Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I’ll start

• Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
• On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
• People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

Long story short- we don't get invited places now. (Result)

One year when my parents came to me and DP for Christmas, my dad (for some reason) suddenly became concerned on Christmas Day that my stairs creaked too loudly. My mum, DP and I had all opened all our presents before my dad got round to opening a single one of his, because he was busy on his iPad sourcing the items he would need to get from B&Q to reinforce the stairs if that was required of him. I was basically sitting there saying 'Dad, for the love of god, just open one present from me before I have to go and start peeling parsnips'.

MIL usually brings with her some strange booze that she's won in a church tombola or been given as a gift by one of her nonagenarian friends. She doesn't really drink very much - I think I've only ever really seen her drink a single G&T or a Bailey's - and doesn't really 'get' drinks. One year she brought with her:

• Two bottles of ultra-sweet sparkling pomagne
• A bottle of cherry Lambrini
• Some sort of weird, fake version of Jagermeister
• Four watermelon flavour Bacardi Breezers

and expected us to clear space for all them in the fridge. I think that was the year she also chose the moment I was trying to make a lump-free gravy from scratch to come and show me a set of commemorative Silver Jubilee coins she'd found in her attic and thought we might want.

Absolutely this. I actually hate the people I love most in the world when they try to help me. (And immediately become a fucking hinderance)

Caprice, you’ve obviously met my brother then!

😂And I need it!

Oh I have such vibes of the time my (genuinely) darling dad insisted I look at his will while I was deep frying halloumi on Christmas Eve.

He wasn’t ill or anything, just thought it would be a cheery and non-stressful thing to do.

Oh I would 100% do that!! (As long as the date was that day obviously!)

(To be clear I mean with my family. Not if I were invited anywhere fancy 😂)

I have a relative who (very kindly) brings fresh flowers whenever they come for lunch or dinner at ours. However as they usually arrive late I am generally at the critical stage of the roast preparation, especially on Christmas day. So I politely pop the flowers down on the windowsill to be dealt with later. Cue several reminders from this relative that "those flowers really need to be put in water you know" in the following 20 minutes. Of course that should be my priority when pulling together Christmas dinner for 12! Let me just drop these pesky trays of roast potatoes and get on with the really important task of flower arranging!

Also hate it when guests arrive and dump all their belongings on my carefully and beautifully laid Christmas table. Can't they bloody tell there's a whole place setting under their fucking bag for life full of celebrations and tat!!

I'm back to add to my list!

DM often brings a carrier bag of kitchen items she guesses I might need - I'm 45 years old and I own a vegetable peeler and a gravy jug! And if I didn't, half an hour before dinner is served would be too late!

Yy to bringing random food items so they don't go off - heel of bread, half a pepper wrapped in foil etc.

Dmil will refuse all drinks when offered to have with her dinner as she "doesn't want to be a bother" and then want one as soon as we've finally made it to the table and sat down.

Maybe have a bucket of water ready for the flowers. As for dumping bags did you post about this before? That's very annoying.

😁 Funny but a pita though!

I'll take the yellow roses for my bedroom Thank-you 💛

Bringing red pointsettas. 💤

I have become so sick of the sight of red poinsettias.

One that I've seen and it annoys me is excluding the host/chef from fun activities because they are "busy"

"Oh we didn't want to disturb you, so we just went ahead and did that special tradition while you are held up in the kitchen"

For example, I've had it where family start to swap presents (something we always do together), while the host is still busy in the kitchen getting coffees/food for people. Just wait a bit... it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, and it will be far nicer if everyone can be involved.

I don't need people to put their whole day on hold.. but big moments or activities, arrange those at time when the person working hard in the kitchen has a moment to come out and join in.

For me, it's got to be my SIL who offers to help, is given a task, and then proceeds to ask sixty thousand questions about how to do it in minute detail. The drama we had over her bringing a simple box of Christmas crackers to lunch one year has to be the peak of this!

Insisting on being gluten free, (which means me jumping through hoops to serve themselves first a nice meal) and then just having a bite of the ordinary mince pies ‘as they look so much nicer’ than the gf ones I bought

Reminds me of my occasionally vegetarian/pescatarian SIL - you'd have to ring in advance to if she was eating meat that year. This particular year, she wasn't eating meat so as well as a meat lasagne, I made a fish one - nicer than it sounds! (This was for a pre-Christmas get together which I hosted every year.)

