Page 11 | Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 2025-12-01T08:47:01+00:00

I’ll start - Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway - On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now. - People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side. What else?

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/12/2025 17:13

moreteensthansense · 01/12/2025 16:44

"oh no this is going to upset my stomach, I will be poorly later" (MIL, piling her plate as high as it will go)

Greed, insult and stupid behaviour, all in one. That would give me the rage!

OneMoreProfiterole · 01/12/2025 17:19

On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.

Champagne. Always Champagne.

Ek1234 · 01/12/2025 17:20

SeaToSki · 01/12/2025 09:26

Tutting every time a present is opened by the dc and muttering that in my day all the dc made do with 1 present between them

Insisting on being gluten free, (which means me jumping through hoops to serve themselves first a nice meal) and then just having a bite of the ordinary mince pies ‘as they look so much nicer’ than the gf ones I bought

Asking how can I help every 10 mins but then asking for step by step instructions if given a job and then leaving everything a mess and everywhere after having tried and failed to do said job

Coming downstairs late to present opening (after having agreed it the night before) so that all the dc are sat there waiting…and then present giving runs into my cooking time so I miss some of it when I have to get lunch started

Asking for a cooked breakfast when I had fancy baked goods planned and bought

sorry. Not as light hearted as I was intending to be..

My late MIL did something similar. Told us all that she had developed a gluten intolerance, so I went to extra effort to make her her own personal gravy/stuffing/ dessert... To then have her turn her nose up at them all and tuck in to the rest of the Christmas food with gusto

ChristmasMantleStatue · 01/12/2025 17:22

CarefulN0w · 01/12/2025 16:33

This is my thread.

If I have cleared and cleaned a space on the worktop, there is a good reason why. I don’t want random shit dumped there.
The same goes for my dining table that I have laid with care. It’s not for your kids toys.

We have bins for rubbish and recycling. If you are not a small child, you can probably manage to operate the pedals, so give it a go.

Don’t ever dump stuff in the sink. Looking at you DH.

And when I say dinner will be 15 minutes, grab a drink, perhaps you could go to the toilet before I put the food out to get cold?

My DH had a terrible habit of sitting around and then when I announce dinner is ready he decides this is the time to go and feed the cats.

We have been together 25 years. Approximately 2 years ago I completely lost my shit when he did this when we had guests and I had just served up the soup.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 17:34

OneMoreProfiterole · 01/12/2025 17:19

On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.

Champagne. Always Champagne.

Why on earth have I never thought of that instead of chewing my teeth wondering what I can suggest so as not to look martyrish but all the while preferring to choose things myself?

Champagne it is.

Surelythistime · 01/12/2025 17:38

Agree with people saying that those bringing food unannounced are just controlling and actually just can’t cope with not getting the attention for cooking. Surely you know if you’ve been invited for Christmas everything will be sorted UNLESS OTHERWISE AGREED.

Imagine they just used that money to buy a lovely gift or voucher for the host to say thank you?

MagpiePi · 01/12/2025 17:42

LetMeGoogleThat · Today 09:34
I've got a relative that insists on helping with the washing up, but they do it so grimly without changing any water or rinsing that I have to make a mental note and then rewash later.

My dad’s parents used to do this including only using one tea towel to dry everything. One year they used the tea towel that had been draped over the turkey while it rested after roasting. 🤢

SarahAndQuack · 01/12/2025 17:43

I am very fond of my SIL, but something that drives me utterly nuts is that she will turn up, and quietly whack the thermostat up to a temperature that would cook the turkey even if it never made it to the oven. Anyone in the kitchen gets absolutely baked, because it's hotter in there already, and then she will open some windows 'for the fresh air'.

(She is East German and I think the combination of fierce central heating and open windows is a hangover from Soviet times. Or so I've heard tell. I try to remember this and forgive her, while I am melting into a hot red puddle on the floor ...).

My dad is, unfortunately, brilliant at comments/contributions that make you feel your house is a hovel and everything in it is cobbled together from what you foraged from the local tip.

'Ah, hello, I see you've lit the candles, laid the table and you're about to serve food ... I'll just stack these three huge suitcases in the corner of the room. We've brought our own duvets from home of course.'

'Did you notice you've got a wobbly post by the gate? Well, I backed into it and it was definitely wobbly. I'll just show you the problem now, while your oven timer is ringing.'

<turns up in the kitchen with some unidentifiable object and an expression of doom> 'I found this in the attic and it looks like a worry. There might be dry rot. I'll need half an hour to look on google and find out what to do, I'm afraid.'

'I've just gone online and ordered you some proper side plates. We can use saucers for now, of course. What do you mean, you already own side plates and hadn't put them out because I interrupted you with the gate post?'

