo over how lovely the flowers are and how nice of x or y to give me such a wonderful gift. If I try to put them down without dealing with them, I am apparently being selfish and inconsiderate. If I put them in a bucket of water (to give them a good drink and to buy myself time to deal with them properly a little later) I am dismissive and rude. I have two relatives like this and it is extremely wearing. I tried having a couple of vases in the garage "ready to go", but then these tend to be the "wrong shape" or the wrong size and there has to be an involved root around cupboards looking for a superior vessel. I honesty just want to ram the fucking flowers down their throats. They are not a gift, they are an attention hi-jacking floral stick to beat me with.

Gliblet · 01/12/2025 13:50

Ask me to do the cooking but then feel anxious because they're not in direct control of the cooking, and manage that anxiety by picking on one thing and fixating on/faffing with it without actually taking over or helping meaningfully with it

I bought heritage carrots this year
Did you see the carrots? They're all different colours.
I've already peeled the carrots, by the way...
What time do the carrots need to go in?
So is the water on for the carrots?
I'll just get the carrots out of the fridge shall I?
I put the carrots on the draining board for you.
Shall I put the carrots a bit nearer the hob so you don't forget them?
Ooh, is that the carrots going in?
Do you think that's going to be long enough for the carrots?
Will the carrots stay warm if they're in that dish?

Differentforgirls · 01/12/2025 13:51

LetMeGoogleThat · 01/12/2025 09:34

I've got a relative that insists on helping with the washing up, but they do it so grimly without changing any water or rinsing that I have to make a mental note and then rewash later.

😬

Daygloboo · 01/12/2025 13:53

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 09:03

I remember a friend whose job it was to bring a cauliflower cheese, bringing a cauliflower, a block of cheese, milk, flour and butter and putting them on the side!

🤣🤣

PorridgeAndSyrup · 01/12/2025 13:54

Shodan · 01/12/2025 13:01

My pet hate used to be people who would come in the kitchen and ask if I needed any help. One Christmas four people asked 8 times between them if I needed any help. I started off politely tinkling "Oh no, thank you, I'm fine, all under control!" and gradually descended into an incredulous stare and a flat "No!"

The following Christmas I worked out a solution- prior to the day I asked XMIL to keep my Mother talking, confiding in her that I preferred to work alone and Mum, although well-meaning, was a distraction. I then asked my Mum to do the same thing with XMIL. I also asked XH to keep his sister out of the kitchen using the same method. They were all so busy doing as I asked that no-one came into the kitchen and the whole thing ran smoothly. Added bonus was none of them believed it was they who were the distraction so no feelings were hurt. 😁

Absolute genius!!

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 13:55

@KittyFinlay I feel like we are basically the same person, with the same husband! Imagine if we had a Whatsapp Chat!?

My dad also told me once that perhaps I could be a bit less irritable with DH as we were arriving at my sister's house for a meal. What he had missed is that I'd already done a lot, then, on my way out to walk the dog had told him we'd need to leave very soon after I got back - only to return to a DH who was just going upstairs to shower while both DC were still in PJs. In DH's defense, HE was ready on time. It just hadn't crossed his mind that he had to do anything except get showered and dressed.

He's a lot better now, but man, it can be annoying.

Today DD is home sick. DH was on an early shift today. He texted me 2 hours ago to ask if it was okay if he did this one thing BEFORE he comes home (knowing that when DD is at hoem she can be really irritating for me trying to work). I said sure. He is STILL not home and based on his last message, he won't be back for another 15 minutes. At best. To be fair, DD is NOT being high maintenance today. But if she was, I'd be so cross right now.