Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I’ll start

• Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
• On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
• People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

Or when someone who is supposed to be corralling the children decides they would rather "help" in the kitchen and despite you asking them to please focus on taking the children elsewhere they just carry on whilst repeatedly telling the children to get out and being ignored. I am then walking around the kitchen with pans of boiling water, opening and closing a hot oven and chopping things with sharp knives and everywhere I turn I'm nearly tripping over (and subsequently hospitalising) a toddler!

we also have the same in laws then!?

Looks like it...but did your SIL ever invite you for Christmas and then tell you 3 days before she wanted you to buy all the ingredients yourself and cook the Christmas dinner for everyone at her house when you were 8 months pregnant?

Ugh. One of FIL's crowning glories was one year when MIL had bought us a framed piece of wall art for Christmas. Partway through Christmas day he disappeared off to the downstairs loo then took himself out to the lean-to, found the drill and some fixings, and came back in all ready to drill a hole in the living room wall and hang the picture where he thought it should go 🙄

You win. But ONLY because of the 8 months pregnant bit.

I already posted about the time I cooked the ENTIRE christmas dinner, alone, with no company (no one even brought me a glass of wine) at SIL's house. And what was particularly annoying is SHE had decided what we were having so I ahd to work to her meal plan and schedule. It was like being an unpaid kitchen skivvy in 1850.

I insisted to MIL and DH that from now on, we do Christmas at mine because then at least I get to control what I do, use my own equipment (that works - she doesn't even have a proper frying pan. Don't get me started!).

Other conversations I have known.
A: "I'm popping out to get a newspaper. Is there anything else we need?"
B: "Yes, pick up some more milk, that would be good."
A: "Which milk?"
B: "Either red or green top, doesn't matter."
A: "Shall I get some coleslaw?" (This was the exact request.)
B: "Er, ok, if you want some."

Comes back with newspaper, lemonade, scotch egg...

Yes, we tasked someone with the job of stopping the children coming in the kitchen last year but after a couple of glasses of wine that went out of the window entirely!!

Unfortunately, I think the offence is “without lawful excuse” . But one can always hope…

Yeah, this with handfuls of rings and hair thats not tied back.

My family, when they come to mine, make a big show about bringing "little extras" of snacks, crisps, cheese (that does make its way into the fridge) cakes, nibbles, fancy gin and mixers, it is their helpful contribution to christmas food as I have ordered and bought the christmas meal (starter to dessert incl cheeses (for meeces)) and breakfast and lunch on boxing day. They leave these sharing extras in bags in the hall. And make no effort to open or share them. Then they take it all away with them when they leave.

Otherwise: "I'll just stay out the kitchen, let you get on with it" is the helpful contribution. Which is helpful, the kitchen is full of food I am cooking. But somehow it also means none of the adults (other than DH) will lay the table, or tidy up plates once we have eaten and take them into the kitchen. Nobody else (other than DH, and possibly DC) will make so much as a cup of tea. Or load the dishwasher. Or empty it. Or pour wine. The entire time they are here.

I don't want them underfoot while I am making gravy and DH is carving the turkey, but that doesn't mean they are unable to operate the kettle at 10am the next morning.

You are lovely and polite. I would blindly carry on serving my own meal /cake but thank her profusely as I put her offerings away ("Thank you so much. This looks lovely. DC and I will enjoy this later. Right now everything is ready for today. Thank you again - so lovely of you!"). If you have no storage space, put them all in a cooler box outside - it's cold enough in the UK at Christmas.

I have just cried with laughter at this post! Jacobs crackers and prosecco 😆 🤣 😂
This is comedy gold 🤣

This also reminds me of the time we had DH's BFF and his wife over for lunch. DH popped out to buy some beers about 30 minutes before they arrived (at the local shop- 5 minutes walk away). HIs friends arrived dead on time. DH was nto here.

Luckily, his BFF has known him for 40 years so just laughed....!

Sounds like a recipe for a hangover cure 😆

Taking over the oven to make chicken nuggets and fries, because that’s the only thing their little moppets will eat.

Do NOT put the television on so that the sound competes with the music already playing (or vice versa). If you absolutely MUST watch some Christmas film or "breaking news", or play your garage band demo for everyone, ask first so the other noise can be temporarily turned off. (And if you're going to claim that this is an altruistic act, understand that not everyone finds the same things entertaining.)

Ah, maybe that's the underlying reason!

So more of an Xmas rant in general.

My mum arrives for Xmas. Money spent on food, booze, etc etc. she brings a Tesco Xmas pud so feels she’s contributed.

I buy all the presents, wrap everything, buy every bit of food (I don’t work as much as DH). Dh cooks on Xmas day. My MIL went to great pains to tell me how lucky I was to have such a marvellous DH. I told her there would be no food or presents without me. She’s never dared bring it up again.

MIL also sends us a hamper when she’s not with us. M and S one. Lovely stuff. But by the time we get to Xmas day we don’t need any of the stuff as I’ve already got it all or too full to eat it.

Giving the kids four packs of Pringles so they leave the adults alone….then complaining when the kids don’t eat their Christmas dinner.

The one that gets me is people going 'Why are you rushing around, why don't you come and sit down?' 'That can be done later, there's no rush' 'Oh just leave that for now, come and sit with us'. Ok, yes, lovely, I will come and sit, and then when later rolls around, is there anyone jumping up to do the things I was trying to get done? No, no there is not. And now I'm 45 minutes behind schedule and things are not magically getting done.

I will rush around to my own schedule these days, thank you very much.

This thread is annoying, can't believe it.

I do the wrapping paper thing too, so much easier with four children 😅

My Mam always buys me a Marks and Spencer Christmas cake.

Of course an M&S cake is a lovely treat and I'm not ungrateful. However, the one she makes at home herself is so much nicer. She used to give me a slab of theirs but she doesn't now as she buys me the other one instead.

EDIT - Typo

Arriving with armfuls of gifts during meal prep and wanting to know where they should be put, and to read out the tags or tell me that the red one without a tag is for me but it got lost, whereas the green one never had a tag and it's for my son from Nan, and by the way the one from me (not the red one without a tag, the white one) is breakable so where can I put it, but it can't be somewhere hot...

I dunno. You've visited a million times before, you know the lay of the land, I'm cooking dinner for 12 people, it's 20 mins until plating and both my hands are doing a different task right now, I couldn't give a shit where you put them, and you're making me feel both flustered AND ungrateful. Just go away and pour yourself a drink.

Forcefully stepping in to help even when you've said no thank you, it's under control, and then asking millions and millions of questions - "Where is the...? What shall I do with the...? Do you have any...? Is this enough...? Does MrBloozie like...? Is there room...?"

Basically - don't fucking speak to me until my backside is planted on the dining chair. It really stresses me out, I get overwhelmed really quickly, if my brain is working hard I'm super sensitive to sound, just having people in the same room as me makes my brain itch and it's an open plan kitchen/diner/living space. Please - just pretend I'm not here.

Going to the pub on Christmas morning ( not got a problem with that ) but getting so fucking pissed they can’t speak coherently, belch at the dinner table, then decided they need to puke! Luckily they made it to the bathroom before chucking up!