'I've smashed a wine glass! It must be a defective one! Never mind, you buy what you can afford.'

ThatsCute · 01/12/2025 17:44

MagpiePi · 01/12/2025 17:42

LetMeGoogleThat · Today 09:34
I've got a relative that insists on helping with the washing up, but they do it so grimly without changing any water or rinsing that I have to make a mental note and then rewash later.

My dad’s parents used to do this including only using one tea towel to dry everything. One year they used the tea towel that had been draped over the turkey while it rested after roasting. 🤢

Aren’t you supposed to drape the Turkey tea towel over foil, rather than directly on the Turkey? 😂

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 01/12/2025 17:52

Re crackers - until recently I worked in a supermarket. When anyone asked if we stock crackers I learned very early to ask 'for cheese, or bang?'

MagpiePi · 01/12/2025 17:57

ThatsCute · 01/12/2025 17:44

Aren’t you supposed to drape the Turkey tea towel over foil, rather than directly on the Turkey? 😂

Show quote history

🙄 Sorry if I haven’t got the details right, I was a child and it was over 40 years ago, and, being vegetarian I have never cooked a turkey myself.
I do know the tea towel had got meat juices on it and they still used it.

Bayroot1 · 01/12/2025 18:09

@SarahAndQuack you have the patience of a saint!

MichaelPortillosRedTrousers · 01/12/2025 18:26

My brother and wrapping is another peeve. He doesn't label anything as he wraps it, because he's very intelligent and of course he'll remember 2 weeks later which particular rectangle is for each recipient. And then, at some point, he remembers that he has never in his entire life remembered which wrapped, unlabelled present is for who - but he's a clever lad, so he'll write a small initial somewhere on some of the boxes. And he'll remember where .... except he won't. And if he's written a small initial on a bauble of wrapping paper (extra points if it's in the same colour pen as the paper) he will have written a D for Dad, or could it be Daniel, or an S for Samuel or could it be Stephanie. So the kids would open a present and then get it ripped out of their hands, or get given one already opened. Absolute chaos.

But he learnt that from his father. One year our dad was fed up of my "unnecessary whinging about stupid things" and put a little sticker of different colours on each present, and then put all the different colour stickers on the back of an envelope with the corresponding name. He then lost the envelope within 5 minutes of walking in the door.

Labels are very cheap guys - use them.

honeylulu · 01/12/2025 18:31

CarefulN0w · 01/12/2025 16:33

This is my thread.

If I have cleared and cleaned a space on the worktop, there is a good reason why. I don’t want random shit dumped there.
The same goes for my dining table that I have laid with care. It’s not for your kids toys.

We have bins for rubbish and recycling. If you are not a small child, you can probably manage to operate the pedals, so give it a go.

Don’t ever dump stuff in the sink. Looking at you DH.

And when I say dinner will be 15 minutes, grab a drink, perhaps you could go to the toilet before I put the food out to get cold?

Yes! This is so true for me too. I actually have ADHD and strangely one of my coping strategies is to keep things tidy and in their place. Inside my head it's still chaos but if the house is tidy I can operate semi-normally.

As soon as people walk through the door (my family are the worst for this) there's bags, shopping, coats, shoes and god knows what dumped all over the hallway floor, the sofas, the carefully laid dining table, kitchen worktops. Even though I've cleared space on the shoe rack and in the coat cupboard, arrggh! I'll pick stuff up and move it so I am not at risk of tripping over and am told "oh leave that there, I don't mind". Well I bloody DO mind.

My dad was one of those who would start eating without waiting for anyone else. But even more annoyingly he would ask for seconds before the host/cook had barely had their first mouthful.

Another odd one from my parents when they've been to my house for Christmas. After lunch they would sit down on the sofa and sigh, then moan that "there isn't anything to do here". Fancy a walk? No. A scenic drive? No. Telly on? No. Board games? No. Ran out of suggestions and they didn't have any themselves so I'm a bit baffled. I think it was probably their way of expressing that they don't like being away from home but they did choose to come

RessicaJabbit · 01/12/2025 18:40

MichaelPortillosRedTrousers · 01/12/2025 18:26

My brother and wrapping is another peeve. He doesn't label anything as he wraps it, because he's very intelligent and of course he'll remember 2 weeks later which particular rectangle is for each recipient. And then, at some point, he remembers that he has never in his entire life remembered which wrapped, unlabelled present is for who - but he's a clever lad, so he'll write a small initial somewhere on some of the boxes. And he'll remember where .... except he won't. And if he's written a small initial on a bauble of wrapping paper (extra points if it's in the same colour pen as the paper) he will have written a D for Dad, or could it be Daniel, or an S for Samuel or could it be Stephanie. So the kids would open a present and then get it ripped out of their hands, or get given one already opened. Absolute chaos.