To give it some visual interest, I added some mixed seafood.

"Oh I'm allergic to seafood, I'll just have a portion of the meat one."

The following year I made a game pie and made her sweat before I served her last with a portion of salmon 🤭

Insisting on being gluten free, (which means me jumping through hoops to serve themselves first a nice meal) and then just having a bite of the ordinary mince pies ‘as they look so much nicer’ than the gf ones I bought.

Or the opposite where meat eating non-gf guests will ‘just try a little bit’ of the vegetarian/vegan/gf dish so that there is none left.

One year I made my usual delicious nut roast to take to the firmly carnivorous ILs to save them the bother of cooking for me. I had one slice for dinner then left it there to collect the next day thinking, mm, lots of lovely leftovers for the next few days.
I was presented with the washed serving dish as the CFs had eaten the whole bastard thing.

Is your SIL my MIL?

• How many?
• What kind of filling would you like?
• Did you have a preference on colour?

and on and on and on

If I cared that much, I would have said when I asked you, or I wouldn’t be taking you with such an “important” job!

Oh I hear you! Should she get one box of 12 matching or two boxes of 6 in different colours, how much should she spend (of her own budget!), she didn't fancy carrying them on the bus so could she post them ahead of time.... I bought them myself in the end 😂

Omg this is cathartic. I had a bbq once and MIL asked what she should bring and, knowing what she was like, I very specifically said “a tomato and mozzarella salad please”.

cue

• Do you want basil and olive oil or shall I bring them to add later?
• Shall I make one or two
• I’m going to make one in [picture of dish], will that be enough or shall I make extra?

AHHH

I have asked her to make a dessert this year but not chocolate as that is already covered. I’m expecting a chorus of - hot or cold, would you like me to bring pouring cream or do you have that, does everyone like apples? Etc etc.

If is less effort to just do it my bloody self

Not answering a direct question ...
Me : Would you like a coffee?
Them : are you having one then?
Me : aperitif?
Them : what are you having?
Me : red, white, pink, or fizz?
Them : ooo What's open?
Me : would you like seconds?
Them : is there enough left?
Me : what time would you like supper?
Them : will we even be hungry?
Me : why don't you go home / go to bed!!!

Arriving early. Please don’t.

My mother does that too with the endless questions. It usually is just easier to do it myself. Once I asked her to bring a quiche, any sort, for a summer lunch. That was 'is broccoli and cheese okay? Is DH still a vegetarian, or can I bring a quiche lorraine? Do you want potatos on the side? I can being either jackets or a bowl of potato salad. Do you like mustard in the potato salad? Will there be oven room to heat it up or shall we have it cold? etc etc etc. '. Quite exhausting so I usually just say 'No, just bring yourselves'.

This time of year there are a million tv shows about how to be the perfect host, amazing tips to give your loved ones the best meal ever, extra touches to wow your guests etc. I really wish someone would produce a show about how to be a considerate guest!

Just some simple tips like:

Don’t arrive 10 minutes before dinner is served and start mithering at the person cooking about where to put coats/shoes, shoving gifts at people and expecting them to open them minutes before serving up time, asking do I have a different size/shape glass, where’s the ice (well it’s not in the bloody oven is it??), spoony fuckering.

Don’t sit at the table with 9 other people and promptly pile your plate with a third of the stuffing or roast potatoes (most of which you don’t then eat!).

The host has spent a lot of time, money and effort so it wouldn’t be completely unreasonable (oh not so dear bro) to expect a 40 odd year old to sit at the table and converse rather than silently inhale what you want in 15 minutes then walk into another room to play with your phone… 🙄

I mean we invite people because we care for them (or our partner does, or our shared parents do) and want to have a nice Christmas together. We don’t go to all this effort and expense so that we can either spend the day barking like a drill sergeant OR seething and biting our tongue. It’s especially galling when this crappy guest behaviour comes from people who have themselves been the hosts in the past and understand (and have complained bitterly about) the stress points.