But he learnt that from his father. One year our dad was fed up of my "unnecessary whinging about stupid things" and put a little sticker of different colours on each present, and then put all the different colour stickers on the back of an envelope with the corresponding name. He then lost the envelope within 5 minutes of walking in the door.

Labels are very cheap guys - use them.

I can always remember which is which for some reason

YellowCherry · 01/12/2025 18:40

@SarahAndQuack that is hilarious! 😆

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/12/2025 18:42

Carandache18 · 01/12/2025 11:03

This is 20 + years ago, but still worth telling.
Hippy BIL turned up to (small, bursting at the seams house) as a Big Surprise on Christmas Eve. Flights booked back to his home 1 week later. So as not to be a nuisance, God love him, he arrived with a tent and a firepit.

This is my favourite, from a crowded field. I laughed for several minutes after I read this.

Original poster

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 01/12/2025 18:54

I’ve really enjoyed reading all of these after a long day at work - some nightmarish “helpful” guests to be sure!

My DMum genuine IS helpful so need to give a shout out to her. DMIL wants to be but frets too much it drives me insane.

@Wonderknicks this is the worst and one of my big stressors when asking people to bring stuff. I would have made a pudding but you wanted to contribute - don’t then bring us a cheap frozen cheesecake. You’re ruining it and I would honestly rather go without.

@onemoreprofiterole I could try that with BIL except he doesn’t drink and I don’t trust him to get anything decent because they are also exceptionally tight fisted

OP posts:

Cuwins · 01/12/2025 18:58

MichaelPortillosRedTrousers · 01/12/2025 18:26

My brother and wrapping is another peeve. He doesn't label anything as he wraps it, because he's very intelligent and of course he'll remember 2 weeks later which particular rectangle is for each recipient. And then, at some point, he remembers that he has never in his entire life remembered which wrapped, unlabelled present is for who - but he's a clever lad, so he'll write a small initial somewhere on some of the boxes. And he'll remember where .... except he won't. And if he's written a small initial on a bauble of wrapping paper (extra points if it's in the same colour pen as the paper) he will have written a D for Dad, or could it be Daniel, or an S for Samuel or could it be Stephanie. So the kids would open a present and then get it ripped out of their hands, or get given one already opened. Absolute chaos.

But he learnt that from his father. One year our dad was fed up of my "unnecessary whinging about stupid things" and put a little sticker of different colours on each present, and then put all the different colour stickers on the back of an envelope with the corresponding name. He then lost the envelope within 5 minutes of walking in the door.

Labels are very cheap guys - use them.

Don’t bother with labels here but do write who it’s to and from on the present with a sharpie so you can see it, can’t imagine thinking it would be a good idea not to write names- such a male thing to do

ChristmasMantleStatue · 01/12/2025 19:01

I'm a sharpie girl too.

For the grand nieces and nephews though I have to stick a label over the top of the sharpie after the Great Christmas Argument of 2018 where apparently my written names meant I was too cavalier and 'disinterested'.

That was also the year I lobbed gifts at peoples heads after our Breakfast Champagne.

MetalliCat89 · 01/12/2025 19:18

I don't have many of these problems (especially now I've moved away) but what really gets my goat is stuffing small children full of chocolate half hour before dinner is due to be served.

Hmm1234 · 01/12/2025 19:23

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 01/12/2025 08:47

I’ll start

Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

Bringing something to eat with the yellow sticker on.

Original poster

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 01/12/2025 19:26

Hmm1234 · 01/12/2025 19:23

Bringing something to eat with the yellow sticker on.

Show quote history

Does anyone actually do that? 🤣

OP posts:

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 19:27

ThatsCute · 01/12/2025 16:58

This is pretty basic table manners. Depending on how he’s your BIL, either you need to have a chat with your sister, or DH needs to have a chat with his brother or sister, and table manner expectations need to be set.

Show quote history

Not an option. For like 10000 reasons that eill completely derail the thread. But I agree, so rude. He's nor a had person at heart but insanely self centered!

pinkyredrose · 01/12/2025 19:48

ChristmasMantleStatue · 01/12/2025 19:01

I'm a sharpie girl too.

For the grand nieces and nephews though I have to stick a label over the top of the sharpie after the Great Christmas Argument of 2018 where apparently my written names meant I was too cavalier and 'disinterested'.

That was also the year I lobbed gifts at peoples heads after our Breakfast Champagne.

Omg! 😂 I need know more!